All Of My Cars Are Leaking Oil And Now So Are My Bras

Life has a funny way of making you laugh. For a car enthusiast, it’s perhaps silly things like discovering an oil leak in one of your German cars. Or, I suppose if you’re a “power user” of old and crappy cars like I am, maybe the bulk of your collection leaks oil. It’s okay, I expect it! But what I didn’t expect was an oil leak coming from something I wear. Somehow, two of my bras are doing their best impression of a Volkswagen because what the heck, they’re leaking oil!

This morning, I attempted to put on my blue bra from Victoria’s Secret. Then I saw it. In the left cup was what appeared to be a stain. But that’s weird, it was clean when I wore it yesterday.

I’m a curious person, so I touched the stain. What the heck, it’s oily! What gives? I’m not exaggerating, either. Both of these bras are leaking out a clear oil that stains fabric and feels all icky on your hands. It’s like I spilled Rotella T4 on my boobs!

The funny thing about German car ownership is the acceptance that one day, something is going to leak oil. Maybe your oil lines to the turbocharger start weeping or maybe your oil pan isn’t as sealed as it used to be. Truth be told, any car can leak, especially if it’s an old pile of crap or neglected. However, German car owners almost embrace the fact that we buy cars that like to mark their spots. European car technicians have told me that some leaks just aren’t worth the expense of fixing unless it’s bad enough.

Two of my six Smarts have small oil weeps from their oil pans. The ’48 Plymouth project has a seep, my bus dribbles some, and all of my old motorcycles are a bit leaky. All of my old Volkswagen diesels but the Touareg V10 had some drops of oil coming out.

Most of the time I just keep checking oil levels and move on with my life. However, one of my cars surprises me in how it doesn’t leak a drop of oil, and that’s the 2007 BMW 530xi that I bought from The Bishop. Every day I’m wowed by how well he’s kept the car together.

But my bra? Alright, that surprised me. I was practically crying laughing in my hotel room at the realization that oil leaks follow me everywhere, even with stuff that shouldn’t be leaking. It’s a boobie suspension bridge, not an ALH TDI!

Thankfully, my issue is apparently common and happens with wearers of bras from Victoria’s Secret.

Look, I never thought I’d be talking about bras on what’s nominally a transportation website, but here I am. Roughly a quarter of our readers identify as women, so a lot of you know what I’m about to say. So I suppose the next part is for the guys.

I suppose you could call me a bra enthusiast. I probably have as many bras as I do vehicles and I totally have a type. But we’re not a bra site [Editor’s Note: Yet. – JT] so I’ll get to the point. I don’t buy Victoria’s Secret bras. I just don’t like how they fit and don’t think you’re getting what you pay for. My usual haunt is AdoreMe (example bra above), but even that app has delivered some misses. Either way, my steaming hot take is that Victoria’s Secret bras are overrated and are best used for the ten minutes or so you need to wear them in the bedroom, so to speak.

So then, why do I have some of these bras that I apparently don’t like and why do I have them here in Tampa? Well, one of my best friends bought these, but they no longer fit her. As I said, I love bras, so I couldn’t say no, even if the cups are a little too small for me.

This week was my first time ever taking them for a test drive. Looks like I got a grand total of one use out of this bra before it burst.

Honestly, I was a bit surprised. All of my other bras use a foam type of material for lining. See the photo above. If that bra has extra padding, it’s made out of more foam. The foam works fine! I found it hard to believe that Victoria’s Secret would use a liquid for its extra padding. But I mean, it’s leaking, so I guess I have to believe it.

Still, I did the right thing and cut the left cup open. Sure enough, there’s the foam lining. But boom, there it is, a thin plastic sac with oil in it.

I tore the sac out. It’s remarkably thin and easily punctured. In my case, the leak is originating from the bottom. This stuff is just plain yucky.

Alright, so now I know why my bra is leaking like a diesel, but why are there oil sacs in my bra in the first place? Come to think of it, the pink Victoria’s Secret bra I have at home is in even worse shape. The last time I saw it the left cup was dripping with some sort of ooze. I thought maybe one of my dastardly birds dropped something in the cup — they sometimes like nesting in my bras — but nothing was there.

According to Vanity Fair Lingerie, this isn’t really oil, but a gel made out of glycerin or silicone. Allegedly, the gel pads are supposed to provide a gentler lift than foam pads, but also produce a lot more cleavage. Likewise, the gel pads are supposed to make the bra feel more natural and more comfortable to wear than one with foam pads. So, there are advantages to gel. Victoria’s Secret also isn’t the only brand selling them.

However, I’m not sure I even feel those advantages. I didn’t know these bras had liquid sacs until they started leaking. They felt just like my other bras, if not a little more uncomfortable.

At any rate, I’m not the only one. The Internet is filled with reports of bras bursting open and leaking out a mysterious fluid. Well, the fluid isn’t that mysterious after all. But it’s still weird and very funny.

As for these two bras, they’re going to be taken out of my daily fleet and put into the “wrenching bra” pile. That’s right, I have a couple of bras that I wear specifically for when I might get oil on them or might end up damaging in some way. The wrenching bras also sometimes end up going swimming if I’m feeling hot after a motorcycle ride. I wore one when rescuing the Plymouth! Maybe I might refill the sac with motor oil as a joke.

But such is my life, even over a thousand miles from home I cannot escape some sort of issue that brings me back to cars. Who knew that this time it was going to be a bra!

Top graphic images: Victoria’s Secret; Mobil; depositphotos.com