You may recall that back in May, there was a huge announcement that rested squarely at the intersection of sausages and automobiles, arguably the most important cultural intersection in modern society. That announcement was from Oscar Mayer, noted producer of hot dogs and other tubular delights, and operator of the world’s largest fleet of sausage-shaped automobiles. The announcement was that their famous Wienermobiles would be renamed “Frankmobiles.” When I covered this announcement in May, I called bullshit on the whole sordid mess. Because, come on, of course Oscar Mayer isn’t really changing the name of the Wienermobile! What would they stand to gain! It smelled of a dumb marketing stunt then, and now they’ve pretty much all but admitted it, changing the name back to Wienermobile after just a few ridiculous months. Did it get us all talking about the Wienermobile again, for a bit at least. Yes, it did. Did it debase the company, the Wienermobile, and the very concept of hot dogs themselves? No question.
The announcement of the return of the Wienermobile was made, like all important, serious announcements, on Instagram a day ago:
And while Oscar Mayer may claim that the summer has been “franktastic,” we know that’s just more horseshit. Their claim that we, the hot dog-consuming public, “missed this BUNderful icon” is a presumptuous BUNdle of crap, because it was never gone. Precisely 0.0 people during the period of time from May 2023 to Now 2023 that saw the Wienermobile driving by said “oooh, look, it’s the Frankmobile” because nobody fucking ever thought of it as the Frankmobile, and Oscar Mayer knew it. They knew it all along! They were just toying with us, for no good reason!
Oscar Mayer Wienermobile spokesperson Edwin Roland explained the return to the original name from the insipid detour to Good Morning America:
“We had never changed the name of the Wienermobile before and to celebrate our new 100% beef franks we were all on board in doing that, but we missed the name internally and we’re excited to bring it back. It didn’t cut the mustard — it’s the same mission but it’s comin’ back to Wienermobile.”
Oh, bullshit, Roland. I think you knew exactly what you were doing. I have to believe the fix was in from day one!
Remember, the Wienermobile has been a staple of sausageo-automobilia since 1936! Since before fucking WWII!
The hot dog-shaped car that everyone knows has been called the Wienermobile since Karel Capek, the man who coined the word “robot,” was alive. Orville Wright and Earnest Hemmingway and Curly from the Three Stooges were still alive. Oscar Mayer’s attempt to just change the name of this important cultural institution to, what, crow about how they have all beef parts crammed into those tubes is the most base form of cynical capitalism.
The Frankmobile. What a load of crap. It’s the Wienermobile, and it always will be, and Oscar Mayer is just toying with us, like we don’t even matter. I’m not going to stand for it. I called this for what it was back then, a callow marketing ploy that was doomed to fail, and that’s exactly what it has borne out to be. Did these motherfuckers think I was going to change the text on my huge back tattoo of the Wienermobile? Fat fucking chance. But what if I had? What about all those poor bastards that possibly did believe Oscar Mayer’s foul ruse, and changed their tattoos? Is the company willing to compensate them to return their Wienermobile tattoos to their original, accurate state? I hope so. There’s probably, what, thousands of people in that miserable situation as we speak.
You know what? I hope the American Novelty Meats Consortium officially censures them this year, and doesn’t invite them to the annual Sauce Sage of the Sausages performance and gathering this year. There needs to be consequences for toying with us so cynically and so needlessly.
Also, since we’re talking about the Wienermobile, we need to address something important and as yet unanswered about the current one:
What are the taillights on the current Wienermobile from? The previous generation had old Pontiac Firebird taillights, but this new one, with these sort of Altezza-style lights, these I can’t identify. They have a sort of 1990s Toyota Supra look, but the shape is different, as is the size and arrangement of the individual light elements. They look like aftermarket units of some kind. Hey, wait a minute – I found them!
The Wienermobile flips them upside-down from what is shown here, but these are the same taillights! Finally, one mystery solved! It also reveals a lie being perpetrated by Oscar Mayer the taillights are “custom made to help the hotdoggers drive safely” as reported to the Coeur d’Alene Press in 2019. They’re not custom! They’re off-the-shelf aftermarket lights for 1993 to 2002 Chevy Camaros!
More bullshit from Oscar Mayer. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
(Btw, I’m currently reading an excellent book about hot dogs by Jamie Loftus called Raw Dog. It’s great, if you want some intense hot dog reading.)
I Don’t Think I Believe Oscar Mayer’s Reason For Changing The Name Of The Wienermobile
The Company That Invented Kit Kat Bars Once Made A Chocolate Bar Just For Driving
Watch Us Ruin A Car To Determine The Safest Foods To Eat While Driving
(This post contains an affiliate link to Amazon about hot dogs of all things, so, yeah, buy the hot dog book and we’ll make a little money – MH.)
Has there ever been a “Torch Drives” for a Wienermobile?
https://jalopnik.com/oscar-mayer-wienermobile-will-it-baby-1056967001
Ah, thank you. I hadn’t thought to go over to the… other place.
No offense to Brooks Stevens, but my favorite is still the Cocktail-Wienermobile I saw driving around Madison in the late-aughts.
