It’s time for a good old-fashioned Shitbox Showdown. This will be a recurring segment where we pit two dirt-cheap project car candidates against each other and ask you to choose which one you’d drag home. While we will have a brilliant writer dedicated to these pieces shortly, the first edition of Shitbox Showdown falls squarely on my shoulders and I couldn’t be more stoked. Today’s two candidates are cheap coachbuilt cars as lovable as they are ill-advised.
From Milan With Love
Today’s first challenger is none other than a 1990 Chrysler TC by Maserati. Designed to take on the Mercedes SL, it never quite lived up to Lee Iaccoca’s grand expectations. Chrysler and Maserati only built 7,300 units of this zooted-up K-car variant (a nice Reliant automobile), the absolute bare minimum required under contract. That’s what we call assured rarity – nobody wanted them when they were new.
Did the TC by Maserati have problems? Fuck yeah it did. The fancy-ass beveled porthole windows in the hardtop would intensify the sun’s rays, scorching the bejeezus out of the parcel shelf carpet. While models with the manual gearbox got an awesome version of the 2.2-litre Chrysler turbo engine with a Cosworth-built, Maserati-finished head, this TC by Maserati is equipped with the three-liter Mitsubishi V6 and the infamous A604 Ultradrive automatic gearbox. This problem-prone gearbox was part of a massive service campaign that included a buyback option.
Still, this expensive Mopar isn’t without redeeming features. Forget rich Corinthian leather, this thing has supple Italian leather that could be in good shape under those cloth slip covers. All carpeting looks properly plush and how about that unequivocally elegant wood trim? The TC by Maserati isn’t an ugly car either. While it was derided when new for looking like a LeBaron, the LeBaron’s pretty damn handsome. Chuck in a low hoodline with slim composite headlamps, a distinct two-seater form, a detachable hardtop and one of the best heckblenden ever put on an American car, and you have a classy cruiser for fair or foul weather. A fine luxury automobile on a Daewoo Leganza budget, now that’s the American dream if ever I’ve seen it.
This particular example is located in sunny Sonoma, California. While its odometer ceased rotation at around 99,000 miles, the seller estimates this TC by Maserati to have travelled around 115,000 miles. That’s really not bad for a bonafide classic, particularly when you factor in mild west coast weather. Not only does the body look to be in good shape, the interior doesn’t look bad either. Sure, the leather on the armrest is more cracked than the surface of El Mirage, but the dashboard doesn’t look saggy and at least one door card is in positively stellar shape. While the air-conditioning compressor has been removed and the seller states that the soft top needs replacing, this thing runs and drives! It doesn’t run well and the brakes are reportedly no bueno, but those issues should be easy to sort. It’s a project after all.
Any way you slice it, 700 bucks is an absolute bargain for this distinct blend of American styling and Italian build quality. While the Chrysler TC by Maserati certainly has a controversial history, it’s still a luxury cabriolet for the brave and discerning few. Who wouldn’t want to be brave and discerning?
A Distinctive Deutschländer
Keeping with the theme of vehicles assembled by an outside firm, let’s turn our attention to a devilishly handsome collaboration between Volkswagen and Karmann. The Mk2 Volkswagen Scirocco may not get as much love as its predecessor, but it’s still a really neat little car with proper coachbuilt credentials.
This particular Scirocco is a 1985 model located in Washougal, Washington with 137,438 miles on the clock. While Sciroccos are generally regarded as good cars, this one could be better. Let’s start with the paint. A long, long time ago, perhaps when smoking was still allowed inside Burger King, this Scirocco wore a lovely shade of red. Then, someone saw a red car and they wanted to paint it black. Mick Jagger, is that you? Honestly, I’m astonished by the objective shittiness of this paint job. It’s patchy, it’s got heaps of overspray, I can’t tell if it was always flat black or if it’s just faded into absolute oblivion. Still, paint is just there to protect the metal and the trunk floor in this thing looks pretty good. The strut towers look solid too, important stuff on a unibody project car. What isn’t so solid is the driver’s window – some thieves allegedly busted it, so it’s been replaced with plexiglass. Hey, it keeps the rain out.
According to the seller, “The seats aren’t original and if you go to [sic] far back you get astro ride.” I have absolutely no idea what astro ride is but it sounds fucking awesome. In all seriousness, these stripey sports seats don’t look that bad. Okay, a stegosaurus may have sat shotgun at some point, but passenger comfort isn’t a driver’s concern. More good news is the fact that this Scirocco runs. The seller claims they’ve replaced the voltage regulator, distributor, wires, plugs, fuel filter, and belts, among other items, so it seems like they know what they’re doing. The seller also states that it just needs some fresh gas and re-timing to run smoothly, so this thing shouldn’t be a hard project to get back on the road. After all, this Scirocco’s 1.8-liter four-cylinder engine is a doddle to work on. Also, can we talk about how fan-freaking-tastic those BMW bottlecap alloys look?
