Looks Like BMWs Are Getting A New Naming Scheme That Will Continue BMW’s Tradition Of Nonsensical Badging

The three things we can count on are death, taxes, and BMW’s model naming scheme being a clusterfuck. CarBuzz has recently unearthed some trademark filings that suggest BMW may change its model naming scheme yet again, and oh boy, is this new naming scheme ever confusing. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

First, a bit about what might be BMW’s new naming scheme for electric models. Unsurprisingly, each non-M EV model name still starts with lowercase ‘i,’ followed by a series number, with an X in-between if the vehicle in question is an SUV or crossover. Europe has an iX3 now and it shall continue to get an iX3 into the future. However, then come two numbers crammed right up against the series name to denote power levels. Two bigger numbers mean more power, two smaller numbers mean less power, but don’t expect them to always correlate with any actual units of measurement like horsepower or kilowatts. Add it all up and you get model names like iX340 and i420. It’s definitely jarring at first, but it’s not like BMW’s current EV model names are much better.

Right now, electric model names feature a lowercase ‘i,’ then a single number or letter to denote series, then a space, then either eDrive or M depending on model, then a two-digit number that roughly denotes power level. For instance, the i4 eDrive35 is a 4-Series electrified by the department of redundancy department and features all-electric power output that someone deep in the bowels of headquarters considered to be comparable to an imaginary 3.5-liter naturally-aspirated combustion engine.

Imaginary displacement is a bit stupid, but it’s consistent with BMW history. Remember the 533i, 633CSi, and 733i with 3.2-liter inline-sixes? That was just the start of messing around with advertised displacement. The E39 540i and E38 740i used a 4.4-liter V8, and the E60 545i and E65 745i used a different 4.4-liter V8. The old E23 745i built between 1980 and 1986 used a turbocharged 3.2-liter or 3.4-liter inline-six, except in South Africa where it used a naturally-aspirated 3.5-liter inline-six. The E30 325e used a 2.7-liter inline-six, the 1996 to 1998 E36 318is used a 1.9-liter inline-four, and the awesome 850CSi used a 5.6-liter V12. Hell, my 325i is a 3-Series with a three-liter engine that was detuned for longevity, and it was succeeded by the 328i which featured a slightly more powerful variant of the same three-liter engine that offered zero improvement in zero-to-sixty acceleration. Car And Driver clocked both the 325i and 328i at 6.1 seconds to 60 mph.

Now that every BMW is turbocharged, the displacement indicators are even less rooted in reality. Models like the M340i, 540i, and X5 xDrive40i use a three-liter turbocharged inline-six, as does the electrified X5 xDrive 50e. The M235i Gran Coupe, 330i, 530e, and X1 xDrive28i all use two-liter turbocharged four-cylinder engines. It may feel like a newfangled thing but for the past few decades, the displacement indicator on the back of a BMW hasn’t always lined up with actual displacement.

Oh, and that’s before we get into letters. Through BMW history, iX means AWD model from the yuppie era or giant electric SUV with the face of a naked mole rat, xi means AWD in most 2000s models like the E46 325xi, and xDrive also means AWD. In addition, e means either eta motors with low-compression or hybrid cars, d means either a naturally-aspirated or turbocharged diesel but td means a turbocharged diesel, t means hatchback (but not all hatchbacks), T means touring (station wagon, but not all of them), C means coupe or cabriolet, s means sport, L means long, and ‘i’ at the end of a model name indicates fuel injection.

Add all of this model name screwiness together and you end up with examples like this: The 2003 318ti is a 3-Series hatchback with a fuel-injected two-liter (don’t ask why) engine, and the 2003 318td is a 3-Series hatchback with a two-liter turbocharged diesel engine. If this doesn’t make any sense, you’re right. On the face of it, it doesn’t. However, actual displacement matters less than where a model is in the hierarchy, as bigger numbers typically mean more power and equipment.

While potential model names like i330 and iX450 are a touch ugly, they’re no more egregious than what BMW’s been doing for decades. Plus, BMW isn’t the only offender. Ever seen a recent Cadillac Escalade with a badge on the back that says “600”? That’s torque rounded to the nearest 50 Nm. Really though, if you aren’t a fan of BMW’s proposed new naming scheme, there’s a solution that’s been around for decades: Just rip the badges off.

(Photo credits: BMW)

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