Life has a funny way of making you laugh. For a car enthusiast, it’s perhaps silly things like discovering an oil leak in one of your German cars. Or, I suppose if you’re a “power user” of old and crappy cars like I am, maybe the bulk of your collection leaks oil. It’s okay, I expect it! But what I didn’t expect was an oil leak coming from something I wear. Somehow, two of my bras are doing their best impression of a Volkswagen because what the heck, they’re leaking oil!
This morning, I attempted to put on my blue bra from Victoria’s Secret. Then I saw it. In the left cup was what appeared to be a stain. But that’s weird, it was clean when I wore it yesterday.
I’m a curious person, so I touched the stain. What the heck, it’s oily! What gives? I’m not exaggerating, either. Both of these bras are leaking out a clear oil that stains fabric and feels all icky on your hands. It’s like I spilled Rotella T4 on my boobs!
The funny thing about German car ownership is the acceptance that one day, something is going to leak oil. Maybe your oil lines to the turbocharger start weeping or maybe your oil pan isn’t as sealed as it used to be. Truth be told, any car can leak, especially if it’s an old pile of crap or neglected. However, German car owners almost embrace the fact that we buy cars that like to mark their spots. European car technicians have told me that some leaks just aren’t worth the expense of fixing unless it’s bad enough.
Two of my six Smarts have small oil weeps from their oil pans. The ’48 Plymouth project has a seep, my bus dribbles some, and all of my old motorcycles are a bit leaky. All of my old Volkswagen diesels but the Touareg V10 had some drops of oil coming out.
Most of the time I just keep checking oil levels and move on with my life. However, one of my cars surprises me in how it doesn’t leak a drop of oil, and that’s the 2007 BMW 530xi that I bought from The Bishop. Every day I’m wowed by how well he’s kept the car together.
But my bra? Alright, that surprised me. I was practically crying laughing in my hotel room at the realization that oil leaks follow me everywhere, even with stuff that shouldn’t be leaking. It’s a boobie suspension bridge, not an ALH TDI!
Thankfully, my issue is apparently common and happens with wearers of bras from Victoria’s Secret.
Look, I never thought I’d be talking about bras on what’s nominally a transportation website, but here I am. Roughly a quarter of our readers identify as women, so a lot of you know what I’m about to say. So I suppose the next part is for the guys.
I suppose you could call me a bra enthusiast. I probably have as many bras as I do vehicles and I totally have a type. But we’re not a bra site [Editor’s Note: Yet. – JT] so I’ll get to the point. I don’t buy Victoria’s Secret bras. I just don’t like how they fit and don’t think you’re getting what you pay for. My usual haunt is AdoreMe (example bra above), but even that app has delivered some misses. Either way, my steaming hot take is that Victoria’s Secret bras are overrated and are best used for the ten minutes or so you need to wear them in the bedroom, so to speak.
So then, why do I have some of these bras that I apparently don’t like and why do I have them here in Tampa? Well, one of my best friends bought these, but they no longer fit her. As I said, I love bras, so I couldn’t say no, even if the cups are a little too small for me.
This week was my first time ever taking them for a test drive. Looks like I got a grand total of one use out of this bra before it burst.
Honestly, I was a bit surprised. All of my other bras use a foam type of material for lining. See the photo above. If that bra has extra padding, it’s made out of more foam. The foam works fine! I found it hard to believe that Victoria’s Secret would use a liquid for its extra padding. But I mean, it’s leaking, so I guess I have to believe it.
Still, I did the right thing and cut the left cup open. Sure enough, there’s the foam lining. But boom, there it is, a thin plastic sac with oil in it.
I tore the sac out. It’s remarkably thin and easily punctured. In my case, the leak is originating from the bottom. This stuff is just plain yucky.
Alright, so now I know why my bra is leaking like a diesel, but why are there oil sacs in my bra in the first place? Come to think of it, the pink Victoria’s Secret bra I have at home is in even worse shape. The last time I saw it the left cup was dripping with some sort of ooze. I thought maybe one of my dastardly birds dropped something in the cup — they sometimes like nesting in my bras — but nothing was there.
