So, full disclosure, when David Tracy and Beau Boeckmann and I all started this site not quite a year ago, one of the things we wanted to do was be as welcoming as possible to all aspects of the automotive culture. That means every weird little corner and sub-sub-fetish. And I think generally, we do just that! That also means that I needed to keep some of my own personal affectations in check, like my often limited tolerance for ultra-hardcore Tesla fans. The truth is there are plenty of valid and great reasons to be a fan of Tesla cars – they made EVs cool, they developed truly pioneering tech, they’re fast and fun – and of course those fans are welcome here, among all us fools who admire Yugos and archaic AMCs and other unmitigated, yet beloved, crap. So I try my best, and I keep my baser urges in check, only to have it all go to hell when I read one tweet. One absolutely astonishing, inane, hyperbolic tweet. And then I have no choice but to rant like a fool. My hands are tied.
[Editor’s Note: Jason is right that Tesla fans can be deeply hyperbolic — more so than any other group of fans devoted to a single car brand, possibly ever — so sometimes we’ll poke fun at that unbridled enthusiasm, even though we appreciate all car-love. -DT]
Before we go on, you need to see the tweet I’m referring to:
It’s funny when people say the Cybertruck will be the iPhone moment of Tesla.
No it’s won’t bc, it will be much bigger and more profound than that.
It will be best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives. @elonmusk $TSLA pic.twitter.com/EGKHof0lF2
— Teslaconomics (@Teslaconomics) February 10, 2023
Just in case there actually is a merciful god and they want to prove their love for humankind by wiping this insipid tweet off the face of the Earth, I better screenshot it, and while I’m at it, I’ll call out the part that really got me:
Yes, your eyes haven’t been secretly passing notes at night and decided to play some cruel joke on you; an actual, living human being actually typed those words about the Tesla Cybertruck, a strange-looking electric pickup truck that was first announced in 2019 and might and I do mean might go into production at some later point this year. I’m going to type this statement about the Cybertruck again here, just in case you’re having this read to you by your valet, so you have a justification to slap the crap out of them:
“It will be the best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.”
Just take a moment and imagine someone saying this to you in person. Is there any way you can picture the person saying this about a fucking pickup truck that isn’t even on the market yet without imaging them staring blankly yet fervently into the distance, a lone icicle of drool escaping a corner of their mouth, your forearm painfully in their grip, and perhaps the faintest glimmer of rotating spirals in their eyes? Maybe you can, in which case, you’re more generous than I am.
I mean, look, I get that car brands have their fans, often fierce ones, determined, wildly loyal people who would much rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford, or vice-versa. I get it. But even with that in mind, even with the most hardcore, unbearable fans, I have never ever encountered any, say, Ford person claiming the the F-150 Lightning would be the best product the world has ever seen. Ever.
You know why that is? Is it because the F-150 Lightning isn’t as capable an electric truck as the Cybertruck? Maybe, but it also could be that that whole sentence is an absolutely fucking ridiculous statement to make, by any standards at all.
The best product the world has ever seen! Better than, say, corn dogs or maxi pads or insulin or the telephone or the toilet or the computer or fucking fresh clean water pumped right into your home! Do you like being warm in the winter and cool in the summer thanks to heat and air-conditioning systems? Do you like your food not spoiling thanks to your refrigerator? Do you like to be able to read thanks to glasses or contact lenses? Big fan of woven fabrics, a human product that is also widely enjoyed by the considerable dog and cat population of the world? Well, I hope you aren’t a fool who thinks any of those bullshit products are somehow “better” than this big stainless steel pickup truck shaped like an origami yak, because @Teslaconomics make it pretty fucking clear none of that shit matters compared to this Tesla, the product that will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.
Exactly how a few thousand people owning a particular kind of pickup truck will have “the biggest impact on our daily lives” isn’t really explained here, but I’m sure it’s been well-thought through and extremely likely to happen. Most likely when the first Cybertrucks get delivered you’ll wake up that morning just a bit happier, a bit more alert and perceptive and kind, and, yes, probably at least a little aroused. As soon as enough people start commuting to their jobs in these things, you’ll likely find your capacity to love and be loved will have increased by, oh, 74%, and I suspect that the first time someone heaves a sofa into the back of a Cybertruck as they help a friend move, there will be a collective, knee-buckling orgasm that will reverberate all across post-pubescent humanity, bringing the world to a well-deserved moment of bliss, because that’s what The Best Product That The World Has Ever Seen can do.
Is this guy joking, somehow? Is he kidding? If so, this is a really, really committed bit, because nothing in this whole Twitter feed feels that much different. Sure, maybe the hyperbole knob was nudged a bit for this one, but not that much.
