A Baby Allegedly Being Trapped In An Electric Car Is The Latest Reminder That Door Handles Have Gotten Stupid

I feel like we are currently in an automotive technology era where the lure of what we can do is completely blinding us to what we should do. Yes, just like that Jeff Goldblum/Jurassic Park meme. We can see this happening in a lot of places, like the mad rush to shove every control onto a touch screen, for example, or the thing I want to talk about today, the current industry-spanning absurdity of electronic, motorized, complex door handles. This one is far more important because it directly affects one’s ability to enter or exit a car, which I think is a pretty big deal when it comes to cars. I also think it’s a big deal to this Ford Mach-E owner who claims to have had his nine-month-old baby trapped in the car thanks to overly complex door handles.

Just to assuage any worries, eventually, a window was smashed and the baby was removed from the car and is just fine. But the point is, of course, it is absolutely absurd that this is even able to happen at all in a modern car, especially because of something as stupid as a door handle.

Here’s the Threads, uh, thread(?) that got me thinking about this again:

First, I’m cold where I am, so the idea of 80° heat right now is weirdly appealing. But, more importantly, a baby trapped in a car in that heat would very likely disagree. To go over the facts, someone says on Threads says they parked a Mach-E with 25% battery left next to a charger, got out to plug it in, then discovered they couldn’t get back into their car, where their baby was trapped. AAA comes and was unable to open the car.

The car’s 12V battery seems to be the culprit here, which isn’t too surprising, as the old-school 12V batteries are often the issue with many EV issues like this. The fact the doors had no way of being opened mechanically is a huge problem here.

This is, frankly, appalling. And fundamentally stupid, because car door handles should be very much a solved problem. It’s not just Ford who is guilty here; most major automakers have been experimenting with more complex motorized, electronic door handles, especially on their flagship electric cars, and problems with them have been disturbingly common.

It’s not even just the cars’ owners that are the victims here; in some cases it’s bad enough that the companies themselves have been getting blowback. Volkswagen is a perfect example of this, since they recently had to do a full stop-sale and recall of almost 100,000 ID.4 cars because their advanced electronic door handles aren’t water resistant enough, and moisture could get in and cause shorts on the internal circuit board that could cause malfunctions that make the doors open at unwanted times.

Now, the very fact that door handles even have a circuit board at all should have been the first warning that the world was heading out of balance. What exactly are the benefits of the ID.4’s complex door handle? Well, here, you can watch this little video showing the three ways to open an ID.4 door and have your question answered!

After watching that, I think your question should be well answered, and that answer is fuck-all. That’s what the benefits are to the complex electronic door handle of the VW ID.4: fuck-all. Nothing. You can, what, open it with a little button instead of pulling up on the handle? Which, as you see, you can also do, because the stupid electronic button needs a whole secondary backup system to open the door.

Who is impressed by pushing the little button instead of just lifting the handle? Who thinks this is cool? Who is impressed by this, and if they are, why are they allowed to drive at all? Because that’s a person who will cross four lanes of traffic because they thought they saw something shiny.

VW has solved door handles, years ago. Decades ago. I have a 2010 VW Tiguan I’ve complained about here because it’s such a steaming pile, but you know what hasn’t given me an ounce of trouble in all the years I’ve had that pile of shit? The door handles. They work every single time I touch them. They have remote locking and unlocking, they can be locked/unlocked with a key if needed, they work if the car has a dead battery, they may even have a little light in there? I don’t remember exactly, because I never fucking have to think about them, because they just work.

If the ID.4 had the identical door handles as my 2010 Tiguan, you know how that would have affected the car? VW wouldn’t have had to recall 100,000 of them, that’s how. And everyone who owned one would get in and out of them just fine and never think about it. Like hashem intended.

Do you remember a while back when my neighbor’s Tesla Model Y had a similar 12V power problem and its door handles refused to work as well? Using the emergency door release resulted in this:

The stupid car cracked its own window. Because it had inane power door handles that introduce a lot of complex electronics and motors and bullshit, all to accomplish the same damn thing my 1973 Beetle accomplishes with its crude, mechanical door handles. Opening the damn door.

We are in a time of crisis. The idea that modern cars need door handles that “present” themselves, like a baboon in heat,  is one of the most insipid developments in automotive culture. I was looking for a little video that showed an example of the Tesla Model S’s door handles presenting themselves, but all I found were videos complaining about the handles not working, like this one:

Look at what an ass-pain that is. And for what? The door handle pops out when you approach it? Who gives a shit? If this sort of thing is important to you, maybe it’s time to sit down and really re-evaluate who you are and what you have become. This is a staggering amount of complexity for zero actual benefits [Ed note: I did attempt to explain to Jason that there’s reduced drag from flush door handles, which is an aerodynamic improvement. He was not impressed and suggested people just design regular door handles that are more aero friendly – MH]. It actually uses power, costs more money to build, and when it breaks it’s far more expensive to repair, it has the potential to trap people and pets and babies in cars, and for what? You feel like a big shot because your car curtseys when you approach it? That’s fucking sad.

Lexus had these, too, and again, I’ve never been able to figure out why they exist:

 

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They’re sure not easier to use. Look at this, Ford has a whole page about how to use their stupid Mach-E door handles–there’s a video, too:

This is a design failure, full stop. If you have to explain how to use an essential, basic control that people have been using for decades, you have failed as a designer. Did Ford ever need informational bulletins about how to use the door handles on their cars at any other time in history? No, they didn’t because door handles didn’t use to be so deeply, embarrassingly stupid.

Nobody was asking for this. There was no outcry for door handles that were more complex in every way and had the potential to lock our kids in cars, helplessly. Nobody was dreaming of needing a fucking jumpstart to open a car door. Nobody had visions of cars in junkyards with unopenable doors or emergency door releases that break windows or having to wait for some little motor to reveal the damn door handle.

Nobody wants this, nobody cares. People just want simple door handles that work, regardless of whether or not the car has power or is running or anything. Remote locking and unlocking is fine, but that’s it.

Do you hear me, carmakers? I’m giving you fair warning: no more of this bullshit. Knock it off. Give us good, normal, unpowered door handles again or so help me, I’ll form some kind of lobbying group and we’ll put these trapped babies’ pictures on the internet and some CEOs will go to fucking jail, I mean it.

Enough already. You’ve had your fun, now knock it off.

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