I know Stellantis isn’t really doing so hot right now, but we’re pulling for them to turn things around. That may be why this allegedly leaked memo from a Stellantis engine plant, the Kokomo Engine Plant in Indiana that builds the 2.0-liter Global Medium Engine inline four-cylinder turbo that is bolted into Jeeps Wrangler, Compass and Grand Cherokee, feels so especially tragic. Because it’s one thing for your company to be faltering and trying to climb out of a sales slump, and a very different thing for some unnamed employee to be smearing shit all over the place in your engine plant. Because that’s what that memo is talking about.
Yes, you read that right: a Stellantis engine plant has been having so many incidents of fecal-smearing all over its bathrooms that the Wellbeing, Health, and Safety Manager of the plant had to issue this plant-wide memo essentially pleading for whoever the hell is doing this to stop acting like a deranged chimp and cease smearing shit everywhere.
I wish I was kidding. Here’s the memo, as published by The Kokomo Press:
If that scan is too hard to read, here it is in plain text (if the post gets deleted, it’s here, too):
STELLANTIS
2/3/2025
Kokomo Engine Plant- All Employees
Is it unfortunate for us all to have to deal with an employee(s) that continues to create situations that are both unsanitary and certainly disturbing. Wiping feces on the bathroom walls, the disability handle bars, door latches, sinks handles, and the piles being left on the floor does nothing other than subject our facility and SBM teams to potentially dangerous biohazards that are completely avoidable. NOTHING. So, it begs the question for us to ask “WHY?” What is it accomplishing to perform such careless and disgusting act?
Effective immediately, SBM has been directed not to cleanup after such events. With the exception being the front locker rooms, each bathroom found in this grotesque state, will be immediately locked and taken out of service until further notice. There will be folks that have some complaints and concerns about this process, but we will no longer ask our SBM staff to clean up these types of events until a detailed investigation is complete. If needed, alternate methods may be used to help pinpoint the culprit.
Lastly, change is coming. Whether it be the newly announced EVO Program or future unannounced products, KEP is being looked at for sustained production activities far beyond 2023 Managing change is always difficult, but this issue should never be an issue that needs addressing from here on.
If you know of or can provide additional information, you are free to use our anonymous kep_safety@stellantis.com email address, and the information will be kept confidential. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out to me directly.
R. Tyler Adams
Wellbeing. Health, & Safety – Manager
I think Mr.Adams asks a very valid question here, and the use of all-caps I think is justified: WHY? Yes, indeed, why, why is someone at this plant taking abundant, loamy shits and then smearing it all over the walls, sink handles, railings, places where people need to touch? And then the reference to “piles” being left on the floor? Dear lord, why, why, why?
I do have to take issue with The Kokomo Press‘ phrasing of these acts as “making Picasso Poop Paintings,” because while I get the urge for that analogy, is a genuinely terrible one from an art historical context.
It’s just lazy; there’s almost nothing in the works of Pablo Picasso that resembles poop smeared on a bathroom wall. Consider this example of Picasso’s work:
Photo: YUNUSI/Depositphotos.com
That’s 1937’s Guernica, and while Picasso’s styles changed and evolved over the years, nothing he did was remotely poo-smeared-on-walls-like.
Maybe if the author picked someone like, say, Franz Kline, it would be more plausible:
Photo: Artsy.net
But they probably wanted the alliteration of Ps in “Picasso Poop Paintings.” I get that. Well, if that’s the case, freaking Jackson Pollock is right there!
Photo: Number 1, 1950 (Lavender Mist), National Gallery of Art
That’s much closer to something that could be rendered in poop on bathroom tile; I say this as someone who likes Jackson Pollock, too. They really should have said “Pollock Poop Paintings.”
Of course, this is trivial to the overall context of someone working at that Jeep engine factory smearing shit all over the place. Is it possible this is a hoax? It’s always possible, so our own Editor-in-Chief David reached out to the plant, who ultimately was able to get someone from Stellantis’ comms team in touch with us. (See update below).
Stellantis is committed to providing a safe and healthy work environment for its employees. The Company is currently investigating disturbing incidents at its Kokomo Engine Plant that have left bathroom facilities in an unsanitary condition. While the investigation is ongoing, the plant will ensure that bathroom facilities are regularly cleaned and sanitized and remain accessible to employees. Those responsible for these intentional acts will be held accountable.
