One of my favorite cars that I’ve ever owned was my old Reliant Scimitar GTE. I’ve only owned two cars that can charitably be considered sports cars of any type, a 1968 Volvo 1800S and a 1973 Reliant Scimitar GTE. Neither is particularly fast or anything like that, but the ScimitarĀ feltĀ fast, with a fiberglass shooting brake body and a beefy 3-liter V6 under the hood, behind the spare tire. I happened to see a brochure for the Scimitar GTE, and I was enjoying some pleasant reminiscing and nostalgia, until I sabotaged myself because one of the headlines in the brochure is all but impossible to read with modern eyes with laughing like a 14 year old boy.
I’d blame the internet, but the truth is I did this to myself.
Before we go into that, let’s take a moment to see me and my Scimitar in both of our faded glory:
Ah, good times! What a fantastic car! The brochure I think does a good job extolling the virtues of this stylish and flexible machine, and uses these two-word hyphenates as headlines for each section. The first one, shown up top, and, what the hell, again right here, reads “tradition-upholder”:
And here you can see the tradition of a man rebuking a horse, which Britons have been doing for centuries. This also fits with the Scimitar fact everyone likes to tell you, that Princess Anne had one because she was dating a horse or something like that. The point is, Scimitars are horse-compatible.
Also, that blacked-out B-pillar was really ahead of its time, I’m just realizing!
I guess the title page doesn’t really have one of those hyphenated headlines, but it’s such a nice picture of the car, I had to show it. Here’s one with one of those headlines:
Mile-eater! Sure, why not? And, they’re not wrong: the Scimitar was a great highway car, a great high-speed tourer, with overdrive on the rear axle (giving actuallyĀ six gears, because overdrive worked on fourthĀ andĀ third) and very comfortable seats. Man, I miss this car!
The next page shows off one of the greatest features of the car, the fact that it was the first production car with split-folding rear seats, and an impressive amount of cargo-hauling capacity. The Scimitar GTE was a true shooting brake, a fast station wagon, practical and very useful. And, of course, the brochure has to show this, and does so well, including some handy diagrams showing seat configurations.
Okay, now we get to the headline that made me realize that, despite being alive on Earth for over five decades, I’m still a child:
I’m not even going to mention it, because I know you’re thinking it, too. So don’t act all superior, you! Let’s just all agree this is not a headline that would work today.
We neverĀ reallyĀ grow up, do we?
One of the keys to being happy, especially as we age and get wrinkles in places we don’t discuss, is laughing. My wife and I are regularly making jokes like this, and the mantra is “12” meaning the humor of a 12 year old. It’s not just OK, but the youth on the site should take note.. It will serve you well if you and your partner can laugh about a banana..
Oh yes. I have always stated my ambition is to retire at the mental age of 12, and I’m doing pretty well so far! I can manage a reasonable impersonation of an adult outside the house, but when I’m home with my wife it’s more like a couple of kids misbehaving while their parents are out!
Innuendo is ALWAYS fun too – and it’s a bonus that the word ‘innuendo’ sounds like innuendo by itself!
lol innuendo her what?
That had to be intentional
Yup, they knew what they were doing.
What’s the point of growing up anyway?
Thank you Jason
How unfortunate. If only the brochure writers had emphasized the Scimitar’s ability to carry many of your friends in the backseat, they could have written something with no suggestive overtones, like “Chum-Guzzler.”
A load-swallower that can do a 3-way at 120 mph?
What, exactly, was Reliant trying to sell us?
A damn good time apparently
And I would have begged for the privilege.
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Princess Anne was quite the gal, back in the day…
the sidebar also says something about a 3 way?
I wish they still used headlines like this; I’d probably remember more ads.
Shame on you, Reliant. Everybody knows that the place for this kind of talk is scrawled on the interior bodywork of a TVR to be discovered by the first person who removes a door panel.
Wow.
Hogh
It is an impressive amount of cargo capacity, though. No way could you fit that much stuff in a Spitfire.
Thatās the difference between a Spitter and a Swallower.
How did you glance gears with that setup if one wants to go through every ratio, well, rationally? 1-2-3-3od-4-4od or 1-2-3-4-3od-4od?
My Austin-Healey had 4 manual plus 2 electric overdrive (3rd and 4th). Mostly you just used the normal 4 and then flicked the switch to active the Laycock-de-Normanville overdrive as a tall 5th. Sometimes if you were in the gentle hills you would find that 3rd was too low and 4th was too high so you would used 3rd OD.
That head(er) was the highlight of someone’s career at Reliant. They most definitely have that page proudly pinned up in their garage.
That or their final parting gift to a company he hated working for.
36 cubic feet of load-swallowing volume is pretty impressive.
Yes it would. You could have the Hawk-tuah lady endorse/advertise it!
I’ve often said that if I remain immature I will never feel the need for a midlife crisis.
So far, so good.
I don’t plan to have the need for a midlife crisis, however I do plan to act as if I’m having a midlife crisis because I can get away it.
Which model of Corvette convertible do you plan to buy?
370Z is the current front runner
Mine was a Mustang
Same: I told everyone I bought a shiny convertible because I didnāt have a secretary to run off with
SAAB too, apparently…
https://www.reddit.com/r/classiccars/comments/jqqr10/very_unfortunate_advertisement/#lightbox
That one is even funnier….
I recall the wild Triplex car with the all-glass roof at the time. Not sure if there was more than one.
I wonder if that last headline and Princess Anne have anything in common?
……I’ll see myself out.
Well, she did own a Scimitar:
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-derbyshire-66701513
You canāt see it, but Iām smiling.
Each of the hyphenated phrases is at best odd sounding. We’re lucky they aren’t all euphemisms at this point. Of course I haven’t checked genY,Z,alpha, so maybe they are.
Let’s not overlook the fact that this load-swallower is down for 3way(120mph) shenanigans, either.
You can have this horse for nothing as long as you don’t it look in the mouth. I said don’t look in the mouth, dammit! OK, fine, I’ll throw in the Scimitar.
It’s just more proof that we, right here and now, are the first generation to have discovered sex, and that all of our parents and forebears just sort of noodled along until each of us popped atavistically into existence.
Some of us simply respawn at the last save point. I think that’s how I have kids of my own now.
I audibly sniggered. I am also a child.
So Jason, whatever happened to your old load swallower?
So glad to read that being a load-swallower is a tradition-upholder thing.
I feel seen.
Off to eat some miles now…
(oh, Hello Miles…)
You won the internet today.