All right; the time has come. It’s the end of the world as we know it; what will you feel fine driving? We’ve looked at a few different categories of vehicles, but you can only choose one to hop in and lead a rag-tag bunch of survivors away from hordes of shambling zombies. What’s it gonna be?
Yesterday we covered the big-vehicle end of the spectrum, and the vehicle with all the comforts of home and all the stuff you need to live in the middle of nowhere came out as a clear winner. You’ll need a lot of gas to keep it rolling down the road, but it’s fully equipped to take on just about any scenario. Safari Trek it is.
I agree. I kinda like the idea of the bus running propane instead of gasoline, but all those windows worry me, and I like the idea of being able to relieve myself inside, instead of out in the woods somewhere where anything could be lurking. And honestly, in a non-zombie scenario, I really like that Trek. I’m still not sold on the concept of a big-ass RV, but if I were to do it, this is the way I’d go.
OK, so it’s time to go, to leave the city behind, and head in the direction of that one faint radio signal you picked up, that one beacon of hope that you and your fellow survivors are clinging to. Behind you are hordes of zombies; ahead of you is the open road. You’ve been chosen to lead after how you handled yourself during that “incident” at the Red Robin. This means you’ve got your choice of the convoy’s available vehicles. We’ll recap our choices so you can make an informed decision.
1999 Chevrolet Express
This Chevy van earned its place here by being an all-enclosed alternative to a crew-cab pickup. It has a 4.3 liter V6, which is the smallest and least powerful engine available, but it’s also the most efficient. This is a great choice for extreme duty; these vans are used to it. Any vehicle that gets rented out for twenty bucks a day to anybody with a pulse has to be tough.
I feel like this is your supply vehicle for the convoy. Yeah, you could put seats in it to carry more people, but the other vehicles already have seats. This is a big empty box you can fill with whatever you need. Does that mean you want to drive it yourself, so you don’t let it out of your sight, or do you trust it to the former schoolteacher who acts as the group’s conscience?
2001 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor
Here’s another car used to living a hard life. In fact, it’s literally built for it. But unlike a stiff-riding work van, this one is actually comfortable. You can bring four other people along with you, too, since it’s a detective’s car and not a regular patrol car and therefore has a real, upholstered back seat.
By virtue of its power and strength, this car feels like it should either be in front or in back in a convoy, either scouting the road ahead, or running interference with anyone who might be coming up behind you. So do you take on that responsibility yourself, or do you give it to your ace wheelman who was a minor star on quarter-mile dirt tracks in the Before Times?
2014 Chevrolet Volt
Here we have the one vehicle that doesn’t actually need the sweet unleaded nectar of automotive life, at least for short distances. It’s also, at least from what I’ve seen, pretty damn quick. Its little 1.4 liter range extender doesn’t use much fuel when it is running, either. So maybe this should be the scout car?
The downside to this one might be that it’s not as outright tough as some of the others. Reliable, yes, but not as able to take a hit. So you can’t take as many liberties with it as you could, say, the van. Does that mean you take it for your own, so you can look after it, or give it to the annoying guy who will eventually end up hiding the fact that he got bitten?
1997 Safari Trek RV
And here, of course, is the flagship of your fleet, your Galactica, your Black Pearl. It’s the vehicle with all the stuff you need, as well as the center of camp when you stop for the night. It’s also where the kids and/or the elderly couple you rescued ride. It uses a lot of fuel, with that big 454 V8 between the seats, but it’s worth it.
As admiral of this little fleet, it’s your right to commandeer this vessel for yourself, but are you better utilized elsewhere? Do you want to drive something more nimble and fun and leave this lumbering whale in someone else’s care? Or do you take the comfy chair and let others buzz around protecting you?
Look, a zombie apocalypse would suck, no question about it. But a few thousand shambling undead wouldn’t stop me from being a gearhead, and I have a feeling I’m not alone. Car nerds are going to car nerd, even while the world is ending. So the vehicle you choose for your own might be the most important decision you make. You’ve got four choices. Which one are you getting behind the wheel of?
Voted for comfort of the RV vs the chance of evading the zombies in the quicker Cop car or the Van.
But either of those three choices would be my choice.
Thanks for the mayhem this week. Well done. And how I prefer my rhino steaks be cooked. Over a flame.
For the purpose here, the RV. This is a command center. It needs space and a kitchen. Your gunner drives the Vic. Your spy drives the Volt. And your smuggler drives the van.
