Home Ā» I’m Ashamed Of How Juvenile I Can Be: Cold Start

I’m Ashamed Of How Juvenile I Can Be: Cold Start

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One of my favorite cars that I’ve ever owned was my old Reliant Scimitar GTE. I’ve only owned two cars that can charitably be considered sports cars of any type, a 1968 Volvo 1800S and a 1973 Reliant Scimitar GTE. Neither is particularly fast or anything like that, but the ScimitarĀ feltĀ fast, with a fiberglass shooting brake body and a beefy 3-liter V6 under the hood, behind the spare tire. I happened to see a brochure for the Scimitar GTE, and I was enjoying some pleasant reminiscing and nostalgia, until I sabotaged myself because one of the headlines in the brochure is all but impossible to read with modern eyes with laughing like a 14 year old boy.

I’d blame the internet, but the truth is I did this to myself.

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Before we go into that, let’s take a moment to see me and my Scimitar in both of our faded glory:

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Ah, good times! What a fantastic car! The brochure I think does a good job extolling the virtues of this stylish and flexible machine, and uses these two-word hyphenates as headlines for each section. The first one, shown up top, and, what the hell, again right here, reads “tradition-upholder”:

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And here you can see the tradition of a man rebuking a horse, which Britons have been doing for centuries. This also fits with the Scimitar fact everyone likes to tell you, that Princess Anne had one because she was dating a horse or something like that. The point is, Scimitars are horse-compatible.

Also, that blacked-out B-pillar was really ahead of its time, I’m just realizing!

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I guess the title page doesn’t really have one of those hyphenated headlines, but it’s such a nice picture of the car, I had to show it. Here’s one with one of those headlines:

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Mile-eater! Sure, why not? And, they’re not wrong: the Scimitar was a great highway car, a great high-speed tourer, with overdrive on the rear axle (giving actuallyĀ six gears, because overdrive worked on fourthĀ andĀ third) and very comfortable seats. Man, I miss this car!

The next page shows off one of the greatest features of the car, the fact that it was the first production car with split-folding rear seats, and an impressive amount of cargo-hauling capacity. The Scimitar GTE was a true shooting brake, a fast station wagon, practical and very useful. And, of course, the brochure has to show this, and does so well, including some handy diagrams showing seat configurations.

Okay, now we get to the headline that made me realize that, despite being alive on Earth for over five decades, I’m still a child:

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I’m not even going to mention it, because I know you’re thinking it, too. So don’t act all superior, you! Let’s just all agree this is not a headline that would work today.

We neverĀ reallyĀ grow up, do we?

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Black Peter
Black Peter
2 months ago

One of the keys to being happy, especially as we age and get wrinkles in places we don’t discuss, is laughing. My wife and I are regularly making jokes like this, and the mantra is “12” meaning the humor of a 12 year old. It’s not just OK, but the youth on the site should take note.. It will serve you well if you and your partner can laugh about a banana..

Morgan Thomas
Morgan Thomas
2 months ago
Reply to  Black Peter

Oh yes. I have always stated my ambition is to retire at the mental age of 12, and I’m doing pretty well so far! I can manage a reasonable impersonation of an adult outside the house, but when I’m home with my wife it’s more like a couple of kids misbehaving while their parents are out!
Innuendo is ALWAYS fun too – and it’s a bonus that the word ‘innuendo’ sounds like innuendo by itself!

Black Peter
Black Peter
2 months ago
Reply to  Morgan Thomas

lol innuendo her what?

10001010
10001010
2 months ago

That had to be intentional

Parsko
Parsko
2 months ago
Reply to  10001010

Yup, they knew what they were doing.

Elliott Usher
Elliott Usher
2 months ago

What’s the point of growing up anyway?

Cody
Cody
2 months ago

Thank you Jason

Luxobarge
Luxobarge
2 months ago

How unfortunate. If only the brochure writers had emphasized the Scimitar’s ability to carry many of your friends in the backseat, they could have written something with no suggestive overtones, like “Chum-Guzzler.”

Chris Hoffpauir
Chris Hoffpauir
2 months ago

A load-swallower that can do a 3-way at 120 mph?

What, exactly, was Reliant trying to sell us?

CanyonCarver
CanyonCarver
2 months ago

A damn good time apparently

StLOrca
StLOrca
2 months ago
Reply to  CanyonCarver

And I would have begged for the privilege.

