You know what category of car book has always pissed me off? Books that claim to feature the “world’s worst cars” or some similar sort of sentiment. There’s an awful lot of these kinds of books out there, and my problem with all of them is the same: they conflate genuinely interesting cars with “worst” cars. Sure, some of the cars on these lists are genuinely bad – a broken dashboard clock is right twice a day, after all – but by far the vast majority of these cars are just ones that tried bold things or were different in some way, or suffered from marketing failings, or perhaps had one notable flaw, or something, but they’re almost never what I would consider “worst.”
I was thinking about this because I found one of these books – a small, brick-shaped volume called, simply, The World’s Worst Cars, written by Craig Cheetham and published in 2005. Interestingly, Craig has also written The World’s Greatest Cars and I presume he’s hard at work on The World’s Most Averagest Cars, coming soon to a fine bookmonger near you. Anyway, as I was flipping through this book I realized that I would be genuinely happy to drive almost any of the cars presented in the book. They all seem to be interesting cars! Not boring, with memorable technical or styling innovations and ideas; the operating principle for this book seems to be “cars that aren’t boring as all hell.”
So, with that in mind, I had an idea. I feel like these cars don’t deserve the awful treatment they’re given by being stigmatized and placed into books like this, so my plan is every day – keeping in mind how terrible I seem to be about doing things with any regularity – every day I’m going to run a simple program on one of my old-ass computers to pick a random number between 1 and 317 (the number of pages with cars in the book) and I will look at whatever page that random number refers to, and write up a quick redemption of that car.
This feels like a worthwhile plan, a good use of time, energy, and resources. So! Let’s get started! I fired up the Commodore PET, wrote the simple random-number picking program, and here’s what I got:
Okay! A nice low number was picked: 12. I’m just going with the first number the computer spits out, and I’ll only re-run it if it happens to be a repeat. So, let’s see what that car is!
The Aston Martin Lagonda! This one I think is a pretty easy start, because who the hell thinks of a Lagonda as one of the”worst” cars? Was it ahead of its time? Absolutely. Did they always work well? No, no they didn’t. Did they sell well? Well, it was always intended to be an exclusive, limited-production vehicle, and they eventual built and sold 645 of them, which was respectable. But it absolutely is an automotive design icon, a striking example of 1970s straight-edge wedge design pushed to an extreme, and the result is quite striking.
I mean, look at the damn thing! It’s a spaceship, just with nice huge wheels on it. In 1976, this thing really felt like the future. I know the book says it was from 1975, but the Aston Martin Lagonda from 1975 was an entirely different car, save for the 5.3-liter V8 making about 280 horsepower. The radical, wedge-shaped Lagonda was actually the Series 2, introduced in 1976.
Plus, it was a technological pioneer, significantly being the first production car to have an all-digital dashboard. The copy in the book refers to an “LCD” dashboard, but this is not accurate. The Lagonda had two different types of digital dashboards, one that used cathode ray tubes (CRTs) for displays, and a later one that used LED seven-segment numeric displays:
I’ve written about these fascinating dashboards before, especially the CRT-based ones, because they were wildly ahead of their time. The CRT dashboard was the first, so remember, this is 1976, and the CPU itself is only five years old and the personal computer revolution was just on the cusp of starting. The Lagonda dash used a Z80 central processor and three CRT displays with custom graphics and animated elements for each. This video isn’t great, but you can sort of see the CRTs in action here:
Our pal Doug DeMuro’s video about the Lagonda has some better CRT dash footage:
These definitely were finicky and had plenty of problems, which is why Aston Martin switched to the simpler numeric displays for the Series 3 cars (which were either LED-based of vacuum-flourescent displays – I’ve seen both referenced).
Even accepting that these early digital dash displays had plenty of problems, I don’t think we can underestimate the importance of a car that was the first to use an entirely new digital method of instrumentation, one that has become effectively expected on every new car made in the past few years. This is a pioneering car, and that alone should elevate it out of the Sewer of Worst.
