It’s time once again for Shitbox Showdown! For today’s installment, we’re looking at custom interiors. Both vehicles featured today have been extensively modified on the inside, and the results are, well, a bit hit or miss, let’s say. But we’ll get to those in just a minute; first we need to settle up with yesterday’s red coupes:
Naturally, the Honda took the win. But honestly, that Mustang put up a better fight than I expected it to. For those wondering about the turbo claim: yes, it’s there. On these, the turbocharger is under the carb and boosts the air/fuel mixture coming from the carb – it’s called a “draw-through” turbocharger, and no one makes them anymore because they’re a pain in the ass. But never mind, you’re all correct; the Prelude is the better deal here. Kudos to whoever snags it before the seller comes to their senses and raises the price.
One of the biggest complaints about newer cars that I hear is the lack of interior color options. Sure, at the Porsche end of the market, you can get almost any color interior you want, but the vast majority of everyday cars are black inside, or gray, or maybe tan if you’re lucky. More colors used to be available, but tended towards monochrome; if you ordered a green interior, everything was green, right down to the seatbelts, and it got a little overwhelming. And a green interior looked just like a red one, only green. For some folks, that just won’t do, so they take to altering the interior to better suit their tastes. But can you go too far in this pursuit? Take a look at these two, and then you tell me.
1980 Pontiac Sunbird – $4,250
Engine/drivetrain: 2.5 liter overhead valve inline 4, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Cedar Park, TX
Odometer reading: 66,000 miles
Runs/drives? “Completely roadworthy,” they say
Lots of cars in the late 1970s had styling that didn’t match their performance, but GM’s H-body compact, in all its various forms, might be the worst offender. Available as a two-door notchback coupe, a three-door hatchback, and a two-door wagon, all the H-body variants looked sharp. Unfortunately, the engine choices didn’t back up the looks: you were stuck with a heavily reworked Vega four-cylinder, a Buick V6 in its bad old odd-fire days, an awkwardly-shoehorned-in 305 small block V8, or what this car has – Pontiac’s much-maligned but generally pretty good “Iron Duke” four-cylinder. Its horsepower rating is somewhere in the neighborhood of diddly-squat, and this one loses even more power through a mushy TH200 automatic. “It is not a quick car,” says the seller. Yeah, no shit.
The good news is that this Sunbird runs great, and has had a ton of recent work done, including a rebuilt transmission, new cooling system, new fuel system, and new brakes, to name but a few things. Even the air conditioner works, though the seller says it’s a little weak. Maybe this one really does “just need a recharge.”
Inside, the dashboard is brown, which I believe was the original interior color. However, the original bucket seats have been replaced by black racing-style seats with bright yellow stitching and piping, with matching carpet. It looks sharp, but with the brown dashboard and that clunky factory steering wheel, it looks unfinished. What about the back seat, you ask? Um, what back seat?
Yep, it’s gone. In its place are a sheet of plywood, a whole lot of speakers, and what looks like a laser-cut or water-jet-cut ’50s style Pontiac logo. It looks cool, but I’m not sure it belongs in a car that represents the nadir of the marque’s performance.
1978 Dodge Maxivan – $3,800
Engine/drivetrain: V8 of unspecified displacement, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Oakland, CA
Odometer reading: 119,000 miles
Runs/drives? “Ready to go” according to the seller
Before there was the minivan, there was the Maxivan, a long-wheelbase Tradesman with a couple of extra feet tacked on the end. Need more space? Just weld some more van onto the back, kind of like making an extra-long bread loaf by adding slices from another loaf somewhere in the middle. Add standard windows and a few rows of bench seats, and you’ve got the quintessential “church van.” Without the windows, you’ve got some extra square footage of blank canvas for a sweet mural.
Whatever the outside looked like, it was against the law in the ’70s to drive a van without several square yards of shag carpeting covering every imaginable interior surface. No worries here. There’s so much blue fuzz inside this thing it looks like someone skinned Cookie Monster. And the requisite captain’s chairs look like they were made from Kitty Forman’s curtains.
