Welcome back! For our Wednesday edition of Shitbox Showdown, I’ve got a couple of little cars I just know you’re going to love… to make fun of and complain about. But are they really all that bad? Don’t answer that yet. All I ask is that you keep an open mind.
Yesterday we were traveling internationally to look at Ford pickups, and it seems that the Mazda-built European Ranger is the clear choice. I have to agree. It’s cooler looking, and it’s a 4×4, and it would be endless fun to take it to a car show here and enter it in the “Ford Truck” category.
Several of you also brought up the fact that compressed natural gas is not always easy to find, and called that a strike against the Brazilian Ranger, but I should have mentioned that, yes, a CNG conversion does not preclude the use of good old ordinary gasoline. It’s sort of a dual-fuel situation. But that Bulgarian diesel is definitely the choice here, anyway.
Alrighty then. One of the fun things about this job is finding nice things to say about cars everyone else considers absolute garbage. Personally, I don’t think there is such a thing; it takes so much time and money and commitment to bring a car to market that any car that actually ends up for sale is worthy of at least a little respect. No one sets out to design a crappy car, and whatever compromises end up in the finished product, it’s still an admirable feat.
With that in mind, I give you the finest Detroit had to offer in the mid-to-late 1980s to fight the onslaught of cheap imported cars from Japan, as well as new threats coming from Korea. Were they great cars? No, of course not. Were they good enough? That’s debatable. Did they sell? Boy howdy, did they. The total production of each was more than two and a half million – enough to earn them a place in automotive history. It also means you have a story about one of these or the other. Let’s check them out.
1985 Chevrolet Chevette CS – $5,000
Engine/drivetrain: 1.6-liter overhead valve inline 4, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Bellefontaine, OH
Odometer reading: 62,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
In the ’70s, General Motors was striking out when it came to small cars. After the moon-shot Corvair ended up as an evolutionary dead end, the designers of the Vega took a more traditional path, following the tried-and-true “shrink a big car down” method of designing a compact car. They still screwed it up. But the global juggernaut had high hopes for its next small car, the T platform, introduced in 1976 as the Chevrolet Chevette. “It’ll drive you happy,” the ads said. It wasn’t an exciting car, but it didn’t eat head gaskets or disintegrate from rust like the Vega did, which was a vast improvement.
The Chevette is also pretty traditional, with a longitudinal pushrod four-cylinder engine driving a solid rear axle. Rear-wheel-drive small cars weren’t rare in 1976, but by 1985 when this one was built, they were getting scarce. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing; I can tell you from personal experience that RWD made a Chevette more fun in a snowy parking lot than any FWD car ever built.
This Chevette has only 62,000 miles on it, and the seller says it runs and drives great. It is, unfortunately, equipped with an automatic transmission, which does its acceleration no favors, I’m sure, but even a stickshift Chevette is pretty damn slow. But going slowly gives passers-by plenty of time to say, “holy crap, is that a Chevette?”
It’s clean, stock, and original except for a set of aftermarket alloy wheels, and seat covers that I would imagine are only there for protection. It’s the nicest Chevette I’ve seen in a while, but the price is steep; you have to really want a Chevette to pay this much for one.
1989 Plymouth Horizon – $2,900
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Ocala, FL
Odometer reading: 154,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
Chrysler also turned to its overseas affiliates to develop a small car, and like GM, also completely reworked the design for America. Unlike GM, Chrysler chose to follow the trail blazed by Fiat and Volkswagen, and made the Horizon and Omni front-wheel-drive. Originally powered by a Volkswagen engine, and later a completely different Simca unit, eventually the Horizon and Omni had settled on Chrysler’s standard corporate 2.2 liter “K car” engine.
This late-production Horizon benefits from the changes and improvements made to the K engine over the years, most notably throttle-body fuel injection, a welcome improvement over the Holley two-barrel carburetor used by earlier models. This one is coupled to a three-speed A413 Torqueflite automatic, a nice reliable unit that somehow manages to suck all the enjoyment out of every vehicle in which it is installed. It was parked for several years, but the seller has done a lot of work to wake it up, and now reports that it runs and drives well.
Horizons and Omnis were not fancy cars, but they also didn’t feel as cheap as some other compacts. The seats are quite comfortable, and the ride is better than you’d expect. This one looks pretty good inside, but you have to drive it when the weather is just-so: the air conditioner doesn’t work, and neither does the heater. A new heater core is included, and if I remember right, it’s not terribly hard to get to on these. The A/C “needs a charge,” a phrase that may or may not be true. Hey, at least it has it.