I mean, maybe we can’t really blame this fan alone, though. It’s not like Tesla themselves haven’t dipped their toes into the warm custard of hilarious hyperbole before, after all. Remember this?
Near-infinite mass, best product ever, same thing, really, right?
What this tweet really reveals is the fundamental problem many in the automotive enthusiast/fetish community has with a certain subset of Tesla fans: they desperately need to take it down a nice, big notch. It’s fine to be smitten with a car! I think being a devotee of a whole company isn’t always a great plan, but, whatever, I love enthusiasm, and I love seeing people be really into the cars they love. It’s beautiful, and I want to support it as much as possible.
But, as we can see here, it can take a nasty turn. A turn where it blinds you to other cars, other ideas, other ways of thought, other people. A turn where it can, in its most virulent stages, make one say such astoundingly culty and idiotic statements like proclaiming a truck is the best product the world has ever seen.
As I write this, I’m reminded of an incredibly long series of DMs I received from a hardcore Tesla fan years ago, after I had written something critical of the company. The tone of it reminded me of the sort of reality-removed feeling I’m seeing here. As I was being scolded for criticizing Tesla, this was the analogy the person made:
Yes, that person is equating a for-profit carmaker with racial groups and people with disabilities. This isn’t healthy. It’s just another symptom of the same thing seen in that tweet.
This kind of absurdity does no one any good: not the company whose metaphorical genitals are being lovingly caressed, not the other people who are fans of the company, not the public at large, nobody. If you read any statement like that, where an upcoming car from any company is hailed as the Best Product Ever, only one thought should spring to mind:
Get a fucking grip.
I Saw The Prototype Tesla Cybertruck Up-Close. Here’s What I Thought
The Cheapest Tesla Cybertruck Camper Concept Yet Is A $24,000 Truck Cap That Might Cook You Like Bacon – The Autopian
Elon Musk Tweets That Cybertruck Will Have A Feature That VW Beetles Had Over 80 Years Ago
So honest feedback here Torch- I don’t think this kind of article needs to be on Autopian. “dissection of Unhinged Twitter hot-take” is a popular genre nowadays, I get it, but it’s the new version of the supermarket tabloid promising details of Sasquatch’s wedding- you’re dumber for having read it.
You can find these kinds of ridiculously fanatical devotees for pretty much everything these days (Disney and Beyonce being the two that jump to the forefront of my mind), and while they can be annoying, engaging with them is just pig wrestling: you’re getting covered in mud and the pig enjoys it anyway.
At the very least, segue the takedown into something like the history of electric trucks, or a comparison to the current market offerings (how does the Cybertruck compare to the F-150 lightning, the R1T, whatever the Ram one is called, etc?)
I think an occasional purposeless rant like this one (no offense, Torch) is okay. I enjoyed reading it, and it appears others did as well. No every post has to be serious. As long as rants and other non-informational post don’t become the majority of the content (like another site that will remain nameless), I don’t see them as problematic.
Yep, once every eleven days is enough though. (11 is just a random number, not a reference to anything particular as I am too lazy to look at what else Torch has posted recently)
I like to read Torch’s rants. Sure, the weirdo who tweeted is ridiculous, but that sort of discourse is out there. And I have run across that account repeatedly on Twitter, so I suspect that tweet has some reach on social media.
And, sure, there are devotees for a lot of things. Hence the link to the “Rather push a [brand] than drive a [competing brand]” article. But claiming an unreleased vehicle will be the most pivotal product ever is a level of hyperbole that is rare.
As to the segue idea, the history of electric trucks could work, but a comparison of products really doesn’t when the Cybertruck has been just around the corner for some time and will probably not match the projected specs if it releases at all. He could have gone into some other massively overhyped products and how they fell flat upon release, though. That might have been really fun.
Disney and Beyonce fucking rule.
This gives me flashbacks to another mobility product that was going to change the face of our cities and neighborhoods and fundamentally alter the world for good. Famous investors were all lined up.
We got the Segway
“It will be best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.”
It’s a Tesla thing. You wouldn’t understand.
That’s a pretty dramatic statement to make about a six figure luxury truck that the vast majority will never ride in, let alone buy. Apple managed to put iPhones into the pockets of like 56% of smart phone users, I highly doubt Cybertrucks will ever grace anywhere near that share of pickup truck owner’s driveways.
Tesla: It’ll start at $50,000! (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)
(1) Don’t quote us on that.
(2) $1 = ~2USD. This is common notation.
(3) Wheels, body panels, windshield, electric motors, and fart noises not included in quoted price. Battery could be included if asked really nicely, but your chances aren’t good.
(4) May become available before the heat death of the universe.
