Decommissioned government vehicles, you might picture cop cars you’d never want under a black light, aged-out nondescript sedans driven by managers from meeting to meeting, and maybe the occasional Humvee. However, every so often, you stumble upon gold. A former federal surveillance van is up for sale in Chicago, it may have been used by NASA, and you can actually buy it. Just don’t do anything illegal with it.
From the outside, this 2006 Ford E-250 looks like your typical mid-aughts conversion van, minus gaudy graphics. Sure, you do get a champagne pinstripe as a flourish of style over this van’s silver-blue paint, but that’s about it. Perfect for blending in with residential neighborhoods at the time, although a bit of an outlier in urban and commercial environments. Maybe that’s part of the reason why this van’s only covered 1,863.3 miles since it was new in 2006, although idle hours could be a completely different story.
Unsurprisingly, power comes from Ford’s 5.4-liter two-valve Modular V8, an excellent engine for largely just sitting around, given the challenges involved with spark plug replacement. Hitched to a four-speed automatic transmission, it’ll move a van from one location to another location, but not with much spirit or vigor. That’s okay, though. It just gives you more time to admire the questionable woodgrain dashboard face that’s oh so period-correct.
A plaque in the cabin claims this van was upfitted by Innovative Surveillance Technology out of Coral Springs, Fla. for NASA. Yes, the space guys. According to NASA’s website, its protective services “safeguard our facility, properties, personnel, visitors, and operations from harm,” so there’s a chance this van was used for either monitoring of NASA property or protection of NASA assets. That’s a little bit cooler than most mid-aughts paranoia-driven uses for surveillance.
So how was this van turned into a mobile spying center? Well, let’s start with how it has more LCD monitors than a Counterstrike LAN party. They can be used to monitor any of six different video inputs including a videoscope camera. A videoscope and a borescope are very similar as they’re both cameras on the ends of optical fibers, so the same tech you’d use to inspect cylinder walls is also useful for surveillance. Kind of cool, right? Multiple Sony DVD-based video recorders store footage captured by cameras, audio recorders by high-end equipment brand Marantz capture sounds, and time and date generators sync gathered media up for accurate analysis. Circling back around to audio, this van features seven different audio inputs including a body wire channel.
It’s easy to wonder how on earth a fully-equipped federal surveillance van makes it out of government hands, but this isn’t the only one ever sold on the internet. Mashable reported that back in 2017, a North Carolinian seller listed an actual FBI surveillance van for sale on eBay. The 1989 Dodge Ram Van 350 was reportedly purchased from a government auction, and even included a toilet because stakeouts are often long and boring.
If you have $26,795 burning a hole in your pocket and want a genuine surveillance van, your options are probably slim. I doubt you could build one this nice for that sort of money, and finding another would be like hunting for hens’ teeth. Whenever 2000s car nostalgia kicks into a high enough gear for a series of shows, this van perfectly captures the zeitgeist of the decade of terror.
Hat-tip to Andrew!
(Photo credits: Chicago Motors)
Support our mission of championing car culture by becoming an Official Autopian Member.
-
Someone Imported A 2005 Toyota Camry From Japan And I Just Don’t Get It
-
You’ll Never Guess What’s Underneath This Odd-Looking Morris Minor
-
A Shop Dropped A Checker Taxi Onto A BMW 750iL V12, Making A Glorious Abomination
-
I’d Van-Life The Shit Out Of The New ‘Ford Transit Custom Nugget’ But I Can’t Because I’m Not In Europe
-
This Turbo Porsche Minivan That I Just Designed Would Have Been Perfect For ’80s Greed-Is-Good Families
Got a hot tip? Send it to us here. Or check out the stories on our homepage.
Am I the only one thinking of the “Unsuspecting Van”? It’s even the right time period.
…you misspelled ‘NSA’ monitoring.
Paging Charles Guan, your next van project is here.
No u
Exterior-wise, that’s the kind of conversion van I’ve been searching for for years now. Sadly, I’m not actually looking for a surveillance van…but very cool find.
The conversion van market still feels awful and I’d love to read an article detailing it.
