I know Stellantis isn’t really doing so hot right now, but we’re pulling for them to turn things around. That may be why this allegedly leaked memo from a Stellantis engine plant, the Kokomo Engine Plant in Indiana that builds the 2.0-liter Global Medium Engine inline four-cylinder turbo that is bolted into Jeeps Wrangler, Compass and Grand Cherokee, feels so especially tragic. Because it’s one thing for your company to be faltering and trying to climb out of a sales slump, and a very different thing for some unnamed employee to be smearing shit all over the place in your engine plant. Because that’s what that memo is talking about.
Yes, you read that right: a Stellantis engine plant has been having so many incidents of fecal-smearing all over its bathrooms that the Wellbeing, Health, and Safety Manager of the plant had to issue this plant-wide memo essentially pleading for whoever the hell is doing this to stop acting like a deranged chimp and cease smearing shit everywhere.
I wish I was kidding. Here’s the memo, as published by The Kokomo Press:
If that scan is too hard to read, here it is in plain text (if the post gets deleted, it’s here, too):
STELLANTIS
2/3/2025
Kokomo Engine Plant- All Employees
Is it unfortunate for us all to have to deal with an employee(s) that continues to create situations that are both unsanitary and certainly disturbing. Wiping feces on the bathroom walls, the disability handle bars, door latches, sinks handles, and the piles being left on the floor does nothing other than subject our facility and SBM teams to potentially dangerous biohazards that are completely avoidable. NOTHING. So, it begs the question for us to ask “WHY?” What is it accomplishing to perform such careless and disgusting act?
Effective immediately, SBM has been directed not to cleanup after such events. With the exception being the front locker rooms, each bathroom found in this grotesque state, will be immediately locked and taken out of service until further notice. There will be folks that have some complaints and concerns about this process, but we will no longer ask our SBM staff to clean up these types of events until a detailed investigation is complete. If needed, alternate methods may be used to help pinpoint the culprit.
Lastly, change is coming. Whether it be the newly announced EVO Program or future unannounced products, KEP is being looked at for sustained production activities far beyond 2023 Managing change is always difficult, but this issue should never be an issue that needs addressing from here on.
If you know of or can provide additional information, you are free to use our anonymous kep_safety@stellantis.com email address, and the information will be kept confidential. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me directly.
R. Tyler Adams
Wellbeing. Health, & Safety – Manager
I think Mr.Adams asks a very valid question here, and the use of all-caps I think is justified: WHY? Yes, indeed, why, why is someone at this plant taking abundant, loamy shits and then smearing it all over the walls, sink handles, railings, places where people need to touch? And then the reference to “piles” being left on the floor? Dear lord, why, why, why?
I do have to take issue with The Kokomo Press‘ phrasing of these acts as “making Picasso Poop Paintings,” because while I get the urge for that analogy, is a genuinely terrible one from an art historical context.
It’s just lazy; there’s almost nothing in the works of Pablo Picasso that resembles poop smeared on a bathroom wall. Consider this example of Picasso’s work:
Photo: YUNUSI/Depositphotos.com
That’s 1937’s Guernica, and while Picasso’s styles changed and evolved over the years, nothing he did was remotely poo-smeared-on-walls-like.
Maybe if the author picked someone like, say, Franz Kline, it would be more plausible:
Photo: Artsy.net
But they probably wanted the alliteration of Ps in “Picasso Poop Paintings.” I get that. Well, if that’s the case, freaking Jackson Pollock is right there!
Photo: Number 1, 1950 (Lavender Mist), National Gallery of Art
That’s much closer to something that could be rendered in poop on bathroom tile; I say this as someone who likes Jackson Pollock, too. They really should have said “Pollock Poop Paintings.”
Of course, this is trivial to the overall context of someone working at that Jeep engine factory smearing shit all over the place. Is it possible this is a hoax? It’s always possible, so our own Editor-in-Chief David reached out to the plant, who ultimately was able to get someone from Stellantis’ comms team in touch with us. (See update below).
Stellantis is committed to providing a safe and healthy work environment for its employees. The Company is currently investigating disturbing incidents at its Kokomo Engine Plant that have left bathroom facilities in an unsanitary condition. While the investigation is ongoing, the plant will ensure that bathroom facilities are regularly cleaned and sanitized and remain accessible to employees. Those responsible for these intentional acts will be held accountable.
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As the comments are predictably sliding sideways into observations about shitty human behaviour, I feel it is my duty to drop a survey of crap references (or direct use) in pop culture, including song lyrics. I’ll go first (pun intended):
While an exciting post, The Kokomo Press is a local parody news group…as a Hoosier I see their stuff make it around quite frequently and people seem to believe it every time. They are very openly parody…
One summer we had a problem at the pool where I lifeguarded. Someone kept taking dumps in the pool, which forced us to get everyone out and then load it up with so much chlorine that you couldn’t swim for 24 hours, lest your suit get so bleached that it was no longer appropriate to wear when wet.
