Welcome back! This week, we’re looking at apocalypse-proof rides, the sort of thing you can use to flee from zombies or battle Lord Humungus. Yesterday we looked at trucks; today we’re giving the four-door sedans their moment to shine.
I don’t know what I was expecting yesterday, but a close race wasn’t it. I thought one or the other would emerge as the clear victor, but instead we have another result decided by a handful of votes. By a razor-thin margin, you chose to ride the Express to the end of the world, largely due to its higher security, smaller size, and better maneuverability, it sounds like.
That’s the right choice for this assignment, I think. That dually would be a lot more fun – as long as you didn’t have to park it in tight quarters – but the van is the smarter idea here. (Stupid apocalypse, ruining everybody’s fun.) In this scenario, a big enclosed space is more useful than a big open bed, and since it’s an automatic, there’s no worry that your plucky sidekick won’t be able to drive it out of a tight spot if necessary.
One of the toughest assignments you can give any car is taxicab duty. They get driven hundreds of thousands of miles over the same roads over and over again, spend hours idling or sitting stuck in traffic, and are usually treated badly, both by riders and drivers. So it stands to reason that two of the most successful taxicabs of all time would make good choices for a tough end-of-the-world ride. And here they are.
1977 Mercedes-Benz 300D – $2,500
Engine/drivetrain: 3.0-liter overhead cam diesel inline 5, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Oakland, CA
Odometer reading: 171,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well, but sometimes starts hard
Imagine a car so versatile it’s equally at home carrying mid-level executives to meetings in San Francisco as it is taking tourists from the airport to their hotel in Nairobi. Imagine a car so well-built that its company’s marketing department reportedly told the engineers to knock it off and build them cheaper because repeat customers were taking too long to replace it. And imagine it’s powered by an engine that will not only run for a million miles but can do so on fuel made from waste cooking oil with a little modification. That car is the W123-chassis Mercedes-Benz 300D.
The secret to the 300D’s success is its brilliant engine, a five-cylinder diesel with a mechanical fuel injection pump. It’s a cast-iron monster of an engine, with very little to go wrong, as long as you keep it oiled and cooled. This one has only 171,000 miles on it, which is about a fifth as much as most of the 300Ds still running around Africa. Probably a lot easier miles, too. It has had a bunch of recent work done, and it runs fine, but there is something wonky with the ignition switch, or wiring. You sometimes have to hold the key down for a bit before it starts cranking, according to the seller. But if necessary, you could probably exorcise that particular gremlin with a push-button for the starter.
It’s not as nice inside as it once was – it’s definitely more on the “Nairobi taxi” end of the spectrum than the “junior partner” end – but most of the fabled M-B Tex upholstery is intact, and the seat cushions don’t look saggy. It has a few issues with wiring in the instrument panel, namely the fuel gauge and oil pressure gauge, but neither of those will keep you from driving it. There’s no radio, and whether or not the complicated vacuum-controlled HVAC system works is anyone’s guess.
The W123’s only real natural enemy is rust, but a northern California car like this should be pretty clean underneath. The paint is fried, but for our purposes that doesn’t matter. That timeless Bruno Sacco styling doesn’t really matter either, but you would hope that the bands of marauders would take a moment to acknowledge your fine taste.
2001 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor – $3,500
Engine/drivetrain: 4.6-liter overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Gilroy, CA
Odometer reading: 133,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
At one point, it looked as though the Crown Victoria might very well be the “last of the V8 Interceptors.” Chevy was peddling front-wheel-drive V6 Impalas as cop cars, and Ford’s own replacement was a V6 Explorer. But then Chevy brought out the Australian-built Caprice PPV, and Dodge offered both the Charger and Durango Pursuit, all of which kept the V8 faith for a while. Chevy bowed out in 2017, leaving the final V8 cop car in this country wearing a “Hemi” badge. But when you mention a “cop car,” the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is still a Crown Vic. And the whole time they were the de-facto cop car in the US, they were the de-facto taxicab as well.
The Police Interceptor, or CVPI or P71 for short, looks like a standard-issue Crown Vic, but it has a whole bunch of little improvements that make it stronger, faster, and better-handling. I’ve driven both, and while the P71 is no sports car, there’s a night-and-day difference between this and the floaty grandpa version. It’s a little quicker, due to a slight horsepower bump and a lower rear-axle gear ratio, and it shifts a little harder, too. It has a bigger radiator, as well as external coolers for the oil, transmission, and even power steering. This one runs and drives well, and has only 133,000 miles on it, which is nothing compared to some taxis I’ve seen.
Most police cars had plastic back seats, a divider between the seats, and a whole bunch of holes drilled all over for various bits of cop equipment. This one, however, was an undercover detective’s car, so it never had any of that. Of course, it still screams “cop car,” but that can’t be helped. It’s still pretty clean inside, and the seller says everything works.
It’s rust-free, straight, and has a clean title, so it seems like a good starting point for whatever you want to do to it. Ironically, the seller mentions the lack of a front bull bar as a positive, but for our purposes, it would be better if it had one. Oh well. All you have to do is find some weird guy with a grizzled beard and a welder, and he’ll fix you up.
