While it’s dangerous to stereotype, the ability of humans to function at a conscious level is only possible by making quick assumptions. If you see an 18-wheeler in front of you on the highway you’re not likely to assume it’ll turn into a 50-foot-tall vampire so you’re free to focus on other things. And if you’re in Portland, you should just assume you’re always within a few feet of a Subaru.
Subaru, of course, wants you to think this and was a longtime sponsor of the extremely funny sketch comedy show Portlandia. This isn’t a chicken-and-the-egg situation as the car’s popularity in left-leaning, crunchy Portland was well-established before the show premiered.
I mention this because there’s an Instagram reel from a Portland-area real estate agent that went viral earlier this week in which he tries to use Google Maps to find a section of the map that doesn’t have a Subaru hatchback. He calls the game “Let’s explore Portland until we don’t find a Subaru hatchback.”
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He tries and tries, ultimately giving up after deciding “it’s impossible, nevermind”
It’s hard to know if Kyle pre-determined which streets to look at for the joke or if he just did this live, so I decided to check it out myself using Google Maps. The first parameter of this challenge was obvious: My search has to be confined to Portland proper. No Oregon City, Banks, or Woodburn here as that would be cheating.
The “hatchback” requirement is interesting. Subaru has made a few sedans, including the most recent Impreza and Legacy, although the brand will soon be only hatchbacks if you think of the Forester as a hatchback. I’m not sure Kyle does as he scrolls past a Forester and onto a Crosstrek.
For my search, I’m including anything that isn’t a sedan or coupe as a hatchback, which means that I’ve failed in finding an open corner if there is:
- Am Impreza hatch
- A Crosstrek
- A Forester
- A Legacy Wagon
- An Outback
- A B9 Tribeca
- An Ascent
- Subaru SVX
- Justy
- Older WRX Wagon
I’m a success if I find a corner and it has either no Subarus or one of these:
- BRAT
- Baja
- Legacy Sedan
- Impreza Sedan/Coupe
- Subaru XT
- Newer WRX/WRX Sedan/2.5 RS Coupe
Let’s see how hard this is, going in random order:
Right off the bat, I don’t even have to turn around. There’s a Forester crossing the street and what looks like an Impreza Hatch further up the street. Maybe it’s a fluke!
Saylor’s Old Country Kitchen doesn’t sound like a typical vegan Portland joint, maybe there’s… oh, wait, there’s an Outback literally in the first parking spot.
I thought a more suburban-looking street might help, but here’s an older Forester and a new Crosstrek.
This is hard.
Ok, this is looking good. Only two cars, so my odds are better. There’s a rare Ford Focus sedan and… a Subaru Crosstrek.
I decided North Portland might give me a better shot at this and so far I appear to be correct. We’ve got a Land Rover Freelander of all things, but no Subaru hatchbacks. Also a Tercel? Weird energy.
Oh boy, a GMT400 and a BMW 6-Series. I like this neighborhood. There’s a Volvo in the back, which is like the Subaru’s slightly uptight older sister. Dare I turn around? Perhaps there will be more fun cars and no Subaru hatchbacks.
Looking good. Let’s just enhance…
Dammit.
I’m sure this is possible and if you’re willing to move around a little so you get different passes of the camera car I think you’ll be able to find one, but I’ve got too many things to do today to keep doing this.
It’s your turn. I’m sure you can find one eventually and you can just drop the link into the comments for everyone to check.
Photo: jkraft5/depositphotos.com/ Google Maps/ Subaru
It is also almost impossible to not find a turd in a dog park. The question is why would you want too?
I’d say Bellingham WA is a more Subaru heavy town to play the game in, bonus is you will see a fair number of Kei trucks and vans as well as a few of the larger JDM Vans, Van based trucks and SUVs.