While it’s dangerous to stereotype, the ability of humans to function at a conscious level is only possible by making quick assumptions. If you see an 18-wheeler in front of you on the highway you’re not likely to assume it’ll turn into a 50-foot-tall vampire so you’re free to focus on other things. And if you’re in Portland, you should just assume you’re always within a few feet of a Subaru.
Subaru, of course, wants you to think this and was a longtime sponsor of the extremely funny sketch comedy show Portlandia. This isn’t a chicken-and-the-egg situation as the car’s popularity in left-leaning, crunchy Portland was well-established before the show premiered.
I mention this because there’s an Instagram reel from a Portland-area real estate agent that went viral earlier this week in which he tries to use Google Maps to find a section of the map that doesn’t have a Subaru hatchback. He calls the game “Let’s explore Portland until we don’t find a Subaru hatchback.”
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He tries and tries, ultimately giving up after deciding “it’s impossible, nevermind”
It’s hard to know if Kyle pre-determined which streets to look at for the joke or if he just did this live, so I decided to check it out myself using Google Maps. The first parameter of this challenge was obvious: My search has to be confined to Portland proper. No Oregon City, Banks, or Woodburn here as that would be cheating.
The “hatchback” requirement is interesting. Subaru has made a few sedans, including the most recent Impreza and Legacy, although the brand will soon be only hatchbacks if you think of the Forester as a hatchback. I’m not sure Kyle does as he scrolls past a Forester and onto a Crosstrek.
For my search, I’m including anything that isn’t a sedan or coupe as a hatchback, which means that I’ve failed in finding an open corner if there is:
- Am Impreza hatch
- A Crosstrek
- A Forester
- A Legacy Wagon
- An Outback
- A B9 Tribeca
- An Ascent
- Subaru SVX
- Justy
- Older WRX Wagon
I’m a success if I find a corner and it has either no Subarus or one of these:
- BRAT
- Baja
- Legacy Sedan
- Impreza Sedan/Coupe
- Subaru XT
- Newer WRX/WRX Sedan/2.5 RS Coupe
Let’s see how hard this is, going in random order:
Right off the bat, I don’t even have to turn around. There’s a Forester crossing the street and what looks like an Impreza Hatch further up the street. Maybe it’s a fluke!
Saylor’s Old Country Kitchen doesn’t sound like a typical vegan Portland joint, maybe there’s… oh, wait, there’s an Outback literally in the first parking spot.
I thought a more suburban-looking street might help, but here’s an older Forester and a new Crosstrek.
This is hard.
Ok, this is looking good. Only two cars, so my odds are better. There’s a rare Ford Focus sedan and… a Subaru Crosstrek.
I decided North Portland might give me a better shot at this and so far I appear to be correct. We’ve got a Land Rover Freelander of all things, but no Subaru hatchbacks. Also a Tercel? Weird energy.
Oh boy, a GMT400 and a BMW 6-Series. I like this neighborhood. There’s a Volvo in the back, which is like the Subaru’s slightly uptight older sister. Dare I turn around? Perhaps there will be more fun cars and no Subaru hatchbacks.
Looking good. Let’s just enhance…
Dammit.
I’m sure this is possible and if you’re willing to move around a little so you get different passes of the camera car I think you’ll be able to find one, but I’ve got too many things to do today to keep doing this.
It’s your turn. I’m sure you can find one eventually and you can just drop the link into the comments for everyone to check.
Photo: jkraft5/depositphotos.com/ Google Maps/ Subaru
No offense to those name-stealing bastards out west, that force me to include Maine every time I’m googling something. But if you want to experience Subaru Critical Mass, The One True Portland, Maine is the destination. Sure, a lot of Subarus in Portland-on-Columbia. And just try and find your orange Crosstrek in the Market Street Garage in Burlington. Urban Maine love affair specifically with goddamn sliver and/or green Subaru Outback’s is unmatched. It’s why we had to put profanity on our license plates for a minute. Otherwise, wouldn’t known who’s fucking sliver Outback it is at The One Whole Foods.
