Five months ago, The Autopian promised you, dear readers, that — if you became a member of this esteemed website — we’d purchase a Pontiac Aztek, I’d daily drive it for a month, and then I’d sleep in it for a week. Well, we have the Aztek, we are finishing up editing an incredible video of how we crashed the Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance with it, and now it’s time for me to daily drive the thing, but I just don’t want to.
You’re going to say I’ve gone soft, and on some level, maybe I have. My BMW i3 requires no gasoline, it’s quiet, it’s luxurious, it has bluetooth so I can take business calls while stuck in traffic (where I spend much of my life), it’s reliable, it’s small and easy to park, and I could go on and on.
The Autopian’s Pontiac Aztek — a ridiculously practical machine that’s in insanely good condition given its $3,600 price — is very few of these things. It’s a gas guzzler; it’s spartan inside; it’s stuck in the worst period of automotive entertainment (just before auxiliary ports, just after cassette tapes, thus requiring me to use the dreaded FM transmitter to play music/phones over the speakers); it’s decently reliable but given its age much less so than the i3; it’s big and hard to park; it’s loud; and its worst fault? It’s got a four-speed slushbox that just makes the thing feel slow and lifeless.
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I know, I’m being a baby. But it’s true — going from a 1965 Plymouth Valiant/1985 Jeep J10/2000 Chevy Tracker/1993 Jeep Grand Cherokee/etc etc to a 2014 BMW i3 really ruined me. Maybe it was age, too, or maybe it was just LA’s chaos. Yeah, I bet that’s it; in Michigan, daily driving an old car was honestly a joy. It was a smooth, quiet, almost calming thing. In LA it’s OMG YOU’RE GONNA DIE THERE’S A BIKER SPLITTING LANES OH AND A HUGE SEMI TRUCK AND A FORD RANGER WITH A 12 FOOT TALL LOAD IN THE BED OH WAIT WHY IS SOMEONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD WHY IS EVERYONE HONKING OH WAIT I’M JUST SITTING STILL.
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So today it begins. September 17 to October 17: One month of Pontiac Aztek Daily Driving. Will the car last a month? Will I fall in love with it (again)? Will I grow to loath it?
Guess I’m about to find out.
Just… don’t smash your nuts in any of the doors. Please!
This is exciting, not least because this is the most direct representation of my vote counting since they took away my voting rights in 7th grade for too many in school suspensions. Okay, maybe the only representation.
Are you using the Gregorian calendar or the Aztec calendar to determine when your sentence is up? Makes a difference.
He’s using the Aztek calendar!
I guess i’m going to be watching for this in traffic when i’m in LA next week
To make things interesting, drive the Aztek along the beach and give it a good soaking with seawater, then see if it develops rust holes before the 30 days of daily driving are over.
David is driving it. It’ll start to rust even if he details it daily.
I don’t really get a vote, but I’d be wiling to exchange David’s promise for Adrian comes over and lives for a week in it. He has expressed an interest, better or worse, in the model before after all.
Ya know, if you parked at Dockwiler beach for the week – you’d have the most unique beach van in LA. And you can walk down to my fave taco stand in Manhattan Beach.
But I would not park overnight in Manhattan Beach.
They’ll tow you away.
Don’t even think about driving thru Malibu.
Those people will tow you while you’re still behind the wheel because the Aztek is lowering their property values.
Unless you want to get daring and park in front of Ye’s old place.
You better get that “living in the Aztec for a week” done before it gets cold and the storms start rolling in.
It gets cold in Hollywood?
It gets very chilly in Hollywood when even your agent won’t return your calls.
Cold in Southern California? Girl didn’t they warn you? It is hot until winter. Lived in AZ for a few years. The long term resident boat owners pulled their boats out of the water when temperatures dropped below 90 because it was too cold.
As a challenge what movie did this come from? It may not be 100% correct.
The white people are melting
A good movie not racist.
The only movie I know of where a white guy melted is Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Frosty the Snowman?
Melting Nazis is my idea of a good time.
Having grown up in the 80’s, I can honestly say that the Aztek is far superior to any vehicle my friends drove in high school. Your car has A/C, PS, PB, PDL, PW, and a working radio. My car was a ’69 Bronco, well before they were cool. Manual choke, crank windows, NO power steering or brakes, and three on the tree. So, quit being so soft and just enjoy the malaise.
I’d rather drive the Bronco.
Why? Do you like choking on carbon monoxide and unburnt hydrocarbons?
When I’m driving a 1969 Bronco, yes, I do like choking on carbon monoxide and unburnt hydrocarbons. Not too much though, that means I need to do some tuning for optimal power.
I do that already.
I drive a convertible.
Fair.
I will buy an Aztec and trade you for the Bronco
The Aztek has got to be like driving a Cadillac compared to the J10.
Do we have any prop bets of when it’s going to die or otherwise leave David stranded on the side of the road?
You can avoid the daily driving by parking at the office and living in there for a month.
I am loath to say this, but you may grow to loathe the car.
I think the most frustrating aspect of dailying the Aztek may be the mid-ness of it. Your i3s are much nicer and better suited for the job, and at least when you’re driving one of the Jeeps or some other vehicle that is impressively ill-suited for LA traffic you’re still driving something fun and you know why you’re driving something less than ideal. The mid-ness of the Aztek just… is.
