Through some miracle or possibly trance I have convinced a great, normal, well-adjusted person to marry me. And with the wedding coming up relatively soon, I’m in need of a vehicle to transport my bride and myself from our church to our modestly-sized lunch reception just a few miles away. This is a problem because 1. Most of my cars don’t run. And 2. Many of those that do run are not quite nice enough to handle wedding duty. Oh boy.
It is very, very clear to me that a wedding-worthy car must be in a condition far, far beyond that of pretty much any car I’ve ever owned (sans my i3s), which is why I’m in a bit of a predicament here.
There is absolutely no chance I’m driving from the church to the reception in a boring car. That’s such a classic moment in one’s life — the vehicle has to be special. And as special as my Galvanic Gold 2021 BMW i3S is, I know that — as far as wedding photos go — it’s probably not the ideal candidate. My brother’s 1966 Ford Mustang looks great, but its engine caught fire recently, and also the suspension is completely shot:
My 1991 Jeep Wrangler YJ is close; it just smells a bit like gasoline, and I haven’t quite figured out what’s going on, there. The YJ is an option, though, especially since it looks this good in photos:
But, for irrational reasons, I’d really like my 1954 Willys CJ-3B to handle wedding duty. Not only does it look the part (or at least it will once I clean it), but there’s just something special about driving an old Willys Jeep. Also, my fiancee will at that point have never ridden in it, so this would be a fun first-ride.
Anyway, this is a problem because I’ve never actually even heard the old Willys run. I cranked the engine over, and things seemed OK, but will this thing actually move under its own power? I know one thing it won’t do, and that is stop. So I’ve purchased a new brake master cylinder. I’m certain I’ll be buying new wheel cylinders. Honestly, I should just buy those now.
I’ll be sleeping in my Pontiac Aztek starting this week, and part of that will involve me spending a few nights in the Galpin parking lot. This will allow me to focus on wrenching for a few days, as having my sleeping quarters 15 miles displaced from my car projects has proven to be a nightmare for progress. Now I’ll be sleeping within 15 feet.
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Step one will involve me installing a new fuel tank. I’ve already got the tank sitting in the Jeep; all I have to do is bolt it down. Next, I’m going to blow the crud out of the fuel lines with some brake cleaner, plus I’ll rebuild the Carter YF carburetor. With a bit of cleaning of the intake ducting, and some adjustment of the ignition points, I’m praying the old Jeep will fire up. I’ll slap some clean fluid into the transmission/transfer case/diffs, replace the brakes, and hopefully by the beginning of November I’ll have something drivable. From there it’s fine-tuning.
Will I be able to get that tan paint to shine? I’m curious about that. I wonder if a detailer could work some magic on it. But before I can even think about that, I have lots of work to do. I really hope the engine and transmission are in good shape, because, even if the Jeep looks cool there’s nothing cool about driving off from your wedding ceremony in a black smoke-belching, gear-grinding heap.
Seven weeks. That really doesn’t seem like a lot of time. At least I have the gold i3 and YJ as a backup; they both look nice in those photos. Maybe the Willys will look that nice with a bit of polish? I hope so.
‘I would ask what date you’ve set, but we’ll be able to extrapolate it from the inevitable “I HAVE TEN DAYS TO GET THIS NON-RUNNING CJ-3B READY FOR MY WEDDING” feature.’
–Me, nine days ago.
That you’re giving yourself seven weeks shows how much you’ve changed. Godspeed!
You know the ACTUAL solution to this.
Put the body on the chassis of the i3 that you can’t seem to sell.
Just to verify – she’s cool with this plan, right?
She is marrying DT, she should know by now. If she doesn’t know by now, this is the perfect opportunity to start and set the tone for the years to come 🙂
I can’t wait for the next installments of this series :
“We’re having a baby in 2 month so I need to fix that Jeep Wagoneer with no transmission to take the mom to be to the hospital in style!”
“We’re moving house in 5 weeks but I refuse to rent a truck. Thankfully I’ve bought a 300$ big rig on FB market place, now it just needs an engine”
“The deadline to file my taxes is in 12 hours and I need to fix my Jeep trunk latch to get to the paperwork!”
Just see if Beau will loan you something! You do not want your wedding day to revolve around a Jeep that breaks down at an inopportune moment!
A lot depends on how much Beau is already putting up. I mean, did Elise hold out on the wedding dinner being in a restaurant not attached to a car dealership, or?
Au contraire. Weddings are remembered by the things that go wrong during the day, and DT marrying the love of his life in a normal, boring, functioning car would be a disappointment and not in character.
THIS^^^ Seriously, DO NOT give your bride-to-be anything extra to stress over as she might just have enough to deal with in the next seven weeks.
7 weeks? WOW! Y’all are not messing about!
Honestly, compared to all your past project cars, this is nothing. I think you can do this … as long as the motor is mechanically sound. Fingers crossed, I’m pullin’ for ya!
Right? That’s three more weeks then Project Cactus was given, and this is starting off as a seemingly complete vehicle!
I shall pray to David Bowie that you get to church on time. If you have to put out any fires, hopefully it won’t be with gasoline. And don’t forget, sometimes if it doesn’t work, you just need to Shake It. Your love may be modern, but that Jeep sure ain’t…
My vote for COTD. It’s dancing with the big boys.
Introducing: Project get me to the church on time.
I understood that reference
But was it a reference to David Bowie or My Fair Lady?
My fair lady. I have a theatre degree.
Fix the Mustang, it is less of a disaster, even with an engine fire.
Having a roof will be helpful in case California decides to have weather that day.
I love that sleeping in an Aztek is just briefly mentioned here. If I didn’t already know the context that would be pretty hilarious on its own. I also love that you’re taking advantage of said sleeping in a Pontiac situation to be productive. Never change, man.
