Home » Ford Is Seeking A Patent On Eavesdropping On Your Conversations So They Can Show You Ads On Your Dash Like Nobody Freaking Wants

Ford Is Seeking A Patent On Eavesdropping On Your Conversations So They Can Show You Ads On Your Dash Like Nobody Freaking Wants

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This is the future, huh? This bullshit? No jetpacks or pills that pop into 16-inch pizzas when subjected to a drop of water, just brand-new cars that listen to our conversations and then try to show us ads for endless breadsticks and boner pills right there on the mothertrusting dashboard. Who wanted this? How did we end up here? What went so wrong that we’re employing staggering computing power to sneakily butt into private conversations with un-asked for advice? Ugh. Whatever went wrong, Ford seems to be embracing it, at least if we are to believe this patent application submitted by Ford on August 29, 2024.

The patent is for “IN-VEHICLE ADVERTISEMENT PRESENTATION SYSTEMS AND METHODS,” and that string of words alone shouldn’t exist in a civilized society, ideally. Here’s what the patent application’s abstract says about the plan:

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 “In-vehicle advertisement presentation systems and methods are disclosed herein. An example method includes determining vehicle information for a trip, the vehicle information including any one or more of a current vehicle location, a vehicle speed, a drive mode, and/or traffic information, determining user information, the user information including any one or more of a route prediction for the trip, a speed prediction for the trip, and/or a destination, determining user preferences for advertisements from any one or more of audio signals within the vehicle and/or historical user data, selecting a number of the advertisements to present to the user during the trip, and providing the advertisements to the user during the trip through a human-machine interface (HMI) of the vehicle.”
So, basically, the car will be looking at the current speed, the route and destination – which can be compared to pre-recorded route data – and the “audio signals” within the vehicle (conversations), which are then used to select advertisements that will be displayed, if this illustration is to be believed, on the center stack screen of a 2013-ish Ford Focus dashboard.
Patent 1
Here’s a whole flow chart about the various factors that go into the process of picking just the right ad to carefully –utilizing every possible benefit of modern data science – shove down your unwilling throat:
Patent 2
So, I suppose it’s good that they’re using speed and route to determine just how many ads they can lob at you without overloading your brains, because I have to believe safety factors in here somewhere, if only because a living human tends to spend a lot more money than a dead one.
Still, if all of this doesn’t cause some deep-soul revulsion from inside the very core of your being, then I don’t know whether to pity how effectively the system has destroyed your resolve or to admire how you’ve adapted to this dystopia of our own making. Neither option is great.
Such systems and methods provide maximum opportunity for ad-based monetization,” the application says at one point, something I’ve never, ever wanted to hear in the context of the interior of a car. Ever.
Encouragingly, Ford at the very least seems sheepish about this whole revolting business, telling The Record via a spokesperson:

“Submitting patent applications is a normal part of any strong business as the process protects new ideas and helps us build a robust portfolio of intellectual property.

“The ideas described within a patent application should not be viewed as an indication of our business or product plans. [Ford] will always put the customer first in the decision-making behind the development and marketing of new products and services.”

I sure as hell hope that’s true. I mean, they’re right, of course, just because a company submits a patent application on an idea or concept does not necessarily mean that concept or idea will end up in a future vehicle. It could just be the automotive equivalent of horror fantasy writing, where Ford engineers challenge one another to come up with vehicle ideas for the most dystopian future imaginable, one where you’re trapped in a car with a nosy, annoying AI that listens carefully to all your private conversations and loudly tells you about what restaurants you should go to or suddenly plays TJ Maxx ads on your car’s dash at volume levels high enough to make you pee your pants, just a tiny bit.
How else do you explain such perverse usages of “optimistic” and “pessimistic” like shown in this chart?
Patent 3
Pessimistic means less ads? I want nothing to do with this world.
Look, I get that maybe Ford has no intention of implementing this. Fine. But I still don’t like that it’s even being thought about. I get that companies are around to make money, and they’ll explore every possible avenue available to them. I get it. But at the same time, this also effectively disintegrates any tiny amount of desire I may have had for a new car. I’d so much rather keep repairing and maintaining my old shitboxes if it means I’ll never have to be subjected to my car listening in on my conversations and flinging filthy ads at me. That would make me want to drive into a lake.
Fuck that. Fuck all of this, vigorously and dementedly.
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Scott
Scott
2 months ago

I’m already feeling pretty anti-Ford since I was unable to source a Maverick during the first two years of production due to under-supply and dealer markups. This nonsense would be the nail in the coffin for the car company named after its antisemitic, Hitler-loving founder.

59turner
59turner
2 months ago

Sometimes, just sometimes in patent law, there is something called a defensive patient. You apply for it and defend it just so that nobody else can use it and never use it yourself. I can say from experience that this happens. One could hope that this is a possibility, but I am probably just thinking wishfully.

Scaled29
Scaled29
2 months ago
Reply to  59turner

I was thinking exactly this. I so very much hope that this is what’s going on, and would raise Ford a little in my eyes.

Commercial Cook
Commercial Cook
2 months ago

with the way the greed is now, I am surprised it has not been implemented earlier.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago

Already you have to for remote start…

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
2 months ago

Yeah, fuck this…fuck Fix Or Repair Daily

Ham On Five
Ham On Five
2 months ago

Box 204 … has me thinking that routing may be optimized for ads and opportunities to spend

Dale Mitchell
Dale Mitchell
2 months ago

GAWD – hope this is the automotive version of capture and kill

Think I’ll hang on to my daily driver a bit longer (’71 Ford F100 Pickup)

Last edited 2 months ago by Dale Mitchell
Nick Fortes
Nick Fortes
2 months ago

Waze does this, kind of. You get little ads for a nearby restaurant or store while you have the map open. I assume this is simply by route mapping and its not listening to your conversations, right? Right?

