How’s your life going? Well, I hope? I’m sure all of you reading this have rich, fulfilling lives, but it’s still possible, during some quiet moments of reflection, that you feel a twinge of emptiness, a hole in your soul that longs to be filled, filled with understanding, filled with joy, filled with camaraderie, and, yes, filled with cars. I’m here to turn on your headlights rather than curse your darkness, of course, and have a solution: Autopian Membership.
Yes, Autopian Membership! This is yet another plea for membership, like when your local NPR affiliate does one of those pledge drives and it makes you want to scream and launch your fist through the speaker grille of your radio, because all you wanted to do was have a nice, soothing wank while listening to Fresh Air‘s Terry Gross interview Gore Vidal or Paul Klee’s ghost or something like that. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of Terry Gross, once when I was at Jalopnik I wrote a whole post where I Photoshopped a page of a Classic & Sports Car magazine to have an article about how she was banned from drag racing:
I remember our editor-in-chief Patrick George hated this post, because it (perhaps rightly) made him very, very nervous. I made sure it was clearly labeled as a joke, but I get it – Terry comes off as kind of an unhinged, belligerent loon in this, but, again, that’s the joke. Because it’s Terry fucking Gross!
What were we talking about? Oh, right, membership! And I’m going to sweeten the deal with something I hope you’ll think is special: I’m going to do five drawings of cars – kind of whimsical, kind of silly car drawings, different from the more straightforward Member Birthday Drawings. Oh and these will be physical, ink-on-paper things! Or possibly smeared mustard on a scrap of drywall! Who knows? But it’ll be something you can hold and, if you’re so inclined, fondle.
So, I’ll make five, and we’ll use the old Commodore PET to pick out five members who will get the drawings.
Really, this is the best time in recorded history to become an Autopian Member, and I confirmed that, with math. So go check out our membership options, pick something, and sign up! Anyone who signs up between this very second right now and the end of the year will be eligible for entry into the Bonus Drawing lottery! It’s a drawing for drawings! You can’t lose! UPDATE: Just to be clear, this includes anyone renewing, anyone upgrading, or anyone signing up for a new account. We’re going to hand the drawings to our shipper and let them randomly give them out, so current members are also included here if they’re renewing.
Now I better draw some cars!
So us folks who have been here for a while can just print out the jpegs I guess, which brings to mind Good old Walter Benjamin- what does it mean for art in the age of digital reproduction of mechanical reproduction of digital reproduction of manual production?
Who knows but I just remembered i think I’m still high from last night’s sleep edibles, so I better go have some more coffee.
I miss the old pre-depraved-billionaire Jalopnik and its entire roster of hilarious, bizarre car nuts. So glad that so many found their way into the same lifeboat.
FWIW, I sincerely believe that Torch would get smoked by Terry Gross at arm wrestling, foosball, chutes and ladders… but that’s okay, you’re both legends.
In any event… you’ll need a ref for these contests, and I’m going to suggest another NPR legend – Nina Totenberg.
What is the difference between the annual payment and the same-size gift?
Philippe de Montebello here; Edith just informed me of your quaint site, and I feel obligated to give you a proper smackdown. Perspective young man, is not just how you approach life, but an essential element of artistic expression! While your whimsical doodelings are not without their charms, and I only collect original works, my allotment for Grandma Moses level frivolity has been filled.
I am gutted that I didn’t upgrade from Vinyl to Velour in time to get a hand-drawn birthday car (though the timing of my birthday also didn’t help). I suppose it’s my own fault, and I was probably one of the members who triggered Jason’s aortic dissection by asking for “either a Citroen DS21 Décapotable or a J70 Land Cruiser.”
Seems unfair to exclude current members who have been signed up since day one. /pouts
This is random and includes any renewal, any upgrade, any new member, so no one is excluded. I’ll make that clearer.
Would someone with the prepaid five-year Rich Corinthian Leather membership¹ have to downgrade to be eligible? Given the no-refund policy,² would downgrading even be possible?
¹I do not think this has ever existed, so this question is entirely theoretical.
²I believe that a pre-paid membership continues until the pre-paid term is complete – at least that’s how it worked when finances prevented me from renewing – but I don’t think it’s “policy” in a sadistic sense. I could be wrong, though. I believed David really existed for an embarrassingly long time.
a 5-year prepaid RCL member can get me to draw any depraved thing they want, pretty much anywhere
Glad the site’s doing so well that you can afford to be picky.Edit:
Whoops! I misread “draw” as “do”. Never mind.