(5) You don’t want this one ::waves hand like Jedi:: ::winks:: ::nods:: ::backs away with unblinking eyes::
“the first time someone heaves a sofa into the back of a Cybertruck as they help a friend move”.. You realize a Cybertruck/Tesla superfan understands none of the verbs in that phrase??
Also I remember when a product was going to be released that was purported to change life as we knew it. The first truly revolutionary product since the Wright Bros.. That product was the Segway… And yes, it turned out to be just as meaningful as the Cybertruck will be.
So, Mike Lindell is writing copy for Tesla, now. Just more Tesla pickup shuck.
Autocentrism
/ˌaw-tohˈsenˌtriz(ə)m/
noun
the attitude that one’s favored auto manufacturer is superior to others; evaluation of other auto manufacturers according to preconceptions originating in the standards and customs of one’s preferred auto manufacturer.
I’ll probably get a Cybertruck or several. Not because I think it’s the best automobile ever. Rather because I’m sick of paint scratches, sick of super easily dented body panels, sick of waiting for automakers to make a car I am actually want that is available in the US.
To me the Cybertruck is too big, too heavy, and too expensive for me to be smitten with it, but it seemingly gets just enough right for me to actually buy at least one. We’ll see.
I’m sure there will be some magical new “feature” added to the Cybertruck that pushes me over the edge of 50.1% of me can justify getting one to >50% of me can justify getting one, at which point I won’t get one.
I’d like to get a new car that has more structural integrity than tin foil but more often than not modern cars disgust me, not because of their looks, but because of their function, or lack thereof.
‘Rather because I’m sick of paint scratches, sick of super easily dented body panels, sick of waiting for automakers to make a car I am actually want that is available in the US.’
So stop waiting and buy a 25 yo Saturn or 35 yo Fiero.
Problem solved!
This comment is probably sarcasm but I have a hard time telling that through text.
While I do love the Fiero and the early Saturns they lack the ground clearance I require (I love places that get tons of snow). Also the whole idea behind getting a new car is that I can take care of it from the start and prevent horrible issues from developing, also I’d loke to get a BEV so I don’t have to deal with a lot of the maintenance issues and such.
If I’m going with a used ICE vehicle I’ll sink some serious funds into doing a better than new restomod of them, and all of them will have air cooled engines. So that would eliminate the Saturns and the Fiero.
Most likely I’d do an air cooled engine swap on a Vanagon syncro and I’d give an old cable brake having Beetle a mild Baja treatment or if I find an old Beetle chassis with the cable brakes I might do a sand rail/dune buggy style build.
“It will be the best product that [will give meaning to Teslanomics’ life and provide a tiny bit of validation to his extreme Musk worship] the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on [Teslaconomics’] daily lives.”
I don’t understand this, at all. I sort of get it when someone is this obsessed about their favorite football team, or band, or comic book character, or obscure eastern European taillight design firm. But even then, it just feels like the nerdy part of that person, not their entire persona. How in the world did Tesla inspire this unhealthy level of fanaticism?
It’s not unique to Tesla- Disney for example has it’s own collection of fanatic fans, as does Beyonce.
Stans gonna Stan.
Once again, leave Disney and Beyonce alone goddammit!
They both blow (except Disney up until circa 1960), but I can understand why someone would be a fan or even stan. Tesla standom is incomprehensible to me.
I guess that makes more sense to me though, because it’s rooted in escapism. In my head I can understand a milennial leaning 100% into being a Disney princess, but for someone to worship the Cybertruck like it’s the best thing since sliced bread? I mean, come on, this is SLICED BREAD we’re talking about!
As a former orthodox Jew who got out of the fold and slid into a more secular/conservative Jew life, I can feel for untold numbers of Tesla stans who want to forgo their Cybertruck deposits and buy a Ford Ranger instead. One minute you’re one of the chosen people, the elite few who “get it”, the next you’re eating McNuggets while sitting on the tailgate of that Ranger realizing that life is pretty good when you just chill out.
I’m hear for you, Teslaconomics. Just come home and plenty of Ford, Chevy, Oldsmobile, Lotus, Saab and Laada people will be your friend again.
Instead of ‘former orthodox Jew’, please consider ‘unorthodox Jew’ as a descriptor.
Hi Jason,
The Musk thanks you for the free publicity!
Sincerely,
CyberChatGPTruck
Everything’s a fuckin’ team now.
Sorry Cybertruck. Nothing is gonna have a bigger impact on my life than my Segway and Google glasses.
bravo.gif
And like, Tesla already HAD its iPhone moment – it was the Model S. A mass-manufactured EV that introduced a new paradigm in an old market segment, which (albiet slower than the shift from feature phones to smartphones) is changing how we think about personal vehicles.
To call Tesla the Apple of the car world is not hyperbole.