ESO
ESO
2 months ago
Reply to  CanyonCarver

šŸ™‚

Gilbert Wham
Gilbert Wham
2 months ago

Princess Anne was quite the gal, back in the day…

Checkyourbeesfordrinks
Checkyourbeesfordrinks
2 months ago

the sidebar also says something about a 3 way?

I wish they still used headlines like this; I’d probably remember more ads.

DialMforMiata
DialMforMiata
2 months ago

Shame on you, Reliant. Everybody knows that the place for this kind of talk is scrawled on the interior bodywork of a TVR to be discovered by the first person who removes a door panel.

Cloud Shouter
Cloud Shouter
2 months ago

Wow.

Norek Koss
Norek Koss
2 months ago
Reply to  Cloud Shouter

Hogh

Mark Tucker
Mark Tucker
2 months ago

It is an impressive amount of cargo capacity, though. No way could you fit that much stuff in a Spitfire.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
2 months ago
Reply to  Mark Tucker

Thatā€™s the difference between a Spitter and a Swallower.

W124
W124
2 months ago

How did you glance gears with that setup if one wants to go through every ratio, well, rationally? 1-2-3-3od-4-4od or 1-2-3-4-3od-4od?

Chronometric
Chronometric
2 months ago
Reply to  W124

My Austin-Healey had 4 manual plus 2 electric overdrive (3rd and 4th). Mostly you just used the normal 4 and then flicked the switch to active the Laycock-de-Normanville overdrive as a tall 5th. Sometimes if you were in the gentle hills you would find that 3rd was too low and 4th was too high so you would used 3rd OD.

Totally not a robot
Totally not a robot
2 months ago

That head(er) was the highlight of someone’s career at Reliant. They most definitely have that page proudly pinned up in their garage.

Last edited 2 months ago by Totally not a robot
Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
2 months ago

That or their final parting gift to a company he hated working for.

Last edited 2 months ago by Rad Barchetta
Taargus Taargus
Taargus Taargus
2 months ago

36 cubic feet of load-swallowing volume is pretty impressive.

Toecutter
Toecutter
2 months ago

Letā€™s just all agree this is not a headline that would work today.

Yes it would. You could have the Hawk-tuah lady endorse/advertise it!

A. Barth
A. Barth
2 months ago

I’ve often said that if I remain immature I will never feel the need for a midlife crisis.

So far, so good.

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
2 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

I don’t plan to have the need for a midlife crisis, however I do plan to act as if I’m having a midlife crisis because I can get away it.

A. Barth
A. Barth
2 months ago

Which model of Corvette convertible do you plan to buy?

Taco Shackleford
Taco Shackleford
2 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

370Z is the current front runner

Chris Hoffpauir
Chris Hoffpauir
2 months ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Mine was a Mustang

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
2 months ago

Same: I told everyone I bought a shiny convertible because I didnā€™t have a secretary to run off with

Mr. Canoehead
Mr. Canoehead
2 months ago
Reply to  Slirt

That one is even funnier….

Ronan McGrath
Ronan McGrath
2 months ago

I recall the wild Triplex car with the all-glass roof at the time. Not sure if there was more than one.

Ncbrit
Ncbrit
2 months ago

I wonder if that last headline and Princess Anne have anything in common?

……I’ll see myself out.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
2 months ago
Reply to  Ncbrit
Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
2 months ago

You canā€™t see it, but Iā€™m smiling.

Eric W
Eric W
2 months ago

Each of the hyphenated phrases is at best odd sounding. We’re lucky they aren’t all euphemisms at this point. Of course I haven’t checked genY,Z,alpha, so maybe they are.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
2 months ago

Let’s not overlook the fact that this load-swallower is down for 3way(120mph) shenanigans, either.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
2 months ago

You can have this horse for nothing as long as you don’t it look in the mouth. I said don’t look in the mouth, dammit! OK, fine, I’ll throw in the Scimitar.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
2 months ago

It’s just more proof that we, right here and now, are the first generation to have discovered sex, and that all of our parents and forebears just sort of noodled along until each of us popped atavistically into existence.

Balloondoggle
Balloondoggle
2 months ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

Some of us simply respawn at the last save point. I think that’s how I have kids of my own now.

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
2 months ago

I audibly sniggered. I am also a child.

So Jason, whatever happened to your old load swallower?

Last edited 2 months ago by StillNotATony
Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
2 months ago

So glad to read that being a load-swallower is a tradition-upholder thing.

I feel seen.

Off to eat some miles now…
(oh, Hello Miles…)

Last edited 2 months ago by Urban Runabout
Argentine Utop
Argentine Utop
2 months ago
Reply to  Urban Runabout

You won the internet today.

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