Good morning! For this week’s Shitbox Showdown contenders, I’m braving the wilds of Facebook Marketplace, instead of my normal Craigslist hunting grounds. Today I’ve found two sporty cars near me that are both dirt-cheap, but that’s a good thing, because they both need a lot of work.
In other words, they’re completely different from the good-running but pricey classics we looked at on Friday. I wasn’t sure which way this one was supposed to go, between an “ugly” survivor Thunderbird and a highly-messed-with Dodge Lancer, but in the end, originality prevailed, and the Thunderbird won handily. I think that would be my choice as well.
And I remembered it too late to include it, but the “Squarebird” style Thunderbird had a celebrity owner: Cassandra Peterson, better known by her stage name Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Her famous ’59 Thunderbird, nicknamed the Macabre Mobile, actually started out as a hardtop, but was Sawzalled into a convertible early on. It was later restored twice, once by George Barris’s shop, and once by Danny Koker of Counting Cars fame.
Today’s choices have similar tenuous celebrity connections: One is kinda-sorta K.I.T.T., and the other is a dream car of some guy named Matt who apparently is kind of a big deal in certain (small) circles. Neither one of them is ready to hit the open road, but fortunately, they’re cheap enough that there’s room in the budget for repairs. Let’s check them out.
1995 Ford Escort GT – $800
Engine/drivetrain: 1.8 liter dual overhead cam inline 4, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Portland, OR
Odometer reading: 143,000 miles
Operational status: Runs fine, but won’t shift past 2nd gear
Actually, I am in complete agreement with Matt about this one: the second-generation US-market Escort GT is a really neat little car. It’s based on the Mazda BG platform, and powered by a rev-happy Mazda BP-ZE twincam engine. It’s a fun, zippy little car that also happens to be built like a tank. What’s not to like? Well, unfortunately, a four-speed overdrive automatic was on the option list, and it’s a box on the form that got checked far too often.
The BP engine in this one runs great, and is up-to-date on its critical timing belt changes. Unfortunately, the transmission only has first and second gears. I did a little research, and it sounds like this could be something simple like a bad electrical connection to one of the shift solenoids, or a faulty or worn-out neutral start switch/transmission range switch. Of course, there is another sure-fire way to fix this problem – a manual transmission swap.
Apart from the transmission issues, it’s in decent condition. It’s a little grubby inside, but it should clean up all right. Outside, it’s the worst color, but it’s straight and clean. The seller is the second owner, and put the bulk of the miles on it themselves, so they should be able to tell you all about it.
Really, for eight hundred bucks, I think this car is worth a shot. Even if you just fix the automatic, it would still be a fun car to drive, and I can vouch for the practicality of this generation of Escort in general. They’re getting rare, and they’re worth saving.
1985 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am – $1,200
Engine/drivetrain: 305 cubic inch overhead valve V8, five-speed manual, RWD
Location: Battle Ground, WA
Odometer reading: 77,000 miles
Operational status: Engine is disassembled, camshaft broke
Certain cars are so tied up in cultural references that you almost can’t escape them. Mention a ’69 Dodge Charger, and immediately everyone pictures an orange one jumping over a riverbed. Ford Torino? Minds immediately go to two dudes, or maybe one. Or maybe that other one. And of course, you can’t discuss the Pontiac Trans Am without mentioning a certain fast-talking beer smuggler, or for the third generation, a car that talks.
Pop culture associations aside, I like the Trans Am. It’s an honest, straightforward machine, an attainable fantasy for the working class. It exists only to go fast and look cool doing it. Horsepower went up and down over the years; this 1985 model has a “High Output” Chevy 305 small-block under the hood, good for 190 horsepower, enough for some fun, especially with a five-speed stick. This one doesn’t look stock; it has an Edelbrock carb in place of the stock Quadrajet, and probably some other tweaks as well.
But unfortunately, someone had a little too much fun with this one, and broke the camshaft. I’m honestly not sure how that happens, unless something else went catastrophically wrong, or it was cracked or defective to begin with. However it happened, the engine is now disassembled. The seller says it’s all there and ready to put back together, but I’m not sure I’d trust it. What condition are the cam bearings in? How is everything else? There are too many unknowns with this engine now, for my taste.
Luckily, small blocks aren’t hard to come by, so you could drop a known good engine and hit the road. You could even step up a generation in technology and install an LS V8, if you were so inclined.
So yeah, you can’t exactly hop in either of these and hit the road. But someone who’s handy with a wrench should be able to whip either of them into shape in short order. So which would you rather do – troubleshoot a transmission and maybe swap it for a manual, or drop in the small-block V8 of your choice?
(Image credits: Facebook Marketplace sellers)
Escort GT’s are fun, if with a manual transmission. I’d be willing to bet the purchase price that the rear wheel wells are ready to pop the shocks through them.
The Trans Am would be a lot more fun. A 305 can be easily fixed, found, or swapped for a 350 with stock parts (as to not upset the T5) and it would be a fun project. Imagine a $500 paint job with a cleaned up interior? Oh my.
