Welcome back! This week, we’re looking at apocalypse-proof rides, the sort of thing you can use to flee from zombies or battle Lord Humungus. Yesterday we looked at trucks; today we’re giving the four-door sedans their moment to shine.
I don’t know what I was expecting yesterday, but a close race wasn’t it. I thought one or the other would emerge as the clear victor, but instead we have another result decided by a handful of votes. By a razor-thin margin, you chose to ride the Express to the end of the world, largely due to its higher security, smaller size, and better maneuverability, it sounds like.
That’s the right choice for this assignment, I think. That dually would be a lot more fun – as long as you didn’t have to park it in tight quarters – but the van is the smarter idea here. (Stupid apocalypse, ruining everybody’s fun.) In this scenario, a big enclosed space is more useful than a big open bed, and since it’s an automatic, there’s no worry that your plucky sidekick won’t be able to drive it out of a tight spot if necessary.
One of the toughest assignments you can give any car is taxicab duty. They get driven hundreds of thousands of miles over the same roads over and over again, spend hours idling or sitting stuck in traffic, and are usually treated badly, both by riders and drivers. So it stands to reason that two of the most successful taxicabs of all time would make good choices for a tough end-of-the-world ride. And here they are.
1977 Mercedes-Benz 300D – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.0-liter overhead cam diesel inline 5, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Oakland, CA
Odometer reading: 171,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well, but sometimes starts hard
Imagine a car so versatile it’s equally at home carrying mid-level executives to meetings in San Francisco as it is taking tourists from the airport to their hotel in Nairobi. Imagine a car so well-built that its company’s marketing department reportedly told the engineers to knock it off and build them cheaper because repeat customers were taking too long to replace it. And imagine it’s powered by an engine that will not only run for a million miles but can do so on fuel made from waste cooking oil with a little modification. That car is the W123-chassis Mercedes-Benz 300D.
The secret to the 300D’s success is its brilliant engine, a five-cylinder diesel with a mechanical fuel injection pump. It’s a cast-iron monster of an engine, with very little to go wrong, as long as you keep it oiled and cooled. This one has only 171,000 miles on it, which is about a fifth as much as most of the 300Ds still running around Africa. Probably a lot easier miles, too. It has had a bunch of recent work done, and it runs fine, but there is something wonky with the ignition switch, or wiring. You sometimes have to hold the key down for a bit before it starts cranking, according to the seller. But if necessary, you could probably exorcise that particular gremlin with a push-button for the starter.
It’s not as nice inside as it once was – it’s definitely more on the “Nairobi taxi” end of the spectrum than the “junior partner” end – but most of the fabled M-B Tex upholstery is intact, and the seat cushions don’t look saggy. It has a few issues with wiring in the instrument panel, namely the fuel gauge and oil pressure gauge, but neither of those will keep you from driving it. There’s no radio, and whether or not the complicated vacuum-controlled HVAC system works is anyone’s guess.
The W123’s only real natural enemy is rust, but a northern California car like this should be pretty clean underneath. The paint is fried, but for our purposes that doesn’t matter. That timeless Bruno Sacco styling doesn’t really matter either, but you would hope that the bands of marauders would take a moment to acknowledge your fine taste.
2001 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: 4.6-liter overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Gilroy, CA
Odometer reading: 133,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
At one point, it looked as though the Crown Victoria might very well be the “last of the V8 Interceptors.” Chevy was peddling front-wheel-drive V6 Impalas as cop cars, and Ford’s own replacement was a V6 Explorer. But then Chevy brought out the Australian-built Caprice PPV, and Dodge offered both the Charger and Durango Pursuit, all of which kept the V8 faith for a while. Chevy bowed out in 2017, leaving the final V8 cop car in this country wearing a “Hemi” badge. But when you mention a “cop car,” the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is still a Crown Vic. And the whole time they were the de-facto cop car in the US, they were the de-facto taxicab as well.
