The California Department of Insurance issued a statement a couple days ago that was unusual for a number of reasons: first, it wasn’t mind-bleachingly boring, and second, it involved a bear suit and a Rolls-Royce. Now, hold on, before you start complaining about yet another bear-suit-and-Rolls-Royce story, I promise you this one is worth hearing about because it’s a good reminder of how Big Insurance keeps you from doing all sorts of fun stuff, like dressing up like a bear and committing (alleged) fraud.
If you’re like most of us, you probably enjoy taking some time every now and then to kick back, put on a nice warm bear suit, grab some sharp garden tools in your hands, wait until the dark of night, then climbing into a 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost and just go ham on the inside of the car. It’s fun, it’s cathartic, perhaps slightly erotic, and if you do it right, you can maybe make some money! Illegally, sure, but what are we, saints?
The California Department of Insurance seems to be pretty against this sort of thing, as it has identified four people who allegedly did just this; here’s what the California Department of Insurance had to say:
Four Los Angeles area residents were arrested today after a Department of Insurance investigation found the suspects allegedly committed insurance fraud by claiming a bear had caused damage to their vehicles, but it was actually a person in a bear costume.[The suspects] of Valley Village, have all been charged with insurance fraud and conspiracy.
The Department’s investigation began after an insurance company suspected fraud. The suspects claimed on January 28, 2024 in Lake Arrowhead a bear entered their 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost and caused interior damage to the vehicle. They provided video footage to their insurance company, which showed the alleged bear in the vehicle.
I’m sure you want to see the video footage, so here it is:
It’s kind of hard to see the bear going nuts in there, but I think even with the minimal bits of bear-action you can see, it’s pretty clear it’s not a real bear. Also, those claw marks look awfully neat and parallel for bear claws, don’t they? I mean, look at this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
That bear also seemed to exhibit a lot more restraint than I’ve come to expect from a bear. Of course, it wasn’t a bear, it was a bear suit, and the claws were hand-held garden tool things. It looks like this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
The quartet of alleged insurance fraud furries also allegedly tried the same bear attack scheme on a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350, and did manage to get over $140,000 from insurance companies. A biologist from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife was employed by the Department to conclusively prove the attacks were a guy in a suit and not an actual bear.
I do feel compelled to note that if you want to trash your own Rolls-Royce in a bear suit, it’s completely legal! You just can’t try to get insurance money for it. But that’s fine! Dressing up as an animal and going nuts trashing the interior of luxury cars should be enjoyed on its own merits, not debased for monetary gain.
This Company Invented A Motorhome With A Convertible Roof And It’s Simultaneously The Best And Worst Idea
This Is Just Some Weird Stuff From The Lada Niva Website
Incredibly, The First Car To Come From The Factory With Pistol-Shaped Door Handles Isn’t American
I mean for something like this wouldn’t it make sense to just rent an actual bear, and pay the owner off… or just do what likely most other successful insurance fraud does, take it downtown to a known car theft hotspot and “accidentally” lose the keys on the sidewalk near the car.
Or just park somewhere in the mountains and “accidentally” leave food in the car. maybe with a window cracked to be sure.
Ha ha! I can “bear”ly watch the video…ha ha…these “bear” people are morons
A couple of months ago here in the CO mountains my lady friend inadvertently left a basket of Palisade peaches in her car – a lovely Lexus GX with the cream covered leather interior. And left it unlocked. And yes, a bear got into the car.
You might think you know where this is going, but no – the bear was very demure, very mindful. She removed the basket of peaches and brought them outside the car to eat them. There was absolutely no damage to the interior other than a couple of muddy paw prints. We were both pretty stunned.
This is somehow the greatest bear story
I live where this actually happens pretty routinely. My parents’ neighbor’s F150 had a visitor just a month or two back in fact. What happens is people spill/leave food in their cars, leave them unlocked in their driveways (garages aren’t as common as you’d think because real estate prices have been nuts for a while, and they all got turned into bedrooms), the bears smell the food and can open certain types of doors (pull handles, but not buttons for instance). THEN, and this is the critical part, the door they get into is on the UPHILL side, closes behind them, they realize they’re trapped, and freak the absolute fuck out! They don’t scratch a few things and leave, they unleash the sum total of all available fury and wrath with a bonus multiplier of a fight for life and death in tight confines. The way they get out is by knocking out a window, or they’re released by animal control or a brave mountain resident that knows to open the door while out of the way and with as much distance as possible to allow the bear to fuck off with maximum velocity.
Point being, they don’t just open doors, scratch things up a bit for bear giggles, and then leave as cooly as they arrived. They also don’t just waltz right in, they sniff around and are super cautious about it.
Can relate to this. When they get pissed off or panic then it’s Hulk Hogan Super Strength time.
DT only thinks cat shit in his Jeep smells bad. He needs to smell angry bear shit.
When Insurance forces them to give up the Ghost, use your new Copart license to snag it at auction. A “Claw Edition” Roller would be perfect for Jason. His heart needs a break from deer-attacked cars. His fleet bear-ly runs at the moment.
Would’ve been more believable if the perps had used a Subaru rather than a Rolls-Royce given bears’ apparent preference for the former as noted over on the old site: https://jalopnik.com/why-do-bears-always-get-stuck-in-subarus-a-crowdsource-1826989977
Bear ass liars.
I love how one of the BBQ tools has 6 tines, so when they drag it it leaves 6 parallel scratches. Doesn’t take Columbo to figure that out.
I had a bear get into my Previa in Yosemite during the night. We were in the tent and didn’t see it, but our neighbors did. We could see the paw prints on the exterior and where a paw swiped down and opened the door. The bear climbed around and left paw prints on top of the propane cook stove. No damage at all, and the door was closed again upon the exit. Hmm, should I have looked to see if the neighbor had a bear suit . . . ?