Also sidebar: I wish they did one episode of Portlandia based in Portland, Maine. And they just did the same show, with the same characters. But everyone just talked like they stepped out of Pet Cemetery.
To be fair, depending on the age of the captures, you basically just have to look for a reflection to find a Subaru hatchback.
https://imcdb.org/i600236.jpg
Separately, over a decade ago, I went for a walk in my wife’s neighbourhood, and found dozens of Saabs in like two-thirds of a square kilometer (I think I still have pictures on an old tablet somewhere). It took going through the history of the third random spot I tried to find one this time (an NG 9-3 in 2011), although lots of Subarus through the years.
No, it’s very hard now
https://www.indysworld.com/subaru/general/specs/general/1983glhb.html
The hatchback hasn’t existed for some time. Even in 2000 hard to find, except I did find a couple 1600 needing repair work. Like in theory they ran, but weren’t safe.
1) I wonder which has more Subies per capital, Oregon or Vermont?
2) Everyone I’ve known that lives/lived in Portland hated that show because of how accurate it was. Meanwhile, I’ll happily tell people to watch King of the Hill if they want to see what living in Texas is like.
I used to live in a place where side lawns grew subarus, as every winter they’d find a use as early 80s subarus lacked things the main driveway now had. Like 3 digit power numbers and 5 speeds. Not either place.
I visited friends after they moved to Portland 13 years ago and I made a game of saying “Subaru” every time I saw one. They punched me within the first minute of seeing non-stop Subarus. It’s insane.
I was in Tokyo for Thanksgiving, and I was surprised at how many Subarus I saw just walking around the hotel’s neighborhood. Didn’t see as many on previous trips. Even spotted some second and third gen Legacys, which is surprising for Japan.
I don’t understand the cult of Subaru and I never will. I’ve driven a couple, and none were bad or good…they were just kind of, there, although I did hate the manual in the Crosstrek I drove. Everyone I know who has one adores it and swears they’ll never buy anything else. I genuinely think their brand image and marketing is just so goddamn good that nothing else matters.
They’re like attainable dream cars for normies. On paper none of them are particularly competitive, but it doesn’t matter. Feelings don’t care about your facts! I look at them and see a bunch of comparatively less efficient appliances that are all saddled with CVTs. But I also drive a 300 horsepower front wheel drive crossover that rides like the wheels are welded to the frame and looks like an angry bug, so it’s not like I have any room to talk.
Cars are emotional purchases. They think it don’t be like that, but it do.
They make a lot of sense for the PNW- growing up my family was exclusively Subarus for a long time. Doing outdoorsy stuff is very big, but usually it’s hiking/biking/skiing/kayaking/tent camping, all stuff that will a) put you on some dirt roads which kind of suck, but b) don’t really require the dedicated toy haulers that are big in other areas. Also, the AWD is the perfect amount of “gives you confidence to drive snowy mountain roads but isn’t heavy-duty enough to incur significant engineering and packaging costs” for their customers. There is an amazing market of all sorts of hitch and roof racks for Subarus, almost more than 4Runners, so you can always find a way to strap your outdoor stuff on. Oh, and it is weirdly easy to clean muddy butt and paw-prints out of a Subaru, this is very noticeable compared to other brands.
They are also perfect for the urban areas where most of the buyers live- Portland and Seattle have the shittiest roads of any first world metropolitan area so plush suspension with lots of ground clearance is a very nice thing just driving around the fucking city. Now as good old crunchy city dwellers, out side of the WRX crew none of the Subie drivers actually give a fuck about things like driving dynamics and performance, so the mediocre engines and dog-poo transmissions aren’t really a hindrance.
Long story short- they are the perfect car to sell to most PNW urbanites, as this article shows.
I realize this may not matter for some people, but a Subaru Outback is NOT an enjoyable car to drive. I could go on about sub-par build quality, but instead I will just say I can own pretty much any car I want and there is no way I will ever buy a Subaru.
