Unlike regular people, I rarely buy groceries for a week, much to the dismay of my wife. No, I’m more of a “go to Kroger every day to get two things” kind of guy, and not just because I enjoy the car spotting or that I’m hoping to catch a fresh Hot Wheels restock. Most recently, I was popping in daily to see if Good & Plenty was back in the candy aisle. It was out for like a week.
The thing about Good & Plenty is … no, wait, I’m getting off track. As a frequent flyer at Kroger (and Walmart and Home Depot, typically), I get to enjoy a wide variety of parking spaces and observe the parking skills of others.
Like you, I try to be a respectful parker. I take care not to overlap into the spot across from me, I make sure there’s sufficient door-opening space for whoever will climb into the car to my right, and if only because not doing so would bug me, I do my very best to make sure my car is perfectly parallel with the lines. Surely something bad will happen if I’m not parallel. And of course, I don’t park in handicapped spaces or pregnant-lady spaces and the like, as long as they seem reasonable. If I’m in a super hurry, I may take the Employee Of The Month’s space, because I think someone of EOTM temperament would surely be looking out for me, the customer.
Some people, however, just can’t seem to park well. Maybe they lack the skill, or they don’t care that much, or maybe they were just trying to get out of their car, into the store, and safely to the restroom as quickly as possible – in which case, Godspeed. No matter the reason, crummy parking doesn’t bother me much. My maximum response is an eye-roll, perhaps? A bemused head-shake?
Some people, on the other hand, go crazy. Over the line a little? Rear end sticking out a bit too much? Up goes a photo and accompanying screed on Facebook. Maybe an outraged TikTok or Reel is uploaded right there from the cart corral. There’s one guy Instagram’s algorithm keeps foisting on me who keeps an array of dickish stickers in his car so he can shame poor parkers, roasting them contemptuously as the deleterious decal is applied. Gee whiz, lighten up.
… Or don’t? Should I be getting angrier? I certainly don’t love it when someone else’s bad parking makes it all but impossible for me to get into my car. And when some knob parks his car diagonally across two spots to “protect” it (and in an active part of the lot, not the outskirts, mind you), for sure: screw that guy. But the rest? Life is short, and I don’t know their story.
You tell us: How Worked Up Do You Get Over People Parking Poorly?
Top graphic: depositphotos.com
I hardly care at all since it doesn’t surprise me much anymore…I just think/laugh in my mind “what a dummy”…also don’t care to get into people’s business, if they get a ticket or make people mad, that’s on them. I enjoy parking away from the crowds and actually use my legs and walk…how hard is it to walk a little further? You get exercise too…probably those same people who HAVE to park at the closest possible spot, go to the gym or a trail later and walk a lot when if they had parked a little further out, they could have added a little more to their exercise…and if they didn’t get a close spot, will probably complain “Oh, I had to walk a little further” Isn’t it ironic? Don’tcha think?
Also, anyone who hasn’t seen the show Parking Wars, I recommend it since it’s fucking hilarious
Well… I used to get beer money in my early 20s when people were nice and would leave a note on my car when they did something to my Peugeot 504. And instead of getting it fixed, me and my buddies would have some beer.
I am now driving an eight-year-old Honda Accord, and people do indecent things to it and think nothing of it. I trailered it behind a U-Haul truck and even on the trailer, somebody put something more than a door ding into that car. I kinda wanted to see what the damage was to that guy’s door (probably a guy, right? Women don’t usually swing their doors that aggressively.)
And people keep doing stuff like that to my car. At an airport parking lot. Or when I park nicely at my local watering hole.
At this point, my 2017 Accord is now like the 1974 Peugeot punching bag. But without the apologies. I can’t fathom what someone with a Bentley or equivalent would feel like.
One more thought… I had a customer in Roseburg, Oregon, that had a parking space for the employee of the month, that was painted bright red as “Rock Star Parking.” It was a small TV station, and the parking lot was not that big, but it brought a smile to my face.
AND there was an ’84 Toyota Tercel 4×4 wagon parked there pretty identical to what I had owned not too many years before.
So, two reasons to smile that day.
Finally, I’ve had this one loaded in the chamber for years waiting for the opportunity to drop the hammer. I used to be mildly amused by what people referred to as “gangster parking”(regardless of the driver’s race) and often heard people jokingly wondering aloud if the parker needed to make a quick getaway- hence backing in. That was before everyone and their second cousin started doing it, especially people in big trucks. The problem is that more times than not, they encroach on the spaces around them. In the case of trucks, it’s the one behind them. I’m sorry but you don’t need two spaces to park your car or truck- unless you have a trailer. I drove a Tahoe with an extended hitch for years and didn’t need to back into parking spaces.
Also, the argument that it makes it easier to get out is just absurd. Sure you might be able to pull out quicker but you’re just transferring the work to the pulling in part, and often more so because of the increased difficulty due to relying on mirrors and cameras with limited perspective- rather than your own damn eyes. I am so sick of waiting for someone to pull in and out of their space backwards multiple times because they are just too cool to do it the easy way. I hate to break it to you but you are not more important than the people waiting on you or the people that can’t utilize the spaces around you because you think you’re special- even in your tricked out jacked-up giant truck that will never go off road.
It is especially galling to see an elderly lady begin to pull into what appears to be an open space- only to be confronted by the trailer hitch of the troglodyte who backed into her otherwise open space.
Yes, there are very rare occasions when it may be necessary to back in but that ain’t what I’m talkin’ about Dawg!