It’s a little faded and sad-looking outside, but that’s been true of pretty much every remaining Horizon since about 1994. These were cheap cars, and often treated as disposable. The fact that it’s still on the road and hasn’t been crushed and recycled into a washing machine or a bridge girder is impressive.
I fully expect the comments to be full of anecdotes about someone’s brother or girlfriend or aunt who had one of these two cars, and how horrible it was. But that’s the thing – everyone has a story about these things. Cars don’t exist in a vacuum; we use them to go places and do things. So here is my challenge for you today: Choose the car you have a fond memory of – somewhere fun you went in one of them, someone you had a crush on who owned one, whatever – and tell that story in the comments, instead of just talking about how much they suck or how overpriced they may be. I can think of at least a couple of positive associations from my own past for each of these. I’m sure you have those stories too. Let’s hear ’em.
(Image credits: Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace sellers)
$5K for a Chevette?! Crackpipe! I’ll take the Horizon. I don’t have any stories for these
Burn them both. And especially the Chevette. I did my drivers training on one, and not only was it soul sucking, it was outright dangerous in Los Angeles traffic. Reliable? Sure. But should NEVER have been sold with a slushbox.
The horizon seems to be the better car, but I can’t vote for either. In the 80’s, I was working in local TV as a news photog. One station I was at had Horizons for the news crews (leased or free advertising). We rung these things out every day, since we also covered any and every bad news event, so hauling ass without killing you and your crew was part of the job. The Horizon I had was a 5 speed, and despite the abuse piled on it, it never broke down, unlike some the others in the fleet.
I can’t vote for it because just seeing a picture of one sends chills up my spine, so no, never again. Can’t vote for the Chevette, definitely a worse car.
As a recovering local TV news producer, I can say with confidence that any car able to withstand photog duty deserves a vote.
“Recovering local TV news producer” made me snort laugh! Agreed, once I changed career paths, it literally took a few years before I recovered from all the tragic scenes and how callous it all was. What other profession has you thinking, “oh, that’s a good wreck (house fire, dead body, etc). Edit it up and air it.
The Horizon was at a low budget UHF station. When I moved over to a CBS station we had Ford Broncos that were just tough as nails.
I’ve driven two Chevettes in my life. I’ve never driven a Horizon. I choose Horizon. While that Chevette is very clean the price is unreasonable.
Yeah, 5 grand is absolute top dollar for one and this is not top-dollar presentation.
5 grand for this Chevette???? OMG that’s funny. And no, it is not a CS model, those had color keyed door panels inside and blackout window trim with chrome surrounds outside. Someone got a hold of some hellacious crack and toked up when they put the price on this turd box shovette. Horizon for the win. Horizon would have won just for it’s comfy bucket seats anyway. Not to mention it’s seller is obviously not smoking crack.
Definitely the Horizon. Slap on some fake wood panel siding and you have a quasi-TV star car. Mary Bellows from CBC’s “Do it for yourself” had one that was white with woodgrain siding. This would be a deep cut.
The Horizon.
Anecdote time: When I was a wee one, my father was working under the hood of our family Plymouth Horizon one day. Sitting in the driver’s seat to keep me out of the way, three-year old me decided to push the horn button, because three-year old. With his head right in the engine bay. I don’t recall the exact string on profanity that emanated from him, but I do recall my mother rapidly escorting me out of there. In retrospect, probably not the best choice for keeping small child out of trouble.
I used to fall asleep on rides in that car fairly frequently.
Given the amount of time he spent working on that car because of mid-1980s Chrysler Corporation reliability, I probably have more fond memories of it than he does.
But I am morbidly curious to drive it, just to see how far things have come since then. But not nearly three thousand dollars’ worth.
I seriously forgot the Horomni was still being produced and sold that late into the eighties. Just wow.
This match up is like asking your SO, what should we have for our special anniversary dinner tonight? Boiled cabbage or boiled turnip?
The Chevette is the better deal because of miles and ease of making it better, but it is definitely not 5K better. That number seems obscene to me.
https://www.speedwaymotors.com/shop/1982-chevy-chevette-chevy-ls-v8-engine-mounts-and-adapters~196854-1982-47-436-1-949-21-10-309?srsltid=AfmBOoqCrfzyG9t4yv_alJOjTyazEA_AEEcFBCClpCijiYsmuVVuu9qY
They’re both automatics
That eliminates any possible fun potential.
Riding the bus would be more fun than these.
