Earlier today, our own David Tracy wrote about a new Dodge ad for their upcoming Dodge Charger Daytona, which is, essentially, an electric muscle car, and how hard Dodge is working to cast electric cars in the same bad-ass, rule-breaking mold that muscle cars have traditionally wanted to be cast into. That’s great and all, there’s no reason why an electric car can’t be a muscle car, after all. My problem is that Dodge seems so stuck on the old trappings of musclecardom that they’re missing out on a huge opportunity to really re-thing all the muscle car tropes. Luckily for them, I’m here to help.
So, far, so much of what Dodge has been doing is attempting to emulate the visceral physical experience of an old-school, V8, gas-burning muscle car. The efforts put into this endeavor are staggering – remember the Fratzonic Chambered Exhaust System? Dodge got a patent for that, and it’s basically an elaborate contraption of speakers and resonators and vibrators designed to mimic the sounds and feelings of a big, throaty V8.
It’s so much complexity and work to fake noises. I mean, look at this diagram of the motors mounted on the frame designed to shake the damn car:
It’s just ridiculous. And people aren’t reacting well to these efforts to fake V8 sounds and feelings, because people fundamentally don’t like when things are, you know, fake. That’s why we see responses like these:
So, that’s why when I see Dodge attempting to cast their new EV muscle car as bad-ass in ads like this latest one:
…I think they’re fundamentally doomed, because all they’re really doing is emulating the feeling and sounds of combustion muscle cars, and in that act they’re telegraphing an uncomfortable truth: deep-down, they wish they still had big, exhaust-belching V8s.
Well, Dodge, you don’t. At least not for this car. And it’s time you just accepted it, and stop all this incessant whining and pining for something you’ll never be. It’s embarrassing, all these speakers and resonators and shaker motors and whatever. And, even worse, it’s not even necessary!
What Dodge needs to do is embrace the electron! They need to stop crying about not being a combustion car, and look for the unique features of electricity, and really make those the new hallmarks of what a muscle car is! We already know electric motors have plenty of power and gobs and gobs of torque, so they can already perform as well or better than a V8, they’re just not as good about the drama.
But there’s plenty of drama in electricity! The stuff’ll kill you, for one. You want a muscle car to feel dangerous and flashy and confident and powerful? Then boy do I have some ideas for you, and by “you” I mean Dodge, who should take some motherflapping notes.
Okay, first, how do we find an electric analogue to something like a shaker hood? If we don’t have big, dramatic air scoops that wobble back and forth as the engine idles, what else can we have on the hood? How about a some raw motherfucking electrical plasma? I’m talking Jacob’s Ladders!
Hell yeah, Jacob’s Motherfucking Ladders! You want excitement on your hood that beats some boring old shaker hood air cleaner bullshit? Imagine arcs of electricity running up the hood, increasing in frequency with the throttle!
Look what these things are like in person, as shown by a little Lego guy:
Imagine those electrical arcs climbing up a hood as you drive, crackling and sparking, casting a vivid, intense purplish glow of raw electrical plasma. That‘s how you make a new electric muscle car vocabulary!
Is it dangerous as hell? I don’t know exactly; probably? But Stellantis has great engineers somewhere, right? – they can figure something out, right? And if they can’t, they have lawyers and lobbyists, don’t they? I’m sure they do! Do I have to do everything around here?
Will it deplete battery range? Sure, probably. But it’s no different than burning a bunch of gas needlessly revving your old Hemi – looking cool ain’t free, fuckos.
I know the lack of big honking exhaust pipes gets a lot of rapidly-aging muscle car freaks all bent out of shape about EVs. But what if we could replace those exhaust pipes with something even better? Something like this:
Van De Graaff generators! Yes, those static-electricity-generating spheres that make your hair stand on end, only here mounted at the rear of the car, in place of exhaust pipes, sending sparks and arcs between a pair of orbs! Has any muscle car owner ever not wanted a big ol’ pair of balls on their car? And with cracking and popping sparks and bolts of micro-lightning going on between the balls, what is not to be thrilled by here?
Also, I think the static electricity generated here is pretty harmless, so if a dog rubs up against these, they’ll just look funny for a moment as their hair stands up, but no harm done.
Now, a big part of Muscle Car Culture are burnouts, as we all know. An EV is as capable of doing a smoky burnout as any V8 is, but it doesn’t have the exhaust note or smells or some of the other visceral elements. But it could have something even better: sparks.
There’s no reason, and I mean no reason why a car can’t have sensors that detect a certain amount of wheelspin, identify the car is in a burnout situation, and then deploy spark-generating apparatuses that shoot out huge rooster tails of sparks! There’s many ways to make these sparks: mechanically, via a rotating abrasive roller against the right sort of metallic lump, or electrically, or some combination of the two.
Point is, it could be done, and every burnout can now have a vibrant light show element!
Is there a near-certain danger of fire? Sure, sure there is! But, again, what the fuck do you want? This is drama, unique EV drama, and yeah, it’s dangerous. It’s dangerous as hell. Because that’s how it should be. That’s what muscle cars are: stupid and dangerous and that’s why they’re wonderful.
I’m sure there’s more options here, but none of them will happen until Dodge climbs out of its comfy little coffin of the past and starts to really accept EV muscle cars and starts to build a new EV vocabulary of badassery instead of re-hashing old V8 muscle tropes over and over.
Electricity is fucking lightning, and the sooner Dodge remembers that and shoves it into their EVs, the better.
