Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown, where we highlight what are indisputably some of the cars on the internet. Today, we’re going to Japan to go surfing on the Goo-Net. Relax, you won’t need incognito mode for this one. It’s a used car website, nothing dirty or uncouth. Before we jump into things, let’s take a look at how our trip to Germany went.
It looks like the Mondeo resonated enough to pull out a very strong 114-vote victory over the 200D. I get it, measuring acceleration times with a calendar does sound a bit tedious, plus the Ford packed the internet-breaking combination of a long roof and three pedals. Anyway, let’s head back to Japan where I have two extremely different JDM machines for your consideration.
1982 Toyota Crown Super Deluxe – ¥290,000
Engine/drivetrain: Two-liter inline-six, automatic gearbox, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Kagoshima, Japan
Odometer reading: 126,016 km
Runs/drives? Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh yeah, it’s Crown time. Specifically the majestic sixth-generation Crown sold between 1979 and 1983. Sharing little more than a model name with the transverse-engined Subaru Legacy SUS-esque machine that’ll be sold new in America, this Crown is of an era when the distinguished Japanese businessperson wanted an equally-distinguished premium sedan to roll around in.
Under the hood sits a two-liter tax-special inline-six, producing a number of horsepower that doesn’t really matter because this family of engines is known for being rather smooth. After all, the inline-six is an inherently balanced engine configuration, and electronic fuel injection should make this relic feel newer than it is. Besides, with a slushy automatic gearbox, do you really want to hustle this thing? Sure, it packs rear-wheel-drive, but so does a Chevrolet Caprice.
Instead, let your mind wander by stepping into an interior that seems browner than brown, from the molded plastics to the tasteful striped door card inserts. Sure, the seat covers mean that the fabric underneath could be in dubious condition, but that’s the natural shitbox roll of the dice right there. Besides, why focus on the seats when you could look at that ‘80s-tastic digital dashboard. This is a car that should take your mind off traffic and let you breathe a little.
At ¥290,000 (roughly $2,117), this Crown is really cheap as far as examples listed on Goo-Net go. However, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why that might be the case. There’s rust visible on the trunk lip, and the inner front fenders look quite frilly as well. There will most certainly be a bodywork bill associated with this old gem, although there’s always the odd chance that the underbody doesn’t have holes and can just be POR-15’d. On the plus side, if you’re interested in higher performance, a 7M-GTE from a Mark III Supra shouldn’t be the hardest swap in the world seeing as these cars were sold with the 5M-GE engine, and should give this cruiser a proper kick in the trousers.
1997 Suzuki Alto Works Turbo F Limited ie/s – ¥273,500
Engine/drivetrain: Turbocharged 657 cc three-cylinder, automatic gearbox, front-wheel-drive
Location: Ehime, Japan
Odometer reading: 172,000 km
Runs/drives? It definitely idles.
And now for something completely different. Let’s halve the cylinders, add a turbocharger, and jump straight into the wild world of kei cars. If Works Turbo F Limited ie/s isn’t a fantastic trim name, I don’t know what is. This bright-eyed little Suzuki harks back to an era when possibilities were limitless and everything was going as tech-heavy as possible.
The single-jingle six-valve F6A three-cylinder engine in this Alto is boosted for extra pep over the naturally-aspirated engine, and a nice high redline will let you wind this thing out, provided you’re willing to work around the automatic gearbox. Hey, that’s the price to pay to get one of these things for cheap. The car definitely appears to idle in the ad photos, and a set of Bridgestone tires suggests that whoever owned this thing last cared about it enough to avoid the cheapest of cheap parts.
On the inside, this particular trim level is most easily distinguished by the ginormous carbon fiber dinner plate on the steering wheel. Very expensive horn pad, very cheap urethane rim. It’s a weird clash, but that adds to the charm. Speaking of items that add to the charm, check out the spectacular seat fabric. It’s a shame that fun fabric prints have been largely eliminated from new cars today because this cool color palette and bevy of lines really add spice to this little car’s interior.