So say that *the Cybertruck is their iPhone moment* is absolutely fucking unhinged.
It is their U2 album to all iTunes users moment.
Yes, the Model S was a paradigm shift. However – to mix sports and tech metaphors – I don’t think Tesla Build Quality could hold Apple Build Quality’s jockstrap.
Nah, as someone who’s managed a lot of Apple devices, the build quality is a meme, not reality.
In retrospect, it was inevitable that Musk would give ChatGPT a Twitter account.
Fantastic. COTD imo
Anybody remember the hype and “WORLD CHANGING POTENTIAL” of the …. segway? lol. Was supposed to revolutionize transportation, too bad you look like a giant dork.
My first thought as well.
But the Segway made you look like a harmless dork, this thing makes you look like a sociopath dork.
If a Cybertruck ever has an “impact” on my daily life, the driver had better have damn good insurance.
Given the sheer mass of the thing, and the design’s sharp edges, any impacts it has on most lives are surely going to be fatal.
Probably some environmentalist hipster sitting in Starbucks in Seattle sipping on his latte. That’s 27 and still doesn’t have a driver’s License, has never been to any forest but has save the trees on his Patagonia fanny pack. Yells at the barista because his latte was to hot and that means the brewing matching is using excess energy to do that and causing climate change and deforestation. Takes public transportation but fights the driver saying it’s killing the planet and has constant sore mouth from spitting on ice cars all day…
That’s the guy who tweeted that
Can confirm this stereotype to be true with two minor corrections- the type of person you’re describing exists, but there is no way in hell they would be caught in a Starbucks, rather it’s some small independent coffee shop that charges 7 bucks for a small drip (listed as “market price”). Also, they do not take public transit in Seattle because it’s overrun with crazy drug addicts. They just Uber everywhere.
Hilarious but with one sub-correction – the hipsters don’t do “drip” coffee any more, it’s all about the “pourover”. Which means your barista sits there and manually pours the hot water from a teapot over the grounds which are in a filter above the receptacle. Highly artisanal.
Oh, and OP absolutely has an MBA from some Midwest school. Now lives on the West Coast. I picture mostly hourly-rental scooter rides.
He definitely uses Uber, and only the hoi polloi and the uninformed go to Starbucks. Personally I do care for the environment but I try to stay out of the forests; my presence there doesn’t actually improve the wilderness. I prefer going to a cars and coffee and letting the trees take care of themselves out there.
I will take the kids camping as much as possible to try to make them love the Earth as well, but man, kids do create a lot of garbage. So many contradictory impulses.
The guy was just quoting the first draft of every Elon pr release ever.
The first draft is the only draft. Do you really think Musk has the patience to look it over or the forethought to have someone else look? Or the single ounce of humility required to accept revisions?
“an actual, living human being actually typed those words”
Are you sure? This is the age of AI chatbots.
Also:
Tarragon: what’s the most hyperbolic statement you can make about the Tesla Cybertruck?
ChatGPT: The Tesla Cybertruck is so advanced that it feels like it was designed by aliens from a highly advanced civilization who have traveled to our planet to bestow upon us their futuristic technology. Its strikingly unconventional design and unparalleled performance capabilities make it feel like a vehicle from a sci-fi movie brought to life. The Cybertruck is not just a truck; it’s a marvel of engineering that has the power to revolutionize the automotive industry and redefine what we thought was possible for a vehicle.
Amazing. We don’t need real humans to churn out marketing nonsense any more!
We never did.
That is to say we never need that marketing nonsense to be churned out at all.
Right?
Introducing the Marketing WankBot(TM)!
Can’t be a bot; Elon said he got rid of them all.
It’s depressing that I’d much rather read that than what the supposed human wrote on Twitter.
These same people were/are convinced that the Boring Company would revolutionize mass transit by…making a worse subway in Vegas?
(I know, they thought it would be used for the Hyperloop, which is theoretically almost as good as existing high-speed rail. But the Tesla loop is just an easier target for jokes.)
Pretty sure I saw Origami Yak perform at a local club back in the 90’s.
Their split with Unfolded Bison was incredible!
But we can still call the Autopian the absolute pinnacle of
automotiveall journalism and at least 5 times as influential as any religious text, right? That’s just a fair statement.Pinnacle, or pinochle?
I dunno, this seems like more of a Spades crowd.
Yes
Yes, that’s totally reasonable and fine. I checked!
I really appreciate you looking into that for me. As someone deeply invested in the Autopian, you’re far more likely to know about these things and view them without bias than someone on the outside, who is likely spreading FUD.
(Am I doing this right? I need to stay off Twitter if I’ve absorbed enough to get it right.)
Bravo. I approve this rant.