TA for me, please. I had an 86 Firebird (V6, auto->manual) as my first car and loved it. It finally rusted away a few years ago and I still miss it.
I have a spare TPI 350 sitting on a stand that would fit in there nicely, although the T5 probably wouldn’t like it very much.
I too like that generation of Escort, but there’s way more upside to swapping in another small block into that TA, than trying to manual swap that Escort.
It may be the wrong generation for this, but I’d still be singing “Eastbound and Down” whilst bangin’ gears and letting my mullet flop in the breeze in my TA.*
*I have the hair to grow one, but my wife would never allow me to grow a muller.
“Smokey” 3 had a third gen, so it’s still technically correct.
True! The best kind of correct!
Although that movie was so bad I didn’t make it through it.
Yeahhhh, I think I saw it as a kid, but watching it as an adult was really disappointing. Jerry Reed is cool though, I actually got into his music a few years back.
I didn’t know it existed as a kid. I ran into it on cable I think when I was in college, and I don’t think I made it 10 minutes into that pile of garbage.
You can buy a perfectly-running Chevy small block for half a ham sandwich. Dropping it in won’t take much work, either.
The only deal breakers would be- how’s the interior? And what’s the deal with the rusty roof?
Deciphering the mysteries of an Aisin automatic is not something I want to do. Poncho all day.
The bird should be killed with fire. The Ford should be escorted to the crusher.
True, true. But I’d still pick the Bird, on account of being able to walk into any scrapyard and point at something, and there’s a good chance it’ll have an engine that can be swapped in if this one is b0rked. Fuck fixing that escort.
I like this generation of the Escort, and I’m not interested in doing a full engine swap to end up with that particular Trans Am. Yeah the Escort has an automatic, but it at least has a shot at being an easy-ish fix turned into well-sorted car for cheap.
Also, regardless of which car I chose, when I inevitably fuck it up, the Escort takes up less space! Wish it was green though.
“Wish it was green though.”
Nothing a few rattle cans and a case of beer can’t fix.
Man, very tough choice on this one. Drove a friends 87 GT 5-speed, what a riot this thing was. Owned numerous Birds/Camaros. Adore both of these for different reasons obviously. But the Firebird will be easier to get running, and it already has a 5-speed.
wow, there is a really horrifically scammy add showing on the page, looks like the “continue” button so many websites use these days rather than just showing you the whole article.
would be awesome if you guys could ban that advertiser.
also, while I owned 2 of and loved that gen escort (although not the GT model), buy the TA, drop in a boneyard Tree-Fiddy or LS, spray the roof with rustoleum and be jersey shore-tastic
350 SBC on eBay (90 day warranty!) 599 bucks.
This looks like a lot of fun for under 2 grand plus a good bit of labor.
Just the presence of those awful “automatic” shoulder belts is enough to make the Ford a no-go.
This is a close one, as I admire both cars, but with the Escort being an automatic and the Trans Am being a manual hardtop, I’m going with the Trans Am. I’ve owned my share of F-bodies over the decades and this one would be a decent LS1/T-56 swap thanks to the hardtop (which adds a substantial amount of rigidity back into the chassis).
The more I think about it, the more this might be a “Why not both?” scenario, but alas, the pole doesn’t allow for it.
Escort: I’ll never feel alone.
The issue with Trans Am of this vintage is they’re about as rigid as an overcooked noodle. I’ll go with the Escort.
No T-tops, which should help.
Back when I had access to a lift, it made me LOL that you couldn’t open the doors on a 2nd gen Camaro/Firebird when it was up in the air. The body flexed so much that is would jam the doors closed.
3rd gens like this one didn’t do that. But I did bust a windshield once when dropping the clutch with a 350. They need subframe connectors.
I’ll take the Trans Am and start looking for a new engine. A 350 SBC, LS, or LT from a 4th gen F-body would fit in nicely depending on how much you want to invest in the car.
Ok, on the surface, neither car works, one costs more than the other, but not much more They are essentially equal. And I was born in the 70s. So we are choosing between a Ford Escort and a black Trans Am.
Why is this a question again? Trans Am all day, every day.
I’ll take the Trans Am. A lot of people view them as lowbrow, but they look like they would be a lot of fun to drive.
Trans Am manuals are ridiculously easy to mess with. Anyone who hasn’t had a GM V8 should do so at least once in their life.
I don’t wanna grow a mullet, so I went with the Ford
Same!
The Trans-Am would actually make a decent EV conversion or Duramax swap. Its CdA value is decently small, albeit the weight is a bit piggish, but compared to most modern cars it is svelte and slippery. Drag coefficient is 0.29, frontal area of about 2 m^2, and a weight of around 3,200 lbs.
Hell, a ubiquitous LS1 swap could have it getting 30 mpg highway like a C5 Corvette, while remaining stock-bodied.
As an EV, this would be a 250 Wh/mile car on the highway.
Sounds fun. Where can I buy a K.I.T.T. for that?
Dang. Take my upvote.
