So, full disclosure, when David Tracy and Beau Boeckmann and I all started this site not quite a year ago, one of the things we wanted to do was be as welcoming as possible to all aspects of the automotive culture. That means every weird little corner and sub-sub-fetish. And I think generally, we do just that! That also means that I needed to keep some of my own personal affectations in check, like my often limited tolerance for ultra-hardcore Tesla fans. The truth is there are plenty of valid and great reasons to be a fan of Tesla cars – they made EVs cool, they developed truly pioneering tech, they’re fast and fun – and of course those fans are welcome here, among all us fools who admire Yugos and archaic AMCs and other unmitigated, yet beloved, crap. So I try my best, and I keep my baser urges in check, only to have it all go to hell when I read one tweet. One absolutely astonishing, inane, hyperbolic tweet. And then I have no choice but to rant like a fool. My hands are tied.
[Editor’s Note: Jason is right that Tesla fans can be deeply hyperbolic — more so than any other group of fans devoted to a single car brand, possibly ever — so sometimes we’ll poke fun at that unbridled enthusiasm, even though we appreciate all car-love. -DT]
Before we go on, you need to see the tweet I’m referring to:
It’s funny when people say the Cybertruck will be the iPhone moment of Tesla.
No it’s won’t bc, it will be much bigger and more profound than that.
It will be best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives. @elonmusk $TSLA pic.twitter.com/EGKHof0lF2
— Teslaconomics (@Teslaconomics) February 10, 2023
Just in case there actually is a merciful god and they want to prove their love for humankind by wiping this insipid tweet off the face of the Earth, I better screenshot it, and while I’m at it, I’ll call out the part that really got me:
Yes, your eyes haven’t been secretly passing notes at night and decided to play some cruel joke on you; an actual, living human being actually typed those words about the Tesla Cybertruck, a strange-looking electric pickup truck that was first announced in 2019 and might and I do mean might go into production at some later point this year. I’m going to type this statement about the Cybertruck again here, just in case you’re having this read to you by your valet, so you have a justification to slap the crap out of them:
“It will be the best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.”
Just take a moment and imagine someone saying this to you in person. Is there any way you can picture the person saying this about a fucking pickup truck that isn’t even on the market yet without imaging them staring blankly yet fervently into the distance, a lone icicle of drool escaping a corner of their mouth, your forearm painfully in their grip, and perhaps the faintest glimmer of rotating spirals in their eyes? Maybe you can, in which case, you’re more generous than I am.
I mean, look, I get that car brands have their fans, often fierce ones, determined, wildly loyal people who would much rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford, or vice-versa. I get it. But even with that in mind, even with the most hardcore, unbearable fans, I have never ever encountered any, say, Ford person claiming the the F-150 Lightning would be the best product the world has ever seen. Ever.
You know why that is? Is it because the F-150 Lightning isn’t as capable an electric truck as the Cybertruck? Maybe, but it also could be that that whole sentence is an absolutely fucking ridiculous statement to make, by any standards at all.
The best product the world has ever seen! Better than, say, corn dogs or maxi pads or insulin or the telephone or the toilet or the computer or fucking fresh clean water pumped right into your home! Do you like being warm in the winter and cool in the summer thanks to heat and air-conditioning systems? Do you like your food not spoiling thanks to your refrigerator? Do you like to be able to read thanks to glasses or contact lenses? Big fan of woven fabrics, a human product that is also widely enjoyed by the considerable dog and cat population of the world? Well, I hope you aren’t a fool who thinks any of those bullshit products are somehow “better” than this big stainless steel pickup truck shaped like an origami yak, because @Teslaconomics make it pretty fucking clear none of that shit matters compared to this Tesla, the product that will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.
Exactly how a few thousand people owning a particular kind of pickup truck will have “the biggest impact on our daily lives” isn’t really explained here, but I’m sure it’s been well-thought through and extremely likely to happen. Most likely when the first Cybertrucks get delivered you’ll wake up that morning just a bit happier, a bit more alert and perceptive and kind, and, yes, probably at least a little aroused. As soon as enough people start commuting to their jobs in these things, you’ll likely find your capacity to love and be loved will have increased by, oh, 74%, and I suspect that the first time someone heaves a sofa into the back of a Cybertruck as they help a friend move, there will be a collective, knee-buckling orgasm that will reverberate all across post-pubescent humanity, bringing the world to a well-deserved moment of bliss, because that’s what The Best Product That The World Has Ever Seen can do.
Is this guy joking, somehow? Is he kidding? If so, this is a really, really committed bit, because nothing in this whole Twitter feed feels that much different. Sure, maybe the hyperbole knob was nudged a bit for this one, but not that much.
I mean, maybe we can’t really blame this fan alone, though. It’s not like Tesla themselves haven’t dipped their toes into the warm custard of hilarious hyperbole before, after all. Remember this?
Near-infinite mass, best product ever, same thing, really, right?
