Home » Humans Don’t Get Necks But Animals Do: Cold Start

Humans Don’t Get Necks But Animals Do: Cold Start

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If you were an alien in a spaceship orbiting Earth, and via a peculiarity of your alien species’ information technology, the only human document you could intercept and read was the Manual on Uniform Control Devices for Streets and Highways, 2009 Edition, and you used the page about non-vehicular warning signs to get a sense of the sorts of lifeforms that populate the planet, I think you’d get a really skewed view of things.

Even if you can comprehend the idea of a silhouette, the disparity in the way animals and humans are represented is too great, and while we, as humans, understand this implicity, the aliens may not, thinking Earth is full of complex zoological life that’s intermixed with a society of robots that use anti-gravity tech to support their perfectly spherical heads.

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I guess there’s no way to stylize these animals effectively and have them retain their distinctive looks, like we have with people? Also, it kind of makes me wonder why we need to, say, differentiate between a moose and a bighorn sheep or donkey or bear on these signs; wouldn’t a generic beast icon that just means “big animals here” do the job as well? We don’t differentiate the types of people that may be crossing a street (there’s no PhDs or baking hobbyists or part-time models crossing signs, after all) so why do we do that with animals?

You’re not likely to be on a different kind of alert for a sheep than a cow, are you? I mean, maybe? Horses are certainly faster, and bears are scarier, so perhaps there are reasons? And elk sure are pointy.

Also, I bet the aliens would be really baffled by the handicapped person icon. Why does that robot have such a big ass, they’re probably wondering.

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GhosnInABox
GhosnInABox
1 year ago

I blame America Online.

Knowonelse
Knowonelse
1 year ago

A long time ago I spotted a billboard (that is a type of sign, right?) that read, “This sign don’t say nuthin’!”.
About the time your brain grasped what it said, and you settled down, another one appeared that read, “This sign STILL don’t say nuthin’!”.

Ryan Kemp
Ryan Kemp
1 year ago

To add to the mystery, why does the handicapped person have a neck and the non-handicapped person have a floating head?

Scramblerken
Scramblerken
1 year ago

We do have signs specific to slow children, typically they are playing near by

Not Sure
Not Sure
1 year ago

“I bet the aliens would be really baffled by the handicapped person icon.”
Just wait till they get to W15-1, it baffles me that it’s still used so commonly.
Do seesaws still exist? Do teenagers in driver’s Ed understand that one?
I think it’s time we retire W15-1 and replace it with a stick figure holding a phone in front of their face.

Don’t even get me started on what the aliens would make of RW-130.

Kevin Schmidt
Kevin Schmidt
1 year ago

this is your government hard at work…864 pages of words and pictures for signs; i mean traffic control devices

Ben
Ben
1 year ago

“We don’t differentiate the types of people that may be crossing a street (there’s no PhDs or baking hobbyists or part-time models crossing signs, after all) ”

Well maybe we should. Won’t someone think of the part-time models?! 😛

“You’re not likely to be on a different kind of alert for a sheep than a cow, are you?”

Actually, yes. Hitting a sheep is not great, but hitting a cow is likely to kill both your car and you. Ditto a moose (hence the moose test that Scandinavian group does).

Also, there’s a meaningful difference between, say, a deer and a cow. A cow is probably not going to take a flying leap over a fence to dive in front of your car, but a deer might so you need to watch out for different things.

SlowCarFast
SlowCarFast
1 year ago
Andy Individual
Andy Individual
1 year ago

“Non-Vehicular Warning Signs”

Wouldn’t the snowmobile be considered a vehicle? Maybe even the wheel chair?

Also, the snowmobiler needs to be depicted holding a beer.

Droid
Droid
1 year ago

the traffic warning sign that always makes me. chuckle has no pictogram, it just says “BLIND DRIVE”, to which the voices in my head always reply “yeah yeah, and deaf sing….”.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
1 year ago
Reply to  Droid

I’m particularly fond of “Slow Children Playing”.

SlowCarFast
SlowCarFast
1 year ago

That one is next-door to the home with the minivan bumper sticker declaring that their child is an honor student.

Not Sure
Not Sure
1 year ago
Reply to  Droid

“Blasting Zone Ahead” always makes me chuckle.
Shouldn’t that sign say Road Closed?

David Smith
David Smith
1 year ago
Reply to  Droid

“Speed Humps Ahead”, what if I wanted to go it slow?