In all honesty, this thing looks ugly but it seems solid. Considering its $500 asking price, that’s a hell of a bargain right there. To sweeten the deal, the seller’s throwing in a metric buttload of spare parts from trim bits to tail lights. A bit of wrenching, a trip to Earl Scheib, and hey presto – you’d have a running, driving, three-pedal German project coupe for dirt cheap. Best of all, it isn’t anything common like a 3-Series or Mercedes-Benz CLK. This is one for the connoisseurs.
So then, which of these two project cars would you drag home? The Mopar Maserati and shifty Scirocco both have their upsides and their drawbacks, cosmetic cleanliness versus Autobahn pedigree. More importantly, the owner of either car could turn to a vintage Bugatti owner and say, “My car’s coachbuilt too.” Can you really put a price on that?
“supple Italian leather that could be in good shape under those cloth slip covers”
Not a chance. This leather probably aged worse than the stuff in 2000s Volvos. But I don’t see that that matters much. None of these cars will ever be perfect, which is part of their appeal. An interesting car that you have little to lose with.
How is it even a contest?
Anything with a complete slushbox nightmare of an auto trans shouldn’t even get a vote…
So I’m looking at these not so much as project cars but more as dirt-cheap transportation for someone who is financially desperate but also handy with a wrench. In that lens I’m going with the Scirocco, because as far as I can tell from here it looks like it’s probably easier to make drivable, plus it’s $200 cheaper—nothing to sneeze at when you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel this hard. If all else fails—or after you get your shit together enough to buy a slightly-less-terrible car—you can always part it out.
I’d take the Scirocco any time. Manual transmission? Check. Solid body? Check.
The idea would be to put a modern 1.9L TDI engine in it and tune it to about 200 horsepower with some ECU remapping. Throw on some custom-built aeromods such as a bellypan, partial grill block, and design a rear spoiler not for downforce but for turbulence reduction, and it might be possible to turn it into something that gets 35 mpg city, 55 mpg highway, does 0-60 mph in under 6 seconds, and tops out at over 130 mph on stock gearing and 150 mph with replaced/taller gearing. All of which is doable on a budget of a few thousand dollars and picking apart a wrecked Jetta TDI from a salvage yard.
I like where you are going with the Scirocco- I could hang out with you. And with the extra $200 for not buying the Chrysler $#iTbox, you could get enough rattle can paint to give it a better paint job.
The Scirocco, but only once it’s been fumigated. Anyone know a good crime scene cleanup team?
TC owners are absolutely rabid about telling people they have a Maserati and not a Chrysler. I’d have to go with the TC to troll them.
While both are interesting for the price, the VW has a better chance of selling if you decide to move it on. In addition is needs paint and interior so not like you ripping out good parts.
If I had the time, ability, and a wife that wouldn’t kill me if that showed up in the yard, it could be a project to see if I can save on the cheap. A MAACO paint job can do wonders. Seats? Boneyard for something that fits.
I surely hope Shitbox Showdown is a recurring thing!
DAILY
For a long time, I’ve had interest in making a TC into a cheap racer. I would run number 185 and on the back I would have a bumper sticker that says, “My other car is a limo”
I’m here for Thomas. Ole G-Man is a good man!
A whole recurring feature debating the double crack pipe? Love it!
In my opinion, a proper shitbox should be entertaining to drive, but crappy enough that you don’t care about dents and dings, something you don’t feel bad street parking 2 blocks from your destination in a bad neighborhood, something you can haul a bag of fertilizer in the front passenger seat or hoon around an empty parking lot with your drive thru drink sloshing onto the floorboards with equal disregard, the vw runs and drives and already has a crappy paint job and interior, it’s a perfect shitbox, while the Chrysler feels like it’s trying to hard to pretend it’s still (or ever was) a luxury car.
The question is “which vehicle would I rather park my ass in” or “which vehicle do I believe is less likely to be the carrier of an STI?”
Sadly, the answer to both questions, for different reasons, is not the Scirocco.
You know what’s depressing? The answer to your second question is “not the new Subaru WRX.”
>> this thing has supple Italian leather that could be in good shape under those cloth slip covers.
More likely, it has cracked and torn leather hiding under those covers.
