Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown, where we trawl through the used car classifieds in search of the greatest shits. As we continue on our global shitbox tour, we’re heading south to Australia in search of some icons. However, before you go down to the servo to pick up a Golden Gaytime, let’s take a look at how our JDM showdown turned out.
No surprise here, the Suzuki Alto Works Turbo F Limited ie/s absolutely smashed it, pulling a massive 251-vote victory over the Toyota Crown Super Deluxe to take the trophy. Just kidding, we don’t actually have any trophies. Still, with that angry little engine and puppy dog eyes, who wouldn’t love buzzing about in that hot little Suzuki?
If you’re into cars, you’ve likely heard of the Bathurst 1000, an event where Ford and Holden fans across Australia gather to smash cans and throw hands, with a legendary motor race breaking out among the commotion. Seriously, police at the event caused a bit of a scene in 2009 when a limit on alcohol was established of 24 375 ml cans of beer. Per person. Per day. Yep. Anyway, despite Holden and Ford both sadly closing the doors of their Australian factories in the past decade, we’re keeping the battle alive by pitting two cheap icons against each other.
1989 Ford Falcon S – $2,500 Australian
Engine/Drivetrain: 3.9-liter inline-six, manual, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Cobden, Australia
Odometer reading: 333,734
Runs/drives? Runs, but no word on if it drives.
Let’s start with the Canadian side of the Australian civil war, represented here by the Ford Falcon. Yes, Ford Australia was originally a subsidiary of Ford Canada, as Canadian investors held the rights to build Fords throughout the Commonwealth, save for Great Britain and Ireland.
While this Falcon S almost looks ready to rock, the seller notes that it’s been off the road for ten years, albeit started regularly. Still, this EA Falcon could be an absolute gem. Its paintwork is remarkably clean for its age and mileage, plus the original owner ordered it in sporty S trim. This treatment includes body-color bumpers, stiffer suspension, a one-inch drop in ride height, and red accents, among other goodies.
Under the hood sits a 3.9-liter overhead cam inline-six with throttle body injection. It’s a good thing, as the base 3.3-liter engine was shit and therefore discontinued after just a few months of production. All 160 rampaging horsepower and 229 lb.-ft. of torque goes to the rear wheels through a BorgWarner T50D five-speed manual gearbox. Isn’t that grand? While there’s no fancy independent suspension out back, the live axle does feature a Watt’s linkage, and the front is suitably fettled with rack-and-pinion steering and short-long-arm suspension.
On the inside, this Falcon continues to look dashing with remarkably nice red-piped upholstery. Equipment does appear to be a touch spartan judging by the crank windows, but some might say that’s one fewer thing to break. It’s easy to imagine cranking up The Chats on the stereo and hitting the road in this thing, although you’d most certainly want to replace the aged tires first.
1980 Holden Commodore – $2,300 Australian
Engine/Drivetrain: 3.3-liter inline-six, four-speed manual, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Riddells Creek, Australia
Odometer reading: 412,793 km
Runs/drives? Yes, but…
Let’s hop back roughly nine years from when that Ford was rolling off the line and check out the competition – the equally-iconic Holden Commodore. In fact, we’re taking things all the way back to the VC Commodore, the second generation ever of Holden’s family sedan.
The first two lines in the ad for this Commodore are riveting – “Runs and drives (battery not included),” quickly followed by “Brakes not working.” Why yes, it starts, it goes, it just doesn’t stop. Hey, two out of three ain’t bad. As for what makes it start and go, this thing packs a 3.3-liter variant of Holden’s Blue inline-six, named so because it was originally painted blue at the factory. Quite descriptive, yeah? Anyway, power goes to the rear wheels through a factory-equipped manual gearbox. While American cars of the time gravitated towards automatics, Holden buyers weren’t typically soft.
As for bodywork, this VC Commodore needs welding badly. The right quarter panel looks a bit more like a fifth panel, as the lower edge has completely vanished. Apart from that obvious concern though, the patina on this thing is magnificent. You can really picture it sitting out where the river broke, basking in the heat of the Australian sun.
On the inside, the seats and plastics seem to be in remarkably good condition. Sure, it all needs a good scrub-down, but that’s to be expected on a cheap old banger. What really matters is that it looks largely complete and damn near ready to go.
So, here we have a properly patinated Commodore that needs a spot of welding and a clean-looking Falcon that needs recommissioning. As ever, choose wisely.
(Photo credits: Gumtree sellers)
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I’m an Aussie and I’m generally a Holden guy, but this isn’t even a fair fight. The Commodore is from a class of car below (mid size vs full size), has the worse engine option (Holden six is worse that the ford 6 and this has the worst Holden 6 too) and is filled with rust. Easy choice for the Falcon! If you gave me the choice between a Kingswood and this Falcon though that would be a much harder choice.
