Sports cars may exist for the thrill of driving, but given the squeeze of the everyperson’s needs, they’ve also morphed into a luxury. After all, a sports car is rarely someone’s only car, and especially so for options of the mid-engined variety. Nothing says cash money like a front end full of trunk space, and you don’t need to be a billion-dollar baller to afford that luxury.
Mind you, neither of these cars might meet your definition of shitbox, and that’s okay. Don’t get me wrong, beating the absolute piss out of a $500 Ford Tempo is about as much fun as you can have while still being able to run for office someday, but for stuff to actually care about, that’s not my style. I firmly believe that shitbox is a term of affection even if a car’s relatively pristine, so don your best pornstaches because we’re diving back into a sleazy era with two mid-engined machines that ought to put chest hair on your chest hair.
But first, we have to take a look at how our last matchup went. Going off of the data as I’m writing, it seems like a whole bunch of you went for the three-pedal Meteor, and given its less advanced state of patination compared to the V8 Fairlane, that makes sense. Right, now on with the show!
1973 Porsche 914 — $15,900
Engine/drivetrain: 1.7-liter four-cylinder engine, five-speed manual transaxle, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Phoenix, Ariz.
Odometer reading: 92,000 miles.
Operational status: Runs, drives, stops, all that good stuff.
Is Porsche the hottest car brand in the world right now? From purveyors of what P.J. O’Rourke called an “ass-engined Nazi slot car” to yuppie darlings to the sports car brand from Europe, this determined little outfit from Stuttgart has it damn good considering it was on the ropes 30 years ago. These days, no high-end car collection is complete without something from Porsche’s GT division, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a mid-engined masterpiece on a sensible budget. If you like the form factor of the Boxster but like your machines a little bit older, the 914 is where it’s at.
With a 1.7-liter four-cylinder engine in the middle, two luggage bays, and a quasi-bench seat, this might be as practical as a mid-engined sports car has ever been. It’s also drop-dead gorgeous, with lines that have aged like a fine chianti. Stash the targa roof below deck, let the oil warm up, give it hell, and this little four-wheeled escape won’t disappoint. It just looks money, from the vinyl-covered sail panels to the pop-up headlights.
Of course, it helps that this one’s in the show-off presentation of bright yellow with stripes and a gnarly set of exhaust tips. It’s Mulholland personified, a bottled expression of joie de vivre. Sure, it might have a few dents and a little surface rust, but it’s 51 years old, for Pete’s sake. If I look this good at 51, buy me a Bumble premium account and dress me in Dior because I’m hitting the town. While $15,900 isn’t exactly peanuts, it’s not bad for a classic sports car with this sort of allure. Call me biased, but a yellow Porsche with the roof off will always whip ass, and that’s guaran-goddamn-teed.
1985 Bertone X1/9 — $16,900
Engine/drivetrain: 1.5-liter four-cylinder engine, five-speed manual transaxle, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Sparta, Mich.
Odometer reading: 38,800
Operational status: To use an industry-standard technical term, fuckin’ mint.
It’s safe to say that the Porsche tax is real, and if you’re willing to forego it, you can buy a freaking nice X1/9. This one’s from the year that Bowling For Soup sang about, which means it’s a Bertone and not a Fiat. That doesn’t matter though, because you’re getting a fuel-injected 1.5-liter four-banger right in the middle of one of the prettiest bodies ever to come out of Bertone.
Seriously, just look at this two-tone gold-and-brown object d’ooh la la. It’s creased like the Levi’s apparel Flat Eric promoted, but delicate in all the right places. The gold split-four-spoke alloys hit like a Timbaland kick, the red pinstripe is absolutely tasteful, and the seats have me looking for the next ice cream truck, with mocha inserts shadowed by chocolate bolsters. Make no mistake, this Bertone X1/9 is hot.
Out on the road, the character of the fizzy little single-cam four-banger in this Bertone-built Fiat will linger like an Alka Seltzer on your palate, providing Aperol-Spritz-on-a-July-day refreshment against today’s backdrop of fly-by-wire commuting machines. Sure, there’s always the chance something will go wrong, which certainly wouldn’t help beat the allegations Italian cars face in America, but with less than 39,000 miles on the clock, that’s a pair of dice worth rolling, baby.
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like at some point, you gotta own a sports car. It’s like the champagne of motoring — expensive and frivolous, yet effervescent, intoxicating, and celebratory of the fact that we’re on this planet until our ends, and we’ll inhale, exhale, perspire and desire until we’re six feet under or heated to 1,400 degrees. Neither of these classics are bad options, so it’ll be curious to see which way you lean. Do you reckon the Porsche’s perfectly imperfect, or are you going for the Italian stallion? The choice is yours.
(Photo credits: Craigslist sellers)
May the Great Spirit help me–I have a soft spot for both. One advantage (maybe the only) of being an old guy is that I saw these roll in the context of their time.
In their own diminutive way they sizzled! And surrounding traffic always seemed to buzz just a little.
I’ve already had fun with a Fiat 850, so it’s time to go Teutonic.
Count it down: 9 1 4
The bumpers ruin the looks of the X1/9 for me. Plus i couldn’t fit into one 30 years ago when I was 40 lbs lighter and my left knee still worked.