Different note… I was helping my new roommate move his cookbooks in to the kitchen, in the early-ninties, and discovered a copy of Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle” in with them. “What’s with this”, I asked. “Good kitchen reading material,” he replied. I proceeded to read the entire thing, in the kitchen, while eating pepperoni pizza. There’s some intense hotdog reading for you…
“…is a presumptuous BUNdle of crap, because it was never gone. Precisely 0.0 people during the period of time from May 2023 to Now 2023 that saw the Wienermobile driving by said “oooh, look, it’s the Frankmobile” because nobody fucking ever thought of it as the Frankmobile”
“Remember, the Wienermobile has been a staple of sausageo-automobilia since 1936! Since before fucking WWII!”
This is what we all come here to read and why The Autopian is the best site ever made!!!
(Also we all knew it was a scam, and this is history that you DON’T mess w/ or there will be riots in the streets)
My Hot Dog Shaped truck has a first name, it’s B-A-S-T-A-R-D-S. My Hot Dog Shaped truck has a second name, it’s A-L-L O-F T-H-E-M! The L.L Bean Boot truck is the only true novelty vehicle!
I have submitted a formal request to the United States Haggis Purveyors Society asking them rescind the invitation that was sent to Oscar Mayer for the annual Stuffed Meat Consumer Products Conference.
My condiments to all who left a comment!
Can we get a bun length article on that ’58 Weinermobile? That glass nose is incredible….
Whoever decided to change the name of such an iconic vehicle is frankly, a di…
A weiner. Yeah. That’s the word I meant.
I do kinda hope that while it was the Frankmobile, they carried some Coke II aboard just for the internal laffs.
(Yeah, that is/was the final name of it)
I don’t suppose you could get Ford to stop calling the Mach E a Mustang?
Wienermobile… F body tail lights… there’s a footlong pun in there, if we’re being frank.
Fun fact:
Iceland is the top consumer of hot dogs per capita. And their hot dogs are made of sheep meat.
Also am I the only person who finds curved meat in a skin annoying? Make it fit in the bun so toppings can be added. And for God’s sake can we start getting hot dogs, sausage dogs and business the same counts? 6 sausages, 8 buns and 10 hot dogs. Who the heck is making these decisions?
Supermarket purchasers, I reckon. Or maybe a conspiratorial cabal of industrialists colluding to set the number of buns and sausages in each other’s packages to goose sales mutually.
It shouldn’t be hard for people to ketchup on the name. You’d think there mustard been another way to generate interest. I’m glad people let their oponion be known.
I really don’t relish other people’s opinions. But cheese they just keep posting onion and onion.
We really gotta chili out with these puns
I agree but it ain’t gonna happen.
I’ve used this before, but how often do I really have to deploy it?
Memphis: There’s too many self-Indulgent wieners in this city with too much bloody money! Now, if I was driving a Oscar Meyer Wienermobile…
Roger the Car Salesman : You would not be a self-indulgent wiener, sir… You’d be a connoisseur.
Took me a minute to place it. Haven’t seen that movie in a long time!
This gets quoted almost daily where I work. But mostly just the self indulgent wiener line.
So, Torch, tell us how you really feel?<g> Not that I disagree with a single word you’ve written in this article…
I like the ‘36 & ‘40 ones. Had to check: actually custom-built chassis. They were scrapped during metal-drives in WWII. Wikipedia has a few incidents they’ve been involved in over the years—including one wedged ‘under a house’ in a failed attempt to turn around.
I relish a good frank discussion. They’ve been dogging us from the start.
These kinds of stunts really are the wurst.
Torch keeps calling bullshit, but we all know it’s actually rat turds in hot dogs.
So I guess whoever designs the Weinermobile must have an affinity for 4th-gen Chevy F-bodies. Always trying to cop those tails…
Great now the Wienermobile is going to fail inspection since you pointed out the headlights are installed upside down as originally designed by manufacturer, surely that must violate some NHTSA regulation….. though if it was an AV they wouldn’t blink an eye.
I stopped reading books about meat processing half through The Jungle. If Raw Dog won’t scar me the same ways I’d be willing to check it out, but I need some assurances.
I’m about halfway through it right now, and its more about their cultural significance than a disgusting “you’ll never believe what goes into them” expose like Food, Inc. The book is very funny and I recommend it!
I feel like there must be some intricacy of German-American words that I’m missing out on here: what’s the difference between a ‘wiener’ and ‘frank’ and why does the advertising seem to imply the latter is more premium?
“Weiner” means from Vienna, and “Frankfurter” means from Frankfurt. I think they were trying to distance themselves from Anthony Weiner.
It’s wiener. V-i-e-nna is W-i-en in German. Wiener means Viennese.
Thanks for calling them out Torch. If I wasn’t such a coward I would have done so myself.
We must thank the heavenly stars we have Jason, leader of men and light against the darkness. His courage is unshakeable and he is as persistent as time itself. May his righteous wrath turn away all who would besmirch tubular meat mobiles
* tail light against the darkness.
I never sausage blatant marketing lies!
I hope someday to own a ’69 Wienermobile.