As an Aussie who has driven both, I’ll take the Ford any day or night over the Commode-dor. Commode is a toilet and dor means pain in Portuguese. That’s all that rusty pile of GM crap would give you, a painful shit.
I’m a GM guy, but I know a loser when I see one. Falcon all the way.
The pictures are worth about 94%, I guess.
Give me that Ford!
The Ford for me as it looks way less rough and that engine is part of the same rock-sold I6 family used in the Ford F-series for a couple of decades.
The Holden is too rusty, so I voted Ford
Like Australia, my opinion on these cars is upside-down. Normally I would never choose a Ford over a GM, because the Fords I’ve owned and known were total crap.
But that Holden is pretty rough, so Ford it is.
Another blowout. The Ford is leagues better than that Holden. Also – it has an “accordion” shifter boot which carries a lot of weight all on its own! Come on, man. Give us a harder choice!
I miss those accordion shifter boots so much. They’re a visual and tactile delight; as opposed to those awful leather scrotums.
I agree, but mostly for 4 door vehicles only. The leather or vinyl bag always seems appropriate for a coupe/convertible, as part of their “there’s nothing practical about this vehicle” ethos.
Ford may not do everything right, but they sure as hell know how to produce a good inline 6. Falcon S for me, down under, down there, down anywhere.
Anyone voting for the Holden is an unabashed “party guy” – Holdencrat, Holdentarian, Holdenican etc.. You have your party, and you will vote for whatever candidate they put up, no matter how bad they are because the alternative is unthinkable.
even in the rougher condition, I might have gone Holden if the car were an HDT Commodore.
As it sits though, the Falcon is a no brainer. Wish we got crossflow straight sixes more often in the US.
Falcon for sure.
Though I’m a little disappointed that the Ford oval badge on the rear isn’t on the left-hand side!
Falcon, all day every day. My Dad had one similar growing up, it’s a straight six with a stick AND it’s from the year I was born. No contest in this one!
I’m gonna fly like a Falcon.
Falcon. I’m a Ford guy anyway and that Commodore is just too rough for me. Now if that Commodore was a VL turbo, I wouldn’t be able to vote for it fast enough.
Just based on condition, the Ford wins.
As the former owner of a 2004 GTO (see my avatar), voting against the Holden is rather hard, but that Falcon is nicer in every metric. PLUS it has a Barra in it, which means you can pretty much do anything you want to it and it will make power to the moon with minimal effort. So it wins before that race even started.
I wish it was a Barra, but it’s the old slow SOHC model. A lot harder to tune and much much slower! That being said a Barra should fit in very easily.
I don’t have a dog in this fight, but is the turn signal lever on the left of the wheel in the Ford and on the right in the Holden? Can’t imagine that being confusing at all.
On the right in both cars. The general rule here is cars produced locally and sourced from RHD markets (Japan, Thailand, South Korea etc) will have the indicator stalk on the right, cars sourced from LHD markets will have it on the left. For the last 12 years we’ve typically had an auto/DSG German wagon and a manual Japanese hatch/convertible, so I’ve had subconscious link between autos and indicator stalks on the left, which has seen me wipe my windscreen to indicate a left turn…
Left lever on the Falcon is wipers, right one is turn signals.
I picked the Ford, at least I don’t need a tetanus shot.
Despite it being adjacent to one of my favorite GM cars (the Opel Senator/Monza), the rust knocks the Commodore down to second. Plus, the Falcon gives Merkur Scorpio vibes.
Let’s leave this one to the birds, I’ll take that falcon punch. Which leads to the next battle- can a Falcon take on an Emu?
Yeah I am going to go with one less likely to give me tetanus. Ford it is.
I’ve been a member of the FordSix.com forums since 2002. I’ve got a ’67 Mustang that, despite upgrading to 5-lug wheels and a T5, I’m keeping an I6 (adding twin 2-bbl Webers, though.) I’ve also got an F150 with the 4.9L that I put over a quarter million miles on and am heavily modifying the top end of the engine.
Which do you think I’m gonna choose?
Fellow 300 inline six owner here. Mine is still teething, at 145K. I’d love to hear more about the mods you are doing.
Hopefully this will go through the website’s spam filter, but this is a thread I started:
https://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/grm/ls-headed-300-brainstorming-problems/178791/page1/
Went on hold for a while, but I got a better welder, so I should start picking up steam again.
Gimme the Ford and extra bonus points for The Chats reference. I may be over 50 but I’ll be damned if the latest Chats album wasn’t one of my most played albums this year.