Just the other day, Tesla finally pushed an over-the-air update that contained a bit of software known as Actually Smart Summon (ASS). For those unfamiliar with the significance of the acronym, ASS is also a slang term for buttocks, a human body part defined by the gluteus maximus muscle, and also the area surrounding the anus, the primary evacuation orifice for solid wastes. The ass is also laden with a vast array of cultural and socio-sexual implications, and as such is an ideal acronym for a bit of limited-automated automobile driving software. Once, there was even a car called the ASS.
But that’s not really what’s important here; what’s important is what ASS actually does, and why the way it has been demonstrated, and endorsed by Tesla CEO Elon Musk, is so troubling. The software is designed to allow a Tesla to navigate independently for short distances, driverless, so the car can, say, go from a parking spot to a nearby location to pick up the driver, who presumably doesn’t want to go out in the rain or walk across a parking lot or be seen in public or whatever.
This was supposed to come out about two years ago, at least according to Elon:
Note, Autopilot/AI team is also working on Optimus and (actually smart) summon/autopark, which have end of month deadlines
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) September 20, 2022
[Ed Note: Jason, author of a critically acclaimed book on self-driving, is serious about pointing out Tesla’s erroneous self-driving claims. In fact, here are some titles of articles he’s written over the years about them:
- Is Tesla Miscounting Crashes To Make Autopilot Seem Safer? New Study Suggests It Might Be
- Elon Musk Promises You Can Pay For ‘Full Self-Driving’ Subscription In 2021 Even Though It Won’t Really Exist Then
- Again With This Completely Self-Driving Shit from Elon Musk
- Elon Musk Didn’t Realize How Hard Self-Driving Would Be Which Is Why He Should Read This Paper
The truth is, Tesla’s driver-assist tech has limitations that should preclude it from being called “Full Self Driving (FSD),” and the world shouldn’t forget that. You know, for safety reasons. -DT].
End of month, 24 months, who’s counting? It’s fine! We all put things off. And this was hardly a mission-critical thing, it’s just a cool little perk. But it’s here now, and it’s already being tested out by people, including laser-focused Tesla fanperson WholeMarsCatalog, who posted this video clip of ASS in action:
My first time sitting in the back seat while FSD drives me around in my new Model 3 Performance $TSLA pic.twitter.com/OM9qnntpj8
— Whole Mars Catalog (@WholeMarsBlog) September 3, 2024
It’s worth noting that this clip was also reposted by Tesla CEO Elon Musk himself:
So, what’s going on here, and why am I making a big thing out of it? The tweet, using the term “FSD,” implies that the car can drive you around, which is technically true but only if by “around” you mean “in super limited areas at low speeds, and also who knows how safe it really is.” What’s happening in the video is not going down on public roads, but in what appears to be a parking lot at LAX, at night, during a time of low traffic. I personally am still a bit surprised these summon features have been allowed to be used even in private parking lots, because what you’re effectively doing is playing with a 4,000 pound RC car in a public space, surrounded by other people.
I’m not alone in wondering about this; the Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE) brings up a lot of good questions and there are certainly plenty of examples of a summoned Tesla getting into trouble while self-driving under Smart Summon.
But again, that’s not what bothers me; what bothers me is how the poster of the video is sitting in the back seat of the Tesla, watching an episode of Arrested Development, while the car is driving to wherever he set it to drive to on the app.
This bothers me because it’s sending a very false and potentially dangerous message about the capabilities of Tesla’s automated driving assist systems, none of which are truly autonomous. Sure, Smart Summon or ASS or whatever may sort of qualify as Level 4, in a very limited area, but the actual, on-road systems offered by Tesla, Autopilot and “Full Self-Driving,” are both Level 2 systems that require constant driver monitoring, despite what their names might lead you to believe.
So, at best, what WholeMarsCatalog is doing here is pretending. But this kind of pretending can be dangerous, because it adds to the already confusing status of what Tesla’s driver assist systems are actually capable of.
Studies have shown that people are already extremely confused about the capabilities of Level 2 systems, and even worse than that, some people are just idiots. Remember this clown?
That jackass was apparently endangering countless people pretending he had a fully self-driving car, which, I assure you, he did not. How did he get the idea that his Tesla could drive around without any supervision or input from a human? A lot of complex mixed and confusing messages coming from, well, pretty much everywhere in the Tesla communities.
So, when Omar (the guy behind WholeMarsCatalog) decides to hole up in the back seat of his new Model 3 Performance and post a video of the car driving him around while he watches the inimitable Liza Minelli be fantastic, saying
“My first time sitting in the back seat while FSD drives me around in my new Model 3 Performance”
… I think that’s a problem, because it lacks context. He’s seemingly willfully conflating what he is using – the Actual Smart Summon feature, only for short distances in places like parking lots – with FSD, which is an actual, on-road tool. He almost certainly knows the difference, of course, and wants people to at least pretend along with him that it’s FSD, which it very much is not.
Ideally, FSD (again, a specific term for a different stack of Tesla software that is NOT being used here) should not allow this to happen. It should have driver monitoring systems that prevent the car from driving without a human in the driver’s seat. ASS does not have such requirements, so Omar can pull this dippy little stunt.
