I usually try to do Cold Starts the night before, so they’re fresh and piping hot and ready to go by 8 am, eager to slake the useless-car-stuff thirst of your eyes and brains. But some nights I’m just too damn beat to do it, and so I end up scrambling to get something out that morning. Today my kid’s bus was late and I had to take him to school, but I did make up a car name that sounds good on the drive: a 1953 Championhorse LaserCrab, so there’s that. Morning-written Cold Starts can be more unhinged or even a little bitchier, the latter of which I think will be how today goes, since this 1968 Chevy II brochure is seeming kind of insipid to me.
It’s not a particularly wild or interesting brochure, there’s just some choices in here I can’t really abide. Or maybe I do like them? I’m just not sure yet. One thing I do know is that the Chevy II was always kind of a boring car, but that was very deliberate. Chevy wanted to make something simple and cheap and basic, and I respect that, but I feel like they kind of went overboard. Like any attempt at innovation or novelty was discouraged. Chevy general manager Ed Cole described the car as “maximum functionalism with thrift,” and dear lord can you imagine a more boring and pragmatic way to describe a car? That makes it sound about as exciting as long-term records storage, but without the glitz.
Plus, the name: that’s the best they could come up with? Chevy II? Was there really a Chevy I? And is the car is the Chevrolet Chevy II or just the Chevrolet II? By 1969 the name Nova took over, which is better, even if it is the name of an explosion. Chevy was using the Nova name, somewhat confusingly, alongside Chevy II as it was. Anyway, let’s look at some things on this page here:
Specifically, I want to call out the painful stretching that the copywriters were doing to find interesting things to talk about and new features on the ’68:
Okay, so let’s see what qualifies as “stimulating excitement” to the Chevy II copywriters. A “recessed headlight compartment,” which is one of the weirdest ways to talk about a basic chrome bezel that I’ve ever heard. I have no idea what the hell they mean by “profiled” side windows, but I do love the extremely weird word choice of referring to the taillights – which they note are “highly visible,” which, sure, is a good thing – as a “team,” composed of backup light and taillight.
A team? I think I kind of like that, in a strange way. Your hard-working taillight team, hanging off the back of your car, desperately signaling your braking and intent to turn or reverse to everyone around you! Go team taillight!
Also, are those wheel covers really “jaunty?” Jaunty is a pretty loaded word, and if you’re deciding to use it, there damn well better be some jaunt evident, and I’m not sure I see it.
A lot of odd choices here for such a basic (if kind of handsome) car. I appreciate the copywriter’s struggle, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give them shit over a half century from when these words were written. Because I’m a jerk, and Cold Starts wait for nobody.
My Grandpa’s neighbor bought one because of the new(!) design and the availability of the economical 4 cylinder engine. He also had the optional air conditioning, which used the same large compressor as the full-sized cars. With the A/C on, it could not maintain 65 mph on the highway. And even with the A/C off, the over-worked little engine got about the same fuel mileage as much more capable 6 cylinder engine that was available. But he still loved that car.
The answer to “Was there really a Chevy I?” – there were multiple cars sold as the Chevrolet Chevy, just not in the US. Spanish language Wikipedia has plenty on them: Chevrolet Chevy – Wikipedia, la enciclopedia libre / Opel Corsa – Wikipedia, la enciclopedia libre.
Dr. Evil voice: All I want is a frickin’ LaserCrab. Is that so hard? I remember Nova’s being all things to all people. Four-door, two-door, four cylinder to 396 V-8. It covered all the bases.
Weird brochure trash tangent: have these brochures been scanned using an OCR text reader? (Yep, I’m actually reading the text.)
I’ve noticed some creative spelling that seems to be British English or not-at-all English in both this Chevy II brochure and some of the Imperial brochures from last week. Weird spellings that I doubt were ever in the published brochures.
The Chevy II’s “manoeuvrable 111″ wheelbase.” Are we talking Chevy or Citroen here?
The Imperial described as a “quietening experience” that “does impart a certail prestige to the owner.” I’m glad it’s certail quietening inside an Imperial. So quietening that owners will certail be inspired to create new words to describe the experience.
Regarding the wheelcovers, compared to the poverty-spec dog dish caps that were often used on cheap cars, these look mighty jaunty to me.
Fall of ’64 when my parents met in Illinois – Mom had a pre-owned ’62 Corvair Sports Coupe with a 2 speed automatic.
Dad had nothing but good looks and a uniform.
Soon they married and I was coming along. Not necessarily in that order.
They took a trip that spring to Dad’s family home in Virginia to introduce his new bride.
It was clearly also time to replace the little Corvair with something more family friendly and reliable. Head gaskets being a regular wear item, apparently.
So Dad took Mom’s Corvair out to trade in on a new car, leaving her at his Mother’s house with his family. I can only imagine what was going through her mind that afternoon.
Later that evening, he returned in a new aqua ’65 Chevy II wagon – No AC, no power steering, 3 on the column. Back then, the Chevy II Nova was only available as a hardtop coupe or convertible, which was neither practical for a young family, nor affordable on a junior enlisted salary.
This coming January, they’ll have been married for 60 years.
They also recently bought their 3rd new Volvo.
Even tho she doesn’t drive anymore – Dad still refers to their car as Mom’s Car.
Yep. I’d watch the hell out of this RomCom. I don’t even care.