Also, are you going to tell me that a car with this many lights, including pop-up lights, is somehow the worst?
No. You’re not.
Our own Autopian co-founder, Beau, happens to love these cars, and has one of the largest collections of Aston Martin Lagondas, including wagon versions and a fascinating one-off prototype two-door coupé version:
The charge that the Lagonda was not a reliable car is absolutely true. But the reasons why it was not reliable aren’t the sort of reasons that would qualify a car to be a Worst, like carelessness or genuinely stupid design or just bad quality. The reasons were far more Icarus-like, as this was a car that reached so far the reality of that 1970s and 1980s world it existed in just couldn’t quite meet the demands this car made. Even so, when these did work well, they were absolutely sublime: fast, comfortable, striking-looking machines that had real presence and brought barges full of drama and occasion anywhere they went.
You pull up in an Aston Martin Lagonda, even to this day, and people will turn to look. And they’ll feel something, something powerful, something akin to wonder and awe. Because this is a car that makes a statement, in design, in technology, and, yes, maybe a lesson in hubris, of reaching just a bit too far, too soon.
Nothing about this car, even its failings – which are significant – adds up to something that would categorize it as the “worst” of anything.
Aston Martin Lagonda, you are redeemed. If you own a copy of The World’s Worst Cars, please tear out page 12.
Now.
I’ve bought a few of those “worst cars” books on remainder.
The Lagonda always reminded me of a 1977 Caprice, in a way that it seems like what the original concept drawings for the Caprice must’ve been before all the compromises were made to the Chevy for buildability, reliability and roominess (example; the Lagonda’s trunk is tiny for such a big car. Its’ owners were meant to send their shopping-spree purchases home in a taxi. That taxi would of course be a full-size Chevy.)
On the later models even the steering wheel looks like they took a Chevette part and covered it in padding and leather.
I’m already looking forward to the rest of these!
Just make sure you check what’s on the opposite side before you rip out the page. It’d be unfortunate if the one opposite was actually one that earned a spot on the list of “actually worst.”
What were the other cars in the book? I gotta know!
I hope you manage to interview Craig Cheetham by the end of this series.
I’ve always viewed the Lagonda as an elegant design, but never got to see one in the wild. I always view any type of these worst lists as an opinion piece and shoot holes in what the author says as I read them. Thank you for taking the time to defend these cars Jason, I’m looking forward to your defense of the Horsey Horseless car. (Or maybe the Bishop could do an update on that one.)
IIRC wasn’t the Horsey Horseless the first car with a muffler? Sure the horse head on the front was a silly idea, but that muffler probably did make a difference in not freaking horses out, and obviously we should be grateful for mufflers on modern cars.
Lagonda Estranja is my 4th favorite contestant from RPDR
when this book was first published, the Lagonda Estranga felt very attacked, I’m sure.
In the summer of 1992 my family had a house rented in Amagansett and I was driving back-and-forth a lot on the Long Island Expressway and somehow about a half dozen times my schedule coincided with a chauffeur driven Lagonda. I had a Volvo 740 turbo wagon, itself an ode to the rectangle or at the very least the trapezoid, I would pull in behind the Lagonds just to enjoy the weirdness and angular splendor of it all. One evening, a passing couple in a Lamborghini Espada noticed and drove along for a few miles with big grins And no it wasn’t the pink Espada, even though it was the pink car’s neighborhood.
This was one of my favorite books growing up
I think you’ve done this before and you’re right, a lot of “worst cars” don’t deserve the title. There are some objectively terrible cars out there but are victims of circumstances.
The Lagonda was a beautiful car full of innovative technology which unfortunately was less reliable than a Series II XJ6.
Now a 1985 Sedan De Ville like the one Car and Driver tore the rear tire off on the skid pad is objectively terrible since it has the horrible HT4100, flaccid ride and handling and 80s GM build quality
If the Aston Martin Lagonda (Mk2) is one of the worst cars ever built because of the CRT/LED screens – then Frank Lloyd Wright designed terrible houses because some of them had leaky roofs.
