Welcome back! I hope you all brought your eagle-eyes today, because we’re going to be looking at little details in photos. We’ve got two cars that are both said to run and drive well, but the photos hint at some potential issues. Are you ready to check them out?
First, we should wrap up yesterday’s truck battle. I honestly thought this one would be a bit closer, but the Nissan seems to have taken a fairly decisive win. Lots of support for the Avalanche in the comments, but it didn’t translate to votes.
For what it’s worth, I’m on Team Nissan here. I had a 720 pickup in college, and a WD21 Pathfinder when my wife and I moved from California to Oregon, and both were excellent. I have no doubt that this truck would be the same. And as for the comments that it would be “slow,” well, yeah, it’s a truck. I don’t want a fast truck; I want just enough power, and nice deep gears to make the most of it. Torque and leverage – that’s where the magic happens.
All right, ready to look at some janky rides? These two may be better than they look, but I doubt it. Get ready to zoom in; we’re gonna study some details. That’s where the devil is, I’m given to understand.
2004 Infiniti G35 – $2,800
Engine/drivetrain: 3.5-liter dual overhead cam V6, five-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Richmond, TX
Odometer reading: 179,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
All right, let’s just go photo-by-photo and see what there is to see. First thing I see is some terrible shutlines and panel gaps; I know Nissan didn’t let it leave the factory that way. Also, it could be a reflection, but it looks like the bumper cover is a different shade of silver than the fender above it. It looks to me like some badly done collision repair. The Plasti-Dipped wheels and grille are just tacky, not really a problem, but it does make one wonder what else was messed with.
Moving to the inside, we find dangling wires under the passenger’s side of the dash. What’s over there? Well, an airbag, for starters. Not something you want to disconnect, or even mess with the wiring of. It could be from a stereo amplifier, or something HVAC-related, as well, I suppose. It actually looks like the entire glovebox is missing as well. The leather is torn, but it’s a twenty-year-old car for under three grand; I expect some upholstery issues.
There’s more torn upholstery on the other side, and a missing sun visor. Again, not a huge deal, and a quick trip to a junkyard could probably score you a visor and a glovebox door pretty easily. The multiple vent-mounted air fresheners aren’t a great sign; hopefully they’re not covering up any really horrible smells. And of course, the tinting is turning purple, because they used the cheap stuff.
It’s banged up in the back, too, but no worse than you’d expect, I suppose. I’m not sure why it was de-badged, though. Is that a thing?
2004 Mercedes-Benz E500 – $3,750
Engine/drivetrain: 5.0-liter overhead cam V8, five-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Berwyn, IL
Odometer reading: 170,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Moving on to a W211-chassis Mercedes, we find some really bad aftermarket wheels. Those aren’t a crime, of course, but they’re also ill-fitting, which isn’t great for the suspension. But worse, if you look closely at the driver’s side door, you’ll see rust along the bottom edge, and a line of – something – coming down from the mirror, some kind of stain. Could be more rust. And we all know the rule with rust is that if you see some, there’s a lot more in places you can’t see.
This one doesn’t look terrible inside, actually. I see an aftermarket stereo with a screen, and the ad does mention a backup camera. But the seats are in nice shape, as is everything else, except that wrinkly armrest cover. The ad says that everything works, too, so that’s a good sign.
Yeesh. Another painted grille. But worse than that are those headlight covers. Why would you put smoked covers on lights? Their whole purpose is to provide illumination. And those half-covers on the low beams make the car look stoned. There’s damage to the bumper cover; the whole bottom lip is missing. And I have absolutely no idea what that red thing is behind the lower grille; if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know in the comments.
In the back, we find the biggest, dumbest exhaust pipes ever fitted to a Mercedes-Benz. I know it’s a V8, but come on; there’s no call for those things. It’s also badged as an E55 AMG model, but for some reason they have crossed out the AMG logo in the photo. Very strange. I have no idea what’s going on there. The rear bumper shows some damage as well; the left side has been touched up, and badly.
I don’t mean to pick on these two cars, or sellers, necessarily; they’re not really much worse than other cars out there. But they’re both described as being in “Excellent” condition and clearly, that’s not the case. Obviously sellers exaggerate and talk up cars; we all do it, but when it’s so easy to find flaws in photos, it brings into question the condition of everything they’re not showing you. The only sure-fire way to know what you’re looking at is to look at it in person. Which one of these is worth going to look at?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
YIKES!!!!!
I went with the Infinity, just because parts will be cheaper, and it will be easier to fix, but UFTA MAY!
I don’t know much about Texas, but I know enough about Berwyn. I’ll take my chances down south.
Same.
There is no world in which I’d pay money to join the RWD “Big Altima Energy” intersection takeover demographic of cars. The optics alone of driving that thing put you in a circle of judgement akin to CyberTruck owners.
I’ll take the Benz and park it next to my other Benz so I can pretend I’m a 2000s era rapper.
I am amazed either of these have reached the mileage they show. They have to be limping pretty hard at this point. Time bomb showing 0:01 on the clock.
The Benz I guess could be OK after you change the wheels, replace the cartoonish exhaust, and those dumb headlight treatments. Paint looks good from a distance. Driver seat doesn’t seem to have any exposed foam. While not an E55, the regular E500 could move pretty well.
The G35 might be cheaper to work on, but it needs a lot of work.
Everything I came here to say.
Admittedly, I’d cheerfully pay more — with my nonexistent Shitbox Showdown bank account — for the E500 if it appeared to have a, well, more stable, owner, but what the heck. This is what Mark gave us, and if it cost another $10K to put right, we’d still be playing with Monopoly money.