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Freshman year of college there was a bandit on the loose of my dorm. For a few weeks in a row, in the wee small hours of several consecutive Saturdays, they would leave their, uh, mark on the tiles over on the shower side of the 3rd floor bathroom. To the point where there were such utterances as “The Phantom Shitter strikes again” or “Who is the Phantom Shitter?”
Never found out who it was, not sure if they got caught, but thanks for reminding me of that 30 year old memory
In my 1st year at university, our dormitory would occasionally be woken to the incredulous hoots of our cleaning ladies, after which we would find a single, literally incredibly enormous log in one of the men’s toilet bowls, clearly impossible for the cleaning ladies to deal with without hiring a crane. We never found out who was responsible, although premature creasing around the eyes and tear-stained clothing might have been a clue.
That’s a 45-year-old memory!
The cleaning ladies don’t get paid fairly for that job, IMO.
Hmmm. I heard that exact same story 30 years ago from a friend at San Diego State. His phantom shitter was in the chemistry building. Coincidence?
I wish Id been at SDSU instead of the sister city of Hoth somewhere in the Midwest
Well unless that shitter really got around or this was a precursor to the TikTok challenge methinks the phantom may have been an urban legend.
I experienced a similar thing in 2006ish at a small school in Pennsylvania. Perhaps a nephew inherited the family tradition???
This person is definitely getting fired when caught, and deservedly so.
There is definitely someone at that plant who’s desperately in need of some kind of intervention.
That said, there’s definitely (a stinker of) a joke in here about putting the shit in shitboxes…
You know, I’ve worked in the emergency mental health field for years. I’ve seen some shit, literally and figuratively. For the life of me, I can’t understand how a person is A.) lucid enough to both go to work and function there, but also B.) continuously spreads their own fecal matter on the wall. Whatever likely manic plan they’ve conceived to justify their action would be fascinating to hear. Or it’s just an Indiana thing. I could see how staring at endless fields of corn and various manufacturing plus a couple White Sugar-free Monsters on board could really drive a man to the poop-abyss.
I’ve seen Kokomo, Indiana. Living there could quite possibly drive one into deep and disturbing levels of psychosis.
Added to the DSM: (F73.20) Resident of Greater Kokomo Indiana Induced Psychosis- Moderate
Not to out-Art-History (although this might be more of a math fact) you, but it would honestly be LESS of a Pollock than it would a Picasso, because here’s a really cool thing about Pollock: his drip painting technique actually creates fractals* on the canvas. It’s these fractal patterns that make Pollock paintings uniquely possible to authenticate via computer image analysis, because most Pollock forgeries don’t contain fractals. Secondly, the intricacy of the fractal patterns in his paintings increased over time, which also helps authenticate them by being able to compare a supposed painting to known paintings from around the same time period and see if the fractal dimensions are similar.
*fractals are mathematical patterns that repeat themselves no matter how far “in” or “out” you zoom in on them
Oh, and because all of his drip paintings were done while the canvas was horizontal, you would never be able to create a truly Pollock-like poop smear painting on a wall.
“you would never be able to create a truly Pollock-like poop smear painting on a wall.”
Years ago, I entered an Applebee’s bathroom where it appeared someone had walked in, dropped trou, bent over, and fired. Apparently, your statement echoed through time, that person heard it, and said “challenge accepted”.
Still, that’s entirely the wrong technique. More akin to Niki de Saint-Phalle, who was famous for shooting a gun at balloons full of paint
A fecal sequel, as it were.
The running gag is that anything messy is a Pollock. Kelsey Grammar threatens to turn Edge’s brain into a Pollock in Money Plane, going as far as having two goons walk behind him with a canvas. It’s an absolutely terrible movie, but Grammar understood the assignment and hams it up accordingly. So bad it becomes good.
So what you’re saying is that if someone did create a Pollack Poop Painting, it would be from a case of explosive diarrhea?
considering the various colors they should also get a colonoscopy
I worked at a grocery store in high school and I’ve seen some things. One time, an entire log was left in the handicap sink that was almost the length of it. I didn’t measure it, but damn, it was like an invasive Everglade python. The restrooms didn’t lock, so it took some . . . something to do that, but I don’t think he squatted over the sink as it was too high, there was nothing to stand on, and I’m pretty sure the sink wouldn’t support the weight, so I imagine he used his hands in one of the stalls and transferred it. Several times, someone would prop a fresh roll of paper against the wall near the toilet and apparently see if they could soak the whole thing through. Trying to lift the piss-logged roll with the flimsy broom and flip it into a barrel without dropping it or hitting anything I’d have to touch was an exercise that could have gotten me a job in a circus. The woman’s room was worse.
