Sideshows are a scourge across the nation and can be difficult for law enforcement to wrangle, but at least there’s some consistency on what cops should expect to deal with: car and bike enthusiasts, both as spectators and participants. Human spectators and participants.
Officers in Vallejo, California recently busted up one with what callers estimated to be 500 cars (this could be a fat-finger situation with the PD’s report – 50 sounds a lot more realistic). After a brief chase with one alleged participant, officers found a 10-foot reticulated python in an abandoned Cadillac CTS.
That’s right, in the line of duty, the police happened upon a big ol’ snake at a sideshow. Let’s step back in time a little and break down exactly how they ended up in the situation.
According to the Vallejo Police Department, callers reported a sideshow at the intersection of Mare Island Way and Harbor Way a little after 11 p.m. on August 23. The callers reported that dozens of cars were participating, so multiple agencies responded including Vallejo PD, Solano County, American Canyon PD, Cal Maritime PD, Benicia PD, and CHP along with its Air Operations division. That’s when things get really spicy, as the helo overhead reported a Cadillac shining a powerful laser (while doing donuts, no less) into the chopper.
Officers attempted to conduct a traffic stop on the sedan but the driver decided to flee the scene, driving almost ten miles before ultimately bailing and leaving the CTS behind in Hercules, California. Three passengers were on board as well, who also ran. A fourth passenger did not run, as it was a snake.
All of that drama resulted in exactly no success for any of the occupants, as police caught up with each of them. They arrested the driver on felony evading charges and cited the three other occupants. There’s no word on if the snake is facing any sort of discipline aside from being reunited with its owner after the fact.
One photograph shows an epic officer posing with it. Few people are comfortable around snakes in general and even fewer would be okay with one this size hanging around their neck. Not only was this public servant comfortable, but she looked happy about it despite coming across this during her work day.
Notably, pythons of this sort can be dangerous, but incident rates are low. That’s especially good since their teeth are angled backward and to get out of their mouth one needs to go deeper in first. Kudos to that awesome officer and the departments that worked together to safely end the pursuit, and a special shout to Officer Cool With Snakes.
I’ve seen that in Gone in 60 seconds but in Hummer H1
Is the snake’s name Sideshow Bob?
1st Gen CTSV… far from the common cars in the typical sideshow videos. Looks like its the blue/gray color too – not a lot of them made. Poor car 🙁
Looks more like Thunder Grey, not stealth gray. Stealth gray looks almost green in low light.
I agree – good call
That just looks like a standard CTS that’s been rebadged/parts swapped. They use them all the time for side shows. They’re cheap, RWD, and can hold all of their friends.
Negative amigo. Unless someone went to the trouble of swapping on CTSV bumpers, body kit, badges, and changing the front suspension to add the V-specific brakes & 6 bolt hubs / rotors.
That’s something that happens all the time in other car communities, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it also happens in the Cadillac community.
Snake’s gonna have to slither his ass all the way down to the bus stop in the morning.
.
(What, was no one else going to reference the 2000 cinematic masterpiece Gone in 60 Seconds?)
I came here looking for it.
I love that movie.
I have a somewhat related story.
When I was a boy, I had two boa constrictors. One of them was having some sort of weird issue so we decided to take him to the vet. My father took the wheel while I handled the boa in the passenger seat.
It was a hot summer day in Southern California, and the AC in dad’s 1970 280SE was non-existent. We decided to stop at 7-11 for slurpees. I left the snake on the passenger seat while we ran in to make a transaction that would hopefully take less than a minute.
The transaction, in fact, did take less than a minute, but it was still too long. As we got back to the car, we saw the snake’s tail disappearing under the dashboard on the driver’s side. I crawled under the dash to see if I could get him out, but he was wrapped multiple times around the steering column like a noose knot.
Big snakes are very strong, and when they’ve wrapped themselves around something like that, they aren’t easily pulled off. So we got in the car and drove home, hoping the snake would decide to come out. He didn’t.
We left him in the car hoping he would come out. My dad continued to drive his car on a daily basis with a boa constrictor wrapped around the steering column. Days, then weeks went by, until we completely forgot about him.
Fun fact- boa constrictors can go for months without food. Months went by and there was no sign of the snake. We had assumed that he had somehow escaped and was frolicking in the hills eating small rodents.
About 4 months after his disappearance we got in the Benz to go somewhere and were immediately hit with a horrendous gut wrenching smell. Immediately, we thought of the snake. We began searching the car expecting to find a bloated snake carcass. He wasn’t in the dash or under the front seats, so we pulled up the back bench seat.
He was under the seat- alive and well.
My dad then went to the trunk and found a bag of groceries he had forgotten about that happened to contain some fish.
So we put the snake back in his cage. The cage door was held down by a rather large heavy rock, but that did not deter him from breaking out that very night, slithering across the living room, and eating the mynah bird that we kept in a large cage. The snake couldn’t get out of the cage afterwards because he kinda looked like the snake drawings in The Little Prince.
When we left SoCal, I gave the snake to a friend, who sold it to Slash the guitarist, who eventually donated it to the Los Angeles Zoo.
How were they doing donuts in that heap? It’s got 5-lug wheels, so it’s not even a V. That’s a V6 slusher with oversized trash can wheels on it. I’m surprised it can even break traction. . .