This is my subjective observations, but I guess a lot of the conversion companies died out in the Great Recession, so there’s fewer (and pricier) vans available after that, and then COVID’s affect on the entire vehicle market was even worse with vans because of “vanlife” stuff…I’m still trying to find a good condition running one locally for under ~$5k, but there tend to be issues.
My old one was a ’97. I’m hoping to find something newer, and hopefully high-roof this time. (Incidentally, I hate the 2008 model year for the E-series, because it got a facelift but not the dashboard upgrade. But of course, it seems to be one of the more common years I run across.)
I know this is supposed to blend in, but I feel like this would stick out like such an incredible sore thumb, even ten years ago. A spotless conversion van? In the 2010s? Maybe it’s just me.
Hey FBI, I don’t recommend trying to surveil me with a van. I’m going to instinctively want to check it out and see what’s inside. And I’m going to ask your agents about 1,000 questions.
What does the FBI uses these days, surveillance CUVs?
Sprinters with “TOTALLY NOT A SURVEILLANCE VEHICLE” stenciled on the side, over the original owner’s coarse “FREE CANDY” in sharpie peeking through one hasty single coat of Kilz applied after it was civil forfeited and reconditioned for federal use.
Many of my local food trucks are suspect.
“Fresh Burritos Instantly”?
C’mon… I’m on to you.
Or the classic from the Simpsons, ‘Flowers By Irene’
A Sprinter that isn’t rusting away here in Montreal would attract a lot of attention.
No, they use the phone in your pocket and the watch on your wrist. And the Alexa/Google/Nest or whatever else you have in your house.
That’s why I don’t have any of that stuff. The drones, black helicopters, satellites and top secret spy planes with alien tech from area 51 are bad enough. They’ve followed me around since 1996 when I posted that rant in an aol chat room about how we’re all being hypnotized and controlled by undetectable microsecond flashing patterns in department store lighting.
Drones and cell phones just to name a few. I’m sure there are many others.
Several years ago I was out the county auction and there was a former county sheriff surveillance van. It was “marked” with magnetic signs on the front doors that said something like XX janitorial. The exterior was a bit rough, likely intentionally. It was a round light Econoline 1975-1979 so by that point it was starting to look a little old. It only had something like 50k miles on it. Whatever radio or recording equipment had been removed but the desk was still there. It had a battery box with room for 4 RV batteries. It also had a 12v silent HVAC and defogging system. It had a set of pvc pipes with small holes drilled in them that were positioned just above the rear and side door windows that of course were tinted. To keep them cool in the summer they had a forced air dry ice box. It did go for a premium due to the low mile more than anything else.
Oh and I forgot it also came with a “shitcase”, as Mercedes would say, in its own little storage compartment.
This – THIS – needs to be The Autopian mobile headquarters/ surveillance unit!
My first thought as well
GovDeals.com always has a few interesting vehicles to bid on.
My favorites are the confiscated vehicles. Two stand out.
#1 was not in my area but came across it in the classic car section. It was a show quality “six-four” complete with hydraulics, Candy graphics, button tuck velour, and an upmteen speaker stereo system. It also had a secret compartment in the floor board just in front of the driver’s seat. Perfectly sized for a hand gun, drugs, or money. The selling agency had a condition of sale that the secret compartment be removed and verified by said agency within xx days of sale completion.
#2 was local and it was just a mid size SUV that also had a not so well hidden compartment that was being used for transporting meth. The thing that stood out was that the vehicle was as impounding including the clearly readable advertising for the owner’s business “Joe Schome Personal Trainer” and the phone number. That agency just warned that the vehicle was pretty messed up and the back seat wasn’t able to be properly secured due to the big chunk of floor pan that had been crudely hacked out which included some of the rear seat and seat belt mounts.
New best Lemons tow vehicle ever just dropped.
Tired: Wandering around the sweaty, muggy paddock on foot with a team radio
Wired: Hiding in your sweet, cool ex-NASA stakeout van as you spy on your race car breaking down where no one can see you give up and cry
https://darciee12.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/when-your-mind-says-yes-but-your-heart-says-no/
My wifi network for years was “FBI Surveillance Van” because my across the street neighbor had a white Chevy Astro panel van perpetually parked in front of my house. Good times.
