Good morning, and welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! On today’s menu are two Ford Escorts that both need to be, um, escorted from their current locations by a tow truck. The good news is they’re both cheap enough to be worth a little work. Which one is a better fixer-upper opportunity will be up to you.
We ended last week’s weirdness with a four-way battle, and it was clear from the comments that the Studebaker was going to cruise to an easy win. Old trucks, man. You just can’t beat ’em.
But I think I’d pick the Fiero, if I had my choice. I already have an old truck, which, while it isn’t as cool as that Studebaker, has won me over time and time again. I have never, however, owned a Pontiac Fiero, as much as I’ve always admired them, unless you count the 1/25 scale MPC model kit on my shelf.
This week, to counteract the bizarre cars from last week, I’m picking more ordinary cars, but keeping the asking prices down. This, of course, means that some of them will be broken to some degree or other. Such is the case with today’s pair of low-mileage Ford Escorts: one won’t go, and the other won’t stop. But both should be relatively easy fixes. Let’s check them out.
1986 Ford Escort LX – $1,200
Engine/drivetrain: 1.9-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Coryton, TN
Odometer reading: 51,000 miles
Operational status: Cranks over but won’t start; seller suspects ignition problem
Ford kept the Escort from us here in America for two very cool rear-wheel-drive generations before we finally got this watered-down version in 1981. It looks a lot like the European third-generation Escort, but it shares almost no parts except the basic engine design – Ford’s CVH four-cylinder. Ford offered two sizes of this engine in the American Escort: 1.6 and 1.9 liters. The 1.6 was long gone by the time this 1989 model was built; it never was enough oomph for the Escort, especially with an automatic transmission.
Its odometer reads a scant 51,000 miles, though there’s no way of knowing whether or not it has rolled over. I tend to doubt it; it looks too clean for 151,000 miles. The seller says it ran and drove well until recently, but now it won’t start, due to a lack of spark. Instead of digging into the problem, they’re unloading it cheap. Yes – $1,200 for a non-starting but otherwise clean car is cheap these days.
And it really is clean; I don’t think anyone has ever sat in the back seat. That’s typical of a commuter-type car like this, though – only the driver’s seat ever really gets used. I’ve even had small four-door cars where the rear door hinges were nearly seized and opened only reluctantly.
The photos in the ad are pretty terrible, but from what I can see, it’s clean outside as well. These old Escorts had a lot of faults, but they never did seem to rust too badly. And it shouldn’t take much to get it running again; a quick peek at RockAuto shows that you could throw parts at the ignition system until something works, and not spend more than a couple hundred bucks.
1995 Ford Escort LX Wagon – $1,300
Engine/drivetrain: 1.9-liter overhead cam inline 4, four-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Boradview Heights, OH
Odometer reading: 55,000 miles
Operational status: Runs, but has no rear brakes
Fast-forward a few years, and our Escort had drifted even further from the European model. Starting in 1991, the Escort was based on Mazda’s BG platform, but the CVH engine remained. It gained sequential multi-port fuel injection, and drove the front wheels through a Mazda four-speed automatic instead of the old Ford ATX three-speeder.
These cars were not exciting to drive, but damn, did they get good mileage. I had a ’93 Escort hatchback with the CVH and an automatic for a couple of years, and it hit damn near 40 MPG on highway trips. I’ve heard the five-speed manual version did even better. This one runs great, according to the seller, and would be roadworthy, if not for a leaking brake line to the rear.
It’s a little banged up here and there, but considering the price, who cares? And again, it’s not a rust-prone car, unlike its Mazda-badged platform-mates. This is the body style you want, too; my hatchback could hold a lot of stuff, but these wagons were gigantic inside.
The biggest drawback to this era of Escort is those damned motorized seat belts. Every single one of them had ’em, even the 1995-96 models which came with a driver’s side airbag. You get used to them after a while, kind of, but they never stop being annoying.
Yes, you could just spend a little more and get a car that’s ready to go. And tomorrow, I’ll show you a couple. But for today, you have to choose: Replace some cheap ignition parts, or replace a blown brake line and bleed the system?
(Image credits: Facebook Marketplace sellers)
The ’86 is a “oh hey…look at that” kind of car, but not one that you actually want to own, especially if you have any degree of experience with one. My girlfriend (now wife) had one, I worked on a lot of them besides hers – it seemed like all of them wound up with a PCV issue that gave all of them milky and wierd looking oil. I’m not an expert on what effect that has on internals – especially if it’s something that’s left that way for a while – but I’d imagine that it’s not good. They got this sorted out by the late ’80s, so it won’t be an issue on that ’95. For that matter, it’s a more practical car and probably a bit easier to live with.
Wagon, especially because of nostalgia. Back in the late 90s I had a friend whose family owned two 1995 Escorts. One was a teal wagon, the other was an odd pinkish-purple wagon. Both were ex-fleet vehicles, and they went to buy one at auction and decided to buy two at twice the price. I didn’t care much for either color, but the things were highly practical and got great fuel mileage. Both made it north of 200,000 miles with neglected maintenance before they were sent to the scrap yard for failing emissions inspections.
