Eight Is Enough: Lancia, VW, Chrysler, Porsche, Corvair, Siata, Ranger, Nissan

Good morning, and happy Friday to all those who celebrate. Today we’re trying something a little different for our end-of-the-week showdown: complete and utter bedlam. For the first time ever, you’ll be able to vote on any car featured this week, so there can be no complaining that your favorite didn’t make the cut.

But even though I’m giving every car a participation trophy today, we still need to crown a winner from yesterday, and it looks like the Beige Ranger galloped off with an easy win. I’m a little surprised, actually; from the comments I was pretty sure it was going to go the other way.

As many of you said, there really isn’t a bad choice here. Both of these are capable, pleasant little machines that will earn their keep for years to come. Typically I’d lean towards the Nissan; historically I’ve had really good luck with Nissan trucks. But that Ranger is so freaking clean, especially inside, that it makes for a tough choice. I think this one would require test drives for me to settle on a winner.

Right; let’s get into it, then. Eight cars enter; one car leaves. Who runs Bartertown? I guess we’ll see. I’ll limit myself to one photo and a quick one-paragraph recap to keep this from getting too unruly.

1978 Lancia Beta Zagato – $3,000

Ah, the siren’s call of a cheap Italian sports car. Many have heard it, few have succumbed to it, fewer still have lived to tell the tale. Rust, electrical gremlins, and catastrophic timing belt failures are just some of the potential pitfalls of Italian car ownership. This faded blue Lancia runs, according to the seller, but isn’t drivable for some mysterious reason. My money is on brakes or clutch. Still, if you are fated to have your heart and bank account broken by an Italian car, as I fear I am some day, there are worse places to start.

1983 Volkswagen Quantum hatchback – $2,000

What is it about a rare failed version of a car more commonly seen in other styles that is so appealing? That shooting-brake version of the Geo Storm comes to mind, or the two-door Jetta, or this Quantum fastback. It stands to reason that if such cars had been appealing when they were new, they would have sold more, and wouldn’t seem so special. Whatever the reason, what we have here is a good-running example of a Volkswagen from back when they made good cars. And it is a handsome machine, with hints of Alfa GTV and Saab 900 in the rear styling.

1976 Chrysler Newport – $2,450

Best smile when you say “malaise era,” son. Chrysler took their sweet time downsizing their gigantic highway cruisers, and while they may have been shadows of their former selves performance-wise, these big tanks still sold like hotcakes. This one has plenty of problems, mostly electrical, likely stemming either from it getting stolen or someone losing the keys. But you can’t keep a good big-block down, so it still runs and drives just fine. That interior, though – yikes. Let’s just hope the Love Shack doesn’t have valet parking.

1978 Porsche 928 – $4,500

“Cheap” and “Porsche” don’t usually go together. Or if they do, their friend “running” is likely nowhere to be seen. This little red number, however, promises to be all three: a cheap running Porsche. And not just running, but a veteran of quite a few Mojave desert crossings. If the seller is to be believed, you could hop in this car and drive it just about anywhere. Of course, we all know that with a car like this, the purchase price is just the beginning. Luckily, it includes half a spare car in parts.

1965 Chevrolet Corvair Corsa Turbo – $4,950

“Unsafe at any speed” wasn’t originally meant to include completely stopped, I don’t think. But in the case of this derelict-for-nineteen-years Corvair, better make sure your tetanus shot is up to date. The seller says it only has “a little rust,” but that argument, much like this car’s cowl and rear quarters, is full of holes. It’s all fixable, and it may even be worth it considering the car’s rare mechanical specification, but you’re probably better off finding a less rusty example and swapping some parts over to it. It won’t be original, of course, but original is overrated. A non-original driver is better than a numbers-matching wreck any day.

1969 Siata Spring – $4,000

Most of you turned up your noses at this little amusement-park-refugee of a car, but I kinda like it. Yes, it’s homely and awkward, but so is Steve Buscemi, and we like him. Besides, it’s a genuine handmade Italian exotic, one of only 3500 or so made. It has been sitting for ages, but it’s based on humble Fiat 850 mechanicals that aren’t hard to find. If it were me, I’d ditch the cheesy wire wheels, plop it on some Campagnolo-style alloys, and hot-rod the little 843 cc engine. See if I couldn’t move it away from the “badly-done MGTD kit car” look a bit.

1992 Ford Ranger XLT – $2,799

Ford’s pint-sized pickup is still a favorite of gardeners and security patrols, even two decades after the last one rolled out of the Saint Paul assembly plant. These things just won’t die. The last time I was getting gravel for a landscaping project, I saw a Ranger just about like this being massively overloaded with pavers, to the point of sitting down on the bump stops. Yet somehow, it lumbered out of the parking lot and down the road. The little 2.3 liter four may not be a powerhouse, but it is capable of hundreds of thousands of miles. This one is just broken-in.

1995 Nissan D21 Hardbody – $3,250

But mini-trucks aren’t just about heavy loads. There’s an element of style to consider as well, and Nissan’s trucks have never been short on style. This one screams 1990s, with its big teal swooshes down the side, and good honest steel wheels. It has such luxurious mini-truck options as power steering and a rear bumper. (Yes, rear bumpers used to be optional on trucks.) It even has air conditioning! And if my own Nissan 720 pickup and D21 Pathfinder experiences are anything to go by, this one has a lot of life left in it too.

Whew! Did you get all that? Eight vehicles, wildly different in size, form factor, purpose, and condition, but not too far off in price. How will you choose? By color, I suppose, or coolest-sounding name, or price per pound. Or just throw them all in a randomizer and let fate decide. You’ve got all weekend to figure it out. See you Monday!

(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)