What this tweet really reveals is the fundamental problem many in the automotive enthusiast/fetish community has with a certain subset of Tesla fans: they desperately need to take it down a nice, big notch. It’s fine to be smitten with a car! I think being a devotee of a whole company isn’t always a great plan, but, whatever, I love enthusiasm, and I love seeing people be really into the cars they love. It’s beautiful, and I want to support it as much as possible.
But, as we can see here, it can take a nasty turn. A turn where it blinds you to other cars, other ideas, other ways of thought, other people. A turn where it can, in its most virulent stages, make one say such astoundingly culty and idiotic statements like proclaiming a truck is the best product the world has ever seen.
As I write this, I’m reminded of an incredibly long series of DMs I received from a hardcore Tesla fan years ago, after I had written something critical of the company. The tone of it reminded me of the sort of reality-removed feeling I’m seeing here. As I was being scolded for criticizing Tesla, this was the analogy the person made:
Yes, that person is equating a for-profit carmaker with racial groups and people with disabilities. This isn’t healthy. It’s just another symptom of the same thing seen in that tweet.
This kind of absurdity does no one any good: not the company whose metaphorical genitals are being lovingly caressed, not the other people who are fans of the company, not the public at large, nobody. If you read any statement like that, where an upcoming car from any company is hailed as the Best Product Ever, only one thought should spring to mind:
Get a fucking grip.
I Saw The Prototype Tesla Cybertruck Up-Close. Here’s What I Thought
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Elon Musk Tweets That Cybertruck Will Have A Feature That VW Beetles Had Over 80 Years Ago
For a while there i thought you were heading into truly epic rant territory. All the great things you mentioned but multiply by ten, in ever increasing volume,decreasing punctuation control and perhaps even some energetic spital ejection.
In my mind this would be the perfect response to this insane claim. Of course i have a weird sense of humor YMMV
Someone needs to tell Elon that the wacky tobacky of today is a hundred times stronger than the stuff that he smoked when he was a teen.
Regarding the CyberTruck, it is morphing as time goes on from the featureless stainless polygon that it was before. Once it finally reaches production, it will resemble an ordinary pickup truck, but with a needlessly strange shape. It now has black plastic fender flares, large black side mirrors, a front bumper and what appears to be a license plate hanging from it like a buck tooth. It’s taking the inevitable route from concept to production, which tends to negate nearly all the cutting-edge creativity of the concept. In this case, the only thing unique about the CT is the originality and weirdness of the concept.
As the Ford Lightning beat Tesla in the race to be the first electric pickup truck to market, predictions are that the CT will be Elon’s Edsel.
Still want a Tesla Roadster v.2.1. Iron out all the beta problems they never fixed.
I’ve wondered if these over the top Tesla fan-boy twitter accounts are bots? Or is that just me being hopeful for humanity?
Whoa whoa whoa, do not slander the good name of the humble but mighty yak by comparing it to the still-waiting-on-it vehicle with the biggest, saddest divorced dad energy possible.
The $TSLA hashtag at the end gives up the gig.
The reason Tesla online fans are so crazy is because their fervor is tied directly to a stock that moves directly in relation to that intensity, so a large mass of this hysteria is because it literally pays for them to do it.
If Tesla were privately held most of this insanity would evaporate.
What you don’t know is that Elon is antagonizing the ‘libs’ so the ‘maga’s feel good buying his trucks…
See, he’s a GeNiUs!!!
/s
Hopefully they have some inside info and it’s going to come with the Never-Charge Mr. Fusion option. Kind of a weird way to announce that he’s solved clean energy but that’s Elon for you. Modest, subtle and understated.
It appears that the author of this tweet got exactly what they wanted; to get everyone up in arms over his comment. Mission accomplished!
I’m neither a Tesla hater nor a fan-boy. I appreciate what they’ve done for the automobile world. I thought they’d go the way of Tucker and DeLorean years ago and remain surprised that they’ve been so successful. That has in large part been due to the slow response of traditional automakers. I still wonder if Tesla will still be around in 10 years. They need to update their product more often, that’s for sure.
I actually got to test drive a base Model 3 just yesterday for the first time. I was impressed. The car is more thoughtfully designed than I expected. The quality was way above what Tesla’s reputation for build quality would suggest. They must have figured out how to assemble cars in the last few years. It was comfortable, fast, and easy to use (even without an instrument cluster). I’d probably figure out how to buy one if not for other expenses in my life right now.
I also sat in a Model S. Although the interior is an upgrade and I still like the Model S’s 11 year old body style, the yoke sucks and needs to go.
As for the Cybertruck, it’s old news at this point. Even if it came out tomorrow I don’t think it would sell well as is. It’s simply uncompetitive compared to what Ford and Rivian are offering and what GM will soon offer. But perhaps the low poly design is just a decoy for the real thing. (if there even is a real thing)
This article was a good, enjoyable, righteous rant. That being said, the guy in the twitter comments who called it Tesla’s Zune moment made my day.
