I’m Leaving America For The First Time And It’s On An Audi Trip So Absurd You Might Not Believe It

For years, I’ve had dreams of visiting far-off lands to experience car culture around the world. I want to know what loving cars looks like to everyone. Now, my dreams are finally coming true with my first international trip. Next week, I’ll be in the French Riviera to drive an Audi, but I have a feeling I’m going to spend every minute in awe. Yet, I really have no idea what I’m doing, so you get to watch me go through this whole process of opening a new chapter in life.

Ever since I was a kid, I had dreams of boarding a plane, flying to a far-flung place, and having vehicular fun somewhere new. These dreams filled my head after watching countless Top Gear challenges ranging from riding motorbikes through Vietnam to the legendary Sabine Schmitz absolutely hauling a Ford Transit around the Nürburgring. Now, I’m wondering why I didn’t start this journey sooner.

Back in late August, Audi invited us to France to drive a new car. Now, stuff like this would normally be difficult because our team is small. That would be almost a whole week without one of our regular writers. So, if we attend these events, we might send a contributor. But our editors had a brilliant idea. Who didn’t have a passport and who hasn’t ever left America? That would be yours truly. Now I had a reason to speed-run the passport process like this:

Passports Can Be Easy!

Getting the passport was actually easier than I expected. Most of the work was just gathering documents. I needed my birth certificate, my name change court order, my driver’s license, and photocopies of all of those.

One of the things I was worried about was how my gender appeared on my documents. I have not been able to amend my Wisconsin birth certificate yet so that still had the letter “M” on it. But, my driver’s license shows “F” on it. Is that going to cause a problem? The U.S. Department of State makes this pretty easy. You have to fill out an application to get your passport and choosing your gender marker is as easy as checking a box.

I gathered my documents and made a next-day appointment with my local post office. There, they took my picture, collected the fees, and sent off my application.

One of the other scary aspects of the passport application is the processing time. The U.S. Department of State says routine processing takes 6 to 8 weeks. An expedited passport takes 2 to 3 weeks while it’s also possible to get one within 14 days. The processing time does not include the days your application and passport spend in transit. The U.S. Department of State goes as far as to say that it could take two whole weeks before it even begins processing your passport application.

This timing was a bit confusing. At the time, the Audi event was 4 to 5 weeks away. That was too soon for routine processing but also cut it close for expedited processing after delays are factored in. Yet, it was also too far out for urgent processing.

Matt Hardigree suggested choosing the fastest possible option for everything. So, I chose expedited processing and then tossed in the faster one- to two-day shipping. It’s $160 to get your passport book and card, another $60 for expedited processing, plus $21.36 for the fast shipping. I also paid another $50 to the USPS for my picture and for the acceptance fee. Amazingly, I got my passport in just two weeks, and that included a delay due to Labor Day.

The Trip

Right, so I have my passport, now it’s time to fulfill some lifelong dreams.

My test drive for international travel will start at O’Hare next week. Audi gave me a choice of airlines and flights out to Europe. One flight had me going to London before heading to France and another option was going to Amsterdam first. Admittedly, I chose the flights based entirely on aircraft type. I hoped for a Boeing 747 on the transatlantic legs, but none of the flight options offered one. So, I chose the pair of aircraft that sounded the coolest to me. I’ve never flown on a Boeing 787, so that was an easy choice. I also haven’t been in a CRJ-900 in years, so that was my second choice.

So, I’ll be flying into Munich, Germany first, which is pretty awesome because part of my family ancestry traces its roots back to Germany. Then, I’ll hop on the little CRJ-900 and I’ll be off to France!

I was then surprised to see that Audi paid for first-class seats on every aircraft. The United 787 I’ll be departing on has those cool cubicle things with lay-flat seats. As all of you know, I’m a serial cheapskate. There’s no doubt I’ve purchased multiple cars for the price of just one of these flights. I’ve never flown anything better than Economy, so I have no idea how I’m going to react.

Look at what United Polaris is like. I want to be clear that this isn’t an advertisement, I fly with whatever airline has the coolest plane for any given trip. But, to my cheap heart, this is amazing:

Matt and David warned that things aren’t going to be as easy as hopping on a plane and flying over. I should try to have at least some of the local paper currency. David also gave me a sweet wall adaptor that will charge my phone and laptop no matter where I am in the world.

Audi will be putting me up in some ridiculously swanky five-star hotel and weirdly, that’s the part I’m least excited about. It’s an open secret that automakers wine and dine journalists. I mean, Toyota put me up in Hawai’i for a whole week for an event that was realistically just two days. It’s funny the lengths some automakers will go to impress. Still, just look at the place I’m being sent to. It’s called the Le Mas de Pierre:

What I’m really excited about is car spotting. There’s a whole world of cars the United States never got and it’ll even be fun to spot differences between USDM and Euro-market cars. It’s probably a good thing that press events sort of lock you into an ecosystem for the whole trip. If I’m left to wander I’d probably try to figure out how to buy and store a Smart Roadster until it’s old enough to come to America. You know, I might try to do that, anyway.

Of course, this is still a press trip, so I’m going to be able to drive the Audi [REDACTED] around Côte d’Azur for a couple of days. I can’t wait to see what driving on another country’s roads is like. Maybe if Audi releases our leashes for long enough I could also take a swim in the ocean.

[Editor’s Note: Mercedes is going on one of the nicest possible press trips you can go on. It’s the French Freakin’ Riviera! This is like having your first meal out at The French Laundry. There are maybe nicer one-off press trips (perhaps Fancy Kristen could tell us), but as far as places where cars are regularly launched it’s the tops. I hate to lose a writer, but Mercedes is great and deserves a cool experience like this. I can’t wait to read about it. – MH]

To be clear, this would normally be just another press trip, one where I would write a disclaimer about what the automaker paid for. I’ll do that at this event as well, but we’re going to use this trip for more than just driving a new car. We’re going to document what it’s like going on my first-ever international trip.

I’m expecting this to be a stepping stone to something even greater. I have a long list of dreams that I now have the ability to accomplish. I want to take a Smart around the Green Hell, I want to experience Chinese car culture, and I want to ride a motorcycle through some of the greatest vistas the world has to offer. That’s just the beginning of what I want to do outside of our borders. Driving an Audi in France will only be just the first step. So, I hope you enjoy my discovery of what it’s like to leave home.

If you’re thinking of getting a passport, I highly recommend it. I’ve delayed mine for so long thinking getting a passport was going to be hard. As it turns out, getting a passport was super easy, barely an inconvenience. So do it, go out there and have fun with me!