Sports cars may exist for the thrill of driving, but given the squeeze of the everyperson’s needs, they’ve also morphed into a luxury. After all, a sports car is rarely someone’s only car, and especially so for options of the mid-engined variety. Nothing says cash money like a front end full of trunk space, and you don’t need to be a billion-dollar baller to afford that luxury.
Mind you, neither of these cars might meet your definition of shitbox, and that’s okay. Don’t get me wrong, beating the absolute piss out of a $500 Ford Tempo is about as much fun as you can have while still being able to run for office someday, but for stuff to actually care about, that’s not my style. I firmly believe that shitbox is a term of affection even if a car’s relatively pristine, so don your best pornstaches because we’re diving back into a sleazy era with two mid-engined machines that ought to put chest hair on your chest hair.
But first, we have to take a look at how our last matchup went. Going off of the data as I’m writing, it seems like a whole bunch of you went for the three-pedal Meteor, and given its less advanced state of patination compared to the V8 Fairlane, that makes sense. Right, now on with the show!
1973 Porsche 914 — $15,900
Engine/drivetrain: 1.7-liter four-cylinder engine, five-speed manual transaxle, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Phoenix, Ariz.
Odometer reading: 92,000 miles.
Operational status: Runs, drives, stops, all that good stuff.
Is Porsche the hottest car brand in the world right now? From purveyors of what P.J. O’Rourke called an “ass-engined Nazi slot car” to yuppie darlings to the sports car brand from Europe, this determined little outfit from Stuttgart has it damn good considering it was on the ropes 30 years ago. These days, no high-end car collection is complete without something from Porsche’s GT division, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a mid-engined masterpiece on a sensible budget. If you like the form factor of the Boxster but like your machines a little bit older, the 914 is where it’s at.
With a 1.7-liter four-cylinder engine in the middle, two luggage bays, and a quasi-bench seat, this might be as practical as a mid-engined sports car has ever been. It’s also drop-dead gorgeous, with lines that have aged like a fine chianti. Stash the targa roof below deck, let the oil warm up, give it hell, and this little four-wheeled escape won’t disappoint. It just looks money, from the vinyl-covered sail panels to the pop-up headlights.
Of course, it helps that this one’s in the show-off presentation of bright yellow with stripes and a gnarly set of exhaust tips. It’s Mulholland personified, a bottled expression of joie de vivre. Sure, it might have a few dents and a little surface rust, but it’s 51 years old, for Pete’s sake. If I look this good at 51, buy me a Bumble premium account and dress me in Dior because I’m hitting the town. While $15,900 isn’t exactly peanuts, it’s not bad for a classic sports car with this sort of allure. Call me biased, but a yellow Porsche with the roof off will always whip ass, and that’s guaran-goddamn-teed.
1985 Bertone X1/9 — $16,900
Engine/drivetrain: 1.5-liter four-cylinder engine, five-speed manual transaxle, rear-wheel-drive.
Location: Sparta, Mich.
Odometer reading: 38,800
Operational status: To use an industry-standard technical term, fuckin’ mint.
It’s safe to say that the Porsche tax is real, and if you’re willing to forego it, you can buy a freaking nice X1/9. This one’s from the year that Bowling For Soup sang about, which means it’s a Bertone and not a Fiat. That doesn’t matter though, because you’re getting a fuel-injected 1.5-liter four-banger right in the middle of one of the prettiest bodies ever to come out of Bertone.
Seriously, just look at this two-tone gold-and-brown object d’ooh la la. It’s creased like the Levi’s apparel Flat Eric promoted, but delicate in all the right places. The gold split-four-spoke alloys hit like a Timbaland kick, the red pinstripe is absolutely tasteful, and the seats have me looking for the next ice cream truck, with mocha inserts shadowed by chocolate bolsters. Make no mistake, this Bertone X1/9 is hot.