Perfect for smuggling illegal contraband. Two white guys in sunglasses and economy suits. Quiet but professional rolling through the border. You get stopped let them look inside and speculate ssk them about a suspicious car that was let through. Ask tersely if we can hurry up. Boom pot party.
I like the cut of your jib my friend.
Nice and NASA, I tend to think of them as a nicer brand of cop and criminal. The guy with the FBI van had to be stoned that ad was so fuggin slow.
“The 1989 Dodge Ram Van 350 was reportedly purchased from a government auction, and even included a toilet because stakeouts are often long and boring.“
Long hours, a diet of Chipotle and Subway, and a confined space with a shitter. That’s a misery hat-trick.
I hope there was also a secondary ventilation system of some sort. Yikes.
Oh come on, we all know this was really used to spy on flat earthers, to keep them from getting too close to reaching NASA’s world-encircling fortified ice wall
Or aliens disguised as earthlings. Coneheads was a documentary disguised as a comedy.
Bonus points for:
“it has more LCD monitors than a Counterstrike LAN party”
I had to wonder if LAN parties are still a thing. Token ring network anyone?
Reminds me of this 2003 era gem:
https://www.vg247.com/duct-taped-gamer-documentary-getting-to-bottom-of-the-story
Make your neighbor watch significant more invasive! Cover this in Ring cameras and rule Nextdoor. Hopefully they sell off some used FEMA death camps, then you can really have a Department of Homeland Security at Home.
The DHS HOA. Perfect for the nosey neighbors wanting to site you for that 5 minute window when your kids left the trash cans in plain view on garbage day.
Private eyes
They’re watching you
They see your every move
You think you’ve private lives
Think nothing of the kind
There is no true escape
I’m watching all the time
I’m made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual
I keep the country clean
I’m elected, electric spy
I’m protected, electric eye
Always in focus
You can’t feel my stare
I zoom into you
But you don’t know I’m there
I take a pride in probing
All your secret moves
My tearless retina
Takes pictures that can prove
I’m made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual
I keep the country clean
I’m elected, electric spy
I’m protected, electric eye
Good timing. Flowers By Irene down the road from me just had to retire their delivery vehicle.
Does Two Guys from Quantico Pizza still have their old van?
I’m now suspicious of that “Falafels Baked Instantly” food truck with no customers parked up the street.
Definitely very cool.
Sure the idle hours are high but sell off the extra gear and turn it into a family cruiser.
Finally, something to go with my Wi-Fi network named “FBI Surveillance Van.”
Mine is “Totally Not A FBI Surveillance Van.”
“Totally an FBI surveillance van, NOT a creepy have some free candy van”
better than “INS Deportation Van” which I’ve seen for a network name…
I had that as my network name once upon a time, but changed it because of the Jared Cano school-bombing incident. A joke wasn’t worth the risk, so now I name my networks after stuff from The Princess Bride (The Fire Swamp, The Pit of Despair, and The Cliffs of Insanity are home, hotspot, and work).
“I’m Not A Witch I’m Your Wifi”
Mine was Pfizer mRNA Test Subject, then a random jumble of letters and numbers for a while
I used “Get your own” for a while. When the network connection notice popped up in Windows it would say
Get your own
internet access
Me and my Wi-Fi extender named Mazda of Le Flore and my phone name 2023 Mazda Miata
Ours used to be named “FBI Surveillance Van,” but we had to change it to “Chinese Spy Balloon”
“Get off my LAN”
Good one!
“Old man yells at The Cloud”
Somebody in my apartment building already uses that so I went with the much more sinister “Cyberdyne Systems”.
No more secrets
This LTX-71 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo Moon landings. They had the astronauts broadcast around the world from a sound stage at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn’t give us too many problems.
I love the Sneakers reference, but that was “too many secrets” (aka: Setec Astronomy)
I think the next WiFi I setup will be Setec Astronomy. Thanks for the idea!
“Big Brother’s Ministry of Love”
I have devices of various ages, so I have to run multiband/multiprotocol WiFi. So it’s mnemonic — 2.4GHz “G” band gets “GCHQ” and 5GHz “N” band gets “NSA”
For a while, I just used “honeypot”. A van like that would probably be quite useful in Zaporizhzhia Oblast.