The Police Interceptor, or CVPI or P71 for short, looks like a standard-issue Crown Vic, but it has a whole bunch of little improvements that make it stronger, faster, and better-handling. I’ve driven both, and while the P71 is no sports car, there’s a night-and-day difference between this and the floaty grandpa version. It’s a little quicker, due to a slight horsepower bump and a lower rear-axle gear ratio, and it shifts a little harder, too. It has a bigger radiator, as well as external coolers for the oil, transmission, and even power steering. This one runs and drives well, and has only 133,000 miles on it, which is nothing compared to some taxis I’ve seen.
Most police cars had plastic back seats, a divider between the seats, and a whole bunch of holes drilled all over for various bits of cop equipment. This one, however, was an undercover detective’s car, so it never had any of that. Of course, it still screams “cop car,” but that can’t be helped. It’s still pretty clean inside, and the seller says everything works.
It’s rust-free, straight, and has a clean title, so it seems like a good starting point for whatever you want to do to it. Ironically, the seller mentions the lack of a front bull bar as a positive, but for our purposes, it would be better if it had one. Oh well. All you have to do is find some weird guy with a grizzled beard and a welder, and he’ll fix you up.
Thriving in tough environments is what these cars do, so it makes sense that they would be good choices for the toughest environment of them all. On the one hand, you have a car that can run on garbage fuel, but can only outrun George Romero zombies, not the speedy 28 Days Later kind. On the other hand, you have plenty of speed and power, but you’ll have to find gasoline for it. Which one seems like a better way to go?
If I had a Turbo, I might go with the Merc.
But I really kind of want to make a Crown Vic ala Falcon Tray Ute…or of course there is always the popular F100 chassis swap.
For an indestructible sedan, that Merc is pretty “destructed” 😉
Ford, check engine light be damned.
It doesn’t count until it is flashing.
A 300 D Diesel (as it says on the back of it), a bit like an ATM machine… 😀
The Mercedes all day long for the win.These things last forever as taxis in 3rd world countries just not the USA.
Plus it’s that name of my favorite writer , no offense to the rest of you great writers on here.
Let’s see here. Black grille, black steelies with poverty caps.
“Undercover” my ass. Even without the wigwag, no one would fall for it.
I think “undercover” is the wrong word here. 🙂 More like “non-liveried”.
Remember the good old days when some detective would randomly slap a light on top, while moving, and hit the gas? Now that was undercover.
Years ago, though I doubt anyone will remember, there was a terrible sitcom on Fox called Whoops. This was the early days of Fox, when they would put pretty much any show on to fill up time slots. The show was a post-apocolyptic sitcom (I did mention that they would put on anything) where 6 people had survived a nuclear war and were trying to rebuild society. The ‘joke’ of the show was that the main character had survived the nuclear blast because he was in a Volvo. It was, as you can imagine, a terrible show. It only made it about 10 or so episodes due to sucking incredibly hard, and of course the premise was absurdly stupid.
If the car had been a 300D however, it might have been a bit more believable.
If you remember that you are old enough to remember Volvo: “Boxy, but Good”.
Porsche. It’s a little too small to get laid IN, but you get laid the minute you get out!
As our self-proclaimed resident Diesel Benz expert, I’m choosing the Crown Vic.
That poor 300D is beat to hell and cleaner examples can be had for similar or slightly more money. Mileage doesn’t really matter on those engines, but the rest of that poor car will nickel & dime you to death based on the condition.
I loved (most of) my diesel Mercedes, but, no turbo = no vote for.
Detective Vic today.
All the North American 300D are turbodiesel. 300TD was the wagon, and 300SD is the S class chassis.
It’s been some years, but, my memory is that the 300D was not turbo until about 1980.
-perhaps I’m confusing that with the fact the the wagon was not turbo until then.
I’m not at familiar with the Euro market ones
Had several 300SDs, and both a 300D & 300TD. It’s been 25 years since my first, but I was under the impression that 70s 300Ds were (or could be had) non-turbo in the North American market
Mea culpa if I’m spreading misinformation
Nope –
If it doesn’t say “Turbodiesel” on the back – it’s normally aspirated.
