Home » Can You Guess Which Autopian Writer Slacked Us From The Back Of An Ambulance En Route To The Emergency Room?

Can You Guess Which Autopian Writer Slacked Us From The Back Of An Ambulance En Route To The Emergency Room?

Slack Tales Ambo
ADVERTISEMENT

Thank you for reading The Autopian! If you’re seeing this text it means this content is for official members only. If you want to experience this automotive goodness, please consider supporting us by becoming a member. Thank you very much!

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on whatsapp
WhatsApp
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn
Share on reddit
Reddit
Subscribe
Notify of
97 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
1 year ago

Continuing to do your job from the back of an ambulance while high is just plain awesome to me.

I can’t tell wether it’s stoicism, stubbornness, gallows humor or all of the above and just so quintessentially British of you.

Either way, mad respect for this type of attitude and work ethic. You’re a member of a dying breed. But not today mate.

Last edited 1 year ago by Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago

Although separated by an ocean I consider this motley lot family. Not sure what I did to deserve that, good or bad. But here we are.

Lokki
Lokki
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Not sure what I did to deserve that, good or bad”

I’m thinking eating Heinz beans on toast washed down with Guinness.

Toecutter
Toecutter
1 year ago

Gallows humor is the best humor.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
1 year ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Agreed

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
1 year ago

Glad to hear it was bad gas. I herd reports of a loud explosion and thought uh-oh.

The last time I was in an ambulance, the driver asked if I wanted vomit comet mode.

As fun as that sounded I declined.

Toecutter
Toecutter
1 year ago

On the subject of getting new organs, I think Adrian would LOVE the musical film “Repo: The Genetic Opera”.

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
1 year ago

For emergencies, I would only suggest it not be only for members, just for the sake of everyone not worrying (Thanks for keeping the comments section)…it’s GREAT that you have a cheaper membership (I think you will get a lot more now) since this is such an awesome site!!!

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
1 year ago

So now my sides hurt from laughter. Remember: pain + time = comedy.

Really glad you’re ok and that we have something to laugh about rather than mourn.

A. Barth
A. Barth
1 year ago
Reply to  OrigamiSensei

The great Mel Brooks said “Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall down an open sewer and die”.

Dodsworth
Dodsworth
1 year ago

I guessed wrong. I just knew it would be Chainsaw Torch. The compassion shown by your comrades was heartwarming. I was waiting for someone to ask for your Ferrari. Glad you’re OK, Pal.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Dodsworth

They’re monsters, not masochists.

Theotherotter
Theotherotter
1 year ago

Glad you’re all right, Adrian.

When I was 12 my carpool driver ran over my leg (oops) and I got an ambo ride. I was asking the EMTs whether it had a small-block or a big-block (it was a Ford) and correcting their grammar – I was fine.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Theotherotter

Priorities! This kind of detail is important. My ambulance was a Fiat Ducato (Dodge Ram Pro Master).

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Excellent choice sir. May I ask if it was the box-body or the high-roof? Newer models (2021-) have a vastly improved front-end in my opinion, still chunky black plastic but more svelte and sculpted than the blobfish gen3.

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
1 year ago

Glad you’re OK! We’re not going to lose anyone here.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Crank Shaft

Not on David or Torch’s watch. On Matt’s maybe.

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Subaru Forester drivers are known for their recklessness. Be careful around them.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago

As an EMT here in the States, the view in the back of a different Ambo is fascinating. It’s so small! And no windows! If we could post pics here I get one of the back of ours and post it.

I desperately need a review of a British Ambo!

Please!

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Also, glad you’re Ok Adrian!

You should fart more often.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

I generally fart like a junkyard dog. Proudly and loudly.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Attaboy!

Doctor Nine
Doctor Nine
1 year ago

Glad to hear you are OK. Always go to the ER sometime BEFORE you think you absolutely have to do so.

Also, the appendix isn’t really useless, although a lot of people think that. It’s part of your immune system, with a lot of lymphatic tissue in it, that does surveillance on your gut biome. It is valuable, in that it usually harbors a large aliquot of those ‘good baceria’ which we are supposed to have in our colon. Then, if you get a bacterial infection like shigella, or a viral one like Norovirus, that little healthy population repopulates your intestines when the diarrhea subsides.

You don’t absolutely HAVE to have it. But it’s better if you don’t have to have it out, generally speaking.

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
1 year ago
Reply to  Doctor Nine

Very interesting! I didn’t know this
Also: It is valuable…(checks car ads…)

Alec Weinstein
Alec Weinstein
1 year ago

For a special members only zone, the door seems wide open

Not complaining though

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago

To address Matt’s excellent point, the Six Million Dollar Man credit sequence is indeed right up there with the best of them ever made.

It manages to tell you everything you need to know about the show in the coolest possible fashion, using amazingly well-chosen visuals and sound (even before the theme).

Additional trivia bit: that’s actually Lee Majors doing the pilot radio chatter at the beginning.

As a little kid, this show blew my mind. Esp. the out-there episodes like Death Probe! And Return of Death Probe!