According to Vanity Fair Lingerie, this isn’t really oil, but a gel made out of glycerin or silicone. Allegedly, the gel pads are supposed to provide a gentler lift than foam pads, but also produce a lot more cleavage. Likewise, the gel pads are supposed to make the bra feel more natural and more comfortable to wear than one with foam pads. So, there are advantages to gel. Victoria’s Secret also isn’t the only brand selling them.
However, I’m not sure I even feel those advantages. I didn’t know these bras had liquid sacs until they started leaking. They felt just like my other bras, if not a little more uncomfortable.
At any rate, I’m not the only one. The Internet is filled with reports of bras bursting open and leaking out a mysterious fluid. Well, the fluid isn’t that mysterious after all. But it’s still weird and very funny.
As for these two bras, they’re going to be taken out of my daily fleet and put into the “wrenching bra” pile. That’s right, I have a couple of bras that I wear specifically for when I might get oil on them or might end up damaging in some way. The wrenching bras also sometimes end up going swimming if I’m feeling hot after a motorcycle ride. I wore one when rescuing the Plymouth! Maybe I might refill the sac with motor oil as a joke.
But such is my life, even over a thousand miles from home I cannot escape some sort of issue that brings me back to cars. Who knew that this time it was going to be a bra!
Top graphic images: Victoria’s Secret; Mobil; depositphotos.com
Interesting, I wouldn’t have guessed the female-identifying portion of the reader-base was as high as 25%.
Could be the Hydrolastic suspension is leaking. But not likely, because that was designed for a Mini….I’ll show myself out.
I remember a fad for “Wonderbras” from decades ago that made a woman’s chest appear at least one cup size larger.
Now because of this article, I don’t have to wonder how they did it anymore.
Like most of what you write, I learned a lot from reading this article. So,
thank you for that.
I’ve bought a few bras for wives, women friends etc over the years. Most of them were also gifts for me, like when Annie Hall holds up a fairly delicate piece of lingerie given to her by Woody Allen and she says, “that’s a gift for you.” Guilty as charged.
(I was also amused several decades ago when I heard the German word for bras… busenhalter or bustenhalter. And apparently younger German women just abbreviate it as BH. Halter tops had been a thing here in the US, so it all kind of made whacky sense.)
None of them have been particularly padded and certainly not contained gel/oil packs. The good news is that all the leaks you have experienced are external and not something inside your body, which just seems like a bad thing all around.
I also had to go down another internet rabbit hole and read up about your phone/camera, which I had never heard of before. It seems pretty obscure, and you probably had to go pretty far out of your way to get it, but it was fun to read about.
As someone that visited Germany in a summer way back when I was single… I’m shocked that German has a word for Bras. Almost as shocked it isn’t 80 letters long. German is a language where they have a few words and to describe something new, you just write a paragraph or two about what it is, what it does, what the history of it is, and take out all the spaces.
Ok, with that joke aside, you missed a quality teenage-hood. When I was a kid, we would stay up and watch Benny Hill when the parents were asleep. In addition to a horde of semi-clad women and an obsession with grabbing women’s butts, Benny would also have scenes where he would make jokes. One of them was him acting like a German woman shopping for a bra that didn’t know the word. So it was “Bostumhostler”, Bosumhostler.. You know a Hostler for your Bossom!”
I see a marketing opportunity for bra-oils for extra cold and extra hot starts….So as well as a bra size you will need to know the SW viscosity…
Bras are incredibly subjective, but the VS fit seems to match better with smaller cup sizes. I know a few friends (and my wife) who swear by VS bras and are in the less-endowed camp. The older VS bras do seem more well constructed than their newer ones though.
Being a witness to a few ongoing searches for the perfect bra fitment, I will say that every woman should treat themselves to a good bra(s). Too many people try to make do with cheap stuff that tortures them, even though they wear the stuff every day. Get professionally fit for a bra early on in your life, even if it’s just once. It’s made a huge comfort difference for friends who are busty, and in one case has alleviated some back problems before they led to (what she thought would be) a reduction surgery.