Out on the road, the character of the fizzy little single-cam four-banger in this Bertone-built Fiat will linger like an Alka Seltzer on your palate, providing Aperol-Spritz-on-a-July-day refreshment against today’s backdrop of fly-by-wire commuting machines. Sure, there’s always the chance something will go wrong, which certainly wouldn’t help beat the allegations Italian cars face in America, but with less than 39,000 miles on the clock, that’s a pair of dice worth rolling, baby.
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like at some point, you gotta own a sports car. It’s like the champagne of motoring — expensive and frivolous, yet effervescent, intoxicating, and celebratory of the fact that we’re on this planet until our ends, and we’ll inhale, exhale, perspire and desire until we’re six feet under or heated to 1,400 degrees. Neither of these classics are bad options, so it’ll be curious to see which way you lean. Do you reckon the Porsche’s perfectly imperfect, or are you going for the Italian stallion? The choice is yours.
(Photo credits: Craigslist sellers)
I’m a little shocked that the Bertone is ahead as I write this.
I voted Porsche. It’s absolutely driver quality. Keep it dry, maintain mechanicals and you have a vehicle you shouldn’t be afraid to drive for a very reasonable cost.
Also, Porsche. I have driven more than one through my life, and none have disappointed.
I’m typically a “take the Porsche” person but…
That Bertone is _really_ clean. And that 914 seems overpriced for what it is (which is a rusty 914 without a 6-cylinder). If it were a nicer example… I might have voted differently.
I’ve always hated those 914’s, and this one is no different. A vinyl roof on a Porsche, GTFO with that.
That Bertone isn’t that great looking of a car either, but that color scheme seals the deal. That thing looks fantastic in Colt Seaver “Fall Guy” truck colors, and those wheels are *chef’s kiss* .
Porsche, no question, and not just because I know a guy who’d help me build the thing up to an outrageous level.
Well this was difficult. The 914 was the first car I truly lusted after, back when I went to my first auto show the year it was introduced. Therefore, I figured that the Bertone wouldn’t have a chance against that. And then I saw that Bertone, and the choice became hard as that thing’s in unbelievable shape with a great color combination. Ultimately, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted one of those Porsches back in the day, though, and I had to vote 914.
The ugliest and slowest Porsche against the best looking Fiat….Hmmmm I’ll take the 0.11111111111111
FIAT, er, Bertone here. $2kish more for a cosmetically better car that’s at least been kept shiny is not a big amount. Plus keeping it running shouldn’t be that hard. There is a following for those cars so knowledge should be easy enough to find.
This might be the first time I’ve heard a 914 called “drop-dead gorgeous,” and unfortunately, I have to vote against My People here. That X1/9 is in such better shape, plus it’s such a glorious combo of browns that I nearly browned my pants in awe of it. Meanwhile, the parsh has silly impact bumpers and an engine smaller than the 914 lump I stuffed in the 411. It’s a 1974! They had a 2.0L out by then! I have dreams of shoving the even bigger 2.0L in my Type 4!
Gimme that hot mint chocolate.
My goodness, I just now clicked on the ad for the X1/9, that has to be the nicest Bertone X1/9 on the planet. How is this not an absolute runaway win for the Fiat?
That X1/9 is too nice for me. I mean, it’s gorgeous—but I’d worry about it every time I took it out.
Besides, I really want a 914 because that is the only car my father ever talked about with enthusiasm. He had always worked on our shitheaps, but only, I found out years later, because we were poor. One year, a colleague on sabbatical charged him with exercising her 914–and she strictly instructed him that he must rev it out regularly or the injection system would foul. Years later, when he gently informed me that he didn’t really care much about cars, he mentioned that little Porsche—and his eyes lit up. He talked about how much he enjoyed taking it out each week; how he had never really understood why people loved driving hard until he drove that little thing that just went where you looked. How it fitted perfectly and did whatever you wanted seemingly without your input.