Speaking of grocery stores, the one I worked at in high school, I rember stocking the dairy area, which was right next to the bathrooms. A woman came out of the lady’s room with a really shell shocked expression on her face, ghost white, and stuttered out “I…you….someone needs to clean that bathroom”
I peeked inside, yup, poop was packed, caked, all over the outside of the toilet bowl like clay, fingerprints visible, and smears all over the walls, floor, and sink
That wins! I saw an occasional smear, but nothing that was built up and creatively applied.
The kid they asked to clean it just made things worse, ran a hose from the mop basin and just soaked the hell out of the room, and left it like that, with like an inch of shit water on the floor. They ended up locking it and calling a cleaning service to deal with it
That’s what they should have done in the first place. I don’t blame the kid for not wanting to get close to that. Sometimes, it doesn’t pay to try to save a dime.
Yup. Minimum wage ain’t worth putting up with that bullshit. Or humanshit for that matter.
One of my work sites is in a poor urban area. Between the security door and a short gated fence that a child could jump, is a strip of grass. One day, I’m outside and I hear the kid who works for the landscaper and his boss yelling. I didn’t know what it was about until I heard from the kid: “I ain’t picking that up! That’s not my job. That shit ain’t dog, it’s human!” I had to go inside so they wouldn’t see me cracking up. Back when I worked that grocery store job, I had to clean the woman’s room once and told them I was never cleaning the bathrooms again unless they got me a positive pressure hazmat suit. Normally, I’d do whatever without complaint, but—though they paid a lot better than minimum wage—they weren’t paying me enough for that. It ended up falling on an obsequious kid who would do anything.
I think it’s funny that if it was dog shit, it sounds like he would have been ok with picking it up. Like it matters.
I work on the only publicly-accessible floor of my office, so visitors use the bathrooms closest to my workspace. About twice a year, a visitor ends up telling us someone messed up a bathroom and we have to put an “Out of Order” sign on the door. Maybe 5 times a year, me or my co-workers discover a visitor wrecked the bathroom and again we have to put up a sign until the janitors clean it overnight.
It’s crazy what people do in the bathroom. Do they leave such messes and explosions in their bathroom at home? The most-disturbing one I encountered was when there were what looked like rabbit turds all over the toilet seat, on the floor, and behind the toilet seat hinge. I don’t know what was wrong with that person’s digestion, or how they got them all over. I swear they must have bent over and pointed their butt at the toilet, firing them out.
Sounds like someone has January 6-ed the Kokomo plant to Stop the Steel. Don’t worry Jeep patriots, I’m sure if the culprit is ever caught and tried, the President will pardon them.
As someone from Illinois . . . yep, Indiana.
You’re just jealous because the Beach Boys sang about Kokomo…
That wasn’t really the Beach Boys so much as Mike Love who’s apprarance here is fitting
I hope they catch the poopitrator
Hopefully the person doesn’t eat a lot of corn…
That’s not corn. Those are liver flukes and tapeworm segments!
Seems like some fun could be had sending a slightly modified version to stellantis corporate:
“Wiping metaphorical feces on the dealerships, the suppliers, customers, and society in general, and the Waggoneers, Hornets, etc being left on the dearlership lots and floor does nothing other than subject everyone to potentially dangerous biohazards that are completely avoidable. NOTHING. So, it begs the question for us to ask “WHY?” What is it accomplishing to perform such careless and disgusting act?”
Pentastar…more like…POOPASTAR
Tee hee hee.
The list of things I’ve heard now contains everything.
Give it time.
You must be new to the internet.
Ah, before the Internet. A better, vanished time.
I worked in a place where the receptionist took a dump at her desk. It really makes you realize just how close to the apes we really are, evolutionarily.
Ummm… I want to hear more of the backstory on this. Was it because the manager was an asshole (pun intended) and said he/she/they couldn’t leave her post except during break times?
I don’t know too much about why she did it. It was after I had been re-assigned to a different office. I knew her manager pretty well though, and he seemed like a decent guy. I heard rumors later on that she had been having issues in her personal life, so maybe it just bled over into work and caused her to snap on a particularly bad day.
Damn, I saw a movie at a party once that started with that. It went downhill from there and I had to leave the room as the vomit was rising. To be fair, though, the movie was in German, so maybe it would have made sense if I spoke the language.
