Home » Is This Photo Doctored?: Cold Start

Is This Photo Doctored?: Cold Start

Cs Volare 1
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Today, in our modern world of HAM radios and toothpicks made of advanced polymers and gene splicing, it’s not surprising that we likely expect any photographic image we see to be the product of some advanced, computer-based image manipulation. You can’t ever really trust that a picture is an unaltered, genuine photograph anymore. What about back in 1978, though? Could you trust the images you saw then? I think more so than now, but there was still photographic fakery happening, and I think this cover from a 1978 Plymouth Volare brochure may contain an example.

Can you see what I’m talking about? It’s not on the car itself, which I think is being presented in all its accurate, Volare-ic glory.

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Here’s the full page if you want to scrutinize it more closely:

Cs Volare 2

See what I’m talking about? No? Maybe? Well, regardless, I think it’s this bit:

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Cs Volare 7scoops

Yes, the dude excited by the stack of seven ice cream scoops on one cone, listing nervously to the left. So here’s my suspicion: physics, as we understand it, and as it was understood way back in 1978, does not allow for such an ice cream stack. The slippage between scoops is just too great, especially in the partially-melted state we see here, and it is my theory that those ice cream scoops were added to the photo via old-school X-acto knife and airbrush techniques, or, perhaps, those ice cream scoops are not ice cream at all, but rather some clever facsimile, and held in place with some hidden rod or dowel.

Repeated calls to the Plymouth HQ just got me a tired-sounding woman telling me, repeatedly, that the Plymouth Division has been closed since 2001 and can I please tell someone at Chrysler they need to let her out of the office, so I got no insight there.

That model there is really acting up a storm, though, looking absolutely thrilled about that tower of ice cream, which is, perhaps, the “Super Scoop” advertised on that window.

The Volaré – whose name is taken from the Italian infinitive “to fly,” but, significantly, without the accent – was a soft, pretty half-assed attempt from Chrysler to make a compact car, which – and I’m speaking from direct experience here – drove on the highway like a wallowy turd cascading down a river of sewage in a sewer pipe, if you’ll allow me to be poetic.

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There was a popular song at the time called Volare, sung by the guy in this commercial:

Want to hear the whole song now? Sure you do!

Oh, yeah, baby, that’s the stuff!

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Anyway, back to Volarés. One thing I did kind of like about this car – and other cars of the era – was the willingness of carmakers to just really dress up the same car in some wildly different, um, costumes. Like, for example, the coupé version of the Volare could be had like this, nice and reserved and staid and respectable:

Cs Volare 3

…though for some reason ice cream dork is still here, surrounded by adoring ladies and still absolutely wowed by that…triple-scoop cone:

Cs Volare Icecreamguy2

I mean, they’re all really amused by it, including blondie in the back there, looking on with quiet but satisfied approval, while everyone else seems to be inspired to laughter.

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Okay, back to the cars, though. So, you can get that same, reserved Volaré coupé in this form, too:

Cs Volare 5

Look at that! slats over the rear quarter windows, a likely useless spoiler, fantastic stripes, the works! These things had the same sorta-anemic Slant-Six engines as the other variants, but they were just treated to stripe kits and plastic stuff glued to the car which did definitely change the character of the car. Silly, sure, but kinda fun, too.

Oh, and I also have to donate props to Plymouth for being an early American adopter of amber rear turn indicators:

Cs Volare Tail

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They weren’t the first American car to use them (the Ford Mustang II gets that credit in 1974 if you don’t count the Excalibur, which used amber-equipped VW taillights in ’73) but they were one of the few to do so in the ’70s, and I appreciate that.

I’m still skeptical of that ice cream, though.

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EricTheViking
EricTheViking
30 days ago

Instead of splitting up the wide rectangular taillamps in half, Chrysler could use the vertical brake lamps for the amber turn signal indicators.

Drh3b
Drh3b
30 days ago

I always thought that Volaré was Italian for “to rust”.
We had a hand me down from my uncle for a year or so until my dad got tired of Fred Flintstoning it because the driver side floor boards disappeared.

Eephus
Eephus
30 days ago

I think that Volare coupe may represent peak and/or nadir 70s.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
1 month ago

The first time I ever heard of the Volare was an episode of Cheers where Sam had to sell his beloved Corvette and his ability to get laid was severely compromised as a result. I didn’t know what a Volare was, but I sure as hell didn’t want one after watching that.

Vicente Perez
Vicente Perez
1 month ago

No mention to his nemesis? The dark cladded, top hat wearing, goatee twirling figure sitting on the bench, to the left of frame? The one who is looking disapprovingly while somehow balancing a cane and a tray of ice cream?

Last edited 1 month ago by Vicente Perez
Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
1 month ago

Photo retouching was pretty common.
Look at brochures for Mercury in the early 70s – In the US version the car will be badged a Monterey. In the Canadian version, the same car will be badged a Meteor or Rideau.

Andy Prieboy
Andy Prieboy
1 month ago

And Craig Cheetham lives another day…

PlatinumZJ
PlatinumZJ
1 month ago

Did the general public of the 1970s expect their frozen treats to be this violently colorful? Or was the ad somehow trying to tie the ice cream colors in with the stripes on the coupé?

Andreas8088
Andreas8088
1 month ago

I want one of the HAM radios made of gene splicing, please!

Bob the Hobo
Bob the Hobo
30 days ago
Reply to  Andreas8088

No, no, it’s the toothpicks made of advanced polymers and gene splicing.

Autonerdery
Autonerdery
1 month ago

Amazed that nobody has noticed that the car is very much doctored, too. Compare the shape of the rear quarter window facing us, which is partially covered by the vinyl top for an “opera window” look, with the one on the opposite side of the car, visible through the rear window.

Really bad photo manipulation is super common in ’70s brochures, and the Mopar brands always seemed to be the worst offenders.

Last edited 1 month ago by Autonerdery
Black Peter
Black Peter
1 month ago
Reply to  Autonerdery

wow, good eye

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
1 month ago
Reply to  Autonerdery

I think reflections on the glass are messing with us, but also the lower right corner of the back window looks like there’s melting snow on it. Not sure what’s going on there.

ProfPlum
ProfPlum
1 month ago

I had a friend who bought a Volare with the stripes (I forget if it had the slats or a ducktail); within three years, it was rusting through.

Jonathan Hendry
Jonathan Hendry
1 month ago

Porn was weird in the 70s.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
1 month ago

I dunno, man. There’s some pretty weird stuff out there today. It may or may not have been weirder, but it was definitely hairier.

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