I realize that when I started this site, I made a promise to our readership: I would never ignore a story that involved animal scat and automobiles. I feel like lately I haven’t been living up to my end of the bargain. Happily, there’s a bit of vitally important news happening that fits this mandate perfectly: in the UK, a Ferrari 448 GTB owner has caught, via doorbell camera, a fox (Vulpes vulpes) taking multiple dumps right on the clear glass engine cover of the roughly $250,000 Italian GT car. The question, of course, is why? What does this fox stand to gain? Is it making a statement? Is it a Lambo fan, or perhaps even Ford, and it just caught most of Ford vs. Ferrari through someone’s open window? Perhaps! But, after a bit of research into fox behavior and a little chat with an animal behavior specialist, I think there’s another reason for this, and the Ferrari’s owner is not going to like it.
The saga of the fox shitting on the Ferrari came to the world’s attention via a Tik Tok post by a user named Azidquidditygroup, someone who seems to be in one of those lines of business that involves money being used to get real estate properties and then from there more money somehow shows up, in an ever-increasing and confusing cycle that, I guess, lets you buy a Ferrari, eventually. I don’t know how all that crap works, I just hope if I take a reverse mortgage and a regular mortgage out at the same time they’ll cancel one another out, you know, like math. Then I divide by zero, and profit, or something.
Anyway, who cares about money when we have fox shit to focus on! Here’s the first recorded incident of the fox shittery:
@azidquidditygroup This fox definitely doesn’t like Ferraris! Watch what he does next!!???????? #ferrari #488gtb #fox
Remember I said this has happened multiple times? Well, it’s true, because it’s been recorded to have happened twice, which is the smallest possible amount you need to use the word “multiple” so that counts. Here’s the fox going number two the number two time:
@azidquidditygroup WTF 4 days later Mr ????Fox comes back to tell me what he really thinks of my Ferrari! This definitely feels personal now!???????????????? #fox #ferrari #poo #foxhatesferrari #quiddditygroup #propertyinvesting #personal #shit #memes #funnyvideos #foxvideos #ferrarivideos #funnymoments #funnytiktok
This is very strange! I’m not an expert on fox behavior, nor am I currently or have ever been a member of the fox community, but this all still seems odd to me. Here, let’s watch this fox shit on a Ferrari via YouTube, in case the government bans TikTok before you see this:
The fox had to really go out of its way to climb on that Ferrari and take a healthy dump right there, right over the engine. You’d think normally foxes would want to take their dumps in safe, secluded spots in the underbrush, but, as I stated, I don’t know, so I reached out to people who might. First, I tried the famous Kukekova Lab at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, where they have been working with foxes and studying fox behavior for decades.
Here, why don’t you take an hour break (tell your boss I said it’s cool) to listen to this talk from Dr.Ana Kukekova called “The Fox Domestication Project and the Genetics of Complex Behavior”:
Anyway, they didn’t get back to me. I made a number of other calls and sent more emails but the only person who spoke with me was from the NC State Small Animal Behavioral Medicine department, and they mostly gave me other places to contact, but also clued me in to one very important detail: if a fox is pooping somewhere out in the open and obvious, it’s for one very clear reason. To mark territory.
Now, I’d say this is pretty open and obvious, wouldn’t you?
That fox has marked that Ferrari as his. Or hers. I’m not sure how to tell fox genders. But it’s their Ferrari now. It’s important to note the location of the poop, right over the engine, the very beating heart of the Ferrari, so there is no question about the intent. This is deliberate. This is a choice.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: you’re noting that this is in an urbanized area, and you’re likely wondering about the distribution of food sources like voles, and are probably wondering if all this could be related to an increased risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis? I mean, look, I get it, but like everyone else, I’ve read Robardet, Giraudoux, Caillot, Augot, Boue, and Barrat’s paper Fox defecation behaviour in relation to spatial distribution of voles in an urbanised area: An increasing risk of transmission of Echinococcus multilocularis but I’m telling you, this is not the same situation.
There’s just no way getting around the fact that if you see fox scat, it’s because the fox wants you to see it, and that’s because it’s a territorial marker. This fox isn’t shitting on that Ferrari because they don’t like it, it’s precisely the opposite. The fox likes it so much that they’ve claimed it.
Here’s some video of foxes claiming some real estate, just like the Ferrari’s owner does himself!
As far as this real estate guy’s claim on his Ferrari, I think he’s just out of luck. Sure, he has the title to his car or whatever, but what is that worth when compared to 400,000 years of fox history and territorial marking precedent in Europe? Jack shit, that’s what. Clearly, to any respectable court of law, the fox’s claim would easily override any dinky human-law claim to the car, because what are the laws of man compared to the majesty of nature?
If this real estate bro has any sense, he’ll get a special seat fitted for the fox so the fox can drive the Ferrari safely and happily, and then he can go out and buy himself something more reasonable, like maybe a used Audi Fox, just for the irony.
Sorry, dude. It’s the fox’s Ferrari now.
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HOLY SHIT! Literally…I used to own a 76′ Audi Foxwagon! And it was my cheapest car at $100, running and driving. For 6 months, then got $25 for it at the junkyard. Also, it involves my funniest car story ever:
The accelerator cable broke so I hooked some plastic twine I had up to the throttle from the engine, out the hood through the driver’s window and pulled it to accelerate. I drove it home on back roads the whole way and the brakes weren’t very good either but made it home!
This is very insightful – I once had a fox poop in the backseat of my Supra – now I understand!
There’s a nice Lambo in town that I’m going to take a dump on tonight.
Mine!
My fox pooping in cat’s plate outside home. Get angry because was empty.
Maybe the fox is Sergio reincarnated?
The fox is just letting everyone know what he thinks about the performance of Ferrari’s F1 team.
I have a lot of foxes in my neighborhood, so I can confirm they shit to mark territory. Many times have I walked out back to find a pile on a tree stump or a large rock. My most unusual sighting was watching a fox press his ass up against the side of a tree and shit directly on the bark. And it stayed there!