We always assumed it was a troublemaking kid, but seeing all these stories of workplace poop-smearers I’m rethinking that stance.
Did anyone double-check to make sure it wasn’t just a Baby Ruth?
I once read a book titled “Sprint to the restroom”, written by Willie Makit, illustrated by Bettie Dont.
Guess they got a copy of the book “Brown Spots On The Wall” by celebrated author Hu Flung Pu.
Its the 2.0 plant, they already produce enough shit on the assembly line
Someone did a Jackson Pollock poop painting in the bathroom of the supermarket near my job. It HAD to be something on purpose, there’s no way the mess they caused was accidental. Like there was no sitting down on the bowl at all, just bend over and aim for the walls. It looked like someone sprayed an enema all over the 3 walls of the stall and all over the toilet. This happened about 7-8 years ago and the horror of encountering that still sticks in my mind. Anyways, that’s my story for the day.
Perhaps it’s just me, but this seems like a story tailor made for The Daily Dump.
Deliberate acts aside, it always amazes me what I see in office restrooms. I mean, do people even turn around to look at what they’re leaving on the seat? Have they ever in their lives had to clean up after themselves? SMH
This happened at our office a while back. Since the subject bathroom is publicly accessible, security cameras caught the traffic in and out. Not sure how they narrowed it down, but they eventually caught the employee that did it. HR rules mean the rest of us remain in the dark as to the identity of the culprit.
Similar situation at my old office – someone would periodically do an “about Schmidt” in one of the bathrooms.
Despite being friends with a number of the HR staff, I did not ask how the apprehended the culprit.
I’m from just south of Kokomo and see that The Kokomo Press strikes again ???? that page is satire and is labeled as such if you go look in the “about” section of the Facebook page
Down in Kokomo
We’ll poop real fast and then we’ll smear it slow
Not where you want to go
Way down in Kokomo
Came here for this, not disappointed.
You think you’re so tough peeing on the floor. Well it takes real guts to shit on the ceiling.
Seriously though, engine plant? I would of guessed Chrysler paint shop.
Unfortunately this is a thing that occasionally occurs at any large workplace as far as I can tell. No idea what leads someone to do that, but I’ve received emails much like that letter at multiple white collar offices.
When I was young, I worked for a department store, and one of my jobs was cleaning the bathrooms. I’ve never seen what seemed like, um, poo fights in the bathrooms. Cleaning poo five feet up on the walls is not fun. For some reason, it happened more in the ladies’ room than in the gents.
I feel for that cleaning crew.
Confirmed. My current job has bathrooms that we allow access by our clients and the women’s room, WAY MORE often than the men’s room, gets destroyed. You have to wonder what the hell these peoples homes look like
I did maintenance at a Boy Scout Camp one summer. By 8 weeks in my tone had changed from disgust to awe at what these kids could do to a bathroom.
I first saw this on the Toilets with Threatening Auras Facebook page, and I thought it was fake. Just…wow. And I thought my workplace had bathroom issues!
Ah, I see you are a man of culture as well.
The memo ominously hints that “alternate methods may be used” to find the perpetrator. Yikes. Such as what, exactly?
– Rectal swabs at the entry gate to compare against employee DNA samples?
– A poop-sniffing dog checking fingernails?
– Toilet cams?
They will never get my poop cams!
You should be able to get useable DNA off the poop and get enough info from it to narrow the list of suspects quite a bit, maybe even to the person if you can find a match in CODIS or another database. That of course assumes the perpetrator isn’t devious and demented enough to use someone or something else’s poop. If so it’d a good way to frame a hated supervisor. Don’t ask how they’d get the poop. You don’t want to know.
Couple that with cameras OUTSIDE the bathrooms to see who goes in and when would narrow that list even further. Between the two you’d have a very short list to dump on your boss’s desk. That might be the most satisfying dump you’ll ever take.
It is articles like this, that make the Autopian the best automotive site on the web. Thank you J.T.
With stories like this, I’m surprised there is no reoccurring segment on detailing.
Yikes
This is why we can’t have nice things.
Nah, these are Jeeps, they weren’t nice in the best of times.
“I do have to take issue with The Kokomo Press‘ phrasing of these acts as “making Picasso Poop Paintings,” because while I get the urge for that analogy, is a genuinely terrible one from an art historical context.”
Eh, given Picasso’s extensive history of beating the women in his life it’s eminently valid to make a strong association of Picasso with poop. The day can’t come soon enough for Picasso to be tossed in the dustbin of history.
I’ve heard the term “Poocasso” used for people that do this. Seems better than Picasso Poop Painting.
Doesn’t give me a sense of confidence in vehicle build quality if this is an ongoing issue at the plant.