But it doesn’t stop there. A blue velour bed fills the entire rear end of this thing, complete with matching curtains over the windows. (Fifty-five gallon barrel of Febreeze not included.) It looks like there are two sunroofs, and a button-tufted headliner between them. It’s all well done, and in good condition, but holy crap is there a lot of fuzzy blue stuff in here. Think we’re done? Oh, no. There’s a kitchenette, too:
Blue fuzz aside, we don’t have a lot of information to go on regarding this van. The seller says it runs great, but doesn’t specify what size engine is in it; it could be anywhere from 318 to 440 cubic inches. You’d have to check the tag under the hood to know for sure, I guess. Otherwise, the seller says it’s ready to go, perfect for camping at a Blue Oyster Cult concert.
Custom interiors aren’t much of a thing anymore, and I think that’s a shame. The interior is the place where you interact most often with a car; it should be a place you like. And if that means some modifications, so be it. Modifications like these are highly personal, of course, but one of these might fit your personal style. Which one?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
An old van would normally be an instant win for me but I can only imagine the fluids that are now part of that interior. So Pontiac for me today.
Reading through these today went, yeah that Sunbird sucks, probably going van. Then I got to the van and ran quickly (far faster than the Sunbird can travel) back to the Pontiac. Worst case scenario, strip it for parts, those seats will fetch a couple hundred, vs the van just needs to be burned. Ew!
Is that an ashtray hanging off the side of that insane kitchenette? The whole thing is such a fire hazard, it should come with a sprinkler system. Maybe ANSUL.
Went with the Pontiac because I don’t want to touch that carpet with a 100 ft. pole.
That was my thinking too. I can smell that interior from the pictures. No thank you
If I ever found myself “down-and-out” enough to need to buy either of these two, at least I could live in the van. Plus, its kind of cool.
… down by the river! (o´・ω・｀)ﾉ
The Sunbird is just begging for an engine swap. A RWD 3800 out of a Gen4 Camaro or Firebird would do very nicely.
As for the van, if Gil Grissom wouldn’t go in it, neither would I.
There was a factory option 305, so dropping a SBC in is dead simple.
Not 100% simple. It was a squeeze, and I think the steering box is different.
Besides, anything more than 200 horse would probably fold it in half.
Is that a can of Lysol in the driver’s seat of the van? That tells me all I need to know about what the inside of that thing smells like.
The Sunbird was actually pretty nice but I gotta go with Krieger’s van just for the novelty.
I swear I had something for this …
I’m not sure I can look at that van and not think sexual predator or orgy participant. I guess I’ll take the Sunbird?
I want that van so much, but you also have to factor in the cost of having it professionally decontaminated
Eh, nothing a good insurance policy, a jerry can of gasoline and a Zippo can’t fix.
Funny, I actually stumbled over that Sunbird on my last Craigslist rabbit-hole trip.. but I gotta go the van because while they’re equally shitty for different reasons, that van is going to get all kinds of laughs and smiles.. and don’t we all need more of that?
The Pontiac isn’t great, but I’m pretty sure it’ll blow the doors off the van in a black light test.
Actually, that van interior is NOT BLUE. All those pics were taken under a black light. Maybe stay away. Stay far, far away.
COTD!
Best laugh I’ve had in days!
“There’s so much blue fuzz inside this thing it looks like someone skinned Cookie Monster.” Well done, Mark. This is pure gold.
If this van is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’. I chose Pontiac Excitement. While I would love to have a classic van with a cool mural, this isn’t it. I can envision the gas needle dropping as I depress the accelerator. The extra long versions have always looked wrong to me, more fitting as a plumber’s van than the Cookie Monster’s man cave.
–Edit–
Also, since it’s a 1980, I assume the Sunbird could fit an at Radwood. How many of these are left? I think they all rusted away with the Japanese cars of this era.
if it is any indication, my wife had one in high school, it was old by then, but not that old….anyway the door hinges rusted out enough that the door fell off one day. But it still ran. The old duke was a workhorse for sure.