Subarus are mediocre transportation appliances. If you drive a Subaru, get the fuck out of the fast lane if there are cars behind you.
In my area if there’s someone holding up traffic by being a doofus it’s almost always a Subaru. My wife and I joke with each other when we ever see a non WRX going over the speed limit because it’s so damn rare.
Years ago, before the Prius existed, Volvos were the worst offenders with respect to sitting in the passing lane going slowly and impeding traffic. Now, it’s a tossup between the Subaru and the Prius.
Geez, are you currently sitting in traffic right now?
No.
Years ago, my wife was looking for a parking spot, and I said “there’s one, between those two Subarus.”
She said, “Be more specific. This is Portland. Every spot is between two Subarus.”
I daily an Outback. In the Pacific Northwest. I was recently meeting someone in a Target parking lot, and I said “I’ll be in the brownish Outback wagon.”
I’m glad I amended that to “with all the red bungee cords on the roof rack.” I counted 11 near identical cars in 2 parking rows.
Anybody remember Slug Bug/Punch Buggy? What’s the equivalent for a Subaru?
Of course you’d end up with a lot of bruised Oregonians. (And Coloradoans, New Englanders, etc…)
My kids grew up playing Yellow Car. Those were a bit of a rarity even ~20 years ago.
Native Portlander of over 3 decades. We are fully aware, and can confirm even “east county” Portland is thick with them well into rural towns. Especially towards Mt Hood, mountain folk love their AWD wagons.
Born and raised in Portland…. can attest. My first car was a 1977 Subaru 1600DL wagon, brown, woodgrain, 4spd manual….. holy grail my friends. Was a sad day when it was rear ended on front st. in downtown Portland.
FYI the SVX has a trunk. Game will be sooo much easier now.
It’s not a liftback? What a waste!
It has an insanely heavy fiberglass trunk lid with two gas struts if wierd trivia night hits.
I’d rather find a bar that doesn’t have an IPA on tap.
its easy, just go to the empty ones.
Sounds like a win win to me.
It’s called a 30 rack of Hamm’s in the alley
I didn’t realize Hamm’s made it out as far as the PacNW; I always think of Olympia or Rainier for their now-ironic beer of choice.
Olympia ceased American production in 2021 and is now only produced under license by Great Western brewing in Saskatchewan for the Western Canadian market (in a yellow can, not the traditional blue). It’s available in 15s and 30s
I certainly didn’t know that. Though I do realize the rest of ’em are mostly PBR in different cans, but they still do appeal to me.
And the brewery in Olympia has been “for sale” for something like 20 years now. (It closed for good in 2003). It’s a big, sad, yellow-ish hulk that sits there year after year degrading away.
Hell yes! Going to Vancouver next week so I’m looking for some Olympia.
What, you don’t like to drink something that was designed hundreds of years ago to be so gross that even microbes won’t touch it, so it would survive months long voyages without spoiling? Me neither.
Exactly. Plus, I don’t like the kinds of barflys it attracts.
I have a name for people who make totally unfair, biased, and completely prejudicial split-second decisions, even if they’re based on empirical facts: Heurisdicks.
So, I immediately clicked the smiley on this comment…
Boo, the actual most Subaruiest city in the country was good ‘ol SPOKANE. It does seem like it has diminished significantly in the past decade or so though. My Dad is from Spokane, and he + my grandpa owned approximately 20 or so different flavors of subaru wagon from the 70s-to a few years ago.
I thought the lifted brodozer was the official car of Spokanistan. Or does that begin on the Idaho side of the line?
So, which neighborhood of Seattle do you live in?
Anyone that hates on Spokane is an idiot (former Seattle resident that actually enjoys visiting Spokane.) Shout out to One Tree Cider for being one of the best cidery’s and worth a visit. Certainly better then the garbage Seattle Cider Co. pisses out.