Why do people do this? Can’t people just pretend they have technologies that don’t exist yet, but keep it to themselves? I mean, I pretend I’m flying a spaceship or in a co-dependent relationship with a robot all the time, but I don’t post it on Twitter and try to confuse everyone into playing along with me.
Also, let’s not forget, Elon Musk himself retweeted this, and he’s already had to deal with plenty of issues coming from the misleading names of these systems. You’d think he’d want to avoid anything like this, completely!
Stupid; this all just stupid. No Tesla is fully self-driving, and no matter how cool you think it looks (it doesn’t btw) don’t get in the back seat of an otherwise empty Tesla that you’ve somehow fooled into half-driving your ass around.
Ugh.
Elon Musk Predicts Level 4 Or 5 Full Self-Driving ‘Later This Year’ For the Tenth Year In A Row
Tesla Using Full Self-Driving Beta Runs A Stop Sign In The Middle Of A Debate About FSD Beta
California Threatens To Suspend New Tesla Sales Over Misleading Autopilot Claims
I like how the reporter felt the need to demonstrate how the criminal crawled from the backseat to the front. Mere words describing this feat weren’t enough, so he had to show us. He’s a man of action. Anchor material right there!
Yeah, pure stupidity…I can’t believe all this STUPID SHIT is real. Fucking ASS clowns. Fuck Tesla and EV’s…gasoline forever!
Look at road, Michael, look at road!
In the UK the name of this feature will of course be A Really Smart Summon, Even.
So you’re saying that for safety reasons the drivers seat should contain an ASS.
(Reminds me of the oldest joke in the automotive industry)
Stuff like this is why I refer to Tesla’s driver assists as “semi-autopilot” and “Partial Self Driving”, when I’m not calling it “Full Self Crashing”. It’s truth in labeling
Does anyone really think Teslas names are cute? ASS? Are we serious right now? And I thought S3XY was dumb.
I
Tesla’s brand of juvenile humor is indeed getting old.
So now it’s adult humor?
If you’re referring to the sexual innuendos, then it’s always been “adult” humour.
Imagine working at Tesla. Elon insists that you devote every waking hour of your day to work and even suggests you bring in a cot so you don’t have to waste any time driving to and from work, as we know Elon does. Certainly it’s for good reason, though, and it will all be worth it when you help develop new, wonderful, world changing things. Nope, that’s not what you’re working on. What you’re doing is trying to make these silly gimmicks work or, if you’re lucky, coming up with new silly gimmicks. That’s your life now, silly gimmicks. Probably pretty good money though.
“Well, um, I guess you’re just not truly hardcore enough for this job, then.”
-Elon before he cans someone for expecting reasonable working conditions and/or not making his insane fantasies reality.
“Arrested Development” perfectly sums up Elon, his FSD software, and his minions.
COTD
What a way to tell your robo-mistress it’s over. 😉
I have had two Model Ys and had a 30 day free trial of the “FSD” on each one.
I’m here to tell you that the tech is NOT ready for prime time. Anyone who puts their trust (and their life) in the hands of this thing is clearly not a rational person. Yes, it has promise, and it does some interesting things, but it also does some REALLY interesting things that are not good.
“My first time sitting in the back seat while FSD drives me around in my new Model 3 Performance”
This is as lame of a brag as that chair force officer who bragged about doing a u-turn with his pinky in a Cybertruck. How is your ENTIRE personality/reason for being wrapped up in what car your drive. Honestly tech fans are worst than any Ford/Chevy/Ram stans I’ve seen, just digitally wanking over such minor things.
To be fair, there are a more than a few folks on here who have commented virtually verbatim the other side of the coin, saying something to the effect of “I wouldn’t drive ‘so and so’ car because of what others may think of me”. It’s not hard to find examples of insecure people, regardless of the take, because they are typically the most vocal about making it known.
I don’t mean to insult any individual on this site, but it is what it is.
While true, “I define myself extensively by X” is not a direct inversion of “I refuse to allow myself to be defined by X”. One is a direct statement. “See my cybertruck, it makes me awesomer than you” being the statement in the current example. But refusing to own a cybertruck is not directly equivalent. No one can see you and instantly know “that guy WONT drive a cybertruck”. In fact, the lack of a cybertruck makes no statement at all. It is silence in the face loud statements.
The more direct equivalent would be driving a big truck from the big 3 with a window decal that says “only pussies drive cybertrucks”. A public statement making it known that you will be defined by your hatred of the cybertruck, as opposed to being defined by your love of it.
You made me think. I hate that.
I now know what decal I need to put on my Ford Lightning.
Ah, that’s true when you are looking at it from actual, physical ownership. No doubt.
In this case from the OP, the reference (imo) is more of the online statement via Twitter. Resultingly, commenting the inverse via The Autopian is much more analogous as the are both social media statements tied to the poster’s internet “persona”.
The difference between the physical and whatever the internet is, is not something to make big noise about, as much as the concept of “planting a statement flag”. That’s the whole point, whatever that is worth to begin with.
It’s called ASS because that’s what you’ll feel like after it hits every car and pedestrian in the parking lot on the way over to you.
Oops, must have had it in Braille mode. Sorry about that, Chief.
You should be so lucky, didn’t one hit a friggin plane?