Love this so much. Sorry that it involves you suffering. But still love it! 😀
“It’s spartan inside…” Ummm, there is a freaking cooler as the center console, sir.
Perfect for a *Spartans* football tailgate
Go Green!
Go White!
GREEN and WHITE FIGHT FIGHT!
As a representative of the members I can agree to change the rules. You can DD it for a week but you’ll have to live in for a month.
I second the motion.
We have a second. All in favor, say aye!
The ayes have it. Motion carries.
I don’t know how good of a deal this is…
Trust me. It’s good.
This.
Live in it for a month of “overlanding” out in the boondocks of Nevada and Utah?
The autopian thing to do would be to go on a week long road trip from LA to NC, with a stop in Chicago to pick up Mercedes. Leave in a stock Aztek, and then arrive at Torch’s place in an Aztek shaped RV complete with a toilet + shower, awning, and integrated outdoor kitchen, and then “gift” it to Torch before draining any of the tanks.
Meal of choice: spaghetti in the shower
I really prefer shower lasagna, but either way the steam ruins the garlic bread.
How about sink penne? Sinkaroni? Bidet gnocchi?
I should have just brought this thing home with me, I’d definitely daily this for a month.
There’s always next month’s membership campaign…
But will he still want it after David camps in it for a week?
I’m holding out for next year when we ask for 500 members to get a Murano CrossCabriolet.
that’s a terrible thing to ask of your members.
Only if it’s that lovely teal color.
Or the brown press loaner that Joel Feder had when he and I drove around LA during an LA Auto Show many moons ago…..
You monster! Unless you manage to cram Adrian in it, in which case it’s time to start saving up you buy gift subscriptions.
See David? It’s better than a Subaru Forester!
This started as:
“If 200 People Become Autopian Members In April I Will Purchase A Pontiac Aztek, Daily-Drive It For A Month, And Live In It.”Live in it means you eat, sleep, read, you know… live. Not just sleep. “I’ll even blog from inside the tent?”
I will not disappoint.
That’s the spirit. Looking forward to reading about your adventures from a comfortable couch in a climate-controlled home. 😉
By putting this off for five months. you already have. And, really, you disappointed in the initial post, which had a headline reading “If 200 People Become Autopian Members In April I Will Purchase A Pontiac Aztek, Daily-Drive It For A Month, And Live In It” that said nothing about any time limit on your Aztek residency, a bait-and-switch only qualified nine paragraphs in by the words “for an entire work-week,” (sic ) thus misleading the large community of site visitors who go off half-cocked and doubly credit-carded after reading just the headline. And I won’t even mention the improper hyphenation of “work-week,” except passive-aggressively like I did just there.
I don’t know if this is satirical or if you’re really mad
And that is the source of my power.
Did you already sleep in it for a week?
First paragraph, first sentence. Emphasis added.
Hopefully you fall back in love with it before that week of living in there. I can only imagine how terribly short tempered I would be if I had to drive something I don’t like for a month, growing more agitated with each mile, and then make it my home for a week.
Yeah, except it’s a pretty cushy 2000s minivan so it’s really not hateful to drive
Cali traffic – LOL
You’re not in Kansas anymore, DT.
Are you going to overlap the 1 week of living with the 1 month of DD? Or will these be performed serially to avoid spilling your breakfast cereal?
Also, we expect there will be no cheating with overnight SO visits to ~Elise during the 1 week of live-in.
However, she is more than welcome to stop by your automotive apartment during your “living in” week.
If the Aztek is rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’.
Agreed. Visits from ~Elise are acceptable, dare I say, even encouraged! Suspension tests are are a very important, and oft overlooked, part of a car review.
Go spend $300 on an aftermarket radio that supports fruit and robots, it’ll take 30 minutes to install and life will be so much better.
Here’s a link:
https://www.crutchfield.com/p_104BE62CP/BOSS-Audio-BE62CP.html
Came here to say that, worth it!
I’m definitely for supporting Fruits AND Robots, but I’m not sure I want a radio that does both for me.
Here’s one that does everything for $54. I put one in my Odyssey and it’s awesome. It’s a double-din but surely there’s a GM sized equivalent at the same price point.
No way, we should not be giving DT any outs here. He needs to experience the Aztek in ALL its glory, and this suggestion of an aftermarket Bluetooth stereo is a slippery slope.
Better confiscate the FM transmitter then, too. (Just kidding, David)
I’m thinking a CD of That’s What I Call Music circa 2003 on continuous loop. Not only would this be period correct, but would force DT to learn a bit of pop culture.
David’s Aztek journal is going to read like entries found in Fallout computers.
Hopefully this doesn’t end in a jet addiction. And hopefully there’s no Deathclaw hanging around the camp spot.
Middle age hit David like a wrecking ball (tie-in with one of the other stories header pics for synergy). There’s nothing wrong with enjoying more comfort. Embrace it.
Am I middle age?
No, you are not
Middle age, or middle adulthood, is the age range of the years halfway between childhood and old age. The exact range is subject to academic debate, but the term is commonly used to denote the age range from around 40–45 to around 60–65 years
He’s not middle age, he’s just going bougie.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying comfort, but IMO there is a lot wrong with having a life so cushy you reject all discomfort and exclusively drive a comfortable, silent and intensely boring electric BMW.
Not throwing shade at David because he doesn’t drive the i3 exclusively, but I would be super throwing shade at David if he did drive the i3 exclusively.