Run away!!! I went with the Merc but didn’t feel good about it. You couldn’t pay *me* $2800 to take the Infiniti. I can smell the inside of that thing from here.
I’d go with the MB, so I could say I bought it in BERWYN.
I’ve also always liked the shape of these. I don’t know, I think I’m, just ready to be hurt again.
(Rich Koz Svengoolie voice) “BER-WYYYN.”
I voted for the Benz–nice call-out to Janis Joplin by the way. That song was the last thing she ever recorded. The Benz doesn’t look like it’s been abused as much as the Infiniti, and uh…that’s about it really.
Well, also a call out to Kris Kristofferson who wrote the song and died the other day. Not that the two things are related.
You’re thinking of Me and Bobby McGee! Janis wrote a short acapella song called Mercedes Benz, which was recorded three days before she died.
…and “Bobby McGee” had a windshield-wiper-slappin’ diesel in it, so another sticker.
Yeah, you’re right, I’m conflating the two songs.
Welp, Captain Kristofferson was also a U.S. Army-trained helicoper pilot, so that should get him an Autopian sticker, somehow.
Like others have said, this is a hard pass on both. Since “neither” wasn’t an option, I guess I’ll go with the G35 since it is cheaper, but neither car is desirable.
We really do need a “neither” option for some of these Shitbox Showdowns.
Indeed. Mark has given us the option for “both” when he features desirable vehicles, so it would be nice for us to get a “neither” option when he goes dredging for garbage like today’s showcase.
“Neither” is a cop-out. Choose your fate.
There’s a Far Side cartoon that would be appropriate here, but I can’t find a link.
What about a third option like “I’d rather have a prostate exam by Captain Hook”?
The option shall be called “Run away!”, and it’s first use will be when the options are both VW’s (preferably with at least one of them being a Rabbit).
Since it’s all about shitboxes, maybe “flush” would be appropriate.
The Benz is also missing one of the levers for the center armrest, which if I correctly recall the E-class that my parents had in the early 2000s means that you can get the wrinkly doors to open up but can’t access the storage compartment underneath.
I voted for it anyways because if I’m going to waste a few K on something that sucks it might as well be the nicer one.
Ooh, I forgot about how my parents’ E-class had electrical problems and sometimes when you sat down the center binnacle screen would light up red and the clock would run backwards like a crappy time travel montage.
Mambo dogface to the banana patch?
Why do you hate us, Mark? What did we ever do to you?
Fine. Gimme the Infiniti. At least it’s cheap.
Big numbers of red flags in both, but the G35 is a) cheaper to start with; and b) likely cheaper to fix because it’s Japanese. Yes previous owners may have taken greater care with the MB, but those wheels indicate that maybe they didn’t. And I have had bad experiences (shudders) with cheap German cars. As long as the structure is OK, to Inifiniti and beyond!
I will take that G35, and do the absolute minimum to maintain it while not caring one bit what happens to it. Then when I tire of it or the issues mount up to be too much I will see it to someone with a broccoli haircut for what I paid for it. Typical Nissan stuff.
Broccoli haircut? Is that another thing the kids are saying that I am too old to understand?
It’s a popular hairstyle with Gen Z that has really taken over. I am not sure if it is universally an insult, but at least around where I live it is not used in a kind manner. Typically it is used to describe the type of person you would see filming “prank” videos and being a public nuisance for that sweet dopamine hit of 122 views on Tik-Tok. Our local Cars and Coffee has a ton of broccoli hair cuts pulling up in BMWs and GTIs with pop and bang tunes.
Thanks, now it makes sense. I had to Google hawk tuah after a week of not getting the reference.
Patrick Mahomes, or Lando Norris.
Both are a hard pass.
No. Can’t vote for either of these huge turds today. Even with internet money. Hell no.
Can smell the vape residue from each through my laptop screen. NFW, getting near either of these fine examples of poor decision making.
Good job Mark.
Grab em both, and all the flags you can find, to string up around the lot. Put on your loud plaid blazer, double the price, profit!
I need to take a shower now.
I would go with neither. In the spirit of Shitbox though you can put me down for the E500. It looks a little less roached out than that horrible G35 and you get a Mercedes V8. Holy hell though I would be looking for new wheels and a way to remove that stupid tint from the headlights.
Which is worth going to look at? I refuse the premise of the question!
I feel like the E will keep running longer – albeit with more check engine lights on- but it will still move.
These are both so incredibly terrible, but the G35 is a lower entry point and cheaper to fix. If I’m taking a gamble with a high percentage of losing all my money, I’ll take the option with a lower total cost.
No sale on either. Pass. A lunched Infiniti that has been insufficiently de-riced by its PO, versus a finicky E-class with gross wheels? Hard pass.
I’ll walk.
Repair bills be damned. I’m going E
The tie breaker here is the expected demographics of the previous owners of an E500 vs a VQ powered Nissan.
Sellers of illicit substances, and users of illicit substances, respectively.
Out of these two shining stars of sketchy: I’ll take the VeeeeeeQ and do some sick burnouts in the parking lot to the annoyance of everyone who has to hear the “custom” exhaust.
Every one of these I encounter in my area has that exhaust sound. It truly sucks.
duuuURRRRR! DURR! DURR! Duurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeep!
My mother in law has an E500. This one doesn’t look too bad all things considered. It doesn’t look like it has an aftermarket stereo. If it’s had a back up camera installed, that looks like they mounted it’s screen on top of the stock head unit. Take the pipes off and the headlight tint, still looks like a pretty straight car.