This is good, and should happen. We have these Pano roofs, now we just make a Pano hood so the arcs are contained and it’s safe and legal! I mean, sparks, flames; that just sounds like internal combustion we are all comfortable with!
sound and light is about the only option when it comes to making it look/sound cool. there’s not really a ton else you can do that would be within the bounds of the NHTSA when it comes to electricity. while we all love the idea of open electricity and sparks, we all know that that’s a no-go when it comes to actual road going vehicles due to fire and injury hazards.
Look, we all love the sound of a turbo spooling up. or the whine of a supercharger. why not lean into that a bit with an electric turbine style whine? if can be throttle connected, and include the sound of snapping and crackling electricity, and yes it’d still be fake, but at least it’d sound less like it’s aping the old ICE sounds, and more like it’s the future of the prodigious power of the Electron! And, of course, you could turn it off
I fully expect to see Dynamo from The Running Man doing the unveil.
This is pure genius.
Electroboom needs to help Dodge out here.
Torch, you just described Doc Brown’s Delorean Time Machine. I’m all for this shit.
Separately, the V8 sound nonsense that folks are deploying on EVs (there’s a kit for the Mach E, for example) miss the point. Pulling up next to some ding dong who revs it for a race, and then *silently* pulling away into the sunset is a whole new level of satisfying.
I guess I still don’t get it, because that still sounds dumb.
OMG I want all of this.
You’re thinking too small Torch. Imagine the wonderful theatre of plasma arcing between cars. Passing E-bikes would be recharged for free.
I’ve advocated for, and will install in due time, dual Tesla coils stacks on an electric converted truck.
Call it rolling thunder.
I like the idea of your rolling thunder, but what about the pouring rain? What if you’re coming on to a hurricane?
I’m thinking a Tesla coil embedded in the roof. Its antenna could do double-duty as, you know, the car’s antenna. Those things make a hellacious noise when they discharge, and they shoot lightning. No one will give a damn about a puny Frazetta Chamfered Exhaust System when they can have a Tesla coil instead. And the car is baaaaasically a Faraday cage, so the occupants should be fine. Totally fine.
Looking cool ain’t free, fuckos.
I will be using this line, rather frequently from now on, thank you.
Just rebrand it “DOGE” and offer a free generator with purchase on an 84 month, 10% APR loan.
The target market will snap them up.
Unpopular opinions: I like the new Charger’s I6 and EV power trains. I like that the EV will make some noise, even if it’s completely synthetic. I like that Dodge is trying to make a fun EV, and calling other EVs soulless sleep pods is simply calling them what they are. I also wish it weren’t so expensive, because it’s the only EV I’d realistically consider getting.
Great article.
Even if we don’t resort to literal electrical arcs, it’s pretty clear the way to make EVs desirable to a certain demographic is to market electricity as edgy and dangerous- Which quite frankly, it is! Draw inspiration from nature.
Antisocial Enthusiast Performance EVs need to be less ‘soft space bean’ and more dirt-nasty lighting bolts, among other ‘badass’ imagery. Dodge of all brands, (with their Superbee, Hell Cat and other fun branding) should have no problem coming up their own version of malevolent Reddy Kilowatt sneaking up to stab you in the neck.
Ford’s ‘Lightning’ logo is kinda the closest we have- great name, lots of unrealized potential, but not nearly edgy enough.
Related:
I imagine an Ed ‘Big Daddy’ Roth style illustration, where the ‘Rat fink’ character is driving an EV. The rat (or similar) should be in the process of cartoon-style electrocution, with their skeleton silhouette in black against a flash of glowing plasma.
Antisocial Enthusiast Performance EVs need to be less ‘soft space bean’ and more dirt-nasty lighting bolts, among other ‘badass’ imagery
I disagree and here is why:
an·ti·so·cial
/ˌanˌtīˈsōSHəl,ˌan(t)ēˈsōSHəl/
adjective: antisocial; adjective: anti-social
1.contrary to the laws and customs of society; devoid of or antagonistic to sociable instincts or practices.
“a dangerous, unprincipled, antisocial type of man
2.not sociable; not wanting the company of others.
Antisocial also means not wanting to spendtime with or be friendly with other people:
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/antisocial
The car you describe is bought by someone clearly desperate for attention, even if it’s negative. Truly antisocial people are not needy, clingy man children. The people who seek a car like you describe are extremely social, but want to be perceived as badass which itself is another cry for attention. An antisocial person has no concern how they are seen by others. And a real badass does not drive a car like this.
A TRULY antisocial person does not crave attention, very much the opposite – they shy away from it. Therefore an “Antisocial Enthusiast Performance EV” should be a perfect stealth sleeper – a vehicle that draws absolutely no attention, something akin to a beige Camry. It blends into the pavement. The greatest danger it poses is getting hit by others who failed to notice its existence. The silence of an EV is an asset, not a detriment.
On the INSIDE however it makes as much sturm und drang as the driver can stand. Performance? Sure. But only when nobody is around. The risk of having to talk to even a friendly a cop or fellow performance enthusiast is not worth it.
Lightning on the hood would be cool as shit
Okay I am not an EV fan. I think they will fail in favor of Hybrids. I expected to feel the same way after reading this article. But Damn, Jason if you do not have me thinking you have figured out a way to excite me. I’m not a muscle car guy more Roadster but these ideas could transfer so send this in to Dodge.
Dodge really needs to kill an elephant with this thing.
Eric Arthur Blair would be so proud.
The new daytona is the vehicular equivalent of white rappers in the late 90’s and early 2000’s that weren’t Eminem. Theye either make a lot of noise or have some other gimmick to stand out and i think this “fratzonic exhaust” is said noise/gimmick. Like Torch said, embrace the dramatic and lethal qualities of electricity! Turn every stop light opponent into overcooked french fries!
“ICE, ICE Baby”
Oh wait…