Chris Roberts
Chris Roberts
1 year ago
Reply to  David Smith

Warning: dad joke ahead:

“End Construction”

“How will we ever get anything built if we end construction?”

Lokki
Lokki
1 year ago
Reply to  Droid

Uh: ZZ Top Arrested for driving while blind.

Just sayin’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyh1dD7Dvw

Root
Root
1 year ago

I am SO here for MUTCD content!

One of my favorites are the signs New Mexico DOT has on I-10 that posits the existentialist hypothesis “Strong Winds May Exist”.

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
1 year ago
Reply to  Root

My favorite road sign is in Mt. Rainier National Park, as it highlights the choices we all must make. I, for example, live in Seattle:

https://live.staticflickr.com/6129/5930012541_414340e1d2_c.jpg

SlowCarFast
SlowCarFast
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell
Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago
Reply to  SlowCarFast
Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
1 year ago

What to make of W11-6 then? Pac-Man riding a snowmobile?

10001010
10001010
1 year ago

…wouldn’t a generic beast icon that just means “big animals here” do the job as well?

How you gonna drop a line like that in this article and not provide your illustration of a “Generic Beast Icon”?

Tondeleo Jones
Tondeleo Jones
1 year ago

“SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY”

FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
1 year ago

A weird one for me is to look at that first one—the basic “pedestrian crossing” sign—and try to see the person on the sign as anything other than male. What is the deal there? Am I picking up on subtle gender coding involving the set of the shoulders, the assertiveness of the stance, the leg-to-torso ratio? Is it just that I’ve been conditioned to view male as the default gender? What’s the deal there? It’s a pretty minimalist, stylized silhouette that could honestly easily be a person of any gender. It has no gender of its own since, y’know, it’s a stylized icon of a generic human and not an actual flesh-and-blood person. However, my mind stubbornly refuses to see it as anything but male. Is that just me, or what?

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
1 year ago
Reply to  FUCK YOU

You’ve been conditioned to view these types of signs as male and female due to the addition or subtraction of a skirt/dress.
This has no skirt/dress, so it looks like the “man” on the bathroom signs.

In reality, it could be anyone. It isn’t the 30s anymore, women are allowed to wear pants.

SlowCarFast
SlowCarFast
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr.Asa

The figure on the sign clearly has pockets, so it must be male.

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
1 year ago

Differentiating between animals: growing up rural, I damn sure do.
Horses and deer are completely different beasts, with completely different activity schedules and all sorts of stuff. I see a “horse” sign, I’m not worried at night. I see a “deer” sign, I’m not worried during the day.

That being said, at least around where I grew up, I don’t really need signs. So maybe its for tourists, but tourists aren’t gonna know when to be aware of the different schedules and just be paranoid at all times.

Fuck man, I dunno.

Zerosignal
Zerosignal
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr.Asa

Where I live, they are taking out the deer crossing signs, because people ignore them, and the deer don’t always cross at the signs. We are told to expect deer to be anywhere and everywhere.

Ron888
Ron888
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr.Asa

I was thinking along similar lines.
Most people wouldnt know how to interpret them, but so long as they prepare for *something* ahead i guess the signs are helping

PL71 Enthusiast
PL71 Enthusiast
1 year ago

Is your vision ok Jason? Human necks must be a figment of your imagination because I’ve never seen a person with one. What would someone with a neck do while they were sleeping??? Just leave their head attached like some sort of savage?

Not Sure
Not Sure
1 year ago

Chilly down with the fire gang.

Duke of Kent
Duke of Kent
1 year ago

I’m more surprised that the suits in Washington who approved this manual don’t consider snowmobiles to be vehicles.

Lew Schiller
Lew Schiller
1 year ago

“Beware Elderly Pickpockets”
If you know you know…if not Google it.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago
Reply to  Lew Schiller

As a motorcyclist, I’m always partial to the Evil Knievel “really cool jump coming up!” sign.

Duke of Kent
Duke of Kent
1 year ago
Reply to  Lew Schiller
FlavouredMilk
FlavouredMilk
1 year ago
Reply to  Lew Schiller

“We don’t differentiate the types of people that may be crossing a street”

I mean, I can think of signs for general people, for elderly, for children, for disabled people, for road workers AND most notably disembodied legs

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
1 year ago

There is a little beach town in New Jersey I visit that has 2 different duck crossing signs about 100 yards away from each other. I’ve always been baffled by that fact they are so close to each other and totally different signs. Never change Ocean Gate.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago

My favorite has always been the agricultural machinery on the road sign (W11-5).