Damn, I forgot about those few years in the late 70s. The steering wheel should’ve jogged my memory.
My apologies everyone, I forgot that the w123 came non-turbo in NA before 1980.
As a former Crown Vic owner (’88 S model with a 5.0) and Town Car owner (’92 Cartier Edition), I have to go with the CVPI. I love those cars and would drive that right now. Plus, anything to keep a good running one away from Cleetus McFarland.
The 300D was tempting, especially because I see a gorgeous metallic brown one in my backyard everyday (my landlord is a diesel fanatic and has a gorgeously preserved one parked in the barn at my house).
As both are going to be quickly beaten down by the hordes, I went with the Vic, as it’ll be easier to fix in the post apocalyptic hellscape we’re all barrelling twoards. While the engine in the Merc may have several decades left in it, as soon as something breaks I’d be hoofing it unable to find suitable replacements.
Sorry but I wouldn’t trust any Ford unless it was an old 70’s-80’s F150 with an i6. I’ll take the car they had to make less durable down the line.
The considerations go far beyond jsut how well it was built, you’re gonna have to ram into things, one good hit and that Merc is donezo. Hald the Ford is availble on several other cars.
Well imho the Mercedes is more reliable and I would prefer reliability instead of spending half my time outside the car looking for an ever thinning supply of parts.
We’re saying the same thing from different perspectives 🙂 enjoy your ride!
Now who would get more apocalypse street cred?
oooo, that’s a tough one… I’m gonna go with the Mercedees commading more respect.
That way the radioactive mutants you run over know i’m cool.
This one is an easy call the crown vic is easy to fix and parts are everywhere and cheap. Here is a 2 minute love video to crown vics from the tv show chuck https://youtu.be/mujzS4KuWx8?si=PnO7XA3JsXpDO0aS
Your parts assertion holds true only if you’re stranded in North America. Everywhere else in the world there will be far more old MBs to pilfer.
In real life I’d be going for the crown Vic but in an apocalypse the diesels ability to run on alternate fuels would be far more valuable.
not to mention the great fuel mileage of the diesel, in comparison you won’t get too far in the Vic with its barely cracking 2 digits mpgs on the last remnants of scavenged gasoline
“That timeless Bruno Sacco styling…”
Nope.
Bruno Sacco was not the lead on designing the W123 – That was Friedrich Geiger and Chief Engineer Hans Scherenberg.
Bruno did not become head of styling for Mercedes-Benz until 1975 when W123 development was nearly complete – two years after design sign-off.
I like both of them but i’ll go with the Merc, we used to have Mercedes-Benz W123 the Lang (long) version, in golden color! i think my father bought it used, it is one car i really wish to find again and bring it back.
Oh Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends are all corpses, here’s how the world ends.
If these are the end times your good book portends,
I’d rather die driving a Mercedes Benz.
COTD
The fuel versatility puts the 300D over the top. In most other respects I like the Crown Vic better, but for a post-societal collapse vehicle I want something that can run on the bottles of vegetable oil that I recovered from the ruined Costco.
Fuel or parts… Tough call today.
I’ll go with parts availability and hope I can make it running on moonshine.
While it can’t run on garbage fuel, parts to keep the old police car going will be everywhere in burned out cities. Plus, cop tires cop shocks, goes good on regular gas, excellent for running over Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis.
Each state has their own unique flavor of Nazis.
“Elwood: It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?”
Moreover, replacement parts: If I’m in America, Panther
So want an old diesel Benz. Too bad no stick…
“All you have to do is find some weird guy with a grizzled beard and a welder, and he’ll fix you up.” You rang?
When the apocalypse comes, you don’t want a stick – you need a hand free to aim the gun.
I’ve owned both of these, and in a zombie apocalypse I’m taking the Mercedes. In real life, I’m going with the Crown Vic because it is in far better shape – parts for those W123s were starting to become hard to get twenty years ago, so I can only imagine how hard it is to find stuff like vacuum accumulators today.