[Editor’s Note: Plus, you can get replacement seat fabric with a carpet knife and simple visit to your local movie theater, cutting out movie theater carpet in whatever size you need, in the privacy of the dark. And, you get to see a movie! – JT]
While this certainly isn’t the most powerful car money can buy, it knows how to look the part with a massive hood scoop to feed air into the intercooler, twin spoilers, and a proper factory body kit. Add in a two-tone black-and-beige paint job and some sensational graphics, and you get a tiny turbo terror that’s unmistakably JDM. Then again, an automatic gearbox probably isn’t best suited to a car of this nature, but that’s the way it goes.
So, which of these two Japanese finds are you going for? Going boating down the highway in this plush Toyota Crown sounds appealing, but so does the pint-sized fury of this turbocharged Suzuki Alto Works. As ever, choose wisely.
(All photos courtesy of Goo-Net sellers)
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Oh, a movie theater. So obvious now that you mention it.
See, I made the mistake of instead ripping up replacement Alto upholstery fabric from my regional airport departure lounge, and now the TSA is throwing around words like “watch list” and “sleeper cell.”
How is this even a contest, the Suzuki wins on cool factor, fun factor, condition….the Crown…meh, we had a ’69 Crown wagon, a big car for Toyota back then, and fairly rare over here. I think it was a poorly repaired write off as panel colors diverged with time. Anyway, the ownership experience for my poor, divorced mum was less than stellar. The Crown loses on all possible fronts.
Always liked the fender-mirrors, but, since both are automatics, how could I not go for a Works car?
Grew up in a Caprice Classic, chose the JDM version today.
This one is no contest. The Crown is one of Toyota’s most underrated cars. Import it, find parts (yes expensive…) and own a piece of luxurious history. Do some tweaks here and there to make it a bit more easy to drive in modern traffic (power, better braking, etc) and you’ve got a winner. Don’t get an old Lexus. Get this.
I’m enjoying these showdowns from other countries. Moar!
The Suzuki is honestly the nicer car but I love old Crowns too much to pass up. I’d probably end up regretting it if I did buy it for real but I still went with the Crown.
I’m old. I like six in a row, two-point-oh, ready to tow. Give me comfort or give me death (let me get my affairs in order first).
I had no problem getting my vote for the Crown to count. So voter fraud we need a recount it is Trumps fault. Or the gods are saving the Suzuki voters from embarrassing the site. Lol
Suzuki for me! And the comments work, too!
Old Crowns are cool, but this one looks a little too rough to be worth importing, and the Alto is absolutely adorable.
Suzuki all the way. When I lived in Okinawa in the early 80’s rust ate those things alive. I’m sure there’s a lot of rust hiding on that vehicle.
Voted Suzuki, and seeing if I figured out this new login system
Right? What a pain in the ass!
The seats on that Suzuki look like they came from a late ’90’s RV. Not a good late ’90’s RV.
I’m going with Hamamatsu on this. While I’d prefer to own a Crown, this particular example is just too rough in my opinion and the Suzuki at least from the outside looks to be well cared for, even if I’d rather not drive something that size in the home of the Carolina Squat, my Sonic is just big enough to give me some sense of security.
I’d love to have a Kei car one day. Alto for me!
Alto Works all the way.
Pretty sure there isn’t a Kei car I can fit into, so I’ll be the one to take the crown. Plus I just love Elizabeth Debicki’s portrayal of Princess Di!
I have a 96 crown and absolutely love it, but that Alto is too awesome. From the interior to the adorable size, it’s just too great to pass up.
13 to 4 Suzuki ATM
Loved my Suzuki, I’ll go Suzuki again! And it’s cute!
That Suzuki interior is just too charming to pass up.
Man, I would love to have that Suzuki! That thing it just screaming at me “BUY ME”
The Suzuki is too damn adorable to not vote for it.
Both are cool, and a 4-door Toyota is always awesome, but I chose the Suzuki because it’s much newer and has that cool interior
No voting thing, but I would probably go against better judgment and get the Suzuki Clown car. I just kind of want to drive one around the US a bit to see reactions. honestly in larger metro areas, the little guy would be pretty good to park as well so long as you don’t get run over by an American truck I suppose.
I daily a Kei car in NYC, and 99.8 percent of drivers don’t notice a thing. The only drivers that generally do are truckers, which is nice, because they’re much less likely to squash you like a bug after they gave you a thumbs up.