I’ll be honest, I almost didn’t do a Cold Start today, as I was in a bit of pain and took some pain meds that kinda knocked me out. But that wouldn’t be fair to my hard-working Autopian brethren, would it? They labor nonstop to get you top-notch car content, so how can I languish in a languid stupor instead of getting them this bit of start-of-day content? I can’t. So, out of the torpor I drag myself, and I’m glad I did, because I found something in a 1970 Hillman Avenger brochure that is genuinely baffling, maybe concerning. Let me show you.
The Hillman Avenger, in case you’re unfamiliar, was a pretty conventionally-engineered and attractive small car from Chrysler’s European Rootes division. The most notable thing about the car is that it may very well be the most badge-engineered car ever made: there’s about, what, 13 different names this same basic car was sold under all over the world. At least! Plus it was made under one of the existing names in other places, like Iran.
Here’s a list of all the nameplates this car was sold under:
- Hillman Avenger
- Chrysler Avenger
- Chrysler Sunbeam
- Sunbeam 1250 TC
- Sunbeam 1300
- Sunbeam 1600
- Talbot Avenger
- Plymouth Cricket
- Dodge Polara
- Dodge 1500 (Argentina/Uruguay/Colombia)
- Dodge 1800 (Brazil)
- Dodge Avenger (New Zealand, built by Mitsubishi)
- Volkswagen 1500
I mean, I think that’s all of them. That’s absurd. Also, that Volkswagen 1500 has the distinction of being the only VW passenger car ever to use a front engine/rear-drive layout, which is because it’s not really a VW, despite what the badges say.
Okay, let’s get back to the weird part about this brochure. It’s in this paragraph:
Look at that last sentence there, extolling the “big-arc” wipers and “powerful washers.” It notes how those keep clean the “zebra zone-toughened windscreen.” What, exactly, do they mean by this?
A “zebra zone” refers to a crosswalk, based on the black-and-white stripe pattern that defines where a crosswalk is. So, a zebra-zone-toughened windscreen means a windshield…that can, what, handle the impact of pedestrians slamming into it?
I’m trying to figure out some alternate meaning, but I’m coming up blank here: this sounds like they’re saying hey, if you’re sick of blasting through crosswalks and ending up with some whiny, bleeding jerk smashing through your windshield and making a mess of your interior, boy are you in luck, because this zebra zone-toughened windscreen will just let those pesky pedestrians bounce right off, saving you loads of hassle!
Am I wrong here? How else do you read “zebra zone-toughened?” Were Hillman customers just absolutely fed up with the incessant screaming and whinging of injured cross-walkers blasting through their windshields? Sure as hell sounds like it, and, luckily, it looks like Hillman had a solution.
Maybe I’m wrong. But if so, I’d love to know just what that phrase does mean, because it is very unclear. I do like this little collage of details about the car, from the era when showing that the car did indeed have exterior door handles and lights was enough to get people, especially tiny people in swimwear, excited.
Zebra zone-toughened. Damn.
As a Kiwi, I have never seen the Hillman Avenger sold as the Dodge Avenger here in New Zealand. Yes, they were assembled by Mitsubishi via Todd Motors and without using Google or Wikipedia, I’m guessing in Nelson, but all the ’70s Avengers I’ve ever seen here were badged as Hillman. That’s something I would have noticed – especially as the larger sibling of the day was the Hillman Hunter, also assembled in NZ.
Maybe there’s some confusion with the contemporary Dodge Avengers?
“So, a zebra-zone-toughened windscreen means a windshield…that can, what, handle the impact of pedestrians slamming into it?”
No dummy it means exactly what it says: Zebras! For when you drive your whatever badge the thing is wearing onto the Savannahs of Africa and you get caught in a stampede of Zebras. It’s a very common problem there and it took the foresight of Chrysler’s European Rootes division to consider the needs of the true end users of its products: African bush taxi drivers.
Mercedes, Peugeot take note!
I think that I can suggest what this means.
Very few readers will remember tempered windscreens. Tempered windscreens are built t shatter into small, blunt pieces, rather than resisting shattering like laminated screens.
Well, in the case of the “Zebra-zones”, the tempering was done in strips on the windshield. Viewed in the correct light (and perhaps, with polarized glasses), this would show up as stripes on the windshield, like stripes on a Zebra.
True I only know of laminated safety glass on windshields, but all the other windows I know as the tempered glass that crumbles, unlike house window panes.
I agree with you fully. Those stripes are the first thing I thought of when reading zebra zone stripes. Those are called zone stripes, so I guess Chrysler branded them as zebra pattern stripes. So it’s just marketing trends
According to Wikipedia, Plymouth actually managed to almost 28,000 Crickets. I’ve always wondered what kind of person bought them; they weren’t fast enough for young people, they were too small for families and too foreign for the olds.
I just assumed it was some sort of manufacturing technique for strengthening glass. A form of tempering or something.
Dude. Your chest exploded like an extra on an Aliens movie. Nobody will begrudge you taking it easy for a while. In fact, please do. As great as your first article back was, one graphic description of a near-death experience is more than enough!
This is marketing copy from the marketing people of the 70s so I’m going to explain away the weird turns of phrase with “they were high as a kite”
So when the HIllman Avenger owner’s club schedules a get together, do they send a message “Avengers Assemble!”?
Exactly. But instead of rousing music and the sight of Chris Hemsworth, you hear tired 1970s ignitions failing to turn over, and crappy old British engines wearily coughing into life… before cutting out again. Then the sound of doors slamming, moderate swearing…
“But that wouldn’t be fair to my hard-working Autopian brethren, would it? They labor nonstop to get you top-notch car content, so how can I languish in a languid stupor”
Easy. I do it all the time (there is something coming. You can take your socks off now or I can knock them off for you later).
Yes but you’re an Old World slacker still living easy on Colonial excess.
Glass houses Baconnaise Boy.
I just looked up Baconnaise. I am appalled and intrigued.
And I took your cue to Google Baconnaise. I concur.
“Glass houses Baconnaise Boy.”
You mock but all Americans know Brits are raging jealous they didn’t think of it first. AND that you secretly crave it.
Its OK, I don’t blame you. It’s capitalism’s greatest triumph after all.
> You can take your socks off now or I can knock them off for you later
You’re a naughty, haughty boy, Adrian
Jason, muchacho…your meat-engine threw its meat-hose and caused your meat-coolant to leak out and short out your meatware. We all love the Cold Start, but you don’t have to be a hero.
Also, please file all future staff health updates under “Meat-Wrenching.”
“Meat-Wrenching” is definitely a Members Only section!
/bow-chicka-wow