I admit this is a very weird Autopian Asks, but weird is pretty much the brand here, so maybe that makes it a perfectly normal question – for The Autopian, at least.
I don’t recall how precisely it came up, but in our last staff meeting, I wondered aloud what the reaction would be if I had a Cord 810 – the 1936 coupe famous for its industry-first pop-up headlights that deployed via crank – and converted them from hand-operated to power pop-ups. Jason was quick to let me know that this was not nearly enough of a defilement to generate a proper paroxysm from the classic-car cognescenti. What I really needed to do, he explained, was remove the pop-ups entirely, Bondo-over the openings from whence the lights once popped, and affix sealed-beam headlights atop the fenders. Now that would ruin a Cord 810.
Indeed, that would do the trick. And it got me thinking about other classics ripe for ruination. Why not flip the Cord bit, and pop-uppify a car legendary for its prominent peepers? I speak of the Austin-Healey “bugeye” Sprite, seen below as it appears on Bring A Trailer, and thoroughly blasphemed in the graphic above with its bugeyes hidden beneath the hood.
I’m sure you already get the bit, but I couldn’t resist performing a few more Photochops. Feast your eyes on this Lamborghini Countach LP400 Periscopio, unadulterated by the strakes and gee-gaws the Countach would sprout in later years (another Bring A Trailer find, and this one once belonged to Rod Stewart!). The angular “Gandini arch” over the rear wheels is one of its most defining and beautiful features …
… Suppose we get rid of it? Oof, Sorry Marcello. Don’t worry, it’s only pixels. The round-arched Countach can’t hurt you.
One more? Why not. This 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz (Bring A Trailer once more) shows off its legendary tailfins with extra prominence thanks to the absence of a roof, producing maximum kitsch from the jet-age wonder’s maximum-thrust look.
Yeah, let’s just Sawzall those fins right off’a there.
Wait, did I ruin it, or improve it? Let us know in the comments, and you tell us: How Would You Most Egregiously Ruin A Classic Car Design?
I think Porsche already did a terrible butcher job when they created the 911 Targa, defiling the gorgeous fluid sweep of the roof, c-pillar, windows, and fenders.
If you want to ruin the lines of any classic, tack on old school 5 mph bumpers. Of course, we already did that in 1973 and ruined the aesthetics of a whole host of cars.
If we really want to get seriously heinous, picture one of my favorites, a ’66 Toronado with big fat square 5 mph bumpers.
Worse yet, throw them on the beak of a ’69 Charger Daytona. Eww.
Take a BMW and replace the kidney grill with a baboon ass….
Oh wait…
I think I’ve seen that somewhere.
I feel like that finless Eldorado would work if it got painted a different color above the chrome line.
Crew-cab El Camino.
If they had kepf the stock wheelbase, maybe starting with a Chevelle wagon and cutting the roof off behind the back doors.