Home » I Can’t Believe I Forgot How Traffic Lights Work: Tales From The Slack

I Can’t Believe I Forgot How Traffic Lights Work: Tales From The Slack

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Angel "the Cobra" Martin
Angel "the Cobra" Martin
3 months ago

I love the response from Hardigree “?”

MikeInTheWoods
MikeInTheWoods
3 months ago

DT’s use of “DIpshit” is very apropos for someone growing up with 1960’s vernacular. He is a man from another time, trapped in a younger body, learning how to enjoy modern, rust free Azteks and BMWs in CA.

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
3 months ago

Siding with PV here – “dipshit” is too far especially in written medium. and while DT is right to ask for tighter edits, how’s that i3 sale ad article passing the reputation test? Lots of journos do it like DeMuro but I always felt it’s a little too self-serving.

Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker
Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker
3 months ago

Would “dingus” be an acceptable compromise?

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
3 months ago

Totally so. Still patronizing but adds humor.

Arrest-me Red
Arrest-me Red
3 months ago

As a Professional Idiot, I will see no problems with a whoops.

Last edited 3 months ago by Arrest-me Red
Mortalcombatant
Mortalcombatant
3 months ago

DT is so bossy and harsh for you guys.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
3 months ago

The power has gone to his head. He’s become a tyrant.

Greensoul
Greensoul
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I blame it on him owning a supposedly rare and classic (In his mind anyway) BMW. Did his come with turn signals? If so would they require a subscription fee to use? I’m kind of guessing the use of turn signals on BMW’s does require a subscription, hence the reason their owners don’t use them. Cheap skates.

Tim R
Tim R
3 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Pretty soon he’ll be demanding someone remove all the green M&Ms from the Autopian snack bar before he arrives

AssMatt
AssMatt
3 months ago
Reply to  Tim R

[pushes up glasses]
Van Halen was/were really smart to include that bit in the tour rider; buried amongst four hundred pages was a line item to let them know the moment they walked in the door whether somebody had read the whole document. If there were brown M&Ms in the dressing room, who knows what else the venue overlooked? It was never about prima donna rock stars, it was about safety. Brilliant!
[nerd alert subsides]

Bob
Bob
3 months ago

I can’t tell you how excited and impressed I am by the concept of accuracy and editing being taken seriously. Not kidding at all. Some…other sites…pay so little attention to either that I’ve honestly decided they are doing it on purpose IOT drive corrections in the comments for engagement. Bravo.

Crank Shaft
Crank Shaft
3 months ago

You’re just getting older. That’s all. I can’t believe how often I drop a word from a sentence these days and sometimes even miss it on reread. Yeah, and I’m a collosal dipshit as well. Always have been and probably will continue.

Strangek
Strangek
3 months ago
Reply to  Crank Shaft

Same. Lately I’ve found myself forgetting basic words, like names of common objects. The other day I had to describe a door knob as “that handle thing that helps you open doors” because my aging brain couldn’t come up with “door knob.”

Beto O'Kitty
Beto O'Kitty
3 months ago

I sold traffic control devices for about a year. Fortunately I never made that mistake. I did hear once of an installation that went wrong. The traffic lights were to be installed horizontal meaning red was on the left. After the installation green was on the Left This will totally screw up some color blind people as they go by position not color.
I always say “If you don’t make a mistake then your not doing anything”!
Keep up the good work.

Cars? I've owned a few
Cars? I've owned a few
3 months ago
Reply to  Beto O'Kitty

One thing (okay, there were a LOT of things) I noticed when I moved to SE Texas was that in many places the traffic lights were mounted horizontally. I was told this minimized swaying and damage done during high wind events. Sounded plausible.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
3 months ago

To err is human
To forgive is divine.
To admit one’s mistakes is a sign of integrity.

Flying Squirrel
Flying Squirrel
3 months ago

Goodness, Torch. Don’t bogart the ribbons of shame. I need them for myself quite regularly.

Drew
Drew
3 months ago

I’m glad you’re feeling okay and this was just a weird goof. Though I was almost certain you were intentionally messing with us, trying to make the rest of us question reality.

Parsko
Parsko
3 months ago

I would note this conversation for all future employees about what will get you fired or publicly shamed.
Will you cut off health care or do they get to keep it through the end of the month?

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
3 months ago

You’re still our hero, Torch. Don’t ever change.

Dodsworth
Dodsworth
3 months ago

Take it easy. You’re not the first person to get distracted by flashing lights. Just remember that line from the movie, Starman. “Red means stop. Green means go. Yellow means go very fast.”

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
3 months ago

Honestly, a goof you own up to is leagues away from a serious error you defend to the death. At least it’s made a good story.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
3 months ago

Reading this site keeps me on my toes. I see “mistakes” like this as a mental acuity test. If I find it, I’m still me!

Chronometric
Chronometric
3 months ago

You made me watch those damned European traffic light videos twice just to make sure it wasn’t me that was crazy!

Mike Harrell
Mike Harrell
3 months ago

Jason, if it makes you feel any better, I was once trying to disassemble a diamond anvil cell:

http://www.crystal.chem.ed.ac.uk/sites/default/files/research/pressure01.jpg

which generates enormous pressure between the tips of two gem-quality diamonds using nothing more than a set of three small Allen screws to draw them together. Sometimes the screws will get into a bit of a bind so it requires a certain amount of force to undo them. In this instance one of them was really stuck, but eventually it broke free with a soft crunch, at which point I realized I had been trying to turn it the wrong way and that therefore I had just destroyed several thousand dollars worth of diamonds because I had forgotten lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

If it makes you feel any better CVD replacements can be made for (I’m guessing by now) less than $300/carat.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200207-the-sparkling-rise-of-the-lab-grown-diamond

Rafael
Rafael
3 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Username checks out!

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Rafael

Why pay more? Especially for diamond, the most boring form of carbon?

Rafael
Rafael
3 months ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Oh, I agree 100%, it is just that I always wanted to do that lame joke!

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
3 months ago
Reply to  Rafael
Phuzz
Phuzz
3 months ago
Reply to  Mike Harrell

Ok, you win. I only destroyed an oil pan, by ‘undoing’ the drain plug in the wrong direction.
The fun bit was removing the old sump whilst it was still full of oil.

10001010
10001010
3 months ago

“At a stoplight green means go, and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means, where the fuck did you get that banana?”

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
3 months ago
Reply to  10001010

Thanks for providing a banana for scale.

C.A.R. Doctor PhD
C.A.R. Doctor PhD
3 months ago
Reply to  10001010

RIP Mitch

10001010
10001010
3 months ago

He is missed

Totally not a robot
Totally not a robot
3 months ago

So is this the result of the chainsaw battery or the aortasplosion or the arm juice tube?

10001010
10001010
3 months ago

My money’s on the chainsaw battery.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
3 months ago

All of the above.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
3 months ago

Yes

Andy Farrell
Andy Farrell
3 months ago

What if it’s none of those things? Oof… /s

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