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

It used to scare the shit out of me as a kid, and I’m not sure why.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Death Probe? Me too. Creeped me out, the idea of being chased around by a malevolent Russian space probe crashed landed in a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

No, the opening credits. I think it was fascination/horror at a man being turned into a cyborg, plus the horrifying crash, which was a lot for six year old me to process.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Yeah, and the two-part pilot is quite serious and adult, not for kids at all.

You get all the opening credit images plus more, and Steve is near suicidal over this situation and very ambivalent/angry about his future as a govt agent. They really lightened things up once the network picked the show up.

Lokki
Lokki
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

What freaked me out when I found out later is that the crash in the opening scene was -real- ! A test pilot was trying to land an experimental “lifting body” aircraft…. However, he only lost an eye ????‍????

Here’s a 2-minute youtube video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK15_Cqwx2Q

Last edited 1 year ago by Lokki
A. Barth
A. Barth
1 year ago

Now that the crisis has been averted…

Torch had a good idea: how about a feature on the NHS ambulance? We love a specialty vehicle around here, and The 6 Hundred Quid Man* mentioned how much stuff is in there – might be interesting. 🙂

* also considered the Mighty Morphine Power Ranger

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago

Morphine beats brake fluid any day.
That photo! Sort of a kinky Captain Picard thing going on there.
Get better soon.

Drew
Drew
1 year ago
Reply to  Col Lingus

Adrian, how many lights?

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Drew

Imagine one of Miss Mercedes’ VW’s. Twice as many check lights as that.

Data
Data
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!!!!

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
1 year ago

Never fuck around with pains like that. Glad to see that you’re ok Adrian.

I had a similar situation a few years back. I thought it was gas pains so I ignored the pain for several hours. My wife started getting scared because of some comment I made about not being able to get comfortable, so we headed off to the ER. Turned out to be a pulmonary embolism. I’m lucky to be alive today.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Rad Barchetta

Yeah I dismissed gas because a)I wasn’t gassy and b) it was so incredibly painful and was definitely sticking around. Because of my gall bladder history I wasn’t taking chances. Glad you made through okay mate.

Drew
Drew
1 year ago

I feel like asking us to guess this was too easy. US-based writers would have driven themselves to avoid the expense. Also, you spoiled it before we could guess.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Drew

The ambulance took around thirty minutes to arrive. If it had been much longer I would have attempted to (I actually did five years ago when I was admitted, but that wasn’t as severe and the NHS helpline had made an appointment for me with the night doctor so I knew I’d be seen straight away).

Nsane In The MembraNe
Nsane In The MembraNe
1 year ago

Of course I would have guessed Tracy but I’m relieved to see that:

1). It wasn’t anything major

2). It occurred to one of our Autopian family members who lives in a place with universal healthcare!

I’ve heard horror stories about what the bills for a ride in the wee ooo wagon can be. If I’m ever dying just dump me in the back of an Uber and tell the driver to do their best…and do your best to make sure it’s a somewhat cool ride. I’d hate to die in the back of a goddamn Sonata or something…

Last edited 1 year ago by Nsane In The MembraNe
Chris Stevenson
Chris Stevenson
1 year ago

Torch had an opportunity to use flashing tail lights for nipple covers and he didn’t??

Glad everything is okay, Adrian!

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago

I suggested the members badges because I KNEW Matt can’t resist blogging the misery. And near death experiences. He’s a monster.

Hammerstump
Hammerstump
1 year ago

Sorry to hear about your fart attack.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRXDKvoPsyY

Mr Sarcastic
Mr Sarcastic
1 year ago

Funny thing is at my place of employment if you take an ambulance ride on the clock they drug test you. Never admit anything in writing or in camera. Just how many of those nipple/chest adornments were medical?

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr Sarcastic

That wasn’t all of them! There were another three further down on my abdomen and two on my shins, strangely enough. If was for an ECG.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

That’s what they all say weirdo…

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Col Lingus

We don’t kink shame around here.

Otter
Otter
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

You’re lucky you weren’t admitted–each department seems to have different ideas on where those sticky patches go, so they pull the last batch on and put on new ones. Then you go back and the next nurse or tech tut-tuts and rips them all off and starts over…
I got out looking like I had gotten 20% of a chest wax from a blind and drunk aesthetician. And weird bald patches on my leg. And they shaved one side of my inner thigh. Good times.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Otter

Yeah, the paramedics did one when they treated me initially before the ambulance ride. The young paramedic joked she was going to give me a chest wax. I debated going with my standard “are they paying you extra to hurt me’ but in the end went with ‘don’t lie you enjoy this part”.

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
1 year ago

So when can I buy Autopian pasties?

Outofstep
Outofstep
1 year ago

Glad someone is asking the important questions!

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Outofstep

There’s a secret membership level where you get access to the picture WITHOUT the pasties…….