*pokes head inside van*
*turns on blacklight*
*runs away screaming*
That Pontiac is a turd, but at least it doesn’t have a carpeted interior that is drenched in love stuff and KY. Plus I find the juxtaposition of racing seats in a car that would lose a race against an e-scooter oddly appealing.
Well this is an interesting choice today.
Sunbird looks like, well it looks like something…
Van has it’s own issues, but can be gutted, cleaned, and redone again. However with all the huge windows it has the structural integrity of Loren Bobert’s brain.
Having built thousands of vans, this one would be pretty easy to rehabilitate.
I will go with the van. Classic vans are cool. I would gut the interior, though. I do not want to see what happens if you shine a blacklight inside that thing. Why do boogie vans always use the most absorbent form of upholstery? Maybe try something washable?
The Sunbird looks very well maintained and, aside from the stupid stereo, tastefully modified. Still, I am not paying $4250 for a 1980 Sunbird. It is a good reminder that a nice example of an undesirable car is still an undesirable car. It is okay to throw good money at a bad car if you are building something you like, but don’t expect it to raise the value of the car.
“Why do boogie vans always use the most absorbent form of upholstery?”
It muffles the screams.
The calls out Road Trip with quadraphonic speakers.
I’m a clean freak…especially when it comes to my car. No way I’m buying something with 12 acres of shag carpet of unknown age and cleanliness. I can smell that van from here.
Not that the Sunbird is anything special, but all the recent work shows the owner actually cared about the car. And anyway, I could sell the speakers (if they’re worth anything) and use the funds to find a new back seat.
OMG I can smell that van from here. But it’s gotta be the van. There’s no other real choice.
Hey! How about a trigger warning! That van brought back strange memories from my youth. I’m going to be seeing shades of blue all day now. The smell of beer and bong water on shag carpeting took years to forget and now it all comes back in a rush. Of course I voted for it.
A guy in my neighborhood has this van’s sibling, sans the big side windows. The guy primered the whole thing, first in grey primer and then in black primer, and then rattle canned lightning bolts down the side that all coalesce in a circle of clouds with the name of some cryptic biker/bro club in the middle. His is a small block, likely the 318, and the exhaust is punishingly loud despite being painfully slow.
With all that said, I’m going Sunbird because, as JDE notes, that particular van looks like some vagrant has been living in it. Plus the Sunbird isn’t hard to convert to a SBC and stick.
a proper LS1 and 6 speed could likely be shoe horned into that thing….well maybe it would take some massaging to fit the 6 speed, but certainly a standalone on an LS with a basic 4 or 5 speed of that era would be fun to abuse to se what broke first, the subframe or the little rear axle. The One wheel peal and skinny tire might save it though as it would likely just break the tire loose in all instances of forward motion caused by the accelerator.
When I was a kid my dad had a Monza, so I’ve always had an affinity for the H-body cars. For the last ten years or so I’ve wanted a Sunbird 2-door wagon to somewhat restomod, as there is just something funny about the idea of making those kind-of-crappy machines and building it into something somewhat capable but still somewhat crappy.
There was a Monza 2-door wagon for sale near me last year that caught my attention with a 4.8L LS and 5-speed manual swapped from a early-2000s Chevy truck swapped in. It was a decently clean swap, but the Monza had sizeable rust holes, so it was more project than I wanted at the price they were asking. I bet it would have been fun, though.
The Sunbird is trying hard to be something it’s not. The Maxivan is exactly what it was always meant to be.
I guess the Pontiac, that van looks like a scabies & chlamydia breeding factory.
OK, the Sunbird is what I would guess was a little old ladies car that got handed down to a grandkid and he tried to make the Piss yellow turd cool…..and failed. But it is a clean example if you take away the subs and seats. it even runs. the Van says it has not been on the road in years, that is ominous. it is parked on a road and looks pretty solid if not necessarily clean…so even though I am sure the van lifers see it as a glorious opportunity, I see it as a previous street camping home that likely would take twice the asking price to make road worthy again, and then of course how do you truly disinfect that interior?
You make some solid and logical points, but I still voted for that sweet mural and cookie monster interior.
The Murals and sweet Wide 15’s kind of had me initially too.