Porsche for me
Yellow 914. I think it’s cute in yellow, almost enough to make the pain go away once you realize it’s still German, whereas I still feel a bit like holding an under vehicle mirror to the undercarriage to ensure there’s nothing undetected (and explosive) on the Bertone.
The weird two-tone with the impact bumpers makes it look like an attempt at “woody” wall panel. Too well kept but also not classy enough for me.
Love the Porsche, but can’t get past the overall package that the Fiat offers for the same $$. Saying that, I’d actually have to see if I can comfortably fit in that thing…if not, bring on the 914
Loved both these cars as a kid… attainable mid-engined sportsters. Gotta go with the X1/9 based on better condition for only a couple extra $$.
That slightly crusty Porsche would probably make it home to Texas from AZ. That mint Beriat will probably die a 1/2 mile from the seller’s place.
Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy for me.
I don’t know why, but the Porsche never crossed my radar as a kid. The X 1/9, though? I had an White Corgi (Hot Wheels size cars) X1/9 with the #4 and red and blue arrow stripes. Loved that car to death, even though it was slow on a Hot Wheels track.
I think you know which one I picked.
Bertone! I love the X1/9 so much. I’d also drive the crap out of it and get that mileage way up. 39,000?! Those are rookie numbers.
I’d need my legs shortened and a full face helmet to drive the Fiat. So VW err Porsche it is.
People are being way too rational in the comments section today…I went Bertone if not just for those wheels! Live a little, people!
If I’m spending that much on a used car, it’s gonna be “fucking mint”.
I am also 53, but somehow I was born 3 years before the Porsche.
Anyway, both are nice but I will take the Porsche.
The 914 wins by default. I’ve always liked the 914. It doesn’t look like all their other cars. And this one is yellow.
No way in hell a Fiat is any good LOL
I loved both of these as a kid when they were still new, but the 914 wins for a simple reason: I don’t fit into the Fiat. Ah well.
These were both on nine-year-old-me’s dream car list … and I could never imagine trying to pick between the two with real money on the line.
However.
Even though I think the lil parsh is charming as h*ck, the outstanding condition of the Bertone, plus its relative proximity to Chicago, gives it the win today.
I love both of these cars and would be thrilled to own either. I went with the Porsche because it captured my attention first in life and because I’m most familiar with its VW mechanicals. The X 1/9 is the prettier car, but just a bit tighter in the cockpit and driven by a fussy Fiat engine. I’ll be honest, if I were to choose the Bertone, my first stop would be Midwest-Bayless for a K20 VTEC swap. Still, a very difficult choice that could’ve gone in either direction.
Yep that is what I ended up doing except with a Fiero and doing the swap myself. Honda really should have made the del Sol a mid-engined VTEC monster.
I spent a memorable summer with a beat-up ’74 X1/9. It ended up being easier to work on than I expected and I had no problem sourcing parts. It remains my definition of a go-kart-on-rails driving experience. Yes, it’s Italian and underpowered – but I had smile on my fade as I voted for Bertone.
Gotta go X1/9, particularly for only a grand more and in such pristine condition. I’ve always found the 914 somewhat ungainly looking (if I recall our Bishop proposed some fixes). The X1/9 is like a Mogwai though, don’t get it wet.
I think the Bertone is going to run away with this, but give me the cute little Parsh every time. I love the 914. They just look like the 70s, they sold them in fun colors, and they just give off that cool surfer vibe. They’re pretty anemic, but all that means is you can drive them at 10/10ths every time and now. And hey…TWO trunks! You won’t have any issues road tripping this bad boy.
The X1/9 also gives you two trunks!
Groovy! I didn’t know that. But I still want the Parsh.
I feel the same way about their feel. When I was a teenager, working at a summer camp on a lake (b/c best summer job ever), some nearby neighbor had one that I’d frequently see parked nearby, often with the top off, like they’d just come back from playing tennis or something. That car seemed the very essence of summer.
Also, Jim Rockford’s attorney Beth Davenport drove one, in orange IIRC (the other best color).
“Don’t … ” (VROOM!) “… redline it, Jim.”
This one is tough!! Yellow is objectively the best color, and I think the Porsche likely to hold or increase its value. Plus, the condition makes it more of a driver.
On the other hand, it would take WAAAAAY more than the $1k price difference to bring the Porsche up to the condition of the Bertone. That thing is minty!
Voted Porsche. A bit reluctantly, though.
While I appreciate the Bertone, I have always had an irrational love for the 914, so I went with that. I do recall the days when the 914 was completely unloved, to the point where a neighbor back in the mid-1990s bought two for $500, so seeing one in this condition for over $15k seems wrong. But then that’s the way it is with all things Porsche these days…
God damn those bumpers! If you parked that Bertone in front of a coffee shop people would pull a chair up to those bumpers to eat their scones.
Yeah, but check out the Dagmars on that Porsche!!
My first attempt to talk my mom out of buying a Chrysler New Yorker was to present a pair of Bertones. My vote today is already decided.
The Bertone looks amazing, but thinking long term I’ll find more support for the 914