On a less serious note, I’m guessing there are more than a few male readers who could use a good bra if they were being completely honest.
“silly things like discovering an oil leak in one of your German cars” I had assumed that this sentence would be addressed in the article – “an oil leak” implies just one leak, which would make most old german car owners jump for joy because they only have one (and not three or five) oil leaks.
Back in the 70s the advanced Drag Queens and trans women who hadn’t gotten hormones and breasts yet used water balloons, worked OK if you didn’t overfill and exceed their service life of a day or so. I suspected a vegetable oil of the correct viscosity would work better, but leave it VS to actually try such foolishness with a mineral oil too!
Sac(re) Bleu! German cars like about their speedometers and Victoria’s Secret lies about the size boob they are containing. I’d Imagine the oil sack makes it feel more “natural”.
This post didn’t go at all where I thought it was going to go, but I was thoroughly entertained and fascinated the whole time.
was completely expecting a DT-esque story of a simple oil change gone awry.
*starts waiting for “Pimp My Bra” to appear on YouTube*
Leaking oil, bra engineering, “wrenching bras”…..so much learned so early today.
Daily fleet of bras!
I think you’re onto something, Mercedes. You could help design the next Volkswagen Phaeton of brassieres: over-engineered and finicky, but absolutely sublime.
Hmmm…this bra would have a push-up function through electrically inflated air bags. The bra will then measure levels of cleavage and automatically adjust air pressure as needed. It’ll also have a built-in air conditioner and be made out of materials befitting a Bentley, but be branded as Hanes.
And then all that shit would gradually break. But never all at once. And parts to fix it would be extremely expensive and subjective to trim level and model year.
I hear Takata is working on this very thing. They see the market exploding in the next few years.
Personally, I’m still waiting for the hand bra to come back in style.
EWW EWW EWW EWW EWW I can barely stand it when I pick up a bottle of olive oil and encounter residue…I can’t imagine encountering something like this on something that’s supposed to hold my boobs.
I gave up on VS long ago when their full cups suddenly started fitting me like demi cups…also, they just didn’t seem to last that long. I mostly stick with Elomi and Goddess; they’re well worth the price, and often I can get pretty matching panties.
Armed with this knowledge, one day, Mercedes will MacGyver herself out of a broken engine or drivetrain component failure, using bra silicone to effect repairs.
Bonus if this repair occurs on a Smart.
I have unshakeable faith that this will happen because Mercedes is that crafty/talented/resourceful. And it will be an epic story.
Funny enough, I have done something like this in the past. My very first car, a 2001 Kia Rio, snapped off its serpentine belt a good 30-minute drive from home. I was still in my “experimentation” period back then, so my car was filled to the brim with bras.
I knew there was no way I was going to make it home without a functional water pump or battery. So, I dug through the bra pile until I found one with straps that were too short for the distance between the crank pulley and the water pump pulley. Then I covered it in glue. The one I chose slipped a lot, but apparently got the water pump spinning enough to keep the engine from boiling itself to death.
The bra strap belt lasted about 20 minutes of the most delicate driving I’ve ever done before it either broke or slipped off. Instead of sacrificing a second strap, I let the car cool down in front of a Walmart for an hour and then I just went for the last 10 minutes of driving. I made it home just as the battery finally gave up and the temp gauge moved past the H. 🙂
This is the content we love. What a great story!
I did something similar, used my (first) wife’s pantyhoses to replace the broken belt on a BMW 525tds. It held for the approx 10 miles to get home and nothing overheated. Sold the car with almost 200k miles, and the next owner was still driving it many years later.
This is the most Autopian story I’ve ever read 😀
Victoria Secret owns Adore Me, it’s the same company.
True, but both brands still have their own identities and product lines. It seems Victoria’s Secret largely bought AdoreMe to get into the lucrative subscription model business, not to turn AM into VS.
With that said, I have noticed that quality has gotten inconsistent in the VS ownership era. Most of the sets I buy are great. But then I get the occasional set that’s just so hilariously bad (either in fit or quality) I wear it once and then never again.