“It will be the best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives,” they typed on their personal computer (or mobile phone) and broadcast to the entire world using the internet.
I think Tesla fanboys are worse that Apple fanboys and Harley fanboys combined.
As a Tesla driver that just likes the car and not all the crap associated with it, can confirm.
As a Harley rider who also just enjoys the product, but not the associated BS, I agree!
the five most important inventions of the 19th/20th century are:
1: Vaccines (in particular Polio and Smallpox lead the way, but all vaccines)
2: Pasteurization
C: Refrigeration (in particular, the humble, ubiquitous and cheap kitchen fridge)
4: safe and sanitary Municipal Water & Sewer
e: Antibiotics
these 5 things have done more to extend the average human lifespan than any others. sadly overuse of #5 is biting us in the ass.
If I may humbly add the Haber-Bosch process to bring nitrogen into fertilizer production.
On a Tesla stroking site, I read that the CT will dominate and unseat the Ford F Series pickups as the #1 brand of pickup. Within 2 years of launch, if not faster. Oh…same goes for the Semi. Total domination of that segment class. Uh, nobody in the general public can get or see either one of these, regardless of “reservations”, so I find it hard to believe a diehard Ford guy is just going to salivate over to the CT. These followers are basically a cult with no ability to view reality.
Hey, Fox News told me so! Wait, wait, that is the wrong crowd…. Hey, MSNBC told me so!
I still don’t get Cybertruck and all of the hype at all. It looks like the 3D sculpture converted from the 2D drawing done by the first grader’s first attempt at car drawing with straight ruler and without French curve ruler.
“It will be the best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.”
With emphasis on the last part, model 3 is not far from the mark.
Outset (below topics are in general not up for discussion):
1. The world has to go electric, not just for transportation, but for all possible purposes.
2. Real renewable sources can easily deliver, in abundance, we do however have quite the task ahead of us improving and altering our energy infrastructure.
Model 3 is on a short list of products that has proven above possible.
“It will be the best product that the world has ever seen and will have the biggest impact on our daily lives.”
This could be a true statement if by “biggest impact” they mean driving a 10,000lbs cybertruck on autopilot through a stop sign and broadsiding me into the next county.
Well, to be fair, I’m sure the Cult of Musk will waste no time in placing the blame on you for existing in the same place, same time as the Cybertruck that you just self-broadsided against.
Surely Model 3 was Tesla’s “iPhone moment”. Given how the large pick-up truck is a North American phenomenon with very little impact in the rest of the world, and the considerable sales success of the Model 3 and Model Y in many other markets around the world, I don’t see how the Cybertruck can ever be as significant a product for Tesla than 3 & Y. Even if it does get Americans out of their F-150s and Silverados, it isn’t going to get Brits out of their Transit Customs, or Germans out of their Sprinters, or the Chinese out of their microvans in the same way that Model 3 has got people all over the world out of their 3-series.
Although the 3 is the first electric car that has seen mass production on a truly significant scale, I would argue the S was Tesla’s iPhone – it was the first time an electric car became an aspirational product in it’s own right, rather than something folks bought for virtue-signaling purposes.
For the first time folks were buying an electric car because they thought it was better than it’s ICE competitors.
You cannt sell this in europe, too heavy that you’ll need a cdl, + our trucks still have to get crashtested and get high level of pedestrian protection, and this clearly will not pass those tests.
Excellent username
Musk is just an irrelevant fucking idiot.
Luckily, based on my own research, there are one group of car owners even more stupid than Tesla evangelists: Those with a new electric Mercedes-Benz E-Q-something.
(Would be even funnier if it was actually called I-Q-something, but that’s been coined by Toyota..)
These people are so stupid. I know that’s not nice to say, so I’m sorry. But seriously, these people are fucking morons.
As a product, it doesn’t hold a candle to the almost-perfection that was the HP-29C calculator (or to most of HP’s other models).
I remain devoted to my HP-28S. I’ve come to terms with this being an unpopular position.
More of a Triumph Adler TA Concorde 1 man myself.
11C is the one true calculator.
Sorry, the 41C takes the award.
It is a cult
“Exactly how a few thousand people owning a particular kind of pickup truck”
Ha! Very subtle.
I’m still holding onto the hope that the Cybertruck is the most epic of all trolls, even if at the expense of a most diehard Tesla fans, just to show the obsurdity of Fandom.
Elon will hold a public unveiling with images of this Super Nintendo Super Duty, only to have the most gracefully designed, thoughtful truck of our lifetimes break through the Gorilla Glass wall of images.
But alas, I fear we will get this dreadnought DeLorean in the end, and our only joy will come from the contortions our Tesla loving friends will go through to convince us that this new form factor has forever changed the truck world.
I was in love with SAABs for twenty years but they were just nice cars.
My two-stroke ’67 96 is a terrible car by nearly every objective standard but the big difference is that I’ve been driving it for twenty-one years.