I’m not a city guy, so I don’t particularly care for either, but much prefer Spokane. There is this strange elitist attitude towards Eastern WA from a lot of Western WA people that has always bothered me. I say that as a native (and current) westsider.
I go to Portland at least once a year and have mentally played this game while driving around. Just randomly look in a direction and see if there are no Subarus. So far I have only lost like twice.
Portland is also a goldmine for street parked oddball survivor cars because they don’t rust. Last time I was there I saw a Renault Fuego and an Itasca Phasar, a Renault-based FWD motorhome, parked on the same street. Likely the same owner.
The only thing I really liked about my job in inner SE was car-spotting out my office window. A US-market ’50s Ford Prefect once parked across the street. I actually was late to a client meeting because I had to go take photos of it. And it was far from the only cool iron I saw. I concentrated on the window a lot more than on my work.
That’s not WHY I got fired from that job, but it probably didn’t help.
Lots of places have vehicular stereotypes.
Brooklyn/Queens: Cadillac
Texas: Pickup truck (American)
Florida:Lexus
LA: Toyota
SF: Telsa
Connecticut: BMW
Iowa/Indiana/South Dakota/Missouri/Wisconsin/Minnesota/Michigan/Ohio/Illinois outside of Chicagoland: Buick Century
I wanna know where it’s domestic pony cars. I have some ideas.
DC area: expired temporary tagged Nissans in assorted states of disrepair
You think that’s impressive, now do pickup trucks and the entire state of Texas.
I think the per capita winner is Wyoming — their pickup take rate is somewhere north of 50% almost every year. Highest in the nation almost all the time. Shocked, I am!
Much easier to own a truck when you can fit a full size truck in a compact spot. Some lady came over to yell at my dad and discovered his f250 touched 0 lines and was shorter than the space. Later I got to enjoy portland not letting a f150 fit in normal spaces.
Sayler’s is an old steakhouse, and by that I mean old – they still serve a steak dinner with canned black olives and canned baby corn – but the meat is actually really good.
On the Subaru front, yeah no you can’t go five feet here without seeing one. The “daily driver you can take offroad” schtick appeals to a huge portion of the population, considering that Nature with a captial N is like barely an hour away.
Home of the 72oz’er
This game also applies to any city north of I-90 in the Northeast.
Edit: Especially the other Portland, in Maine.
Edit again: Tried this on a random block in Portland, ME and 5/15 visible cars are Subarus so yeah, it checks out. 1/3 is quite the ratio.
And increasingly in recent years, Florida. Blew my mind until I realized where almost all those Subaru drivers actually came from. That’s also why I maintain that probably 90% of “Florida Man” stories are just a couple years too late to be “New Jersey Man.”
With Florida it’s Nissans. Why? Just try to rent a car that’s not a Nissan.
Florida Man and Nissan Man go hand in hand.
Teslas. It’s thick with them here in Tampa Bay, and I’m sure elsewhere.
From Burlington, Vermont. Can attest.
Burlington may be small, but it certainly rivals Portland, OR and Boulder, CO in Subarus per capita.
Portland, Oregon got its name because two well to do entrepreneurs went there before it was anything.
One was from Boston, the other from Portland, Maine. They started a business together and tossed a coin as to whether Boston or Portland would be the new town’s name. Guess who won?
Portland, Oregon is the other Portland (big Maine fan here).
I certainly agree, but I’m biased as I’ve been to Portland ME many times, and Oregon zero times.
Obviously to those outside New England, they default to the much larger city.
Also, Maine is Honda Fit central. Mine was in good company every time we’ve visited, which is many times.
People wouldn’t think it, but subcompacts (especially good ones like the Fit) were really popular in the semi-rural Northeast, as a lot of the population lives in former mill towns where incomes aren’t exactly booming, and pre-automobile neighborhoods have limited space for cars. We have a lot of Fits where we live.
Maine is the only state in America were the further you are from civilization the smaller cars get. – A rural Mainer with a Honda Fit.