If Your Car Doesn’t Have Animated ‘Demon Eyes’ What’s The Point Of Driving

I’ve long been an advocate for the idea that, when anthropomorphizing a car, the only reasonable place for the eyes are the headlights. Sure, some organizations will push forward the debased idea that the windshield makes more sense to house eyes, but we know that’s just a psyop designed to distract everyone from the humanoid amphibians that control the world, or something like that. There are now products on the market that quite clearly reinforce the headlights-as-eyes concept, but I’m not sure that I can, in good conscience, endorse them. They’re called “Devil Eyes” or “Demon Eyes” and holy clams are they creepy.

Our own cranky Brit designer Adrian spotted these on Temu, the noted reseller of top-notch, ideal quality electronics, like the pacemaker I got from Temu that gets weirdly hot and makes a high-pitched beeping almost nonstop, even after I replace the four nine-volt batteries it runs on.

These Demon Eyes, though, they’re a whole different thing: they seem to be round projector-type lenses with round LCD displays behind them that display animations of human-looking eyes, complete with sclera, irises, and pupils:

These seem to be sized to fit into projector-type light units that are inset into many modern headlamp designs. I don’t think these are actually able to cast any useful light to see by, so my guess is these are likely not so very legal .

As excited as I am to have the proper car-eye location displayed, there’s still something deeply creepy about these things. Headlights as eyes on cars work because they’re still fundamentally car parts, parts that just resemble eyes because of their shape and location; your brain and imagination does the rest.

I do, however, like the implication that these would make fantastic mother’s day gifts, though. What mom’s face wouldn’t light up at the thought of mammalian-looking eyeballs in their car!

I think the point is that once you start replacing headlights with actual, biological-looking eyeballs, then everything changes, and what once looked friendly and relatable now starts to look creepy. I used this very approach, in a really low-tech context, to make my old LeMons race car look creepier:

See those plastic, bloodshot eyeballs? I’m sure that added like 20 hp to the car.

I actually think these high-tech versions tend to look even creepier than the crude plastic ball ones; look at one of these in the installed context of a headlight:

The way its set deeply in there reminds me of a post I did at the Old Site about a decade ago, called Cars With Steve Buscemi’s Eyes, a play on that Steve Buscemi’s eyes meme. The cars I made with those eyes looked like this:

… and that’s not so different than what those Demon Eyes look like, really.

Anyway, you should probably order these right away, before the tariffs on creepy electronic car eyes go into effect.

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