Don’t try to comprehend the German infatuation with poop-adjacent humor and, well, anything poop-adjacent. It’s just something that is. I’m reminded of my German-descended family members and their completely-normal-to-them fixation and conflation of pooping and well-being.
And the fact that the “waterfall” toilet is a German invention. It’s a toilet with a “shelf” above the water upon which your deposit lands, so that it may be inspected in all its redolent glory before flushing — upon which a cascade of water pours across the shelf gently floating said deuce into the bowl before finally sending it on its journey.
Quite likely “Das Lehrerzimmer” by Ilker Çatak, came out (!) not quite a year ago. There’s a scene with a protest turd throning on a teacher’s desk as a sign of protest. Excellent film, about a young teacher being harassed on false suspicions of robbery.
I don’t know the title, but this was about 20 years ago and was an older film then (reportedly grabbed out of a $1 bin of unlabelled used tapes from a sketchy video store that was closing) and was some kind of turd eating porn, so I’m not sure there as a plot. The receptionist talked to some other woman, then got up on the desk, took a dump, and left with the other woman (getting lunch?), just leaving it there for some dude to find. You don’t want to know what happened next and, frankly, I don’t want to type it. I generally have a strong stomach, but that damn movie found my limit.
Thanks for taking the time to enlighten me! Some things are better not committed to LT memory, but you just know, this information will float up to the top again years down the road…
Maybe they are just wiping off their hands after assembling shitty engines?
If this doesn’t win COTD…
It’s like compound shittiness.
Dammit! Who keeps smearing crap all over these reports?
Oh, those are just Wagoneer sales numbers.
“What!? My car that I thought was a Jeep is actually a Fiat underneath!? Oh, they’re going to pay….”
Someone at my work knew they were getting canned and decided to leave an “upper decker” as a parting gift many years ago.
At one of my former places of employment, some disgruntled employee had taken it upon themselves to smear fecal matter and what appeared to be menstrual blood all over the walls in the women’s restroom. Apparently, HR had to draft and send out a memo much like this one asking employees to “please not smear fecal matter and menstrual blood on any surfaces.”
I was sad when I found out the day after, having been sick that day. I would have loved to hear my straight-laced manager have to read that out loud to those of us on his team.
I remember being away on training for 2 weeks, and seeing a full office email go around asking for whoever had been making really foul farts all around the office to stop because secretaries were complaining. Not sure what was going on there, but was glad to not be there at the time
In my experience, this problem is pretty common. Doesn’t matter how *good* the employer is or how many people are “engaged” in your workforce. You get one nutjob who thinks he’s being wronged in pay, or benefits, or PTO, or whatever and they do this. Without fail. I don’t think it’s as much of Stellantis problem (although I’m sure they don’t do themselves any favors) and more of a petty grade-school mentality issue.
You have to be pretty mentally stunted to feel like your only resort at protest is defecating *and smearing it all over the place.* It’s also either pointless or self-sabotaging, depending on whether anyone ties it back to you or not. If you’re caught–ah–brown-handed, you’ll almost certainly be fired. If not, all you’ve done is made some janitorial member’s life a lot harder.
It’s also almost as disgusting for the person who does it as it is for the person who has to clean it up. Like, you’re really picking that up with your hands? Who is this supposed to be punishing now?
Which is why you don’t smear it all over the bathroom but over the CEO’s car. Or at least under the door handle.
Horrified that this is apparently common.
Back when I worked for an automaker, it would have been hard to pull this off at our factory.
The toilets had enough people coming and going that you’d struggle to spread much poop around before someone walked in and caught you brown-handed.
So, fun facts about cats. They will, on occasion, rub their butts against furniture or fabric, and stare at the stain with their mouths open. There’s a special organ on the roofs of their mouths called a vomeronasal organ (also called Jacobson’s organ), which is able to pick up fine nuances in the scent that your everyday nose cannot appreciate.
“Hmm yes, I’m detecting notes of Greenies and Blue Buffalo, with a light finish of cockroach and houseplants.”
we had to deal with concrete being poured into the urinals at one of the assembly plants, over and over, at my last gig.
The Kokomo plant is taking Tavares’ (pictured above) firing pretty hard.
Lmao which picture
I would check to see if anyone was pardoned from the J6 capitol attack. There is a pattern there.
I think we’ve all worked with someone like this, I mean, I worked at a place where someone kept unloading himself on the floor in the middle of bathrooms. We weren’t totally sure it was an employee, it magically stopped after the one guy we all suspected got fired for another reason, so, you know, we were pretty sure