Lots of places. EV West is a good place to start if you want to do a transmission delete and swap a Tesla drivetrain and battery pack in it. But it won’t be cheap. A budget of $25k for EV Parts would do this car right.
$25k? Not into a $1200 chassis!
Maybe something out of a $2000 Leaf…
Considering the cost of a new “fun” car these days, and the fact that electric ones are basically unobtanium, one could be coming out way ahead if the $1,200 chassis is in good shape and the frame hasn’t ben ruined from a prior wreck.
You’d be able to get an honest 150-200 mile range with that budget, and still play with Hellcats and Corvettes on the track.
The best aesthetic to go for would IMO be to make the car all-red, and have a vanity plate on it that says “MY BITCH”.
Escort wins because of nostalgia. I helped a friend of mine change the clutch in one as one of my first big car projects so, yeah, memories. Also he may hav dropped said tranny off the jack on it’s face and discovered that he was missing the front of the transmission case so all of the gears fell out like an old cartoon. His parents were less than happy when they got home and he had all of the guts of the transmission laid out on the livingroom carpet to try to make sense of them. He’s never worked on his own car again.
I voted Trans Am, although I don’t know if I would even bother putting the original engine back together. The idea of rebuilding an engine someone else has taken apart sounds awful. I’d just buy another engine to drop in there and try to sell the original, either for parts or as a whole.
Totally agree. If this was something special or rare- say, an old 911 or some old numbers-matching collector car, then yes, fix the original engine.
This Firebird is a hoon beater. The best engine to put in it is the one that’s cheap, reliable, and more than powerful enough.
I’ve already been talking to my watch for decades pretending to be Michael Knight so today’s choice was obvious for me.
The engine in the Trans-Am should be easy enough to replace with some other V8.The Ford,if converted to manual,would still be a old Escort.
The stock T5 won’t handle any more power than that 305. I learned this the hard way.
I think the rating is only 300 lb.ft. Most modern turbo fours can crunch it, let alone a built V8. You’ll need to either go for a highway cruiser build or upgrade.
I voted for the Trans Am because Super Pursuit Mode.
Who the fuck would buy a Trans Am without T-tops? LOL
At least the whole engine is under the hood, unlike the 4th gen
The Escort wins by default since it’s in better shape.
Apparently the T-tops weren’t as popular and are harder to find these days. A large number of K.I.T.T. replicas are missing the T-tops because the donor cars just aren’t available.
They also leaked like crazy, so the ones that were out there were likely lost to rust before their hardtop brethren.
Yeah the seals would get worn out pretty quickly from all the screwdrivers and pocketknives being shoved in them to steal the T-tops.
Having owner T-top and hardtop F-bodies back in the day, the T-tops suck for several reasons: 1) They leak, even when new; 2) They make the chassis flex alarmingly more than the hardtop; 3) The T-tops let in a ton of heat, and even with the (optional) T-top shades your head felt it; 4) They were an expensive option, so a lot of folks had to choose V6/T-tops or V8/hardtop to stick to their budget, and went the latter route.
Granted, the T-tops let you have some open air experience, but even that is objectively worse than a convertible. T-tops, along with targa tops, are things that are much better in theory than in execution.
They did eventually fix the leaking problem. I have experience with a 91 and an 2001 that don’t leak 🙂
T-tops were a $1000 standalone option
Also, for the 4th gen, the hardtops and T-tops are structurally identical. The hardtop is the same as the T-tops structure but has a piece of sheetmetal welded on. Some people have even converted 4th gen hardtops to T-tops.
When you think of the Camaro/Firebird/Trans Am, you think T-tops. Trans Am? Oh yeah, the car with the T-tops 😀
Most of the problems aren’t with T-tops themselves but the typical GM giving 90%. Toyota and Nissan don’t have problems with their T-tops (Mr2, 300ZX, Pulsar, NX2000, etc). I don’t know much about the Fox Body T-tops.
My 300ZX had T-top leaks worse than my Trans Am, which made me love the hardtop on my Z28 (that and blocking the Houston sun).
While the 4th gens were supposedly identical in structural rigidity (which, having owned two 4th gens with and without T-tops, I don’t buy for second), the 3rd gens like the one above were notoriously less rigid than their hardtop counterparts, and I have experienced rain water come dumping in through the gap in the header panel while negotiating entering a parking lot entrance.
I also had several friends with Fox bodies, some hardtop, some T-top, and some convertible. Similar experience as noted above of leaking whenever the chassis twisted, with one friend going out of his way to search for a T-top GT and then selling it a year later to buy a hardtop due to the leaks and loss of structural rigidity. Mind you, this was in the 90s when all of these cars were either new or just a couple years old.
Manufacturers claim a lot of things that real-world use doesn’t back up.
The Escort wins because it is a better shape and the transmission issue should be an easier fix. The Trans AM sounds too close to project to me.
Yes, but it always being stuck in 2nd gear now has the Friends theme song stuck in my head and I can’t forgive it for that.
Yeah, but it will always be there for you!
Or, you’re on his your back from Cabo, took you sixteen hours to get to LA.