For the record, this was intended as a Bill Burr style rant/bit. I would add laughing emojis but Kinja won’t let me.
Now get the hell off my lawn!
I cared when I was a new driver. I try not to worry about other people unless it affects me. I’ve always parked away from the crowd when possible and that’s definitely paying off now that I’ve got kids in the rear seats and a 2 door car.
I saw that sticker guy on instagram and there was so much obnoxious theater to it. He’s probably going to get killed by some truck bro during his rant. If he just tossed a sticker on the back window as he walked by I’d judge him so much less.
I’ll laugh or shake my head. I get frustrated when someone parks too close to my car when I come out of a grocery store and need to get my kid into their seat. I never have and hopefully never will be one of those people who throws a fit over parking.
Closest to rage I’ve gotten was when someone was so desperate for a close parking space that they blocked me in while they waited for someone to load groceries and return their cart. That led to a few honks.
I would describe myself as an extremely “by the book” parker, and a darn good one at that. However, a big part of my, uh, general philosophy or whatever is to try not to judge people. I feel like all of the negativity just bounces right back.
Agree about the purposeful two-spaces guy, though. Eff him.
I miss driving a junker that I would squeeze into the spots next to bad parkers just to show that they couldn’t own two spots. THAT was the best benefit of bench seats!
Should open up for submissions of terrible parking users have seen because I’m sure they would have tons of photos.
I had a tiny Honda Fit that was GREAT for that
I send my wife pictures all the time of “places the Fit fit” next to other people’s bad parking jobs.
Also my Miata, it was short enough to fit under truck mirrors so it could fit in absurdly small spaces.
I do a good job parking, mainly out of self-defense; I don’t want someone hitting my car, and it’s not that difficult in a modern, camera-laden car. However, I was in a shopping center parking lot a few weeks ago; I went to pull into a spot only to realize that the full-size pickup in my front-adjoining spot had pulled well into my spot and at a crooked angle. I parked my car, inside my lines and without leaving my ass hanging out and went inside, with the understanding that I was going to look a little silly if the offending pickup left. Sure enough, I came out a few hours later and someone had left a napkin under my windshield with a note commenting that “only idiots park like [I] do”. Even my teenagers, never quick to come to my defense, felt this was rude, and I struggled to explain to them what would compel a person to give such a shit about this so as to leave a note. Anyway, it brought to mind the “Be curious, not judgmental” episode from Ted Lasso; this person never considered that there was a valid reason to park this way? It doesn’t take much imagination. Anyway… assholes gonna asshole.
At a shopping center parking lot? Not too much. At my office parking deck, where there’s a finite number of spaces? CALL THE INTERNATIONAL COURT OF JUSTICE.
My biggest parking pet peeve is the Douche Parkers. You know those that have to back into the spot. and then take 4 or 5 turns just to line it up. Worse is the directional lots with clear arrows and some self important douche drive the wrong way just so he can again take 3-5 tries to line up his car…considering most cars these days have back up camera’s I say WTF.
Please don’t get me started on the backers…
I don’t get worked up, I just get their car towed.
I live in Montana; the vast majority of the state understands the scale of our state and vehicles. Bozeman is a Montana parking nightmare. I don’t know who measured and wrote the code, but the spots are sized like it is New York City. As a result, you see some of the most interesting and creative parking solutions there. The two groups who thumb their nose strongest are Jeeps and heavy-duty truck drivers. I think my favorite was a RAM that parked on top of a ditch. It was straddling it perfectly, but due to the positioning it had to travel a solid 50 yards to get to where it was. Both sides where low enough to allow passengers to enter and exit, but you could have almost walked under the thing with the drainage ditch below.
I mostly internalize it (because I hate conflict), but I can’t stand bad parking. Parking is one of those small actions that take very little extra time to do well and when done well makes life just a little better for everyone around you – like holding open doors and not blocking intersections.
My angst extends to parallel parking. I live in an urban residential community where street parking is crucial and in short supply. Nothing gets me going like sitting on the porch and watching someone pull into a stretch of curb that could hold two cars and settle right in the middle! I’m sure its not malicious, but come on! You do realize there are other people, right? RIGHT?
Don’t even get me started on dibs. Burn it with fire.
“Nothing gets me going like sitting on the porch and watching someone pull into a stretch of curb that could hold two cars and settle right in the middle! I’m sure its not malicious, but come on!”
I can confirm there are malicious ones out there. When my GF (now wife) was renting an apartment, one of her neighbors used to do that on a very regular basis. He’d double park in parallel spots to reserve for his children and wife. He was also one of those guys who would also flip the occasional vehicle so he could have as many as 3 other vehicles on the sidewalk (plus the 2 that fit his garage).
Moreover the guy was extremely uneasy even if you kindly asked him if he could move one of his vehicles to make room for my GF’s or one of those times someone came up for repairs. My FIL at 60 had to park a quarter block away and carry his tools and drywall sheets from there. His attitude soured us for months.
I honestly couldn’t express empathy for him when he lost his wife a few weeks before we moved out. I felt sorry for her but didn’t feel like knocking on his door and express my condolences.
Yes, I might have been a horrible person that day, but that guy really did his best on being a bad neighbor.
The Trader Joes lot is the absolute worst!
Part of that is the regular clientele. Either self important Karen’s or the opposite end in the form of overly accommodating Pseudo Canadians with the, you go, no you go, finger pointing.
So, according to her, I am overly critical when the Mrs. parks crooked in a spot. This past weekend, I was driving and left a tire on a line in a parking spot and absolutely got roasted by her.