Jack Beckman
Jack Beckman
2 months ago

They really are piling up the “great” ideas over at Ford: https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a43126498/ford-patent-autonomous-systems-vehicle-repossession/

Jeff N
Jeff N
2 months ago

How about just build a car that runs reliably, isn’t recalled every other week, and doesn’t sit in a repair shop the weeks it is not recalled.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago
Reply to  Jeff N

Maybe bankruptcy is the only way to make Farley understand…if he does not listen at this rate…

TDI_FTW
TDI_FTW
2 months ago

I hope they do this and then get sued into oblivion by lawyers claiming it’s a road distraction, which causes everyone else in the industry to STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM IT.

Highland Green Miata
Highland Green Miata
2 months ago

When the airbags deploy you will immediately get a series of ads for personal injury attorneys.

Commercial Cook
Commercial Cook
2 months ago

and if they don’t… you will be automatically directed to the funeral services and estate attorneys

4jim
4jim
2 months ago

So mechanics will make money removing hammers from touchscreens.

Cayde-6
Cayde-6
2 months ago
Reply to  4jim

And selling them in the first place!

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
2 months ago

You don’t get a patent because you want to do something, you get a patent so that you can keep somebody else from doing something without paying you. A subtle difference.

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
2 months ago

I clicked for 021C content and read about Clippy for Cars. “Did you just pick up a date? Got protection?”

Oh, almost forgot, it’s Ford so it’s Clippy for Trucks. “That cargo is a hot mess, got a bedliner?”

Like that 021C, wish that they would build it.

Last edited 2 months ago by Hugh Crawford
Harvey Firebirdman
Harvey Firebirdman
2 months ago

You are just driving along but then suddenly your car goes into limp mode because it cannot find a signal to load the ad and since the ad is supposed to pop up on an info-mat screen that controls everything in the car you now have to pull over and soft reboot your car.

Or it will be sorry you want to see what speed you are going? Fuck you here is 3 minute ad for temu you cannot click to go away for 10 seconds and the x you need to click is so tiny you accidentally click the ad and it brings up a shitty webpage/app down load page and now you have crashed because you were fidgeting with a screen to get your speedometer and other info you need while driving back on said screen.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago

I know GMC/Chevrolet have some pretty stupid ideas as well such as removing Carplay/Auto and charging money for remote start but NOTHING even as close to this…

I forgot to mention the useless “massaging” seats the Prius now has, and also some other extra useless features.

Mr. Frick
Mr. Frick
2 months ago

I’m sure this will be rolled out incrementally where it’s just targeted audio ads first. Then, short pop-up ads when you start an app. Finally, non-stop banner ads that cannot be dismissed punctuated with full screen ads while retaining the banner.

BentleyBoy
BentleyBoy
2 months ago

ok, how much will the subscription service be to turn it off?

Edward Hoster
Edward Hoster
2 months ago

Jason, you are my hero today for this mere reason “Fuck that. Fuck all of this, vigorously and dementedly.”. Aye!!!

On the patent note, one would think that amazon already has a patent on being fucking annoying. Even more annoying than the damn Duolingo bird mascot.

Fuckery aside, I do like the Ford Electro vehicle pictured though. It has some strong Ace vibes about it and I would actually go out of my way to take a look at one… which is a sure sign that ford will never produce it as they are the company that only produces anal blockage shite stoppers of crap cars. GT40 aside…

Chally_Sheedy
Chally_Sheedy
2 months ago
Reply to  Edward Hoster

Hey!

…they also built the Flex…

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago

Marketeers will stop at nothing.

For example directional speakers have been used for decades to target very specific passers by for advertising:

“The projected sound produced by the Audio Spotlight speakers was a woman’s whispering voice that startled and entertained passersby with spooky and suggestive messages such as “Who’s that?,” “Who’s there?,” and “It’s not your imagination.” To those within the narrow coverage area, the sounds seemed as though they were being whispered right next to their heads, while others standing right next to them heard nothing, thanks to the focused sound beam of the Audio Spotlight.”

https://www.holosonics.com/applications/creative-marketing

I can only imagine how someone with multiple personality disorder feels when they hear voices that someone a few feet away can’t.

Last edited 2 months ago by Cheap Bastard
Ben
Ben
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

We need to send Kyle Reese back in time to prevent the creation of that garbage technology. I’m having a hard time coming up with a single non-shitty use for it.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago
Reply to  Ben

In a country with terrible mental health care, lax gun laws and out of control gun violence this is a ticking bomb.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

You can try Qatar then. No Crime due to capital punishment.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 months ago

Strange, somehow in the US and Europe the death penalty is criticized as an effective deterrent to crime.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

There are states with the death penalty also…

LMCorvairFan
LMCorvairFan
2 months ago

Ford has self eliminated from my potential buy list. Any manufacturer who puts this into their products will be removed from that list.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago
Reply to  LMCorvairFan

To be fair, I GREATLY dislike Fords…aside from panther platforms and maybe early 2V engines and 7.3 IDIs, and the 6.2L BOSS V8.

LMCorvairFan
LMCorvairFan
2 months ago

I’ve owned a few Ford’s over the years. Both were in the lower part of the meh, okay scale, so not much of a look in my books.

Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
Ramaswamy Narayanaswamy
2 months ago
Reply to  LMCorvairFan

In Qatar, they are generally not popular.

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