Thriving in tough environments is what these cars do, so it makes sense that they would be good choices for the toughest environment of them all. On the one hand, you have a car that can run on garbage fuel, but can only outrun George Romero zombies, not the speedy 28 Days Later kind. On the other hand, you have plenty of speed and power, but you’ll have to find gasoline for it. Which one seems like a better way to go?
I feel like all W123s came in either that blue or silver. As much as I love the idea of battling the zombie apocalypse in an old Benz, we’ll take the Crown Vic for ease of service and relative power.
the 300D would likely run on fry grease and old diesel longer than the 4.6 would on stale gas, but I would still take the PoPo mobile in this case. It is just nicer.
the Manual yesterday actually would be a feature as it would be somewhat of a theft deterrent from other wastelanders.
This comes down to the continent we’re escaping zombies on.
If we’re doing Shaun of the Dead/28 Days Later: Benz, because one is likelier to find parts for that on the Continent, along with the ubiquity of diesel fuel there.
Dawn of the Dead/I Am Legend/Zombieland: Crown Vic. Customize it with all the heavy-duty police gear. Find parts at any abandoned parts store. Gasoline is available in almost every suburban shed that has a lawnmower.
Since I’m in North America: Crown Vic.
Gas is only good for 6-12 months though. But I would be curious if the Truefuel cans with 2 stroke oil premix would kill the cat’s and gum up the injectors as I think that stuff is more shelf stable.
I remember seeing a forum build a few years back of a guy turning a w123 wagon into an “expedition” vehicle. It was an okay build, but I thought it was such a poser thing to do. But nope, homeboy later posted pictures of the car in the mud in Africa, in the mountains of Jordan, all kinds of places. Props to that dude for going through with it.
There was this cute couple who did the back-to-the-land thing and wrote a book about it (“The Good Life Lab”), and they had a W123 story. They figured, “German-made million mile vehicle, rock-simple, we’ll get a used one, fix it up and convert it to biodiesel, and that’ll sort our transportation needs.”
No it didn’t. They were pushing or towing that thing as much as they were driving it.
They got a recent-model VW TDI and converted that instead, and all was fine.
I voted for the Apocalypse Bluesmobile.
I’m not a fan of Panther body cars. So the Merc gets my vote.
I’d have the Merc so any McDonalds or KFC can sub in as a gas station. Also, I can pretend to be Robert Deniro and launch RPGs from the sunroof. Watch out zombies!!!
for the purpose of an apocalypse I voted 300D. For myself I’d vote the crown vic
I would skip both and get an Izuzu D Max with the 4JJ engine….
Good choice.
That engine is reasonably light for a diesel around 400 lbs and is tunable to 400 horsepower while maintaining reliability.
Really belongs in a Triumph Spitfire, Saab Sonett, Honda Insight, or Mazda Miata so that you can haul ass while saving fuel.
Yes.
Thanks for the info about the Triump Spitfire and the others, was not really aware.
But one thing is sure: the D Max engines are so good that they are even used in drag racing in Thailand…
Their medium duty and heavy duty trucks are ROCK solid in terms of diesels as well (sure, emissions may have caught up but they have a good reputation in developing countries).
This one is easy, but only because of the Panther that was picked. I LOVE a cush panther car. The CVPI is not a cush panther car. If this was a clean Town Car or high option Grand Marquis I may have gone in that direction. Though maybe not, because I already have a high option Grand Marquis.
Of my three Panthers, my favorite was the ’03 Grand Marquis Ultimate Edition. I’d pick up another one if opportunity came a knockin’.
Mine is a ’97 LS with the Handling and Performance Package (lol). The original owner ticked every single option box, it’s better optioned than most Town Cars of the era I’ve seen, which is pretty funny. Blue and white leather interior with blue interior trim, it’s lovely!
I see crown vic, I vote crown vic. Is this rational? No, and I’m okay with it.
For that money, surely both? But I went slow and stylish and capable of running of fryer grease for sure.
My heart wants that W123, but there are so many better examples of them out there that would not require nearly the amount of work. Plus, so many vacuum lines. I have to go with the ease of repair of the Crown Vic, it’s had a hard life, but it wasn’t a typical squad car and it has all the easy-to access traits of the police model with real bolts instead of plastic clips.
The best of both worlds would be to take the Crown Vic, and put a tuned and turbo’d version of the Merc’s engine in it with a manual transmission, or maybe a modified Powerstroke from an F-series pickup. Weld steel plate to it and give it bulletproof glass, put it on a lift kit, have a battering ram and spikes all over it. THAT would be a proper apocalypse vehicle.
fuckin hell
The alternative fuel Benz is the way to go. I don’t buy into super-speed zombies anyway. If you’re rotting, those muscles aren’t going to hold up.
Zombies afflicted with rigor-mortis and barely able to move are the more “realistic” zombies. George Romero was right: zombies shamble.
Those running Wuss-Burger “zombies” from 28 Days Later aren’t technically zombies anyway. They’re reavers, which also made an appearance in Firefly.