*drops mic*
Some? I think “most” or even “all” would be more accurate. Poorly draining roofs is a FLW signature.
If FLLW houses and Aston Martin Lagonda were built today – they would have minimal issues.
Because the tech has caught up to the designs.
Having a non-leaky roof is kind of the #1 job of a house, so yeah, sounds Like Frank Lloyd Wright did design terrible houses.
However, the Lagonda does relatively fine at its #1 job of driving around, so I’d say that the Lagonda is actually much better than a Frank Lloyd Wright house.
I got this book as a kid and it was one of my favorites. I had tons of books about good cars but the fact that there was a book about bad cars was so exciting for little me. I remembered it being full of regular Euro family cars that I’d never heard of before so I kind of went “I guess these must be bad” and still loved it.
A few years ago, I found it at my parents house and brought it home with me. I decided to take another look through for old times sake and opened up to a random page. The page I opened up to was about the Toyota Crown and at that moment, I realized the whole book was BS. If I remember right, their criticisms were basically it was kind of slow and the styling was bland. But they also used pics of two different generations of Crown so which one was the bland one? We’ll never know.
I also recently rediscovered this book while visiting my parent’s house. I would defend it. It isn’t the best book and it makes some weak arguments, but it is entertaining. Plus, the vast majority of the cars included would be long forgotten if not for books like these. I would rather see cars written about poorly than not written about at all. If nothing else, books like these are conversation starters. I hope Torch ends up writing more rebuttals to this book. It will be fun to hear his takes, and it will be fun to argue about them in the comment section.
Now I feel like I should buy a copy of this book, just to tear out page 12! But it’ll be a cold day in hell before I give money to someone who writes books like that. Maybe they have one at the library I can “liberate”…
This and similar commentary has changed my outlook on “worst thing” books. I used to revel in the schadenfreude of automotive (and aviation, and architectural, and other) failures, but I’ve slowly begun to realize that it’s very rare that someone deliberately sets out to make a truly awful product…notwithstanding the entertainment industry.
I kid.
The makers of the Series 2 Lagonda set out to make something wealthy people would want. Certainly, the Series 1 had the looks, and if the Series 2’s more angular design was…challenging, it was also worth trying as cars around the world got more angular.
As for “World’s Worst”? You have a point. It wasn’t a car for everyone, but it wasn’t meant to be. It wasn’t reliable, but reliable British cars weren’t really a common thing in the 1970s. You said it, and history backs you up.
My best guess is that “The World’s Worst Cars” sells as a title because others also enjoy schadenfreude. But I would love to read a book where the thesis behind the title is something other than, “Ho, ho, look at these big losers! They tried to make good cars but they made bad cars instead! Ha, ha, ha, let’s all point and laugh!”
So here’s my pitch: Stalled Ideas: Cars That Missed Their Destination. It would cover many of the cars in the “Point and Laugh” books, but dive into the circumstances that led to their downfall. It would bust a lot of myths along the way, too, such as the perceived failure of the AMC Pacer…which happened well after the model had sold quite well for several years…or the fact that while the Ford Pinto developed a scary reputation for good reason, its competitors had similar issues, and the only reason those issues are less well-remembered is because of the overemphasis on a specific cost-benefit analysis.
It would also discuss cars that made money despite (or in some cases, because of) their mediocrity, such as the Ford Granada (U.S. spec, 1975-1982).
I do not pretend to the the level of obsession that these magnificent cars can generate but at the time of writing both of mine are working fine. One was good, until it sort of stopped working so I got another one as a spares car. Which was sort of nicer than the first one. Stuff got in the way and they languished for a bit. ( I parked a Fowler road engine that decided to fail a boiler test in front of the shed) Anyway they both work now, the Fowler is in bits awaiting a buyer. One is a series one with an LED display, the other a series three with a CRT display. Go figure, I am sure that Beau knows far more than I but I have long had the suspicion that no two of these things were the same.
