I admit this is a very weird Autopian Asks, but weird is pretty much the brand here, so maybe that makes it a perfectly normal question – for The Autopian, at least.
I don’t recall how precisely it came up, but in our last staff meeting, I wondered aloud what the reaction would be if I had a Cord 810 – the 1936 coupe famous for its industry-first pop-up headlights that deployed via crank – and converted them from hand-operated to power pop-ups. Jason was quick to let me know that this was not nearly enough of a defilement to generate a proper paroxysm from the classic-car cognescenti. What I really needed to do, he explained, was remove the pop-ups entirely, Bondo-over the openings from whence the lights once popped, and affix sealed-beam headlights atop the fenders. Now that would ruin a Cord 810.
Indeed, that would do the trick. And it got me thinking about other classics ripe for ruination. Why not flip the Cord bit, and pop-uppify a car legendary for its prominent peepers? I speak of the Austin-Healey “bugeye” Sprite, seen below as it appears on Bring A Trailer, and thoroughly blasphemed in the graphic above with its bugeyes hidden beneath the hood.
I’m sure you already get the bit, but I couldn’t resist performing a few more Photochops. Feast your eyes on this Lamborghini Countach LP400 Periscopio, unadulterated by the strakes and gee-gaws the Countach would sprout in later years (another Bring A Trailer find, and this one once belonged to Rod Stewart!). The angular “Gandini arch” over the rear wheels is one of its most defining and beautiful features …
… Suppose we get rid of it? Oof, Sorry Marcello. Don’t worry, it’s only pixels. The round-arched Countach can’t hurt you.
One more? Why not. This 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz (Bring A Trailer once more) shows off its legendary tailfins with extra prominence thanks to the absence of a roof, producing maximum kitsch from the jet-age wonder’s maximum-thrust look.
Yeah, let’s just Sawzall those fins right off’a there.
Wait, did I ruin it, or improve it? Let us know in the comments, and you tell us: How Would You Most Egregiously Ruin A Classic Car Design?
Add 5mph bumpers to anything.
Given the choice, I’d rather have 5mph bumpers than defenseless body panels and paintwork that costs hundreds to repair anytime someone decides to use your car as a parallel parking limiter.
Just don’t live where people park like arseholes. I used to street park my S1 Elise and that had no bumpers at all, just huge single piece clamshells front and rear made from GRP.
Well, that rules out the United States….
And sadly France and Italy too.
To be fair, while my Elise never got so much as a scratch in 9 years, twice I came back to my MX5 to find the rear bumper on the ground behind the car. Not really an issue as it was just cable tied on (because drift car), but I hope whoever hit it felt awful.
We asked about ruined designs, not ruined driving experience.
Also, there is a middleground between the aweful 5mph bumpers tracked of designs never thought for them, and no protection whatsoever.
Four door 240z
I see what you did there
That pop up bugeye looks like it fell asleep.
Do the interior in piano black and alcantara.
Seeing that the Autopian has become the biggest stronghold of weird car opinions, here’s mine:
An Americanized E-Type. White walls, velour interior and vinyl tops galore.
It’ll be blasphemous, but it’ll also be hilarious.
We kinda did actually have that – Iacocca’s vision for the Mustang was an Americanized version of the British and Italian sports cars that GIs fell in love with in Europe. And the early year ones did have white walls even.
You can ruin most great car designs by slapping huge modern rubber band tires on them.
Controversial, but I agree with you. I’m not a fan of the whole restomod thing precisely b/c of the tire and wheel choice seemingly has the be that. It’s so jarringly discordant with the rest of the package, at least to my eyes.
So I’m probably in the minority but I think the Countach is an improvement. The Caddy looks better than I’d have expected, but I’ll take my Eldorado convertible in bright pink and with the fins thank you very much.
The classic car I’d ruin is putting an angry face grill on the original Willy’s Jeep. On second thought that might be the stuff of nightmares *shudders*
I’m actually with you on the Countach being an improvement, and I also don’t mind the eldorado.
Look at the 1960 Eldorado – The trimmed fins are a great improvement.
It doesn’t matter what car it is, all it takes is a little black plastic cladding.
1. Eliminate Option Code W77 from the 1973 Trans Am options list.
2. Complicate, then add weight to Lotus cars.
3. Remove the “beak” from the front of the original VW bus
I have a Europa S. It’s like an Elise but with another 100kg of cast iron engine, a turbo and a hatch back.
I quite like it. But only 450 other people agreed, the rest bought Elise’s and Exiges (although the supercharged S2 Exige was a heavier more complicated Elise)
Good looking GT.
Way back, I very briefly owned a 1969 Europa S2, Type 65. I loved that car, but it was a multi owner car and had been badly mistreated by previous owners. I couldn’t keep it on the road. Hated to let it go, but I couldn’t afford a hobby then.
This. This is how you would ruin an iconic car design-
https://delorean.com/
Electric drive line. Kills it for me as part of my fascination of all old cars in their old drive lines. Of course newer engines are better and more advanced. That’s not the point. I want that carburetor! I’m not against period correct upgrades though – especially bolt on upgrades. And keep those old original parts in case I, the next car owner wants to change back to original.
One upgrade I do support is better brakes as I had a couple episodes with single circuit hydraulic drum (front drum) brakes that failed on mtn roads leaving me nothing to stop the car with. The parking brake was marginal and the three speed manual really didn’t offer enough capability for downshifts.
Give legendary supercars to Mansory and let them do their work
At the last minute, Ford chickens out with the ’85 Taurus, replacing the soft curves with straight creases.
Just imagine what the 90s would have looked like…
Take an old Saab and. . . move the ignition to the dash.
Or move the 911’s to the right side maybe.
I’m left-handed, so I was cool with it.
Aaaaaagh!
Lift kit.
One Cord was built with freestanding headlights in pods as a special order, it still exists and is in the A-C-D Museum.
439336962_8297751983584695_1829550758181967939_n.jpg (2048×1536)
Start with a ’57 Chevy Bel Air. Replace the round headlights with square sealed beam units. Then use those to remake all the body lines. Just square it all off.
Or just remove the jump seats from a BRAT.
Black it out, completely. Strip away all the emblems and anything else that could be considered a period detail. This works on anything.
The Austin Healey Sprite concept had hidden lights, the budget didn’t stretch that far for production. Surprised strange became normal.
Jaguar E-Type original, and my 5-minute Photoshop.
I mean yeah- I was about to say rear-engine E-Type.
I think Porsche already did a terrible butcher job when they created the 911 Targa, defiling the gorgeous fluid sweep of the roof, c-pillar, windows, and fenders.
If you want to ruin the lines of any classic, tack on old school 5 mph bumpers. Of course, we already did that in 1973 and ruined the aesthetics of a whole host of cars.
If we really want to get seriously heinous, picture one of my favorites, a ’66 Toronado with big fat square 5 mph bumpers.
Worse yet, throw them on the beak of a ’69 Charger Daytona. Eww.
Take a BMW and replace the kidney grill with a baboon ass….
Oh wait…
I think I’ve seen that somewhere.
I feel like that finless Eldorado would work if it got painted a different color above the chrome line.
Raymond Loewy did remove the fins from a 59 Cadillac, and being talented designer it worked https://www.trussty.com/2021/04/loewys-cadillac-coupe-de-ville-of-1959.html?m=0
Crew-cab El Camino.
If they had kepf the stock wheelbase, maybe starting with a Chevelle wagon and cutting the roof off behind the back doors.