Give me multiple fueling options in the zombie apocalypse, so I’ll take the Merc. Plus it’ll let me feel a little more posh when telling the kids about the Before Times.
Way back in the old days, before zombies, this car was driven by everyone from junior executives, think of it like the people who help the tribe, all the way to taxi drivers. It just kept going and going. In your terms it would cost 6 whole apples, when regular cars cost 3. Just be very thankful that here in Jasonia we’re isolated from the worst of the zombies. Remember the stories of how everyone got here, the great exodus, in everything from Mercedes’ gang of Smart Cars to the DT Jeep Fleet. Others were not as lucky.
There’s no way DT’s Jeep Fleet could be made waterproof enough to clear a deep puddle, let alone surmount the straits that keep Jasonia safe. The paddle boat conversion of the i3 could do it, though.
Legends tell that SWG fashioned a boat to get the Jeep Fleet to Jasonia out of six K-cars, a Winnebago and all the abandoned Altimas in the tri-county area.
Gimme the Vic. The LAST thing I need when I’m running from the zombie horde is for my car to be hard to start!
But that would violate every horror movie trope! Twist a key, whisper “c’mon start…,” ominous synth music in the background, shadow in the rear view mirror getting louder, and just at the last millisecond, the car belches smoke and roars to life. Just don’t fall into the last trope of driving into a tree or ditch while speeding away.
But a non-turbo 3-liter is pretty damn slow. Not 240D slow—but some of the fresher zombies could likely pace you for a bit
Won’t the heavy black smoke choke some of them? 😀
Ah, fan-fic: do zombies breathe?
We never satisfactorily settled that—but the debate sure consumed a lot of mild intoxicants. 🙂
You calling the 240D ‘slow’?? lemme tell you about the 200D..
Well, I grew up in air-cooled VWs, and the first car I owned was a Westfalia camper, yet, even I had to nope out when I test-drove a 240D. I prefer 0-60 to be under 12 seconds.
With all of 2 horsepower plus hard pedaling, my electric Milan SL may very well reach that benchmark:
https://i.imgur.com/KufY24X.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/ERBQpwv.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/oFlmzEL.jpg
Still working the bugs out before doing some performance runs. I have a rear wheel rubbing while turning left issue I need to fix.
Expected to get 300 miles range at 40 mph on a 1.5 kWh battery pack. And will be pedalable with a disabled motor and/or dead battery. Expected top speed of over 70 mph using the motor.
I really hope you’ll grace us with a write-up when you’ve worked out the bugs. From various comments I do think many others would read it as avidly as I would
That isn’t even my main project.
My other “bicycle” in progress is my own custom design velomobile on a full-suspension KMX frame with aftermarket gas shocks, hydraulic disc brakes up front, cable-pull disc brake rear, DOT wheels, solar car tires, a hubmotor in each wheel for AWD, roll cage, safety harness, body-mounted flexible solar panels, and will be making 25+ peak horsepower and 300+ lb-ft of torque in a vehicle weighing under 120 lbs.
I plan to troll Hellcats at stoplights with my “bicycle”. With the motors disabled, I may still be able to pedal it to 40+ mph in a sprint on the flat if I get the aerodynamics good enough. Expected top speed over 80 mph depending on battery pack voltage, possibly as high as 120 mph.
Ok: this is the one I was thinking of. Love the idea of you surprising a Hellcat bro, and dearly want to see that
If my simulations are correct, I get enough traction to launch, and nothing breaks, that Hellcat may not finally overtake me until about 70 mph.
On 13 horsepower and 46.8V going to just a single motor in the rear wheel making about 120 lb-ft wherein the torque curve dropped off a cliff around 25 mph, I took a V6 Charger at a stoplight, which didn’t overtake me until about 30-35 mph.
Give me the Merc. It has been a while since I’ve paid attention to CVPIs, but I think 2004+ is what you want. They got a bunch of suspension and handling improvements starting around then.