The California Department of Insurance issued a statement a couple days ago that was unusual for a number of reasons: first, it wasn’t mind-bleachingly boring, and second, it involved a bear suit and a Rolls-Royce. Now, hold on, before you start complaining about yet another bear-suit-and-Rolls-Royce story, I promise you this one is worth hearing about because it’s a good reminder of how Big Insurance keeps you from doing all sorts of fun stuff, like dressing up like a bear and committing (alleged) fraud.
If you’re like most of us, you probably enjoy taking some time every now and then to kick back, put on a nice warm bear suit, grab some sharp garden tools in your hands, wait until the dark of night, then climbing into a 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost and just go ham on the inside of the car. It’s fun, it’s cathartic, perhaps slightly erotic, and if you do it right, you can maybe make some money! Illegally, sure, but what are we, saints?
The California Department of Insurance seems to be pretty against this sort of thing, as it has identified four people who allegedly did just this; here’s what the California Department of Insurance had to say:
Four Los Angeles area residents were arrested today after a Department of Insurance investigation found the suspects allegedly committed insurance fraud by claiming a bear had caused damage to their vehicles, but it was actually a person in a bear costume.[The suspects] of Valley Village, have all been charged with insurance fraud and conspiracy.
The Department’s investigation began after an insurance company suspected fraud. The suspects claimed on January 28, 2024 in Lake Arrowhead a bear entered their 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost and caused interior damage to the vehicle. They provided video footage to their insurance company, which showed the alleged bear in the vehicle.
I’m sure you want to see the video footage, so here it is:
It’s kind of hard to see the bear going nuts in there, but I think even with the minimal bits of bear-action you can see, it’s pretty clear it’s not a real bear. Also, those claw marks look awfully neat and parallel for bear claws, don’t they? I mean, look at this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
That bear also seemed to exhibit a lot more restraint than I’ve come to expect from a bear. Of course, it wasn’t a bear, it was a bear suit, and the claws were hand-held garden tool things. It looks like this:
photo: California Department of Insurance
The quartet of alleged insurance fraud furries also allegedly tried the same bear attack scheme on a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350, and did manage to get over $140,000 from insurance companies. A biologist from the California Department of Fish and Wildlife was employed by the Department to conclusively prove the attacks were a guy in a suit and not an actual bear.
I do feel compelled to note that if you want to trash your own Rolls-Royce in a bear suit, it’s completely legal! You just can’t try to get insurance money for it. But that’s fine! Dressing up as an animal and going nuts trashing the interior of luxury cars should be enjoyed on its own merits, not debased for monetary gain.
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Wrong make of car. Everyone knows that when a bear geta into a car it always seems to be a Subaru.
This is due to the fact that Studebakers having gotten quite thin on the ground, the bears simply went to the next marque on an alphabetical list.
Most of the Studebakers have long since been traded in for ‘49 Fords. How could you pass up that $12 from Mad Man Mooney?
He didn’t have to fake the bear attack. I know a guy who will trash anything you want, and all he charges is one well stocked pic-a-nic basket.
This perpetrator was the polar opposite of a bear.
Clearly not a bear but how do they know it was a human wearing the bear suit?
CHUPACABRA!!!
…you called me?
No he was calling your wife!
You know they say the crazy chupacabre not chubbacabre, what are you a fat chupacabre? Wait I forgot where I was going here.
Geez, that seems pretty obviously NOT done by an animal. Those look like barbecue meat hooks rather than a garden tool. Glad it was caught.
They’d been better off trying to show the damage off as “art” or as a statement piece or something. Maybe park it near a homeless encampment or find some former Occupy Wall Street folks to trash it instead.
True 5 and 6 claws all identical spaced.
GEICO: Smarter than the average bear.
Well, you do know why so many people find bear-proof trash cans so difficult.
It’s because there’s significant overlap between the smartest bears and the dumbest people.
And not a single bear voted for an orange hominid for president. They are more intelligent than we give them credit for.
Just American Patriots allaying themselves of their right to Bear Arms.
Yeah…I like how the bears closes and opens the doors
More coordinated than some presidents we know?
After all door handles can be difficult, right? /s
I thought furries were “friendlier” than this.
I wonder how many times they got away with this in a Studebaker.
waka! waka!