It’s the tractor driver’s hat that makes it.

Mr.Asa
Mr.Asa
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

Personally, I’ve always thought that the sheep sign (pictured in the article) makes the sheep look like they are wearing a hat.

SquareTaillight2002
SquareTaillight2002
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr.Asa

Beware, dapper ungulates.

Justin Short
Justin Short
1 year ago

Great band name, one show tonight only! The Dapper Ungulates!

Dusty Kornphartz
Dusty Kornphartz
1 year ago
Reply to  Justin Short

I hope they’re playing with Jackstand Army.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr.Asa

I’m not going to be able to un-see that.

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
1 year ago

And what about the robot riding the horse?

Where I live, many years ago, some heroes with too much time on their hands modified dozens of deer crossing signs with round, red stickers on the noses.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago
Reply to  Flyingstitch

You mean “Look one more time for Daft Punk on horseback”?

BrakShowStarringBrak
BrakShowStarringBrak
1 year ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

“Yul Brynner crossing, proceed with caution.”

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

If drivers are on the alert for creatures that resemble those found on traffic signs, it could explain why pedestrian deaths are rising. Actual humans aren’t represented, so we just kind of blend into the environment. It’s either that or ginormous pick ups with bumpers that impact about head high on pedestrians.

TurdSandwhich
TurdSandwhich
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

I’m on high alert for stick-figures. Haven’t seen a single one yet. Not in a wheelchair, not walking, not on a seesaw, not holding a flag, not shoveling, not attempting to grab a slightly-smaller dress-wearing stick figure that is slightly in front of them…

SquareTaillight2002
SquareTaillight2002
1 year ago
Reply to  TurdSandwhich

Stick figure habitat is primarily SUV rear windows.

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
1 year ago

The handicapped image is the only human that does have a neck. Are necks disabling? Is there something wrong with the antigravity that her spherical head must have settled directly on the body stick?

Delta 88
Delta 88
1 year ago
Reply to  Balloondoggle

Also, that image is backwards I think?

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
1 year ago
Reply to  Delta 88

Yes, it usually faces to the right. This one is a little more liberal, maybe?

Israel Moore
Israel Moore
1 year ago
Reply to  Balloondoggle

It’s just your average non-conformist freethinker.

“No, I’m not going to voter the way you to me to! And I’m not going to toe the line! You’ll never own my soul!”

Hairy_baboon
Hairy_baboon
1 year ago
Reply to  Balloondoggle

If that’s a neck, where is the torso/ribcage? Is that an armrest or an arm? If it’s an arm, that’s a very long neck (unless the upper arm is hiding).

Maybe it’s a drawing of proto-graham (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHmqn2tZkto) before he was fully crash worthy.

MaximillianMeen
MaximillianMeen
1 year ago
Reply to  Balloondoggle

Not true! Unless you don’t consider farmers on tractors to be human. If you open the pdf Torch links to and go to FIG. 2C-10 on page 169 (labeled 129), sign W11-5 clearly shows a farmer sitting on a tractor with a neck. And a hat. A sort of strange hat in which the brim angles down in front and rises in the back. Kind of a fedora, but without the nice smooth transition. Besides, what farmers wear fedoras?!? That is more of a 40’s-50’s archetypal business man in a dark gray suit. But he is not a business man, He is a private dick, the protagonist in our noir story. He wants to do the right thing, but he lives in the seedy recesses of our society, drinks too much, slaps dames around when they get hysterical. But this is 1948, so its OK. But WTF is this guy doing on a tractor?!?!

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
1 year ago

What I love about that sign (see my post below) is that it does appear to be a floppy stereotype hillbilly hat.

I’m always surprised in our outrage-driven society that nobody’s gotten upset about this yet. Like how nobody’s angry that check engine lights often depict a non-catalytic-converted ’60s big block.

Lokki
Lokki
1 year ago
Reply to  Balloondoggle

Broken neck, duh

4jim
4jim
1 year ago

This is so fun.
Also 30 years ago, when doing a lot of driving around the country it seemed that the deer signs were different in different parts of the country.

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
1 year ago
Reply to  4jim

If the deer crossing is so dangerous, should we set up the crosswalk for them in another area? 🙂

Zerosignal
Zerosignal
1 year ago
Reply to  4jim

I was surprised the first time I drove to Wisconsin. In Minnesota, the deer on the signs had two legs, while the ones in Wisconsin had four.

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