“That’s what we call assured rarity – nobody wanted them when they were new.”
This sums up the TC and closes the case in favor of the Scirocco. Chryslers and Maseratis of the ’80s were garbage. A mashup of ’80s Chrysler and ’80s Maserati seems as appealing as a mashup of herpes and syphilis. Even the name “Chrysler TC by Maserati” seems like neither company wanted to claim it.
The TC reminds me of the Cadillac Cimarron. Both were cynical attempts to part a fool and his money by adding fancy badges to a shitbox and doubling the price. Neither were a serious attempt to build a nice vehicle.
I would call attention to a few of your statements:
“… distinct blend of American styling and Italian build quality.”
“how about that unequivocally elegant wood trim?”
“A fine luxury automobile on a Daewoo Leganza budget”
These statements are intended to be facetious, right?
The Scirocco looks like it should be scrapped, but it probably could be turned into a budget track vehicle with some effort. If nothing else, at least the Scirocco was an appealing car when it was new.
Clean up and sell those BMW rims on the Scirocco and get the car almost for free.
Shitbox showdown? DIRECTLY INTO MY VEINS.
I just ruined my life with a $1,300 Mini Cooper and should have bought both of these instead.
I didn’t make it past the header image before making my decision.
I am sorry, but you couldn’t pay me to take that tarted up Chrysler, unless I was the operator of a crusher.
That Scirocco though, that’s a gem. It’s rough as guts, but the asking price knows it, and it doesn’t have *mystery brake problems* so that’s a huge bonus and I mean, just look at the thing! The Scirocco and Corrado were such a weird offering from VW.
My vote is 100% for the funny, long hatch.
Corrado G60 was one of the best cars I ever owned.
Had A 79? Rabbit, had a Sebring convertible,
Going with the scirocco, much easier to work on!
Respray with the rattle can and drive the wheels off it!
Ummm, I think the correct answer is to buy them both. I smell a build-off competition! David takes the Chrysler (obviously) and Torch or Thomas here make that VW shine… Then sell them both on BaT and retire. Boom!
I’m comfortable-ish with mechanical stuff but not so comfortable doing cosmetic fixes… so I’ll go with the “Maserati”
Our Chrysler dealership here in marysville had a TC for 10k with 5k miles, sat for years went to auction. Red on red interior cabriolet .
Wonder what became of that car always had a soft spot for it. Just not the price and the owner refused to come down on it at all.
Red-on-red is a pretty bold spec. Any chance it was a 2.2/5-speed car with the Cosworth/Maserati head?
It was the 3 liter V6, I have photos of it but sadly the comment system will not let me add them.
I spotted that Scirocco for sale last week, and my wife already said “No.” Makes me sad, too , because it’s actually in better shape than my first car, a ’79 Scirocco, that was also coincidentally $500.
But she’s right; no place to put it, and I’ve got enough to do already.
Scirocco all the way. I saw enough Lebarons in my high school parking lot to last a lifetime. That Scirocco just needs a coat of Plastidip (body and wheels), some cheap seat covers, and bomb that thing around till it pukes.
Just don’t rear end anyone or that steering column looks like it will turn your chest into grated cheese.
Maybe once my body hits 30 years and instantly falls apart (I hear this is what happens the second the clock strikes midnight on your 30th), I’ll find things like “comfort” and “intact seats” desirable in a vehicle. Until then, cars like the TC don’t do anything for me. Give me the zippy German shitbox that can pull daily duty and the occasional autocross!
Also Thomas, cromulent writing. Your style is downright corking, so please keep it coming.
I hit 30 and my body did indeed immediately destroy itself.
However, I like the pain so I sold my Lexus and bought that ute.
Mind over matter, Daaan. Mind over matter.
Give yourself about 4-5 years and you’ll find yourself instinctively grunting any time you get up or down from the ground. I feel like it’s the first step towards morphing into your parents a la those Progressive commercials. I’m just glad my wife brought it to my attention so I can try and stave off the transformation as long as possible…
Totally true. We call that sound the “Florida Groan.”
I already Dad Groan. Is that bad? That seems bad.
Agreed on the writing style, it’s good, and I always appreciate a Rolling Stones reference.
My body was fine in my 30’s but the instant 40 came everything fell apart. Beware. Also, get fun stuff done while you still can. Life is short Daaan.
I think “astro ride” is high-school pothead speak for “the seats fall off the tracks completely”.
Can confirm. There’s one bolt that holds the seat from sliding off its tracks. Sounds like $500 didn’t include that bolt 😉