I need to like this 4 or 5 times.
Great, now I’ll have “Movin’ Right Along” in my head all weekend.
Thanks!
I bet all the perps scat when the police came
I wonder how long they were bruin up this scheme.
could have been a grizzly crime scene if they’d hurt themselves
Bears always BM when they get into a car, I’m assuming that’s the missing detail that sank them here.
I beg your pardon? I do no such thing.
I thought they do that in the woods.
It might be only Pooh bears that do that.
Bearly legal
“I’m sorry, I thought this was AMERICA!”
Those are BBQ meat claws. The Kitchen Mama ones from Amazon. Never found them useful for BBQ though.
https://a.co/d/0nfXFM0
Those claws are bear scat compared to just two itty bitty forks.
Even better is a Kitchenaid with the paddle attachment. The only way to shred meat quickly and efficientl.
I never realized this until I saw it in a Kitchen Aid ad… wild.
first clue – the bear was wearing a shirt
Yep, Yogi only wears a tie.
Pants are for losers!
That’s what Donald Duck says.
I can’t understand a word he says so I’ll have to take your word for it.
And coffee is for closers.
As a bear I’d also like to call out the perpetrators for cultural appropriation.
Also, specieist to call them bears.
Ursine-Americans.
Here’s ursine.
Hey Boo Boo, this Rolls Royce has a pic-n-ic basket!
I know people don’t like to talk about politics on this site. But I need to. When a man can’t even put on a bear suit and trash the inside of his 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud, then freedom really is dead in this country.
I remember growing up, when putting on a bear suit and trashing the inside of your 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud would get you a ride home from the cops, and a winking “don’t do that again.” Cops knew that boys (wearing bear suits and trashing the inside of their 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghosts in order to commit insurance fraud) will be boys. Parents knew that kids (wearing bear suits and trashing the inside of their 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghosts in order to commit insurance fraud) needed the space to just be kids. But these days, between helicopter parents and the nanny state, there’s no room for someone who likes to put on a bear suit and trash the inside of his 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud.
And that’s a damn shame.
It was a simpler time. When we thought furry was an adjective.
So THIS is why they’re always complaining about commie-fornia.
Whatever happened to the right to bear arms.
Whoa hold on Mr. Reactionary Misinformation Man. You absolutely can “put on a bear suit and trash the inside of his 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost in order to commit insurance fraud”. Clearly.. You just can’t get away with it, this is the free market deciding capitalism in it’s purest form.. If you were allowed to profit from the fraud, well next thing you’ll want litter boxes at the Rolls dealerships..
I can’t bear to watch the video.
It’s the facts laid bear…
I mean it was bearly obvious
Now that’s a grizzly crime scene.
Clearly the perp was bipolar…?
Sorry, I’m really trying here.
they hardly had to scratch the surface
“The quartet of alleged insurance fraud furries also allegedly tried the same bear attack scheme on a 2015 Mercedes G63 AMG and a 2022 Mercedes E350, and did manage to get over $140,000 from insurance companies.”
If I ever come in power, my first executive order is to declare that any G-wagen owner will be automatically found guilty of whatever offense he is accused of.
In other words if he shows up to fight a parking ticket, he will be found guilty of capital murder and be summarily executed.
What got me is that these assholes got away with this shit twice before?
Seriously?
I love this part of the story. These guys come up with this ridiculous plan….which then WORKS. So they try it AGAIN. AND IT WORKS AGAIN.
When you think about it, why wouldn’t they try a 3rd time?? They thought they were fraud geniuses!
I really want to say something related to our current political situation here…
But it’s Monday. And the meds are apparently working today. So…/s
So are you saying that this was the last one??
Thanks for the laugh…
They missed the obvious out of “some guy in a bear suit trashed our Rolls! WTF!?!”
Are they sure this was insurance fraud, and not just a “furry” thing?
Last frame on the video, Smokey the Bear puffing a cig.
Only you can prevent insurance fraud.
The giveaway on that would be if they made a hole in the seat that’s suspiciously damp and sticky
That would be from the bear claws. Messy things, but tasty.
Florida man in California
Bear in mind, it could be a Florida bear in California too
So, Cocaine Bear moved to CA then.
Cocaine bear was looking for cocaine. Logical place to look. Fancy Kirsten taught us that