Things are really weird with Stellantis right now. Many of its brands’ vehicles are selling slow, it wants to shop around for a new Carlos Tavares, pictured below, and Chrysler is trying to turn one van into multiple models. It’s all deeply entertaining, but the best laughs still come from the conglomerate’s name.
This morning, Matt wrote a Morning Dump about bad news coming from GM, but also that the stream of bad news from Stellantis also hasn’t stopped. Now, it’s laying off workers, seemingly to outsource its supply. Anyway, this whole Stellantis thing still sounds like a prescription drug, doesn’t it? From Drive By Commenter:
Stellantis may have side effects such as depression and/or increased irritability. Decision making abilities may be affected. Stellantis may not be for everyone. Availability in certain markets is dependent on local regulation. Consult with a fiduciary prior to making any large scale financial decisions while under the influence of Stellantis.
Bob the Hobo broke me:
GM’s stock price glow up has been bussin, no cap. I’m a bit sus tho that the Fanum Tax increase proposed by Kai Cenat will leave even their most delulu stans shook. Perhaps a collab with Livvy Dunne and Baby Gronk in their ads will rizz their vibes?
Stellantis is so Ohio right now. Did I say that right?
Angrycat Meowmeow comments on that whole buying a car from Amazon thing:
If I buy a $40,000 Hyundai on Amazon using my Prime Rewards Visa, will I get 5% cash back and a $1 reward toward select digital purchases if I choose Amazon Day delivery?
Today, Mark had a Shitbox Showdown between a 1992 Mazda 323 vs 1995 Olds Achieva. The Olds brought out memories in Pneumatic Tool:
While actively shopping for a new Achieva as my first new car in 1993 (I know, right?) this is the model that I absolutely avoided (went with a snazzy red S coupe w/3.1 V-6, alloys and a “spoiler” LOL). Here in 2024, I’m cool with it. The Mazda is probably the better car overall, but that Achieva was very comfortable for what it was. I think that was in large part due to the overall interior treatment which had better ergonomics and – IMO – better quality upholstery as well as insulation than its counterparts. So yeah…it did have a *special feel* dammit!
also noticed this…”Which one intrigues you more?”
As an Olds Man(TM), I see what you did there.
Have a great evening everyone! Skibidi.
(Top Image: Procter & Gamble/Stellantis/Autopian)
Not sure if I should feel honored or disappointed in myself.
“Many of its brands’ vehicles are selling slow.” Correct word is “slowly”, an adverb describing the verb “selling.”
Stellantis, makers of Fartella.Go Far with Fartella!
Side effects of Fartella include increased flatulence, medical bankruptcy, excessive flatulence, excessively increased flatulence and in rare cases a condition known as Jet Propulsion Syndrome.
Fartella is not for everyone. It should not be taken by children under 12, or adults over 18. In addition, Fartella has not been tested on adolescents between 13 and 17. We can’t get them past the name.
People taking Fartella should avoid eating legumes and hard cheeses, and avoid dipshits who carry lighters. During clinical trials of Fartella someone lit a patient’s flatus. Stellantis Pharmacor is currently involved in litigation regarding the incident and the city-block-sized crater, now a Superfund site, that resulted.
I love drug commercials.
The other great thing about free healthcare is that we don’t have drug commercials.
I’m sure big pharma are marketing like hell to doctors, but they leave us unqualified idiots alone.
I sorely miss the days of no prescription drug ads in the US.
Samples to be distributed to patients, pharma-branded notepads, calendars, pens, script pads etc.. I’ve noticed as a keen eyed Canadian over the years.
Stef, you didn’t have to make another account. We know it’s you.
I hear Fartella can also help with the side effects of Sephia.
Stellantis is really swell,
The little pill with a sad story to tell!
We all need more spontaneous line dancing in our lives.
Are you pooped at parties?
Has your get-up-and-go got up and went?
Does your life lack brio, savoir-faire, and good old-fashioned muscle?
Ask your doctor about Stellantis!
Dude, even teenagers and young adults hate “Skibidi”. I suggest you never use it again.
“Skibidi Ohio Rizz” is how my teen and I usually end our text conversations. frfr, no cap.
Sometimes this site makes me wonder if I’ve hit my head and imagined whole sectors of reality. Am I really on the train to work right now, reading about skinidk Ohio? Is anything real?
You may ask yourself, “Where does that highway go to?”
And you may ask yourself, “Am I right, am I wrong?”
Well, how did I get here?
Thanks for the COTD, everyone!
I’m not the first to make note of Stellantis sounding like a drug. Riffing on that name while making it relevant was a lot of fun. I’m glad y’all enjoyed it too!
It’s the gift that keeps on giving, that’s for sure.
You mean the grift?
Oooo, I like that.
I tried it before but you executed it with superior panache, aplomb, and gusto. Plus, anyone using fiduciary (especially as a noun) is good people in my book.