As you likely know, today the great almighty sky-clam is going to devour the sun, digest it for a few minutes, then poop it back out again, so the grand and majestic cycle of life can begin anew. We call this an “eclipse.” Some people think they’ll be raptured away to heaven during this celestial event, so if you’re driving and you may be raptured or you’re driving someone who you think may be raptured, be polite and, if you have a sunroof, keep it open, or, even better, if you have a convertible, keep the top down. If you have neither, I do not suggest driving with anyone who may be raptured away. More importantly, let’s take some time to focus on another special kind of eclipse: the kind made by Mitsubishi.
The Mitsubishi Eclipse, made between 1990 and 2012, is one of those cars that people tend to forget about, and then you remind them, and their face lights up with a flash of memory, and they tell you something like “oh yeah, the Eclipse! I haven’t seen one of those in forever!” and then you agree and, if the moment feels right, you go in for the kiss. I mean, it’s your call, just putting it out there.
That Eclipse brochure picture I put up top there, I chose it because it’s another opportunity to play our fun game of Where They Shot That Car Brochure Picture! We’ve done these before, and they’re always a good time. I recognized the background of that shot up there immediately. Here, I’ll show it again:
Is that woman chauffeuring that other woman around? Why is she in the back seat? Are they waiting for someone who was in the passenger seat to return? Are those two fighting? I hope they work it out. Back seat does look pretty pissed.
Back to the location, though; it’s pretty distinctive, being vivid green with a big yellow stripe and that peculiar blackletter text at the base of the windows reading “Twenty Four Seven Pinch [a] Juicy Loaf And Tofu Scramble” which can only mean one thing – this is Fred 62. Here’s a Google StreetView shot of it so you can see for yourself:
Fred 62 is a fun little hipster-ish (well, it was, I’m not sure if that still qualifies now?) diner that used to be in easy walking distance of my old house in Los Angeles, so I’ve been here a lot. They used to make great milkshakes, if I remember, and were open very late, both valuable, important amenities for modern life.
It looks like the first half of that strange motto is gone now, and we just have the “a Juicy Loaf…” part left. They’ve also upgraded their awning significantly, so good for Fred.
That Eclipse up there is the third-gen Eclipse from 1999, much curvier and significantly more grooved car than the first-gen Eclipses, which I think I’ll show you in some commercials from that optimistic era, especially this one that shows an actual eclipse! Or a faked eclipse:
Here’s another one, all full of implied heat and whipping the car sideways:
See that hood bulge? The hood was so low, that bulge was needed to clear the valve cover. These early Eclipses with pop-up lights had a detail I liked, which is that if you did the flash-to-pass thing, the lights would stay down but shine through little clear windows in the front fascia; here’s me showing a proud Plymouth Laser owner (a badge-engineered sibling of the Eclipse) how it works:
Such a fun detail! Happy eclipse day, everyone.
Hey I know that Laser! And the Cappuccino behind it!
Writing “Pinch a Juicy Loaf” outside your restaurant is a bold move – whether patrons associate your food with excrement, come in just to use the restroom, or decide to dine and dash, there’s no good way to read it…
…though, now I’m imagining their super-moist meatloaf, so maybe I’m wrong.
I always hated how strangely bright the headlights were. Always wanted to tell them “turn around, bright eyes.” I talked to an owner about it once. Their response was “I don’t know what to do. I’m always in the dark.”
I had to skip past these photos for now. I don’t have the special glasses, so I’m going to make a pinhole viewer to check out this Eclipse safely.
Just a reminder that the non-stop onslaught of eclipse coverage in every media outlet is a distraction from the vote on Section 702. FISA is looking to extend for 5 more years of spying on you, just for funsies.
Some people bitch about Chinese cars around here, but the true threat is under our noses this week.
This comment isn’t about cars, but you should care anyway.
So, a convertible Eclipse is a partial Eclipse and the coupe is a total Eclipse. Have I got that right?
And one with a sunroof is an annular Eclipse.
It was needed so the hood would clear the cam gears / cam gear cover.
Photographer: The mirror is blocking the passenger’s face. Hon, get in the back seat, will ya?
Model (MASSIVE eye roll): Ugh! Fiiiine!
Or, she just couldn’t make her mind up, RE which seat she could take
The real eclipse is crossing over my little patch of the world. Since traffic will be a nightmare later on, I’m getting together with neighbors for a watch party. It’s eclipse themed, obviously. A real Eclipse wouldn’t make it to the location so hoofing it is the way to go.
The Eclipse was basically the canary in Mitsubishi’s coal mine. As each generation got a little worse, it predicted just how much shittier the successive generation of Mitsubishi vehicles would get.
Posting Eclipse commercials and leave out the one with Dirty Vegas?
Don’t forget the Chapelle’s Show parody.
Which used a 350Z but kept the Eclipse on-screen titles
Pinching a juicy loaf sounds like what Torch did when his aorta unzipped.
Actually I think the issue was losing the ability to pinch
Fair point.
Hey now the Eclipse Cross has existed since 2018! Oh wait… I forgot we don’t talk about those
We don’t talk about Bruno.
I routinely forget Mitsubishi still sells cars in the US
“A juicy loaf and tofu scramble” Sounds like a bathroom sign for Taco Bell.
Or Primus’ new album.