The Jeep is totally you, so it makes sense to take it. And at least with a 4WD you can’t repeat what happened on my first wedding night in 2006. In a similar manner I didn’t want to drive a normal car to the reception so my then FIL took us in his very clean mid ’80s W126 Mercedes. I think it was just a 280SE sadly, but whatever. Unfortunately driving into the hotel parking garage there was a gutter dip and somehow the oil pan hit the ground and cracked. Tracked oil all the way to the top of the parking garage. Then because I was the only gearhead there I got summoned to see if the car could be fixed.
So there I was on my wedding night laying under an old Benz in a parking garage in the dark. It was clear that the pan was beyond repair and not easily swappable, so it went home on a flatbed. At least my new bride at the time was very appreciative of my efforts instead of being upset.
Of all the David Tracy headlines I’ve read, this may be the David Tracy-ist.
Godspeed to you on your peak achievement.
I think the i3 would be a great of-the-moment type weird car for photos, that people looking at them in the future would think made them a great period piece. I have photos from my parents’ wedding day of them heading off in my mom’s Renault LeCar—don’t underestimate the potential future nostalgia/curiosity factor of a strange little car.
Then again, that was at the end of the day; they left the ceremony itself in a ’49 Packard, so there’s a case to be made for something timelessly cool, too. Maybe the moral of the story is: try to get both the Jeep and the i3 in there over the course of the day!
You got to take Beau’s Bathtub hotrod, Jason can drive it, and you and your bride ride in the tubs!
I was going to say, “If only David knew someone with access to cool cars”.
Just get a Porsche from Beau and complete the “Hollywood Tracy” transformation.
You know what my wife really appreciated before our wedding? Me not working on anything so my nails and hands wouldn’t be beat up, scarred, or stained. Hopefully you remember to wear gloves and be safe! No one wants to get married in a hospital room.
Or, hear me out, cover all that up with white parade gloves at the wedding
FWIW I think it would look better with more of a matte finish. Despite its soon-to-begin mission above its normal station*, this is a utilitarian vehicle; it shouldn’t be too pretty.
Also making paint look better can be insanely time-consuming and that may not be the best use of the hours left between now and The Day.
*Any totally valid comparisons between the vehicle and the driver are strictly coincidental 😉
Agreed. A classic Jeep with shiny tan paint would just look weird.
Exactly. I have no doubt Beau or one of our fellow Autopians could loan you something awesome if your old Jeep doesn’t want to run and you’re too busy with the site and wedding planning to wrench like you used to.
Good luck! It’s sure a nice looking Jeep. If you don’t get the mechanicals sorted in time buy a tow bar for the Willy’s and have Torch pull it with the YJ as your chauffeur. And you and not her real name can focus on waving to the adoring crowds.
Seven weeks? I wouldn’t think that any wedding that involved planning could be put together in seven weeks plus whatever the proposal-to-using-it-as-fodder-for-content lag time is. I assumed you had gained a couple of pounds (and really, not much at all) just because life’s going well and your food is prepared and consumed in much nicer bathing facilities that don’t have quite the emetic growth of those to which you were accustomed in Michigan, but… are you in trouble? Did Elise (not her real name) first meet your brother at the end of his shotgun (not his real firearm)?
I think David’s too stubborn to not try. Hopefully that’s his backup plan. I bet beau has more than a few “wedding cars”.
We all knew this post was coming.
Three months from proposal to wedding?!?! Dang, what’s the rush? Or is that something we don’t want to discuss?
Proposal was June 1.
WHAT?!##$%$^
You proposed on June 1st, but didn’t tell us, your dearest deepest anonymous random internet car weirdo friends until September 24th?!?!?!?
I’m hurt, David.
I need a moment…
I see. So you spent 5 months doing nothing to prepare the vehicle you want to be your wedding car. Pretty standard really.
Taxes? Filing as a single sucks.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha … oh man, you slay me. Best of luck, though.
If you keep saying that Elise(nhrn aka dot) is too good for you, she might start to believe it. I’ve never understood that kind of self-deprecation.
True facts. Careful with that brand of talk.
Just take a page from Nikola and take advantage of the fact that it is an old analog vehicle, and make sure the drive off is all downhill. No need for it to power itself, just coast along in elegant, luxurious smooth silence. If that doesn’t work, just bring the Aztec (with tow eye installed), a tow strap, and an old tire that you can attach to the back of the Aztec as an extra cushy bumper in case the brakes fail.
Genius!
Is it single stage paint? That may not shine up as well, but can still be polished pretty good! If not, give it a comet or dawn wash so its evenly satin rather than splotchy shiny.
And for your wedding, Id say maybe throw some pads on the rollbar. Because in photos, youll be standing in the jeep, getting in and out, climbing, and the last thing you want it to bash your head, or the future Mrs Tracy(or maybe you take her name. Less things might come up in google searches that way).
It is single stage! I bet it’ll polish; will oxidize in a few months, but at least for the wedding day it’ll hopefully look OK!
David, I brought the Guards Red single stage paint on my 1984 Porsche 944 back to life using Meguiar’s Mirror Glaze 7 show car glaze (M07). It wasn’t show room fresh but it was very very close and the paint was rejuvenated and ready for more California sunshine. Ask around and I think you will find a lot of car people who have had great experiences using it.
Just wipe the whole thing down with used motor oil. Make sure you strain out the chunks first.
That made me think of a future DT headline w/ a nod to the past:
“I got oil on my fiancee’s wedding dress; here’s my brilliant plan to soak it in oil so it all matches!”
Sounds like a candidate for the David Freiburger scotch brite pad wash