Rust Buckets
Rust Buckets
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Koenigsegg Alcantara

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Rust Buckets

British Leyland Stripey Stuff we Ordered by Mistake Because Interior Buyer on Strike.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
1 year ago
Reply to  Rust Buckets

Whale-penis leather?

Outofstep
Outofstep
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Hahaha. Does it involve me going to a taillight bar to access this upper level?

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Outofstep

if the time comes, you will be notified of the initiation……procedure.

Last edited 1 year ago by Adrian Clarke
Geoff Buchholz
Geoff Buchholz
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

*quickly upgrading membership*

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

I KNEW IT from the black pants. I KNEW IT! Few brave long black pants this time of year unless they’re Committed To The Bit.

IDK what the UK’s weather is like or if you guys start to wilt over 25 C, but this time of year here simply does not score well on the much-missed Black Clothing Comfortability Index.

(Feel better soon, Adrian. Is this where I recommend beans and cheese?)

Last edited 1 year ago by Stef Schrader
Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

See, I went with David b/c…Nikes.

Adrian seems engineer boots, for a vintage moto vibe. Doc Martins seem too on the nose perhaps.

Also, for those of us State-side, this was a Big Bang Theory bit. While Sheldon thinks his appendix is about to burst and is being hustled to the ER, it turns out it might have been rash to just start “cruciferous vegetable night” all at once.

(Feel better soon Adrian!)

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

This is casual dossing about during the day doing shit Adrian. Air Max 90’s (which are mega comfortable for my prone-to-cramp feet) and cargo pants.
Also David is too cheap to buy Nikes.

David Tracy
David Tracy
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Fact.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

FYI, I was in Scotland a few weeks ago and they were complaining about their heatwave. Highs approaching 80F. At the same time, heat index in Austin was 116F. I’ll take a Scottish heatwave anytime.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago

Yeah but that’s the Scottish. They’re all ginger and allergic to the sun as it rains 364 days a year up there. Also they never see natural light because they never leave the pub.

Col Lingus
Col Lingus
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

They are as bad as those arrogant French bastards.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Col Lingus

Yes those stylish, good cheese, wine, bread and Citroen making utter jumping amphibian fondlers. They’re so terrible.

Last edited 1 year ago by Adrian Clarke
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

As someone stuck in Austin:

get me the hell out of here

please

I’m begging you

get me out of here right now

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

Can’t help you there. Just go jump into Barton Springs pool until November. It may drop below 90 by then. Maybe.

I know how you feel. My daughter is a senior in high school and when she goes off to college, my wife and I are planning to find a more temperate place to live. If we find a place with a guest house, we’ll invite you over for summers.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

“Willing to relocate” has been coming up a lot more often this round.

If I stay, that’s fine, but if I don’t, that’s also fine.

Last edited 1 year ago by Stef Schrader
Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

We’re generally a lot better now that most commercial premises and cars have a/c (although rarely homes it’s usually not needed).
The only time I wear shorts is if I’m swimming (so basically never). My dressing up style is more industrial/post apocalyptic so I’m usually fine at festivals, unlike those fucking Victorian lace wearers poncing about pretending they’re vampires.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

yeeeeeeahhhh…it’s “wear shorts bad” down here and I hate it

Man With A Reliable Jeep
Man With A Reliable Jeep
1 year ago

Am I a bad guy for getting Alan Rickman vibes from that hospital bed shot? I meant that in the nicest way possible.

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
1 year ago

Whoo – that was quite a ride. Glad you’re OK Adrian!
You guys gotta send out those Autopian pasties for membership swag, or else make them available in the store.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Dar Khorse

I’m really glad that what everyone is concerned about is the existence of Autopian pasties and not the fact I WENT TO THE ER ON TUESDAY IN THE BACK OF A FUCKING AMBULANCE IN EXCRUCIATING AGONY.
You’re all horrible, horrible people. And we love you for it.

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Sounds to me like someone’s upset that the ambulance crew didn’t let him keep the pasties.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

Not gonna lie more upset they didn’t let me keep the gas.

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I thought keeping the gas was what started this in the first place.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

Nailed it!
COTD by far

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

I’m too meta for my own fucking good sometimes.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Seriously, though: glad it was just a scare.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
1 year ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

Cheers. Glad you didn’t ask about Autopian nipple pasties.

Phantom Pedal Syndrome
Phantom Pedal Syndrome
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

If anyone is gonna need those pasties it’s not gonna be AC. It’s gonna be the reaper that comes to collect his soul.
To quote Red Dwarf:

Lister:
You said yourself. I can’t stop it. Let’s get this over with. [grabs a pipe]

Rimmer:
Lister, what’s that for?

Lister:
I’m going out as I came in, screaming and kicking.

Rimmer:
You can’t just whack Death on the head!

Lister:
If he comes near me, I’m gonna rip his nipples off!

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

A couple decades back my gf none to gently disabused me of any illusions that I could successfully sport pasties. I’ve come to understand that she did society a favor there.

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
1 year ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

We have our priorities, dammit! But at least I did lead with some obligatory (sigh) well-wishes 🙂

97
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x