I’d take my old 81 with a 4-speed over both of these. However, sticking with the rules, I’m going against the grain and taking the 86. I cannot stand mouse belts. Too many times that stupid mouse has tried to strangle me as I pop-in my chosen cassette for the drive.
I appreciate how clean that ’86 is but it’s just too miserable a car to actually be desirable.
Yep, these are true penalty boxes, more so without a stick. Rode in a lot of these growing up.
Wagon! Everybody, OUTTA MY WAY!!!
Having owned 4 different cars with automatic seatbelts I have never understood the hate for them. Sure, if you stick your head out the window before opening the door you’re going to have a bad day but otherwise they worked just fine. The other plus is the separate lap belt went lower on your lap instead of cutting into your pelvis/bladder on a long trip. I understand why they don’t exist anymore, along with pop-up headlights, but I loved both of those features.
My only issue with the auto seatbelts is that they stopped too high on the B-pillar. I always felt like the buckle was near the side of my head.
That’s annoying, but there are plenty of fixed 3 point seatbelts where the anchor point is too high on the B pillar too.
Most cars have height adjustors since the early 2000’s. I applaud any transparent safety aid. Tilt/telescope wheels are in this category as well.
Mine worked intermittently. It kept me alert, like Inspector Clouseau awaiting an attack from Kato.
I had a vehicle with auto belts that had an indeterminate delay on actuation. You never knew how long after you closed the door that it would move – it could be anywhere between 1 and 15 seconds. It would have been super annoying had I not mentally turned it into a guessing game and rewarding myself for guessing correctly and not being choked.
Ok, malfunctioning autobelts would be annoying, or exciting depending on how you look at it. What’s odd is the cars I owned with autobelts were all Mitsubishi which have a certain reputation for breaking down, a lot, and they did but the belts never hiccuped once.
I HATE auto belts and made sure I never had them. The late ’80s/’90s GM door mount solution was maybe worse. I used the belts on my ’88 Regal normally as God intended but always felt they were compromised.
Ugh. Fine. The wagon, I guess. Might I just reiterate? Ugh.
I’m going with the wagon. Only because it’s a wagon and a buddy of mine had a 1995 sedan in college. Thing had a 160k on it and he was the most anti-car person I’ve ever met so he didn’t take care of it, but it never put a foot wrong for him. Middle of summer or -20 in January and it always started.
I did a 6000 mile road trip in my mother’s 88 wagon with two college mates and whilst it lapped up all the abuse we threw at it, every mile we drove it we hated it a little more. An extra speed on the auto would have made a big difference, so the newer one for me.
Going Ford/Mazda ’95. I remember how utterly miserable those ’80s Escorts really were. It looks cancer free but that is about all it’s got going for it. The ’90s ones are sooo much better.
I want that little wagon
Bring a couple quarts of brake fluid and a good pair of vice grips and you could drive the ‘95 home.
Allegedly. I don’t condone this behavior, but have successfully done this a couple very low-speed, nerve-wracking times. Nowadays, I’d just call a tow truck
I’m never going back to carburation. Injection all the way!
Buy both and a chain. Have the one that runs pull the one that brakes. Problem solved.
Good thing they both steer or you’d need a third car for that.
Wagon all the way. I miss my ’92 5 speed. However, mine rusted horribly here in New England. A rear strut punched through the shock tower – fixed that with a piece of steel from a scrap lawn mower. Then a rear trailing arm mount broke loose – fixed that by driving it to the junkyard.
Wagon. You can’t beat a wagon with a stick. Well, you can, but why?
Fix up the ’86 for me. The original series US Escorts were tough and generally reliable little cars, as long as you replaced the head gaskets ay 75000 miles. This one still has a little way to go before that’s even necessary.
These Escorts were a bit more, rough around the edges, but they tend to have more personality for a commuter car compared to the later Mazda-based ones — which were much more sorted-out but also rather boring appliances for the most part.
These are both some crappy hoopties but I like boxy 80s cars so I vote the 86 not that I would ever buy anything like it though hah. Also I am sure the 95 has no working brakes due to a little thing called rust so I would hate to see the underside seeing it is from the rust belt. Most sure where that thing is going it needs no brakes though haha.
I’ll take the black wagon, I don’t need to stop!
’95. Brake work, sure, plus a little extra to source the appropriate wheel cover; silly as it may be, it would drive me nuts motoring around only 3/4 correct.
Nostalgia wins today. I owned an ’84 (pre-facelift) Escort on which I learned to drive a stick while lurching and stalling along the roads of Michigan State University’s south campus. The thing was an absolute billy goat, and even though it always felt as though I was sitting in a terribly slow bathtub, it never left me stranded, even on a spring break ski trip to Colorado with two buddies and their luggage.
Even got a speeding ticket on that trip, which I swore would have violated the laws of physics.
I’m sure the ’95 is the better car, but we’ll take the red one.
Newer + Mazda platform wins it for me.
NOPE
It seems only natural that a model named “Escort” should be a wagon.
If either of these really excite you then you should probably go ahead and get both.