Listen, I want the one I can live in comfortable in the Canook forest lands and go “I think I saw two shamblers today, lets move about 10 clicks away and see how it goes.”
I see Crown Vic, I vote Crown Vic.
You convinced me to go with the van. The sweetest words I have ever heard no room for passengers. One tough SOB to alternate driving and riding shotgun. Unless I’m riding with the Swedish Bikini team I do not want to spend 24 hours a day with anyones kids or grandparents or them. Yeah I’ll probably loose my leadership post pretty quick. Probably after the first time I shoot one of them.
My dad’s first brand new car was a 2012 Chevy Volt. It did last 9 years and 187k miles, but by the end of its life it was virtually undrivable. Wouldn’t start in the cold, had so many electrical issues you’d think it had Lucas electrics, and was so down on power it would barely keep up on the highway. It also sat so low it scraped on speed bumps if they were tall and abrupt enough. It’s the Express for me.
Title says “leader” of the convoy and I think the crown Vic makes the most sense to run in front because it has that cop car/land barge durability and mass to punt obstacles out of the way for the other vehicles.
The Van is the best trailing vehicle because you can pretty much put a surprise machine gun nest back there, and it’s built to handle the extra weight that would entail.
Meh. I’m gonna get bit anyway. At least I can travel and sleep in comfort for a year-ish until the petrol goes bad. RV for me please.
Part of me wants the Volt. As the leader, having access to a vehicle that is efficient, quiet, and can use both gas and electricity is appealing. But it should be used as a scouting vehicle due to those benefits. As my dedicated vehicle, I’m picking the van. I figure we can cram a bunch of people into the RV and I’d like my own space. The van can be set up with supplies and space for me and a partner.
That said, I’m absolutely not trying to be the leader. Let me be the scout or some other job that can get me away from the group sometimes. I’ve managed enough people to know that navigating all the drama is bad enough when people don’t have to spend all their time together in a survival situation. Stress and proximity won’t make people better.
Also, if we can find a full EV with better electric range than that Volt, it’s absolutely getting added to the convoy, even if I have to dump other vehicles. Gasoline is going to become much harder to find than some means of electricity generation.
I wonder how long it takes to fully charge an EV from 20% with a hand powered generator?
Not going to be enjoyable, but having a group that can take shifts would help. I’d certainly look into whether I could modify that generator to work with a water wheel. Or find solar panels or something.
This was easy too…the only one of these I voted for was the awesome RV! It would be perfect in a zombie apocalypse (I’d do whatever was needed to make it work)
Van: That big dooley was way better
Crown Vic: Fix Or Repair Daily
Volt: EV/Hybrid trash
=Beautiful, comfortable, useful RV for the win!
The van needs a bull bar but that’s probably the best leader. There is always a certain fear of white vans I assume that goes for all species alive or dead. The RV should be in the middle for protection as it’s like the milk cow. The crown Vic could be a good striker if there is parts available with old junk cop cars around. Not sure too many of those exist anymore though.
I wanted to go for the van,but as the leader of the pack I’ll be riding in comfort in the RV I reckon.
Sorry – no further incidents at Red Robin for me, after the ban. (Bastards have no sense of humor, and anyway, mustard, mayo, and fish fillets aren’t THAT hard to clean up off of ceilings.)
Anyway, going with Crown Vic solely because it’s the most badass of the bunch. The van follows, so that if there are any hangups, you can have several people jump out the side door and go all A-Team over the zombies.
Serves you right for ordering fish at a burger place Mike. Do you go to Red Lobster for steak?
It used to annoy the hell out of my parents when 10-year-old me would order a burger at Spenger’s Fish Grotto in Berkeley, CA. Older me learned to appreciate the fresh seafood on their menu. The warm sourdough bread with butter was consistently a highlight of a visit there. The closest thing I have to it now is the Puget Sound area Duke’s chain (not to be confused with the Duke’s in Hawaii).
The van with Free Brains stickers for the win.
Express van. Leader needs something secure to get good sleep in, and that sits a little higher up. The Crown Vic is scout/point (try to score a good push bar for it), the RV is your long-range observation platform just behind the van, the Volt is the spare vehicle in the rear.
Get a good Bull Bar with spikes. Nothing scares zombies like a vehicle with deader than dead ZOmbies stuck on a pike in front. I wonder if you mounted deactivated zombies all around the van if the undead would ignore it?
Just saying