Thought that at 1st too but closer look shows front 6 bolt wheels with the big CTSV Brembos. Some swap out to 5 bolt Camaro SS or G8 GT setups allowing for a large selection of wheels to be fit. This one only has the rears apparently
I couldn’t count them on the front even though they look like the stock V wheels, but I definitely saw the Brembos. The rear brakes look tiny though, since on the V the rear rotors are slightly larger than the front. It might just be the comical wheels throwing me off though. (I have a 2005 also)
The full monty of Search and Seizures – truly the holy grail!
“They arrested the driver on felony evading charges and cited the three other occupants.”
Good… I’m glad the police caught and arrested these assholes
Believe me I fully understand what I’m asking but I’m going to ask anyway; what was the logic to abandoning the car??
I usually assume they abandon the car because it wasn’t their car. That would add another bizarre layer to this, as it would mean that the thief either stole a car that already had a python in it (maybe that’s why he ran!) or that he brought his python with him when he stole the car.
“bring you pet to work day”?
Driver has warrants and would rather send someone to collect the car from the impound than deal with PD running his name. Just an idea.
Ahh yes, good point
Perhaps to claim the car had been stolen and the cops should be looking for “Some Puerto Rican Guy*” instead.
(Hey I’m not saying the plan is a solid one but time was short and the driver was clearly really, really dumb)
*https://southpark.fandom.com/wiki/Some_Puerto_Rican_Guy
That was my thought, I know it’s been tried before.
“estimated to be 500 cars (this could be a fat-finger situation with the PD’s report”
New officer just transferred in from the Vice unit.
He’s so accustomed to adding extra zeros (i.e. drug street value) that he didn’t even think about whether 500 cars was realistic.
I like your brand of cynicism!
I used to do education work with animals for a zoo. The biggest we had was a 10 foot red tail boa. That girl was chonky!!! Snakes don’t bother me as long as they are not trying to strike me. I’ve been in close quarters with tons of them over the years, ranging from your ringneck snakes to your big fat eastern diamondback rattlers.
People keep those as pets too:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7haLnUyYEz8
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZEbxmSpPEhk
I kept a Western Diamondback named Nippy. He became surprisingly docile, but did not start off that way.
My python don’t want none unless you
-shit, cops, run!
Shining a laser at a police helicopter? That better be assault on an officer.
What kind of a colossal moron do you have to be to shine a laser pointer at a police helicopter? You’ve just pissed off someone who you can’t outrun, out maneuver, or hide from.
The same kind of colossal moron who participates in sideshows apparently.
Nevermind the Gen-Z pop culture depiction also is possibly the hardest opponent to shake (GTA cop choppers), what did he think would happen?
“what did he think would happen?”
Enthusiastic applause and an avalanche of internet likes probably.
It is a never ending source of wonderment, to not only witness what these people do, but to hear the things that they say and realize what their core value systems are and the thought processes that they use.
It’s not only when they are free on the street, but especially when they are in custody, when they should be at least somewhat cognizant that they are being observed and recorded 7 ways from Sunday.
It boggles the minds of us reasonable people, especially when we think that collectively we’ve just about seen and heard it all before, and realize that we haven’t.
I think we are a minority actually. A vocal minority.
As much as it pains me to accept that sometimes, I must agree. 🙁
Some laser pointers are strong enough to cause permanent blindness.
Shining a laser at an aircraft gets you in trouble with the feds.
The best kind of trouble!
Honestly, a 10-foot python is probably one of the least surprising things to find at a sideshow.
Had a girlfriend in high school who had a 10 foot python.
She let it just run free in the house forever.
It always freaked me out to hang out with her at home though.
Because shit happens…
BTW, the cops should not give that shithead the snake back.
Because some lessons are hard to learn without some pain.
My brother lost his 3 ft python in my mom’s couch for a month. We were worried about hurting her with all the recurring recliner hardware. After a month she popped up, skinnier but no worse for the wear.
I asked her once if we could go upstairs to hang out.
Because python.
She said we can, but the damn snake knew how stairs worked.
It escaped the house a few times, but was always found hanging out in the family cars.
Thy can learn how doors work too:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxc_55ur-J4
You gotta keep reticulated.
Just wait until they find the anaconda in the back of my Honda…
Cops only found about about the sideshow, because there was a snake in the group
I’ll see myself out
Enjoy my happy face and leave.
Now.
I came here just to congratulate you on a title, well done.
Autopian – now published in Parseltongue!
Only slightly related but several years (decades?) ago I remember driving down a freeway in Houston and came alongside a red 4th gen Camaro convertible with the top down, two dudes in the front seats, and a giant python clamped on to the top of the windshield frame just going down the road at freeway speeds.
Clamped?
Well, it was slithered over the outside and inside of the windshield frame hanging on to it in the only way snakes can hang onto something.
Oh that is much less awful than I had envisioned.
Ngl, I would probably be about as excited as the cop to cuddle the big noodle, considering they have completely adorable little faces deserving of many gentle boops. That said, I hope the snake’s person wasn’t one of the arrestees, they deserve a better human.
That poor snake is going to reek of weed vapes and body spray until the next time it sheds. Hopefully it will now get to live a much better life than being used as some douchebro’s prop.
Surprised it wasn’t a cobra
I’m guessing that officer has/had a pet snake herself, because it does seem unlikely that someone with no experience would be that happy to have one around her neck
My guess the picture was taken after animal control showed up and assessed the snake to be docile.
Catera Touring Serpent
Had to scroll all the way to the bottom to get to the COTD!