So Vicky’s secret is silicone oil. Sounds rather “in the valley of the dolls”! You’re so right, good bras for we who are well endowed are hard to find. I’ve had success on Amazon. I’ve gotten some pretty ones from random 6 character sellers like DELIMIRA and DOBREVA, but they don’t break the bank like Glamorize and others. CALVENA has one that’s a dupe of the Wacoal T-shirt bra.
It really is a struggle. I want a DDD bra that looks hot and I can wear it all day. It seems like you’ll often run into big bras that are comfortable or hot, but not both. I’ve had good luck with AdoreMe, which runs $40 for a matching set, or more expensive if it’s a new release.
But now you have me interested in checking out Amazon. I’ve never even given a thought to buying bras from there!
maybe you’re already on this train and know about this but I have a close friend in a similar situation who has had really great luck with the combo of sizing tips from r/abrathatfits and buying different brands from bare necessities!
I don’t know if you live in Cali, or if this place operates over the internet or phone, but Jenette Goldstein, who you might know as Vasquez in Aliens, or John Connor’s foster mom in T2 has a small chain of bra shops called Jenette Bras (where the Alphabet starts at D) in Cali, and apparently they have expanded out to Atlanta. They specialize in what you are looking for.
https://www.jenettebras.com/
Mrs. from metro Atlanta isn’t quite the car geek I am, but she always likes weighing on Shitbox Showdowns, “gets” this site, and I know she’ll enjoy this.
Thank you for your service, Mercedes.
I had to show this article to my wife, who has spent a good chunk of her life trying every bra under the sun to find one that fits just right and therefore would certainly have takes. I was not disappointed. She asked me to pass this along:
“I agree! VS is trash, though even it belonging in the bedroom is questionable – are you still sexy if the wire cuts into your skin and you have red marks all over the place, even if your boobs are perfectly LiFtEd?
Yes, Mercedes, AdoreMe is awesome! By the way, I find CUUP and Parade to also be great choices for daily-driver bras for larger breasts, though they can be a bit pricier than AdoreMe. Would love to hear your thoughts on those!”
I’ve never had a VS bra that didn’t cut into my skin. I mean, I know that for reasons my body shape isn’t exactly that of the typical VS customer, but my AdoreMe bras don’t do that! I’m glad it’s not just me. I don’t really get the appeal of VS bras or its line of clothing.
Thank you for the recommendations on new bras to try! Hey, at least feeding my bra addiction is cheaper than buying another car. 🙂
So we’ve got the first two parts of Mercedes Brabus… and busses are famous for leaking oil! There’s the automotive link for the skeptical. Yay!
A leaky bra was not on my bingo card today.
I mean, I did spawn years ago, so I grok the milky-type leak, but oily I had no clue about.
Only on Autopian.
Bratopian
Is that Bra-Topian or Brat-Opian?
Brat-opian is really into Charli XCX.
This has nothing to do with supportive clothing, but since you were writing about unexpected oil leaks, here’s an interesting one:
My 2003 Chevrolet (Suzuki) Tracker developed an oil leak in 2012 at around 60,000 well-maintained miles. It started leaving small spots on the floor in the garage where it was usually parked. Then the spots started getting bigger. I wiped down the entire oil pan and up near the pan gasket, as well as the front and rear seal areas to see if I could see what was leaking.
Nope, all good there. All clean higher up on the block as well. Maybe it was the drain plug? Nope. Weird. Even after sitting for a week and not started at all, there would be a puddle underneath the engine and the oil pan would be wet with oil.
Turns out the bottom of the oil pan, the inside of which was literally submerged in oil for its entire life, was rusting out and becoming porous. Who would have thought that an oil pan could rust completely through in 9 years?
I guess that’s why Suzuki is not around anymore.
we see this all the time on the Japanese brand I work on, so its not just Suzuki. I blame the over salted roads where I live here in the NE
“Victoria’s Secret” is the lowest level of Bra-topian membership.