You can’t just casually drop that you have a steam traction engine here and walk away like that!
I thought I may have mentioned it before, I wrote a book about one of them, quick precis; As a small child I walked past it every day on my way to school (I was four), got to know the man who had saved it, received it in his will decades later and drove it to where I now live. 385 miles at traction engine speed. It is a B4/5 and now shares its shed with a Sentinel S8 lorry and the bits of the now boilerless BB1 ploughing engine.
I have toyed with the idea of suggesting a ‘shitbox showdown’ to Mr Tucker. which of these massive impractical to the point of madness but somehow lovely machines would you choose?
I have used the Fowler, it will pull things out of places that lesser machines cannot.
I didn’t learn about steam lorries until I was well into adulthood, so they still feel like some weird intrusion from an alternate universe; just the idea of a coal-fed engine riding on standard-looking pneumatic tires just feels out of order, some violation of the laws of mechanical evolution. Like at the very least they should be using oil-fed steam generators powering a geared turbine, but instead they’re basically 19th century vehicles dressed up in modern (for the time) bodies. Kind of like a Dodge Charger. Still makes me wonder a little.
It would be neat if there were an easy way to search up a user’s previous posts, too, speaking of century-old technology in modern drag…
Sentinel Steam lorries were used by the Tarmac Company until the mid 1960s, they had a system of pipes and valves that directed the exhaust steam and gases to the tipper body so that twenty or thirty tons of tarmacadam road surfacing was kept nice and hot. My one had this once, it is long gone now but the maintenance manual has a whole section about it.
The write up of your trip with the traction engine would make a great article here.
I’m still waiting to hear that you revived the Bentley wrecker and used it to rescue some odd barn find—probably a Bugatti Type 34, given the circles you motor in.
Wait you own TWO of these?!
We had this book at the shop where I went to night school to learn auto repair!
It was sitting in a collection of ancient manuals, and somebody found it & pulled it out. We’d sit around and debate the choices – IIRC it’s a British-market book, so some of the choices definitely seem questionable to Americans (though possibly correct).
Huh. I think that might be the first time I’ve seen what the Lagonda looks like with the lights up. That is a lot of headlights.
These books were clickbait slideshows before clickbait slideshows were cool.
It would basically be Jalopnik in print form if every other page in the book was an annoying ad.
This reminded me of a book my dad gave me around 20 years ago called “Crap Cars.” The two that stood out the most to me were the E30 318i and the VW Beatle.
Jeez, the Lagonda has so much overhang it could’ve been designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
With a hood that long, you need to see really far ahead.
I own a copy of that book; it is an entertaining read. The title is the print media version of clickbait. The book is about cars that are interesting for reasons other than being good. I agree most of the cars featured in the book aren’t bad (frankly, I want to challenge Mr. Cheetham to a duel for including the ’79 to ’85 Cadillac Seville in this book; the styling is controversial but that is a fine automobile).
That being said, a few actually do suck. Torch, if you are looking for a challenge, turn to page 212 and write a defense of that lump of excrement.
Me? *shrugs*
I don’t hate the Lagonda, and I can generally find something redeeming about any vehicle that isn’t a VW Mk IV, but some cars are just better conceived and engineered than others, which necessitates a few of them being among the “worst”. This car was expensive, fugly, unreliable, and without many redeeming qualities.
I’ll be curious to read more entries in this series, but the v10omous vote is to keep the Lagonda on the list.
I think you just described the entire Range Rover lineup from the past two decades
The entire UK auto industry of the last 70 years, except maybe the expensive part.
How am I supposed to take this seriously when Jason can’t keep the order of stop light lamp illumination straight.
Now you have to read all of them, and bring us the world’s best review of the “world’s worst cars” books.
The way these things work, it’s almost assured to have a page on the Ferrari Mondial (8). Looking forward to that one, possibly featuring a special British guest author!
I worked in an import repair/restoration/dealership in the late 80s and we bought one of these, it ran sorta but we flogged it on because nobody wanted to try and repair it