Now that I can afford to buy one, he drives a CVT because of failing knees. We did have a moment last year, though. He asked for a ride in my newly-acquired Roadster. I was being sedate as he was waiting for hip surgery and I didn’t want to give him a painful ride when he said, ‘You said it was quick: show me!’ I explained my reluctance, and actually pshawed me & said to let ‘er go. I did—and he, a bookish professorial type, laughed with delight. I will always treasure that moment.
I am not terribly familiar with either of these cars, but I like the look of both. I went with the Porsche. Being 1974, it there should be less smog, vacuum lines, etc. to deal with. I think the Porsche will appreciate faster and is more desirable. Plus, who doesn’t want to say they have a Porsche?
I’m taking the X1/9. It’s minor, but the Monza exhaust and the slight damage around the taillight bug me. They’re both not something you see every day, but I feel like you never see an X1/9.
Ok, I know the 914’s are increasing in price esp. the 6 cyl version. And I do like it in yellow (a girlfriend had one in yellow) but more so in green or orange.
But I always loved the look of the Bertone as a kid and had no idea they were still making it into the mid 80’s. This has to be the nicest X1/9 around. Bertone for me. No logic just go with the gut.
I’ll go with the 914 because it sits like a squat truck
I won’t fit in either one of them but I’d rather not fit in the Fia….Bertone than the 914
Bertone for me. While the Porsche is mostly in good condition, that Bertone is in absolute MINT condition and I love the colour combo.
And in terms of performance, the Porsche is slightly faster, but not in any huge or meaningful way.
So the Bertone gets my vote.
I dream of owning a 914 one day, so unless it’s a rusted-out husk, I’m going to vote for it. The yellow & graphics had me hoping it was a 6 cylinder but no dice. I haven’t shopped them for a while, and this seems pricey, but it’s light on the rust. The bumpers on both are awful; can’t those be reverted by now? But I’ve gotta say, the interior of that Bertone is wonderful!
I was all set to dunk on the Fia…umm, Bertone at that price but it’s waaay too nice for that. The 914 just can’t hang with a great Gandini design like the X1/9.
RE: the 914, Dad once told me, it’s really just a Volkswagen with a Porsche badge on it. Plus, I think its ugly. Bertone it is!
Those Porsche seats look so comically thin, the part where your back is looks like it has literally zero padding.
I’ll take the Bertone since it seems like a more comfortable cruiser and that two tone is amazing
No amount of federalization will uglyfy the Fiat enough not to make it absolutely desirable.
One was designed by Giugiaro, the other by some Fritz. And it shows.
The Porsche is the superior platform from a CdA standpoint, so I’d choose it. Plus it is more stoutly built. They make great V8 swaps or EV conversions.
Bertone, if only so I can say I own a Bertone and confuse all my non-auto enthusiast friends.
Also, while Fiat parts aren’t exactly plentiful at your local NAPA store, they’re readily available through Fiat specialists and pretty reasonably priced.
I lusted after both as a teenager in the ’80s, but I’ll take the 914. I just can’t resist the vibe of one of Porsche’s most “fun” cars.
I can’t resist mentioning that O’Rourke was comparing Porsches to a Ferrari 308 GTS that he got to drive across country. He didn’t realize it at the time, but the one he was driving would become the actual Magnum PI car. He would later go on to buy a 911 for himself.
Hard call. I remember back in the 1980s we just assumed both of these were not good cars.
The assumption was correct…both are dogshit cars.
I DD an ’81 FI X-19 for a few years. It was dead nuts reliable. It also handled slamming backwards into a guardrail and being backed over by a kid in a lifted pickup just fine so safety was at least on par with other 1970s designs.
Man… tough call today. I have a hard time spending that much on a Fiat, no matter how good it looks, but the damage on the Porsche also calls that kind of scratch into question.
I’m taking the Fix It Again Tony over the Beetle kit car. That Italian brown is just dead sexy. Also, don’t Google “Italian brown” at work.