Love that point in the walking dead where it’s been months and you really have to wonder how the fuck these zombies have survived a summer in Georgia without sun protection
The Benz, for reasons.
I understand people picking the Crown Vic but I’ve always loved W123s so I voted with my heart.
At some point (probably sooner than later), you’re going to have to outrun something very bad, and trying to do that in the Benz will put you on the menu.
The Crown Vic. Pull in behind someone on the freeway and watch them let you by! Just for a second l ……LOL
As the former owner of an ex cop car, that’s not my experience. My experiece is the other people just slow down in front of you and get in your way.
How is these even a question? One car you can get parts for at any junkyard and/or parts store in North America. Literally hundreds upon hundreds of thousands (millions?) of parts sources abound. The other is a nearly 50 year old Mercedes Benz. Hands down. Crown Vic. End poll.
But it’s kinda moot. Because within a year of a zombie apocalypse gas and diesel cars will not matter. Gas will be used up or going bad and diesel will take too long to find/refine from grease. You gotta stay mobile and quick. You’d be better off with something running on wood gas. Trees will still grow and fire can still be made.
You will end up even slower than the Benz, by far. You’d be better off with an ebike and some solar panels at that point.
The Benz.
I once owned its successor, the 300 SDL. That old tank could keep up with the Crown Vic, at least on the highway. Stock, with 250k miles on the odometer, it would do slightly over 120 mph on flat ground without issue. 40-70 mph acceleration was like that of a car of similar weight but with 30% more horsepower because it was in its powerband for that duration thanks to the broad and delicious torque curve enabled by the turbo. Then I put a taller rear end from a V8 W126 in it to make it is top speed faster as well as improve highway fuel economy. It survived hundreds of hours of triple-digit abuse at my hands on backroads, on top of thousands of hours of normal driving, and still didn’t die.
The 300D can always have an injector pump tuning with larger diameter threads. The 3.0L 5-cylinder turbodiesel can handle about 300 horsepower on stock internals. Having to adjust the valves every year or so of driving it would be annoying(my 300 SDL had hydraulic compensators, so that was not a worry for me). But this slug of an automobile has the potential to be frighteningly quick without greatly adversely effecting its lifespan.
Can’t find fuel? Used transmission fluid or brake fluid can be mixed in. So can kerosene. With modification, you could even run it in part on propane. There’s always used cooking oil and pressed seed oil, so its fuel can even be grown. It’s highly versatile in terms of fuel availability. Aside from solar-charged electric vehicles that haven’t been destroyed by EMP, bicycles, whatever cars can be cobbled together from scrap with DIY engines made to run by burning wood, or any horses that haven’t been butchered and eaten, this Benz will be among the last vehicles on the roads, while the Crown Vic would make an excellent chicken coop in its second life unless it has been converted to run on DIY ethanol or methanol.
Should be plenty of methane around.
In the film “Battletruck”, the protagonist ran his motorcycle on methane produced by his chickens.
The 300D didn’t have a turbo in ’77.
Did not know that. They were slugs, even with a turbo. A neighbor’s ’82 300D I once drove took about 14 seconds to do 0-60 mph. I helped him get it going and we spent a night working on it.
My 300 SDL was okay. 0-60 mph was faster at 11 seconds, but 0-30 mph took about 6 of those seconds because of turbo lag. Once you hit about 30 mph with the hammer down, it started to pull enough to pin you in your seat. 143 horsepower and 201 lb-ft of torque, with a 3.0L turbocharged inline-6, pushing a 3,900 lb behemoth. It also got 30 mpg cruising at 70 mph.
Now put one of these engines in a Datsun 240Z or Triumph GT6/Spitfire, and you have something that sips fuel better than almost anything new you could buy today at 40+ mpg and also has formidable performance by today’s standards, before you even tune it for more power. Tune it for 300 horsepower, and you’re getting 12s in the quarter…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RghY0For0Q
Going with the Crown Vic. Had a 300 TD and was only so-so on it. Stuff was always breaking (not the engine or tranny, of course) and the veggie oil system was a pain in the butt to maintain. I’ve always liked the looks of those Fords and this one has a lot of the stuff I’d want on it.
Plus, the 300D will be too slow to outrun the zombies.
“an engine that will not only run for a million miles but can do so on fuel made from waste cooking oil”
Mark, you are making this too easy. Obviously, any sensible person would choose the vehicle that can run off a wide variety of fuel sources. Gas will run out and/or go bad over time. The Ford has maybe a year to run after the refineries turn off. I will be able to keep fueling the Benz well after the last of the zombie hordes die off.
I’m starting to think I should keep a Benz like this in my garage just in case. $2500 is cheap insurance against any number of extinction level crises. Those of you choosing the Ford are doing so at your own peril.
I’m taking that Crown Vic to Sweden and getting all the babes!
Tough call today as both of these will run till the sun goes out if you take care of the maintenance on them. But for apocalypse duty, I have to go with the Mercedes since I can fill the tank with olive oil if I have to, or just empty the fryers in McDonalds all over the world and have the exhaust smell like french fries.