A Plymouth Horizon drives like an S-Class Mercedes compared to a Chevette. Replace the heater core, fix the A/C and slap a cheap paint job on the Horizon for the win.
The Horizon isn’t a Chevette, so it wins automatically. It’s nice that it costs less too, I suppose.
I vote Horizon because we had one, 1988-1999, but with the 5 speed manual. Don’t know how easy it would be to find a manual transmission to swap in these day though, an automatic sounds…glacial. A fine workhorse kind of car, did fine for commuting and road trips. Donated in 1999 to one of the local animal shelters as we got a GMC Safari since the 1969 VW Bus was experiencing a hard to find electrical gremlin. Only thing wrong with it was a broken motor mount after nearly 200K miles. 4 doors and a hatch made it very practical if not exciting.
Some friends had a communally owned Chevette in lime green. A real crap box that at least still moved (most of the time). The most notable thing I can remember about it is one time when they went to revive it yet again, a very large amount of black widow spiders had taken up residence under the hood.
You ask for story? I have many. I drove the far sportier Plymouth 2-door. Mine was the 1982 limited half year version called a Plymouth Horizon TC3 Turismo. In later years the Turismo was a model, but mine was a trim on the TC3.
My generous parents bought this car for me as a college graduation present over the winter break at the end of 1981, before I graduated the next spring. I chipped in an extra $500 to get this model, because I really liked the way it looked. Burgundy with gold pinstripes. The Maroon corduroy style seating was not supportive but quite comfortable. Although the appearance trim was an upgrade, otherwise it was quite basic. A heater and power brakes. No air, no radio, 4-speed and manual steering. 2.2 FWD. This was a first for me as previous cars I’d driven were all RWD with only a few test drives of manuals.
Here’s one story- I was driving to school that winter. It was a snowy day in central Illinois, famous for its drifts on the wide open country roads. It was a 70 mile ride on the back roads, and I had traveled them many times. I was cruising along at 65 mph, even though the national speed limit was 55, and would have been less on the back roads, cause that FWD stuck to the road like glue. There was snow blowing across the road, but only half the road was snowpacked. And the grip on the 60 profile tires was amazing. Gradually the road became more snowpacked as I traveled south until I only had one tire width of road to point the left tire along. Still problem free, but I may have slowed to 60.
Until the road became fully snowpacked. So I eventually lost traction and began fishtailing. No worries, I had dealt with this a hundred times before, usually on purpose. But not with a brand new car! As I had learned, I lifted my right foot, avoiding braking and steered into the slide. But this was different! With the 4-speed revving the engine around 2900 rpm it worked as an engine brake and the front end was actively braking the car! I overslid and opposite steered multiple times but never regained traction and ended up sideways in the ditch.
I had a shovel and blanket in the hatch, but unfortunately there was no way I could remove enough snow to get traction. So I hiked a mile down the road, found an occupied farmhouse, and the gentleman kindly hooked up his tractor and pulled out that Plymouth like nothing.
I slowed down, drove the rest of the way to school, and arrived undamaged. But 21 year old me learned that FWD brought a new set of rules to winter driving.
I sold my Turismo with around 130Kmiles when I bought a new 1986 Ford Taurus MT5, with AIR CONDITIONING. I still occasionally dream about the Plymouth. So many memories!
Not your specific model, but the earlier basic models could also hydroplane pretty badly. My work one spun around twice after I barely tapped the brakes on a 2 lane in somewhat heavy rain. Granted I was going too fast, but that shouldn’t have happened. When I finally got control of it, we were half on the shoulder and probably would have ditched it if not for running over a roadside sign, which stopped us. I was able to back it up (thanks sign), and off we went.
I’d go for the Horizon just because I know
dangerousexciting engine mods can be done. However, while no expert on 80’s AC, why is there the same air fitting as my air tools on the compressor?https://images.craigslist.org/00A0A_21OV30MR6iT_0CI0t2_1200x900.jpg
That’s a damn good question! I’ve pulled multiple compressors from underpowered 80s cars and never seen one of those on one.
Possible reason why it isn’t working? Owner: “Garage says my compressor isn’t working.” Friend: Hell I got a compressor, lets hook it up and soo if that it!!
Funny: this morning-for no reason-I woke up wondering if someone was trying to use it as an on-board air compressor. I seem to remember old-school 4wd guys using smog pumps & ac compressors to air their tires back up after a trail run
It’s basically a turbo!
Huh, I don’t know if I remember that, but I remember kits for filling tires off the spark plug port, which never seemed safe to me..